Reassure me that my kid's not the only one!

[tinksmom02]

DD is 9-almost-10 and is the minority in her school because she doesn't have a cell phone. According to my best friend (her best friend's mom), "all" the kids have them. I just cannot justify the additional cost of a second line, when I know where she is every minute of the day (bus, school, babysitter). If she's at a friend's house I can call the parent if I need to. Now, when she starts intermediate school next year she'll be a walker, so I told her we would revisit the situation then. When there's not an adult around I want her to have one.

What really ticks me off is that it's a given for these kids, and their parents--some of these kids have had phones since second grade!

Those of you with kids, do they have cell phones? Is it a sign of that generation, or the area I live in (NJ)? I don't want my kid to be a social freak because she doesn't have one--and really, she hasn't asked for one, although she wouldn't turn one down if it was handed to her--but I don't want to bend to what society has deemed the norm when my gut is telling me it's really not necessary.

She also does not have a TV in her bedroom. Again, it's not a necessity--she's an only child and either we watch what she wants or she can go in the extra bedroom to watch or play Wii.

[DizneyRox]

I don't get it either, HOWEVER, my 4 year old has my old iPhone (no service) to toy around with and he plays with one of the iPads.

My wife is looking to get iPads for her Kindergarteners, as there are some pretty good educational materials available.

But, your kid wants it [cell phone] to be cool. Everyone texts now, we are raising kids without interpersonal skills. It's a sad trend, but that's what everyone is doing. If the kids can't 'communicate' with their peers, then they won't have any friends. Tough decision...

[SBETigg]

I can't give you a good answer because my kids are all grown and they weren't little kids in an age where everyone had phones. And we all survived! I see no need to be peer-pressured into getting your children phones before you feel you and they are ready. It is handy when you have safety concerns. But until then, I wouldn't worry.

When my kids were young, all of their cousins and friends had TVs in their bedrooms. We didn't bend for that. We watched as a family, or we let them watch in limited amounts on our set in our room. It's a distraction at bedtime we didn't feel they needed in their rooms. Also, we liked to have control over their viewing. Now we've also eliminated having a TV in our room and we sleep much better, too.

[Strmchsr]

I just got my oldest one a cell phone for his 12th birthday as sort of a "rite of passage." I certainly don't think it's a necessity, though. It is definitely a generational thing, though, and any of us over 25 aren't going to "get it." But you're the parent. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean your child has to do it. At 12 my son is gaining more of a social life and starting to engage in more activities, so it was a nice treat for him, but it was only $10/month extra for me to add him. Any more than that and no way I would have done it.

[Dulcee]

Mmmm I'm no help. I had a cell phone at 13 (eek 12 years ago!). My nephew is 10, lives in Jersey, he's had one for 2ish years? As does probably 99% of his classmates.

[Katzateer]

When my girls were in middle school they got a cell phone - only added $10 a month to my plan and they just got the basic flip top no frills phone. I just got my 17 year old her first phone she can used for Internet etc. Since she is going away to college next year.

The big thing my daughters friends had were Vera Bradley ( one girl had about 20 purses - give me a break) and I finally broke down and got her one as a gift in 6 th grade. She never did get Uggs. When EVERYONE has them, it still won't hurt them if they don't get it.

And my girls did not get a tv in their rooms until middle school. They watched TV in the family room.

[Kenny1113]

DS11 has been asking for a phone since 1st grade. He has spent this whole year telling me that he was the only one without a cell phone. On the big trip to EPCOT I saw that he was right! And they all had smartphones at that. A couple of years ago I had given him my old iPhone but did not activate it, but that was not enough. its not only the financial expense I just don't get why he would need it when DH or I drop him off and pick him up from school. I did get his phone activated when he got the presidential excellence award at school. I got him a prepaid phone beachside that is the only way I can keep him from going on the Internet. (you'd think the company would offer some sort of parent restrictions at this point).


DSs do not have TVs in their rooms either, we usually all watch TV together.

I like to know what they are watching and surfing (the computer is in a common area) and I want us to do things as a family not isolated in rooms.

[tinksmom02]

I just got my oldest one a cell phone for his 12th birthday as sort of a "rite of passage." ... but it was only $10/month extra for me to add him. Any more than that and no way I would have done it.

