Norm nowadays? Or no?

[mickeys_princess_mom]

W.o.w.

[Aurora]

Being on my third child in primary grades, I can tell you these birthday parties have gotten way out of hand. Too big, too many presents, too much money. Everyone's always so worried about who to invite, what to buy, where to have it, etc.

In your case, the registry is tacky, but the 4-month invite is beyond that -- it's rude and inconsiderate. What it says is: "We are the most important. I told you about this date before you have a chance to make any other plans, so if you do anything else on this date, I'll know you chose it over my little angel and you have no excuse."

I hope this is not a good friend, because if she is, she'll be a hard one to keep over the years.

What's next, save the date cards?

That's pretty much what this is. But I find save-the-date cards tacky as well.

[MNNHFLTX]

That's definitely not the norm in my neck of the woods. I actually find both the 4 month "notice" and the registry extremely tacky.

I'm learning that people really do need to be told what to buy, despite how tacky it is I'm really tempted to do a registry. It is stressful to get the ugly looks from the parents at the party when 2 or more of the same things are opened at the party.

I wouldn't bother. If parents are giving you dirty looks, they're being rude.

[Jeri Lynn]

Have never heard of this and I have a little niece and nephew. There parties are like little kids parties, no notice, no registry...

[buzznwoodysmom]

Oh my gosh, just checked my mail and had to come back to this thread.

In the mail was an invitation to my nephew's 2nd birthday party in about 2 weeks. Stapled to the top corner of the invite is a small (business sized) card. Here is what the small card reads:

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!

TOP BIRTHDAY SUGGESTIONS:
1. SHIRTS - 2T
2. SHORTS/PANTS - 24 MONTHS
3. ANYTHING PLAYS MUSIC
4. BIG TRUCKS
5. KIDS MOVIES

I was like "WHAT????". Now I admit this isn't as bad as as gift registry, but to me it screams "the most important thing is that you know what to get my little darling".

I knew his party was coming up, and I did call her from Target over the weekend to see what size clothes he wore. She had told me he loved anything Mickey Mouse Clubhouse related, but there was nothing at Target so I opted for clothes as a gift. So I get it that lots of people ask about their clothes size and what they like, but I still think it's extremely tacky to have a registry, or in this case, a list of "TOP BIRTHDAY SUGGESTIONS". It's one thing to give suggestions when asked, totally another when you send a list with the invitation.

And to add to that she asked that you RSVP her by a certain date. That date is 9 DAYS before the party. What the heck does she need a headcount for that far out. It's a 2 year old's birthday party for crying out loud, and it's an "at home party".

I already knew my sister in law was tacky and pushy (she actually told me the week of her bridal shower that she periodically checked her registry online to see what had been purchased--beyond tacky in my opinion), yet this still surprised me.

[buzznwoodysmom]

If parents are giving you dirty looks, they're being rude.

Exactly!!!! I would be appalled if a parent gave me a dirty look regarding a gift I gave their child. That would be a sure way to keep me away from future parties for their children.

I actually had little talks with my kids before each and every one of their parties when they were younger to remind them of their manners. "You always say thank you no matter what the gift is. You never, ever announce that you already have an item or express that you don't like an item". My kids were babies and they fully understood the concept that you appreciate any and all gifts, and you say thank you to each and every one of them. The thought that a parent would do the opposite is something I can't quite wrap my mind around!

[T-Belle]

that's definitely not the norm in my neck of the woods. I actually find both the 4 month "notice" and the registry extremely tacky.

ditto!!!

[Dixie Springs]

Return to sender.

[MstngDrvnDsnyLvr]

Unfortunately - it is the norm - but I live in a tiny town where I am surrounded by lots of money!! People have giant parties for their children and want to make sure there are no repeat gifts or need to return anything that wasn't really wanted.

SNOB SNOB SNOB!!!

And we also have the other extreme - where my SIL created a registry one Christmas knowing that her kids already had each of the items on the Wal-Mart list - she returned all registry gifts for the CASH refund Wal-Mart gives and then spent it all on drugs (this is why my inlaws have permanent custody of 3 of their grands).

SO, do I buy off the registry if my kids or myself are invited to a party like that - NO!! I give books and handmade gifts. End of discussion.

[PirateLover]

Wow some of these stories in the responses are wild!

As far as getting duplicate gifts... it happened to me all the time as a kid. It's called a gift receipt! You return it and get something else, it's not that difficult to do.

I can only remember one party where they did not open the gifts while guests were there, and I was not happy about it. I think it's exciting to watch others open their gifts, and I think it's a good lesson for kids to practice their thank you etiquette when they find each person in the crowd and thank them for the gift (or the parent to teach them by example). At family parties I would usually just open the gift right away when the person gave it to me, then hug and thank them. Then again most of my parties were just in the house-chips, pretzels, cheese curls, and cake were all you needed!

