Walk away from hot topics

[VWL Mom]

Sometimes after reading a post, I have to walk away from my computer to avoid a "hot topic" because I don't want to be confrontational. Anyone else out there in the same boat?

[TheVBs]

I'm working on the answer being "always". When I first joined I usually participated because I couldn't keep from responding to some of the horrifyingly rude or shockingly negative comments. Then I realized that often the people making those comments just keep spewing the venom whether or not people respond to it. I don't know if they enjoy behaving that way and enjoy the upset it causes, or if they're just really miserable people that no amount of positive input will change. Or both!

So, I've decided that they don't deserve my time and energy. What still gets to me though is when someone new comes here with a question and right off the bat is accused of trying to do something deceitful. How hard is it to give someone new the benefit of the doubt and make them feel welcome?

Just my .

[Disney4us2]

I agree with you and TheVB's,

I don't like confrontation and those posts are just not worth wasting my time and energy.

To me Disney = happy

[SBETigg]

I had to answer sometimes.

I think most times, there is absolutely no rudeness or venom intended but that posters in hot topics just get carried away expressing their own opinions. If you're not the type to take offense easily at opinions that don't agree with your own, then you don't always understand how your expression of your own opinions could possibly be taken as inflammatory. Some people are just born debaters and it's never personal to them, though others start to take it that way. It's really hard to pick up on emotional cues in internet dialogues. Emoticons help, but it's not always enough.

I've seen both genuine rudeness and people getting offended at things that really don't seem that they were meant to be rude at all, and then things go downhill. It's too easy to get caught up. Most times, yes, it's safer to just avoid a hot topic. But many of the topics that become hot seem to start out innocently enough and you're in a hot topic before you even realized it was going to heat up. Over time, I've learned to just stay away from certain topics.

[badkitty]

Sometimes but most of the time I write my response and then delete it after realizing it just isn't worth commenting on. I take the most offense with rude and insenitive comments. Everyone has an opinion. Some are able to state theirs graciously while so many people have to railroad others with theirs. There are sites that are vicious and I won't view them anymore. I find though that Intercot is a pretty safe haven for not being attack (although it has happened) because of the TOS and the great Moderators and I think the people on here are just nicer and what to help others with their trips.

[Ransom]

I nearly always walk away from political discussions online. It's just not worth it; no one is going to be convinced one way or another. It's just a lot of hot air (er, electrons) blowing.

As for Disney heated topics...well, I'm kind of bored with most of them, so I tend to ignore them as well.

[KylesMom]

Usually it's more worth it to "walk away". After being with my INTERCOT community since researching our first Disney trip with our child in Y2K, it's not worth the confrontational effort. I assure you, there are folks that come on board just to see what a rise they can get out of the other people. Just know that most on the boards really care about other Disney visitors and having the most magical time of their lives. I'm not part of any other "boards" for this simple fact!!!

[d_m_n_n]

I started a "hot topic" thread one time without even realizing it and WOW some of the responses were . Now if I can't find a previous thread through searching, I ask myself if there is any way it can start something. Sometimes the answer isn't that important.

...Now, about bringing my refillable mugs back on my next trip

I KID, I KID!!

[Ian]

Huh. I must not read enough threads on these boards, because I've never seen anything I considered to be "horrifyingly rude or shockingly negative."

For the most part, I feel like the moderators around here (myself included) tend to immediately remove any post that is "horrifyingly rude or shockingly negative", at times even to the point of stifling legitimate debate for fear of someone walking away with hurt feelings.

I find that, more often than not, the root cause of this has more to do with people who are incapable of dealing with opinions contrary to their own rather than the people who are being perceived as "horrifyingly rude." I've seen folks on here make innocuous comments, based on their own opinions, and immediately get shouted down by someone who thinks they're "being too negative."

There's no such thing, in my mind, as being "too negative." Your opinion is what your opinion is. If someone doesn't like Toy Story Mania and you think it's the greatest attraction on the planet, so what? Move on. Who cares what they think? To each his or her own. But yet, inevitably, whenever someone says they don't like something Disney did, there's that element out there that boos and hisses at them for daring to question the greatness of Disney.

Personally, I love a good debate. My bigger problem is with those who seem to make a profession out of being offended. The lack of honest and sincere dialogue in this country is, in my opinion, largely responsible for the disasterous mess we've sunk into. If people could have open, respectful debates with one another instead of just immediately shouting opposing voices down, we might not have degenerated into this partisan "my side is better than your side" garbage we now see on a daily basis.

My advice? If you feel as though you can't tolerate opposing viewpoints and they make you so angry that you feel like you "have to walk away", then yeah ... walk away. But even better would be if you could just stop and think for a moment what the other guy is saying and maybe even look for a shred of common ground there. There are ways to disagree with one another that can be respectful and productive at the same time.

Stepping down off my soapbox now ...

[drummerboy]

Oh yeah? Well, what do you know anyway, Ian.

Actually, Ian's got about the right take on it. The trick is to let yourself cool down a bit before posting. On the other hand, there are trolls out there who love to stir things up for the sake of stirring things up, and the best way to handle them is to ignore them and avoid the topics they're trying to stir.

[Scar]

Is this the right room for an argument?

[Ian]

On the other hand, there are trolls out there who love to stir things up for the sake of stirring things up, and the best way to handle them is to ignore them and avoid the topics they're trying to stir.

Right, I'm not talking about those folks, though. You're on the money with how you deal with them ... they're just trying to stir up trouble, so just move along. There's nothing to see here.

I was talking about the folks who try to express legitimate points of view, only to be barked at by those who disagree.

[TheVBs]

Hmmmmm... Ian, I'm wondering if you're referrencing my post by chance?