That's what I was thinking for when she turns 11 next year--right before she starts intermediate school we would get her one. I think it would cost me more than $10, though, if I was going to allow her to text--I don't have unlimited texting.

I can't give you a good answer because my kids are all grown and they weren't little kids in an age where everyone had phones.

When my kids were young, all of their cousins and friends had TVs in their bedrooms. We didn't bend for that.

I shudder to think how today's children would have survived in the "old" days LOL I didn't have a TV in my room until I had a job and purchased my own at 14. And even then I only had the basic channels--my parents only had cable on the shared TVs. We didn't have air conditioning, either.

I don't get it either, HOWEVER, my 4 year old has my old iPhone (no service) to toy around with and he plays with one of the iPads.

My wife is looking to get iPads for her Kindergarteners, as there are some pretty good educational materials available.

But, your kid wants it [cell phone] to be cool. Everyone texts now, we are raising kids without interpersonal skills. It's a sad trend, but that's what everyone is doing. If the kids can't 'communicate' with their peers, then they won't have any friends. Tough decision...

Let me just say that my kid is not deprived in any way, except for the cell phone. She has an iPod, she has an iPad, she has a DSi (she has a wealthy aunt LOL). The only time she asked me for a cell phone was because she wanted one to play games on because I guess all the other stuff is too big to take everywhere LOL We've talked about it & she said that even if we did get her a phone, my old phone would be fine and she would only use it for emergencies. But right now she doesn't ever go anywhere where there isn't supervision, adult(s) who have phones for emergencies.

What's really sad is that not only do most of her friends have phones, but they have smartphones. I, personally, only made the leap to the iPhone in April!

[tinksmom02]

Mmmm I'm no help. I had a cell phone at 13 (eek 12 years ago!). My nephew is 10, lives in Jersey, he's had one for 2ish years? As does probably 99% of his classmates.

I think 13 is a reasonably acceptable age--once you starts spending time unsupervised with your friends, hanging out at the mall or beach or whatever, then yeah, I think it's a good idea.

[ttccluvsdis]

My oldest who is now 13 had one in 3rd grade but that was because there was a mix up between my hubby, I and the sitter and she sat outside our house for 45 minutes waiting for someone to let her in the house. Now I work from home and I am holding off getting my little one a phone, she is in 3rd grade and boy is she fighting me.

Now my 13 yo wants an iphone and she tells me she is the ONLY one at school without a smart phone, and I am ruining her life by not getting her one. The joys of parenting!!!
Good luck deciding
Traci

[Basket Mommy]

I have a 14 YO girl, 11 and 9 YO boys and a 7 YO girl. My oldest wanted a phone when she was 11, but I absolutely did not see the need for one. I told her she could buy one when she turned 12, but she would have to save up for it AND pay for texting to be added to our plan (my husband and I never texted before she got her phone). She did both, but we didn't allow her to get a smart phone. She'd had the phone for about a year when my husband decided to start paying for texting b/c we realized we were using it as much as she was. Now my husband, daughter and I all have older iPhones with no data plan attached; we only use the internet through WiFi or our MiFi box.

My 11 and 9 YO sons have not expressed any desire whatsoever for phones, but they've been homeschooled for the past 2 years. Once they get back into regular school they might want one, but again, I don't see the need for one unless they start sports or other things where they might need a phone.

[Jeri]

We got my oldest son one when he was 11. We also added unlimitted texting to all the phones at that time. My 9 yr old wants one but we are going to make him wait till he is 10.

This winter we plan on getting my husband, and I both smart phones, not sure about our oldest who is now 15.

I guess maybe we are in the minority here cause both our boys have TV, with Direct TV, and computers ( connected to the internet) in their rooms. We are able to connect to their computers at anytime we want from our computers, and we tell them that we will be checking their internet history at anytime. We trust them, and the 9 yr old knows he isn't allowed to go to any sites that aren't pre-approved by us without asking first.
So far we have never had an issue, and they have had computers in their room since the oldest was 6.

[Disney4us2]

I got my DD a phone at an early age. She was 7.5 at the time(now 12). I went to work 50 miles from the house (Disneyland). I wanted her to be able to call me or my father if she needed to after school.

Now she only talks/texts two of her friends. She is not on it "just to talk" and doesn't play games (it is not a smart phone). I still comes in handy if she needs to get a hold of me if we are not in the same area of the "Park"(DL) or when she was at her girl scout trip. She was able to text me to keep in contact.

