A WWYD about travelling with "adult" child....

[nicster]

I get the dilemma, this is my experience. When our daughter comes with us, without a friend, she is 100% our daughter. When she comes with a friend, she is a friend to us... I hope that makes sense.

[mom2morgan]

Does this mean your kids are paying their own way? If so, they are adults and should stay where they want to.

That IS the dilemma. I'd assumed we'd pay all her expenses and she'd stay with us... but since she started saying she "needs" her own room, one thought in my mind is to tell her that if she "needs" a separate room she can pay for it herself. In which case she'd have to stay at the VAlues, and then it doesn't feel like we're together as a family. At THIS point she seems to think I should spring for her to have her own room (at my expense) at the hotels we stay at. I'm afraid that really isn't in my budget without hardship, so I was trying to decide how hard a line to take. And I think I've decided to go right with "Here are our plans. You are welcome to join us. If you wish to make other arrangements at your own expense, you are free to do that as well."

[mom2morgan]

Thanks for the perspective from the other side of the fence! I've decided she's being unreasonable - isn't that the job of a just-turned 18 year old? LOL

LOL, I have an opinion for you, but from the "Adult Childs" perspective

During my trips in 2005 (Shades of Green) and 2006 (Pop Century) I was 20 and 21 respectively. The 2005 trip was with my mom and sister, and the 2006 trip was with my dad and sister (about 12-13 at the time). But anyway, we always stayed in the same room. Maybe it's because there was just one parent or because my parents were paying for the trip and I knew I really wasn't in any place to make demands (hint hint), or it could be because I am a guy and I think girls are a little more sensitive to that, but I will tell you that I had no issues sharing the room. I think the real issue was me coming back to the hotel room at 2:30 am after a Magic Kingdom EMH waking my parents and sister up LOL. But I can certainly see how 4 people in a value room would be kind of crowded.
I will tell you at age 25 now, if my parents offered a trip again, I'd go, and not complain about being in the same room.

BTW, if you or your husband are active military or retired military, you may want to look into Shades of Green. Though not a Disney owned Resort, it once was one of their deluxe resorts and has rates about the same as a value.
Personally, what I'd do though is maybe book her a room at POP for the whole trip, and you and your husband do whatever it is you most wanted to. Or, you can simply tell her "You want it your way, you pay for it".

[mom2morgan]

There is much wisdom in that response, White Rose! Thank you for the great suggestions and insight. HAve you MET my daughter? LOL

I'm also going to come at this from the "Adult Child" perspective. To be honest, I can very much see where your daughter is coming from. I also have a younger sister (we're six years apart) and by the time I was 16-18 years old, I just could not handle sleeping with her--she had a tendency to kick. Not to mention, my father was a snorer (he hadn't been diagnosed with his sleep apnea yet and had not been issued his CPAP) and it was REALLY difficult to sleep in this same room as him.

Staying in the same room, I think, doesn't have to translate into "family time" I think. I personally think family time is really more the time spent in the parks, vs. staying in a small room--don't let that make you feel like you're compromising on family time, if your daughter is in another room. I would also suggest taking the money you would normally use to stay a a Deluxe or Mod, to rent DVC and stay in a Villa or something along those lines. The 2 bedroom would be perfect as she could still be with her sister, but also still have her own bed. My mother was pretty understanding about my need to have more space, so we just started making sure we shopped for a REALLY good deals on 2 bedroom suites and the like for vacations. I never minded sharing a room with my sister on vacation--it was sharing a BED.

Now, if she is considering bringing a friend and staying at a Value, I would nix that--epsecially, if you are the one paying for that trip. It would skew the dynamics a lot, in my own opinion, and based on what you've stated in this thread so far, I'm afraid she may try to find more time to hang out her friend vs. family time. Insist that if you're paying her way, she needs to stay with the family, but I also think it will mean a lot to her if you agree to a 2 bedroom sitaution of some kind--compromise on both ends!

I hope that helped!

[White Rose]

There is much wisdom in that response, White Rose! Thank you for the great suggestions and insight. HAve you MET my daughter? LOL

LOL! I can't say I have but I have most definitely been there and done that! That's always such a difficult age--I can assure you this is all COMPLETELY normal and this too, shall pass. My parents had such struggles with me when I was her age and to be honest, it actually got worse once I started college (I was a resident student at a college about 45 minutes away from my hometown). It was difficult coming home and having to answer to parents after being on my own at school and making my own decisions. You're in this rock and this hard place--old/legally enough to make your own decisions, but still financially dependent on your parents to get anywhere. Luckily, with some pixie dust and some patience, my parents and I worked through it (me being a bit more understanding and listening and my parents giving me a little bit more leeway and not constantly bringing up the paying for school part).

And, if it helps at all, there's a HUGE difference between 18 and 22 when she finally graduates! I can attest to that right now, LOL!

Anyway, thanks for your kind words, and I'm glad they seemed to have helped somewhat!