It's wonderful that in all your time here you've never witnessed those things. However, I've seen some really "horrifyingly rude" things said about handicapped people and overweight people. And no, it was not in the guise of expressing an opinion, these were just straight out ugly, insulting things to say.

And when someone asks an innocent question only to be accused of trying to cheat the rules, I do find that "shockingly negative." That is also not a case of simply stating one's opinon.

Where you're finding people finding offence in everything (and I'm not saying that never happens), I'm often finding people being offensive and camoflaging it with the excuse that it's their "opinion." There's a difference.

By the way, I love a good debate too. I am not offended by others' opinions. And, most importantly, it is always possible to express your own opinion without including something derogatory about people with an opposing opinion. I would even venture to bet that you could state your own opinion without excessively quoting someone else's post.

[Ian]

It's wonderful that in all your time here you've never witnessed those things. However, I've seen some really "horrifyingly rude" things said about handicapped people and overweight people. And no, it was not in the guise of expressing an opinion, these were just straight out ugly, insulting things to say.

Oops look ... I quoted your post again! I failed!

No but seriously ... Did you blow the whistle on these posts to report them to INTERCOT staff? If so, were they edited?

And in regards to the cheating the system posts, I actually agree with you on that one. I've seen people blasted for what I think is a legitimate, if not somewhat naiive, question. Not to mention that, although INTERCOT has a strict no cheating the system policy, most people don't know that when they first sign up (and let's face it ... a lot of other Disney fan sites encourage and advocate ways to cheat the system) so they may not really know they're breaking the rules.

Although in fairness, no one gets it worse than the "Disney is building a theme park in my backyard!" folks!

[TheVBs]

Ian, I do love and appreciate that you keep your sense of humor!

Admittedly, no, I did not report the worst posts that I saw. However, there were two reasons for this. The first is that I saw the worst of it when I was very new to the site and it actually didn't occur to me to report them. Now I would. The second is that the people who were making these posts weren't new to the forum, based on their number of posts, and in most cases moderators already seemed to be aware of the thread because they'd made posts to it themselves.

There is a third reason and I'm a bit stuck on that one, but it would be inappropriate to list it here.

I do groan when someone asks one of those naive questions, but not as much as I groan with the inevitability that someone's going to say something accusatory. I don't envy the mods jobs and I completely understand and respect the no discussion of cheating rule. It's a good one! It would be really nice to see people simply state the Disney rules or policy on whatever's being asked without adding a comment accusing that person of dishonesty. Now, if someone comes out and says "How do I get around this rule?" That's totally different.

[Ian]

Ian, I do love and appreciate that you keep your sense of humor!

Admittedly, no, I did not report the worst posts that I saw. However, there were two reasons for this. The first is that I saw the worst of it when I was very new to the site and it actually didn't occur to me to report them. Now I would. The second is that the people who were making these posts weren't new to the forum, based on their number of posts, and in most cases moderators already seemed to be aware of the thread because they'd made posts to it themselves.

There is a third reason and I'm a bit stuck on that one, but it would be inappropriate to list it here.

I do groan when someone asks one of those naive questions, but not as much as I groan with the inevitability that someone's going to say something accusatory. I don't envy the mods jobs and I completely understand and respect the no discussion of cheating rule. It's a good one! It would be really nice to see people simply state the Disney rules or policy on whatever's being asked without adding a comment accusing that person of dishonesty. Now, if someone comes out and says "How do I get around this rule?" That's totally different.

Look!! I quoted you again! Didn't think I'd do it, did you??

And I hear you, but listen ... don't ever be intimidated by someone's perceived status on the site. Even mods, at times, say things they shouldn't say in the heat of the moment and even they need to be held accountable for it.

Trust me ... I say this based on long, painful, and extensive experience.

The only thing I'll say is, before you blow the whistle, make sure what you're reading is really offensive and not just something you took personally because it's a hot issue for you.

[Hammer]

Look!! I quoted you again! Didn't think I'd do it, did you??

And I hear you, but listen ... don't ever be intimidated by someone's perceived status on the site. Even mods, at times, say things they shouldn't say in the heat of the moment and even they need to be held accountable for it.

Trust me ... I say this based on long, painful, and extensive experience.

The only thing I'll say is, before you blow the whistle, make sure what you're reading is really offensive and not just something you took personally because it's a hot issue for you.

What Ian said .

Seriously, all of us, mods included, can say something that may come off as offensive. I can't speak for all, but I know when I have done it, it was most definitely unintentional with malice towards none. Just sometimes when stating an opinion (and that is what it is, an opinion) people let their emotions come through. We all have a bad day every now and then, even Ian .

[Ian]

We all have a bad day every now and then, even Ian .

Yeah ... Some of us more than others!!!

[Hammer]

Yeah ... Some of us more than others!!!

Hey, what are you trying to say there ? (Everyone, we are just joking around...)

[Mousefever]

Is this the right room for an argument?

No, sorry. This is abuse.

Personally, I love a good debate. My bigger problem is with those who seem to make a profession out of being offended. The lack of honest and sincere dialogue in this country is, in my opinion, largely responsible for the disasterous mess we've sunk into. If people could have open, respectful debates with one another instead of just immediately shouting opposing voices down, we might not have degenerated into this partisan "my side is better than your side" garbage we now see on a daily basis.

My advice? If you feel as though you can't tolerate opposing viewpoints and they make you so angry that you feel like you "have to walk away", then yeah ... walk away. But even better would be if you could just stop and think for a moment what the other guy is saying and maybe even look for a shred of common ground there. There are ways to disagree with one another that can be respectful and productive at the same time.

Stepping down off my soapbox now ...

Here, here!

Amy