She never abused the phone although she did loose one, which I found the next day. The thing she likes most is taking pictures with her phone. No TV in her room either, yet. She wants that the most.

[wickedgin]

My son inherited my non-smart phone 2 years ago when he was 9. He was the first of his guy friends to have one, but by the end of this past school year, it seemed like everyone had one.
In our case, it's not used much, but it's nice to have. My other son has an ipod, and I find it frustrating that he can't text when he's not in a wifi area (but not so irritating that I'm willing to add another line, lol).
If your daughter isn't asking for one, I wouldn't worry about it until you think it's necessary.

[Niecyboo]

My son will be turning 10 in a week and does not have a cell phone yet. Both my DDs got one when they entered 7th grade because that is when they seemed to need them. By that point, schools just assumed you had one, and once my DD got left outside the school when a Cross Country practice got cancelled due to bad weather, and nobody thought to let the kids use a school phone. By the time she walked around to the main entrance to discover the school was locked, then walked back around the teacher and all the other kids were gone.

My DDs are now 14 and 17 and neither has a smart phone yet. They both have Ipod touches but they purchased them with their own money. Yes, my son has asked for one several times, but I just don't see him needing it yet.

They do have TVs in their rooms, but they are tiny ones, and the kids don't use them much.

[cer]

My daughter got a cell phone at 12 and my son got one at 10.

I like for them to be able to contact me whenever they need to - especially my son who goes to the neighborhood park with his buddies.

My daughter texts some ( I don't think she ever talks on the phone), my son rarely has his phone on at all - EXCEPT when he is off playing somewhere and then he always has it on and he always answers when I call and tell him it's time to come home.

It works for us. They do not have phones that require a data package, but we have a plan that has unlimited texting and each of their lines is only an additional $9.99 per month.

Do not let what your friend says influence your decision - you decide what is best for your family.

[mgmnut]

12 was when my twins got theirs. It was when they were going to start coming home from school with nobody home so I wanted to be able to contact them at all times.

At 14 they got data plans, but they share the plan with my wife.

[Reedy Creek Buccaneer]

My daughter has a pay as you go phone, basically for emergencies. She is almost 17.

My wife has a smart phone. I have given mine up.

Cell phone bills are such a waste of money. If you think they need one, find the cheapest you can and be happy with it.

[Dulcee]

And just a thought but...

I know when I was 10-11 years old before cell phones were huge the big thing was just having a phone period in your room. Even cooler if it was your own line.

When my Mom was a kid it was being allowed to wear demin jeans to school.

I think there will always be something the older generation thinks the younger generation should be able to live just fine without, because we survived just fine before them! Computers and cell phones are just today's radios and land lines.

[PirateLover]

Texting is simultaneuosly the best and worst thing to ever happen to society. Best-it's soooo convenient! Worst-It's awful for communication skills. When I was 11 I got what they called a "Princess" line for my bedroom and would chat for hours with all my friends. Now, I never want to talk on the phone! I taught middle school for 5 years and kids these days pretty much communicate only through texts and facebook. Some don't even bother to check a regular email account.

To answer your question, no, your kid is not the only one, but she is definitely in the minority! In my last 8th grade class, every single child had a cell (They were 13-14-15). Some were much more sophisticated than others, but they all had one.

I got my first cell around 2001, when I was 14. My family entered a family plan, and I was attenting a high school a fair distance away from my home and had to make bus transfers, and did lots of after school activities. Before that, we had a big old Motorola cell we called the "car phone" and it rotated around the family. I started going out with friends to the movies and things when I was in 6th grade. If I didn't have the cell I'd have to stop at a pay phone at certain times to check in with my parents.

I got my TV in 3rd grade, basic channels with rabbit ears! No cable until I paid for it myself in college. And no computer in my room until college. I know every one has different methods of parenting and what works for some might not work for others, but as a teacher I have to say my recommendation is that the bedroom should be for sleeping. Take away cell phones, game controllers etc at night time. Students would pretend to fall asleep, then go on facebook or game into the wee hours of the morning. Then, they cannot stay awake for class. This happened A LOT. Also...kids know how to clear an internet history, and no matter how well you raise them, there is so much danger on the internet. Maybe I've just had to watch too many videos on internet predators and such with the students, but computers with internet access really should be in family rooms for their own safety.