Jungle Cruise

**Jeff G** · 10-01-2008, 12:15 AM

We were at the MK on Friday and rode the Jungle Cruise and we had Pat as our tour guide. She was funny but didn't have a lot of interaction with the group on our boat. So on Sunday while back at the MK we decided to give it another try to enjoy a different skippers antics, each skipper makes the ride so different. With the crowds super light we walked straight up to the dock with a boat waiting for us and Pat at the helm again. We couldn't help but to laugh and enjoyed to all the same cheesy jokes a 2nd time. With all of the different skippers and boats going at one time we figured the odds of this to be fairly low, it made for a fun afternoon repeating a few of Pat's jokes.

CaptainJessicaSparrow · 10-01-2008, 01:36 AM

I like Jake's and Sean's. Theirs are really funny. If you are there in the morning, Ian and Richard are pretty funny along with Joe. Joe does a great OG spiel.

I think mine is decent - not great but not bad. Of course, I need to pick up a shift there to make sure I still remember all of mine.

**huzzah4** · 10-01-2008, 07:05 AM

We just got back yesterday. Jungle Cruise was our first ride when we arrived on Friday, and we were so excited to be back aboard. Unfortunately, our guide, George, was somewhat less excited to be there than we were.

We were sitting right beside him and he was speaking so softly that we could barely hear him. That really isn't such a big deal though, as he did not seem to know any of the jokes. It was almost as if he was literally giving us a guide down the rivers.

We love JC for the puns, snarky comments, and general attitude of the guides. The cornier the guide the better in our opinion, unfortunately, George just did not do it for us.

We did decide to go again on Monday just before we left, and as we were standing in the queue whose boat should pull up? You guessed it, George's. Luckily the loaders stopped us just as we were about to step aboard and we got to wait for the next boat. This time we got Laura and she was much better. Even though we still finished a couple of jokes that she missed, she at least seemed to want to make it fun for herself and the other passengers. In fact, I think we made the trip for her when I used my wife as shield from the attacking pygmies.

It is amazing how just the attitude of the guide can completely change the whole ride experience of JC. The first trip we took was tedious and boring, while the second was jovial and exciting. I sure hope we don't get another "George of the Jungle Cruise" when we go back in Dec.

CaptainJessicaSparrow · 10-01-2008, 09:03 AM

George is older, and does his spiel OG. However, it's all in the delivery of it. He's just an easy-going person.

Keep in mind - a lot of your favorite jokes are most likely non-OG, which means we use them at our own risk. We aren't protected if we use one and someone gets offended.

These include:

We call these guys Plasticus Mechanicus.

What kind of snake is that? I'll give you a hint...it starts with a p....plastic!

Don't you hate it when your inlaws drop in uninvited? Yeah, that's my mother in law there, shooting her mouth off again.

This is my pet python, Monty. Be careful though, he's been known to develop quite a crush on you.

How can you tell these are African Elephants? Cause we're in Africa!

Oh, and don't worry about those lions, they're just protecting that sleeping zebra.

How can you tell these are Indian Elephants? (Guests usually say cause we're in India) No, they have smaller ears and smoother trunks.

Look, there's two squirts playing under a full moon.

This is Ol' Smiley and his girlfriend Ginger. But watch out, Ginger SNAPS! (This involves banging, slamming, etc).

If any of you are wearing white, please do not make any sudden movements like a marble. They are very hungry, hungry hippos.

We're moving into Headhunter territory, and this is a bad place to be headed.

Either that or someone lost the keys to the men's room. They've been doing the same dance since 1971 - they must really have to go.

This temple here is dedicated to the goddess Shir Lei....so I guess that makes it Shir Lei's Temple! Oh but it's very dark inside so I guess it's really Shir Lei Temple Black.

Oh, but wait, I forgot - we're at Disney World! It's going to lead to a gift shop!

(Any noises, talking, or songs performed in the temple)

This is Chief Namee, the head salesman of these parts. But lately, sales have been shrinking so he's got a great deal for you today - any two of his heads for just one of yours! Any way you slice it, dice it or cut it, you will come out ahead.

And other variations of the same jokes.

Essentially, the rules are this - no making fun of the ride, referring to the animatronics as fake, no making fun of other CM's (Pair-a-dorks, the Lei twins - Ug Lei and Home Lei, wave goodbye to the ugly ones too - they're in khaki), no making fun of the role of a Jungle Cruise Skipper (Stay in school kids, do not become a Jungle Cruise Skipper), no making fun of other attractions (Take your time...just take it somewhere else, like the Tiki Room. I hear those birds are good...with ketchup). Doing any of this can result in being written up, and there have been many Skips caught by execs who ride with their families such as Phil Holmes, who is very touchy about the integrity of the role and the ride.

