What is the right thing to do?

[princessjojo]

Ok, so we were on vacation last week with our 2 kids, 3 other families and their kids, 8 kids in all. So I'll set this up. We are staying in 3 seperate cabins in the mountains, each cabin with a hot tub. The kids were all sleeping everywhere in everyone's cabins which was fine. One big sleep-over. Well they were also using everyone's hot tubs. On our last night they were all playing in the hot tub in OUR cabin, and yes, I was there. All was well until one of the boys was splashed in the face, (go figure in a big tub of water) and he got mad. Of course he thought it was one of my boys who did it so he jumped on his back and locked his arms around my sons neck, who then began to cough and get frightened. So MY son pushed him off his back, the boy fell backwards, hit his mouth and broke one of his front adult teeth off at the gum line.

So MY son is scared, ran into his room and locked the door. The other boy's parents came over, understandably upset, but then began to drill my child on what happened. Their son said he did nothing wrong, of course, but the other kids said that other kid started with the pushing.

Anyway, what here is my responsibility? Am I suppose to pay for his dental expenses, or just say boys will be boys, and it was nothing more than an accident. Sad thing is I work with the boys mom and my DH works with his dad...UGH!!! My prespective is that if the other boy hadn't jumped on my son's back it wouldn't have happened. I have no idea what to do here?

Please help with some insight here.

[TheVBs]

Oh wow. I'm so sorry that happened. From what you described, I definitely do not think you are responsible for dental costs. If it were me, I would just explain, in as matter of fact way as I could, what happened. Just say you're sorry that things took a bad turn and that you hope to be able to enjoy another vacation with them.

[kemps@wdw]

Well...boys WILL be boys! An unfortunate accident, to be sure, but if all the others kids say that your son did not start it, (I'm assuming they have no reason to lie), then if he was only defending himself or responding to a overly tight grip, as all kids do, then your financial responsibilty should be ZILCH! And hopefully the other boys parents will understand. Would they be so quick to judge if the situation was reversed? Isn't it a shame that we live in a world where an accident just can't be an accident anymore?

[DizneyRox]

I'm from the boys will be boys camp as well, BUT I wouldn't be surprised to find out that the other parents don't feel that way and may push the issue.

Might have a few less xmas cards to send this year though...

[PirateLover]

You say you were there, but you talked about the testimony of the other boys. Just wondering if you witnessed the event yourself? At any rate, doesn't the other family have any dental insurance? I chipped a tooth almost to the gum in 3rd grade. I just asked my parents and they are pretty sure that insurance covered most, if not all of the cost. If they are responsible for the cost, unless there was negligence on your part (which doesn't seem to be the case) I don't see any reason why you should have to contribute to the tooth fund.

[Stitchahula]

I would think that dental insurance should cover it. If their son had been doing something say on a bike in you yard and broke his tooth would you feel you needed to cover expenses. I know not the same but if the boy hadn't act in a careless manner than none of this would've happened right. There might be some hard feelings over this you there is nothing you can do about that. If you have the money and would like to help contribute to the dental expense then that is up to you. I don't think you should feel obligated to do so though. This is why they tell you not to horse around in a tub/pool.

[crazypoohbear]

What did the parents say when the other kids explained that it was their son who started it?
Whad did the parents say to you and your DH?
Did they ask you to pay or do you feel that you should or should not offer?
Why did the other parents say to your son?
Have you spoken with the parents or the boy since it happened?
Do they have dental insurance?
If they do and there is a deductible you could (you are not obligated to) offer to pay half of the out of pocket expenses.
It sounds like it was boy's horsing around and your son got scared and ran and their son got scared and fudged the facts. This too is typical of boys when they feel cornered.
I hope you are able to save the friendship.

[Disney Doll]

Hmm, how old are the boys? People tend to get touchy if there is even the slightest perception of older child roughing up a younger child. Sounds like the friend's son started the rough housing so I would not think that you could be held responsible. Might be a good time to discuss behavior expectations and whether or not you feel comfortable supervising this other child. Also, the "drill my child on what happened" makes me uncomfortable. If another parent is upset about something that involved my child they need to speak with me first. Anyone who decides to drill my child while they are upset will meet mama bear.

[Puppy Mom]

[QUOTE=princessjojo;1868900]All was well until one of the boys was splashed in the face, (go figure in a big tub of water) and he got mad. Of course he thought it was one of my boys who did it so he jumped on his back and locked his arms around my sons neck, who then began to cough and get frightened. So MY son pushed him off his back, the boy fell backwards, hit his mouth and broke one of his front adult teeth off at the gum line.

It seems to me that it was an unfortunate accident that was caused more by the actions of the injured child than your son. What person ISN"T going to react to being jumped on and grabbed around the neck while in water by trying to get the attacker OFF.

Perhaps all or some of these children were too young/immature to be in the hot tub at all and that is the real problem here.

[princessjojo]

Sure hind site they shouldn't have been horsing around & I should have been by their side not around the corner literally. But they were all the same age roughly 11-12 and the two involved were the same age. I spoke with his mom yesterday & she said all was fine & they were somehow able to save the tooth. I guess I just felt guilty that it involved my child. And yes, they did lay off my son VERY quickly when I said we discussed it. Anyways, thanks for your views. I feel better about it now, but have also now put my dentist home number into my address book on my phone just in case.

[Stitchahula]

I'm glad the tooth and friendship were both able to be saved.

[MNNHFLTX]

I'm glad that the situation worked itself out. It's a touchy thing, when a child gets hurt; a parent naturally feels protective of their child, even when they were a part of the problem. We had a similar situation. Back when my son was 8 or so he and a friend (under the supervision of the friend's mother, who was a neighbor) were running around the community pool (a big no-no for me). The friend "tagged" my son and he fell, chipping his front adult tooth on the concrete. Thank goodness that was the only injury. Well, it ended up that my son eventually needed a root canal, which was partially covered by insurance, but we still ended up paying quite a bit out of pocket. But kids do these things and sometimes there are consequences.

[Ian]

The absolute only way you should consider offering to pay for a portion of the dental work is if you feel that it would make things too uncomfortable with the working relationships not to.

Because honestly, it sounds like typical boys horseplay gone bad.

Mom always said don't play ball in the house.

[MarkC]

The right thing to do would be to turn this in to your homeowners liability insurance carrier. I know-- I worked claims for 21 years. That way you let them handle it and take all the personal issues out of it. Otherwise there is no way you are going to make everyone happy. This does not affect your rates and should not affect your policy unless you've turned in a lot of claims in the past. You can check with your agent to be certain, but that's what I would do. Good luck.