This One's for the Ladies - Humour

[brad192]

And Now From a Guys Perspective!

We always hear "The Rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are OUR rules!

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever!! Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then we're stuck with you.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just spit it out!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops!! What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your oil! Please!!!!!

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like a Victoria's Secret model, don't expect us to act like a soap opera guy.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We'll refuse to answer.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of those ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best on how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, it's like the Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the heck they're saying anyway.)

It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

[PETE FROM NYC]

I wish I could get DW to read this!!!

[Jim&AngieMarriner]

Preach on brother preach!

[SBETigg]

Christopher Columbus didn't get to where he intended to go, so... yeah.

[Ed]

Christopher Columbus didn't get to where he intended to go, so... yeah.

Ahhhh, but Chris didn't have the latest GPS with text-to-voice, realtime traffic and weather reports, and an awesome 9" touch screen HiDef display. (It's a 'guy thing' - - you wouldn't understand. )

[EeyoresBestFriend]

LOVE IT!!! And so true!!

[Janmac]

And here's one that got left out:

When I say yes, it only means yes I heard you talking. Ask for confirmation if you want to know if my yes means I'm agreeing with you.



Jan

[minnie04]

good one

[Dulcee]

We have a running joke in our office that you need three Yes's from your man.

Yes - I'm hearing you.
Yes - I've understood what you've said
Yes - I'll actually follow through with what you've asked.

If you've only made it to #1 or 2 you can pretty much guarantee its not going to get done.

[laprana]

Christopher Columbus didn't get to where he intended to go, so... yeah.

Haha! I was thinking the exact same thing!

[SBETigg]

Ahhhh, but Chris didn't have the latest GPS with text-to-voice, realtime traffic and weather reports, and an awesome 9" touch screen HiDef display. (It's a 'guy thing' - - you wouldn't understand. )

You forget that I am a woman. I can't find my way without a trusty GPS or asking directions, which I am perfectly willing to do to get to where I need to go (the shoe sale, obviously).

P.S. I thought real men didn't need GPS? Doesn't that count as asking for directions?

[TheDuckRocks]

Ahhhh, but Chris didn't have the latest GPS with text-to-voice, realtime traffic and weather reports, and an awesome 9" touch screen HiDef display. (It's a 'guy thing' - - you wouldn't understand. )

But then a man will say, "That can't be right." And then heads out heaven only knows where and gets to hear, "Make a U-turn at the first available place."
Oh! Oh! And spends so much time looking at the dang thing he on a regular basis almosts rear ends what ever is in front of him.

[NewDVCowner]

Christopher Columbus didn't get to where he intended to go, so... yeah.

I was thinking the exact same thing!

[Claudielou]

You've been talking to my Husband!

[Fangorn]

Christopher Columbus didn't get to where he intended to go, so... yeah.

Please note...

1) he ended up someplace BETTER

2) I'm pretty sure that noting a perceived "fault" that occurred over 500 years ago violates the spirit of the "Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days." rule.



Steve

[micky95]

i dont know if i should share this but i will.i'm self employed and my shop is at my home.my wife ask me to do the laundry which i really dont mind.i have to remind her that to guys there are clean clothes and dirty clothes .i dont know whats delicate or what colors get washed together so she sorts them.problem two one pile equals one load to me .i dont care if it takes me ten minutes to walk around it its going in as one load.now to boost my male ego i refuse to fold,so she folds & puts them away.