......Of course I realize my spiel is now very non-OG cause I use most, if not all of those jokes. LOL.

**Minnie Imagineer** · 10-01-2008, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by CaptainJessicaSparrow

Essentially, the rules are this - no making fun of the ride, referring to the animatronics as fake, no making fun of other CM's (Pair-a-dorks, the Lei twins - Ug Lei and Home Lei, wave goodbye to the ugly ones too - they're in khaki), no making fun of the role of a Jungle Cruise Skipper (Stay in school kids, do not become a Jungle Cruise Skipper), no making fun of other attractions (Take your time...just take it somewhere else, like the Tiki Room. I hear those birds are good...with ketchup).

those jokes are hilarious (the above ones, not the ones I quoted! But I definetly remember a male skipper using the 'stay in school..' one for us. And when I was in Tiki Room, the host made fun of HoP. Is that allowed? Just wondering

**TheWizofDiz** · 10-01-2008, 10:23 AM

I must admit this is one attraction that i don't race to when visiting the MK. On the other hand, it is a Disney classic and I would have to agree that the personality of the skipper makes or breaks the ride...the AA's are quite outdated, but the famous Disney Imagineer Mark Davis clearly added humor to this rather dull attraction in the 60's (Disneyland) and thank God he did. The original Disneyland version, back in the 50's, was quite the snooze I am told.

CaptainJessicaSparrow · 10-01-2008, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by Minnie Imagineer

those jokes are hilarious (the above ones, not the ones I quoted! But I definetly remember a male skipper using the 'stay in school..' one for us. And when I was in Tiki Room, the host made fun of HoP. Is that allowed? Just wondering

Nope, making fun of any other attraction is not allowed.

We used the "If you think this was boring, well visit HoP and come back and then we'll talk." And we've gotten in trouble for it.

Or sometimes, they'll say take your time to the HM - and start spieling that attraction pre-show. Which is fine because it's not making fun of the ride.

I'm quite guilty of using the stay in school one. Frequently. Especially if there is a hold up.

My ending spiel goes sometime like this:

If you look to the docks, you'll see there is a dock to the left and a dock to the right. We call that a paradox. And if you notice there is a skipper in front, and a skipper in the back. We call them, a pair-a-dorks. If you find that when you get out, your feet are wet - guess what! You got off on the wrong side, get back in and try again. Yeah, my mom always said that if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Yep...she's really proud....of my brothers. Kids, stay in school. Otherwise, you'll spend your entire life going around and around....every 10 minutes....for the rest of your life.

I really need to have someone film my spiel the next time I am there so I can YouTube it.

**EmISeeKayEeWhy** · 10-01-2008, 11:52 AM

Originally Posted by CaptainJessicaSparrow

Nope, making fun of any other attraction is not allowed.

We used the "If you think this was boring, well visit HoP and come back and then we'll talk." And we've gotten in trouble for it.

Or sometimes, they'll say take your time to the HM - and start spieling that attraction pre-show. Which is fine because it's not making fun of the ride.

I'm quite guilty of using the stay in school one. Frequently. Especially if there is a hold up.

My ending spiel goes sometime like this:

If you look to the docks, you'll see there is a dock to the left and a dock to the right. We call that a paradox. And if you notice there is a skipper in front, and a skipper in the back. We call them, a pair-a-dorks. If you find that when you get out, your feet are wet - guess what! You got off on the wrong side, get back in and try again. Yeah, my mom always said that if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Yep...she's really proud....of my brothers. Kids, stay in school. Otherwise, you'll spend your entire life going around and around....every 10 minutes....for the rest of your life.

I really need to have someone film my spiel the next time I am there so I can YouTube it.

WE'll be there nov 21-30 jessie camcorder in hand :P

**PittFan** · 10-01-2008, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by CaptainJessicaSparrow

Nope, making fun of any other attraction is not allowed.

We used the "If you think this was boring, well visit HoP and come back and then we'll talk." And we've gotten in trouble for it.

Or sometimes, they'll say take your time to the HM - and start spieling that attraction pre-show. Which is fine because it's not making fun of the ride.

I'm quite guilty of using the stay in school one. Frequently. Especially if there is a hold up.

My ending spiel goes sometime like this:

If you look to the docks, you'll see there is a dock to the left and a dock to the right. We call that a paradox. And if you notice there is a skipper in front, and a skipper in the back. We call them, a pair-a-dorks. If you find that when you get out, your feet are wet - guess what! You got off on the wrong side, get back in and try again. Yeah, my mom always said that if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Yep...she's really proud....of my brothers. Kids, stay in school. Otherwise, you'll spend your entire life going around and around....every 10 minutes....for the rest of your life.

