Having kids means making lifestyle changes. Yes or no?

[diz_girl]

Or, am I being ridiculous?
...
Am I overreacting?

Yes and yes.

Do these places ban children? If yes, then I'd say that it's inapproriate. Are your sister and BIL going to both get sloshed in Napa with baby in-tow? Is the baby imbibing? If so, then that's inappropriate.

Otherwise, it's none of your business. I've got an older sister who feels compelled to tell me her opinion about my kids and what I should or shouldn't do with them. You know what? It's really annoying. I don't do it her. You may be projecting your own need for 'alone time' on your sister. Your parental duties are more challenging than hers right now, and it's understandable that you would need time alone with your husband. She and your BIL are still in the Honeymoon phase with their baby and want to be around him all the time. If they want to do it while doing some of their favorite things, then fine. That's their business.

We've always taken our kids to restaurants, especially when my oldest was a baby, and I've taken him (now 4) to a very fine dining establishment right after he turned 3. No kids menu. He ate off the adult menu, but he was fine. We've always brought him along to other nice restaurants and the only comments we got were how quiet and well-behaved he is. Now that we've got two boys, it's more difficult from a logistical standpoint to lug them around, mainly because until recently I had to bring two kids, a diaper bag, baby food and formula. However, I've taken both of them to restaurants by myself and been fine. Now that the my baby boy (13 mo) is eating table food, I plan to eat out more often. It will be even easier once he's potty trained within the year. It depends on the kids and the adults. The next time I'm at WDW I may take them to Narcoossee's or maybe even Cali Grille. They are welcomed there. ButI won't be taking them to V&A. You know why? That place is too darn expensive, plus they don't serve children under 10.

[BrerGnat]

Otherwise, it's none of your business. I've got an older sister who feels compelled to tell me her opinion about my kids and what I should or shouldn't do with them. You know what? It's really annoying. I don't do it her.

See, I don't do this though. Rather than say this stuff to her, I chose a (mostly) anonymous message board to voice my feelings and do a self-check to see if most people felt the way I did or not. I appreciated all the feedback, because it made me see things from another point of view. I have never said a word to my sister about her parenting of her child. My mother used to criticize me ALL the time for the way I did things when my kids were babies/toddlers, when I knew something was "wrong" with them but it hadn't been diagnosed yet. I did what I needed to do for things to work, but my mom saw me as being overly controlling and rigid. It used to really upset me when she'd say stuff to me about it, because I knew that I was only doing what I HAD to do for my kids, and it was actually very different from how I had imagined I would be as a parent. That was hard for me. So, I have no intention of ever voicing this kind of stuff to my sister's face. I think she is a good parent, but I just get irritated seeing her doing things that don't really jive with her personality, and that I know she is just doing because "that's what everyone else is doing." She's kind of a sheep that way. It's sad to me. A lot of it is the L.A. mentality that you have to do what's "cool." I hate that and it makes me sad that my nephew is being raised by parents who think it's more important to appear outwardly hip than anything else.

[diz_girl]

I think she is a good parent, but I just get irritated seeing her doing things that don't really jive with her personality, and that I know she is just doing because "that's what everyone else is doing." She's kind of a sheep that way. It's sad to me. A lot of it is the L.A. mentality that you have to do what's "cool." I hate that and it makes me sad that my nephew is being raised by parents who think it's more important to appear outwardly hip than anything else.

So is that the real root of your beef? Is it her doing this out of superficiality and being a 'sheep', moreso than where is an appropriate place to take the kids? If it was her personality to just include the kids in everything and have fun, rather than keeping up with the L.A. lifestyle, would you have as much of a problem with her doing this? Maybe, just maybe, you can talk to her about your concerns over her doing the L.A. thing and what's cool, and your concern that she's happy and is accepted for herself rather than going along with everyone else, instead of approaching it from her fitness as a parent.

If your nephew is having fun, isn't being neglected or harmed, and isn't raising a ruckus that bothers others, is it really that bad that he's taken to a nice restaurant?


Oh, and bring on the self-checking in the (mostly) anonymous boards, that's why we're here.