[BrerGnat]

Can I just say how dumb I think these elaborate parties are for kids these days? What ever happened to celebrating with a few "best friends" at home, with pizza and cake and stupid party games?

My son is about to turn 8 and he has never had a standard "party", because he has never wanted one. He doesn't really have friends due to his Autism, and we always go and do something really fun for the day as a family (this year we're going to a waterpark, since he loves waterslides now), eat out, and make him a homemade cake themed to his current obsession. He LOVES it, and so do we! Why do parents think their kids need such excess? No wonder why kids are growing up with such a sense of entitlement nowadays. Makes me sad.

[TinkerbellT421]

Natalie, Your post is right on!
I think you would enjoy a blog I recently discovered where she talks about this very thing.

Google: "Over Achieving Moms and Their Kids' Birthday Parties".

She has a very dry miserable sense of humor but she literally makes me laugh out loud till I cry. This entire post has reminded me of her blog about this very thing. I am sure she would LOVE to hear about this story because she loves hearing from her fans!

[AgentC]

I can only remember one party where they did not open the gifts while guests were there, and I was not happy about it. I think it's exciting to watch others open their gifts, and I think it's a good lesson for kids to practice their thank you etiquette when they find each person in the crowd and thank them for the gift (or the parent to teach them by example). At family parties I would usually just open the gift right away when the person gave it to me, then hug and thank them. Then again most of my parties were just in the house-chips, pretzels, cheese curls, and cake were all you needed!

Not opening the gifts at the party has occurred at the last few parties my children were invited to. At the parties held outside the home, it can make sense because around here most places that do children's parties have a 2 hour limit. We have been to parties at the roller skating rink and a gymnastics gym. It was hard enough to get the kids to sit down for cake.

But my son was very disappointed that he didn't get to see his friend open the gift he had picked. I almost always let me child pick the gift for the party. I do usually call and ask the parents if there is anything they do NOT want their child to have just because you never know what is not allowed in a household.

As far as parties getting too elaborate, I do agree. We usually do family parties or go to Disney since we live so close.

My son was allowed to have 1 big party (more than just family and close friends) in when he was 5 because he had been invited to a lot of preschool parties. We did have that outside the house simply because it made it easier for me. No clean up or cleaning my house in preparation for it.

My daughter will be allowed to have a party when she turns 5 as well to celebrate with her friends since it will be her last year in preschool.

[BrerGnat]

Ok, I lied. We had a big party when each of our sons turned 1. We rented the clubhouse at our apartment complex and invited all our local family and a few close friends. We had some balloons, a Costco cake, and a video of our sons first year playing in the background. It was high class, I tell you.

[Mickey'sGirl]

We have always had the kid's parties outside of the home because we have dogs. We live in a very multicultural area, and many of our sons' friends are afraid of dogs, so it's best for everyone involved if they are not part of the party. We are done with parties now though, as our youngest turned 8 in January and he has been told that is it (our older son never wanted parties so it was not an issue).

[Disney Hungarian]

Since I don't have any children, I rarely get invited to birthday parties. I'm fine with that. If I did receive an invite like that, I would just have to laugh at it and do what I always do. Send cash.

[Hull-onian]

Sorry, never heard of such a thing for a two year older. Good luck with it......

[Arielfan98]

I myself have never heard of this. A gift registry is typically used for weddings and baby showers. Is this kid very wealthy? I would browse through the gift registry and find something affordable otherwise buy a cheap toy at Target and apologize to the hostess with the excuse that you were having internet problems so you couldn't view the registry.

[PirateLover]

I only had 3 "friends" birthday parties that I can recall. One, when I was maybe 6 or 7 was at Chuck E Cheese. Another, I think it might've been 10th, was at Discovery Zone. Then, for my 12th, my mom offered to take a few of my friends to the movies and then out for pizza. The flu was going around and only 2 friends could make it.

When I was 13 my friends threw me a surprise party at one of their houses, and the rest were all family parties I'm pretty sure.

[minnie04]

@ buzznwoodysmom, I think She attached a paper to the invitation, so she wouldn’t get flooded with calls asking "what size" & " what does he want" I know it’s crazy and I would NEVER do that (attach the paper), but I can see how people would. I would just use my Invitations as a way to tell people what my children liked at the time. i.e. Mickey, SpongeBob, princess etc. that usually let people know what the kids were into at the time. I would also think the people I invited would know more or less what sizes to get, because we would see each other a lot. Or at least often enough that they would know the size.

As far as 4months in advance good luck on that one. lol. And the registry. ahhh good luck there too. I would be so mad if someone basically told me what to buy... NOT HAPPENING