I really need to have someone film my spiel the next time I am there so I can YouTube it.

This is too funny... I heard almost every one of those a few weeks back ...

... I guess I better not say which day or who the skipper was, I wouldn't want to get them in trouble.

CaptainJessicaSparrow · 10-01-2008, 12:49 PM

The managers know a lot of us don't do OG spiel, but if a Guest were to complain, then they can't protect us by saying, "Well, that's the script," because it's not and I've heard some get pretty rough.

I personally only use the mother in law one at night, otherwise my joke is:

Man, I really hate it when my brothers go through my room when I'm not home. Yeah, that's my oldest brother there trying on my clothes. It's sad how they look better on him than they do on me.

It all depends too. Like I said, one Skipper Joe does an amazing OG spiel. It's all in the delivery.

As for filming me, I can try to pick up a shift there. Technically, I am not at Jungle anymore but I still have my training so I can keep picking up shifts. It's harder to find me now.

**jrpersinger** · 10-01-2008, 01:19 PM

Hummm.... When we were there in June, we had a JC Skipper who definatly made fun of the other attractions, after he talked about how great they were. Esp the parades and Wishes. He did his own little speil about how Wishes sounded, told us not to go to either of the parades that night because they were to crowded... again gave his little speil about it. If I am not mistaken, it was a EMH night. I know Spectromagic was about to start because we were stopped, waiting for a boat to come out from the backstage holding area (or atleast thats where he said it was coming from) and he told us by time we got off, we were going to have to run to our next attraction to avoid being blocked by that silly parade.

But he was really funny. Considering the amount of time we were stopped, he had alot of material he seemed to have to make up to waste time. He was probably one of the better, if not the best Skipper we had on that trip. I just wish I had remembered his name.

**huzzah4** · 10-01-2008, 05:00 PM

I can appreciate that George is older and therefore tends to stick to the script, but he really did not do a good job of the jokes he told for us. He seemed to forget parts of the jokes, or possibly not even be telling jokes at all, for instance,

"Here are two of our crocodiles, Fred and Ginger, watch out for Ginger."

"Here's the world famous Inspiration Falls. If you watch it long enough you'll be inspired"

"Here are some of our giant butterflies, they can have up to a 12 inch wingspan."

"It looks like there are gorillas in my camp again."

There were very few punchlines at all, and those that were present were very poorly delivered. We almost found it funny because we did know all of the punchlines and were able to say them to ourselves, in fact, I think the couple next to us were laughing at ours more than George's.

I will give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was just having a bad day, but it really ruined the experience for us. We had to go back just to get the bad taste out of our mouths.

**Demyx** · 10-01-2008, 05:17 PM

When I was at the parks last week, we had a great Skipper who was very funny! I really doubt the hilarious Willy Wonka reference in the dark tunnel was part of the "real" script, among other things. Shame I can't remember her name.

**Renfairwedding** · 10-01-2008, 05:43 PM

I was told by a skipper that all the animals seen were real except for the two animatronic ducks following the boats....

But I'm thinking he may have been pulling my leg. I think the ducks were real to....

**Jeff G** · 10-01-2008, 08:26 PM

Originally Posted by Renfairwedding

I was told by a skipper that all the animals seen were real except for the two animatronic ducks following the boats....

But I'm thinking he may have been pulling my leg. I think the ducks were real to....

I saw two ducks on the ride two & I couldn't beleive how fake they looked. It's to bad , with all of the animals roaming the ride you think the imagineers could have studied them and taken notes to help make them look real. Having animitronic ducks kind of ruined the whole ride.

**DisneyCrazy4444** · 10-01-2008, 08:32 PM

We literally cracked up at our skipper, who I think was Nick? Not sure, but that's what the kids think his name was. Anyway, he was really good. He was very "into it" and had the whole boat in it with him. We wished we had recorded him. He was great!

**MickeysEars** · 10-01-2008, 08:39 PM

we have not been on this ride in a couple of trips. I can't wait, you all seem to love the skippers...

**albino_pygmy** · 12-19-2008, 08:02 PM

Darn CaptainJessica stealing all the good material and I'm left with all the below average jokes from the box because I showed up 10 minutes late. *mutters to self* Ok, I'm all better now.

Something I don't think she pointed out, but if you ever see a skipper named "Pat," Chances are that isn't their real name because "Pat" is the nametag used when a skipper accidentally forgets theirs, so they become "Pat" for the day. Some people actually liked being "Pat" because it was fun playing the role of a different CM playing the role of a skipper.