Unwanted Houseguest Rant....Advice please...

[Lucille]

My DH's sisters called last week to say that they want to come visit William for his birthday in a couple of weeks We are excited about this, one of his sisters hasn't met him yet. They are planning on staying a week.

DH told them that we would love to see them, but as we stated previously in EVERY conversation about visitors We only have room for 1 person to stay in our house at a time. Our "guest room" which is technically our son's room is quite small, about 7x8. It currently holds a twin bed, a dresser and a changing table. Even if the dressers were taken out, there isn't enough room for another bed. Our couch is a vintage bamboo sectional, not at all suitable for sleeping. As we have stated in EVERY conversation we have ever had with his family about visitors, if there is more than one person at a time, a hotel room is the best option. There are 3 bed and breakfasts within a 1/2 mile radius, not to mention dozens of hotels in a three mile radius.

Also, our son's birthday party is being held at my mother's house in the suburbs and our car isn't big enough for everyone to get there.

DH tells them that he'll talk to me about it this weekend and call them back. This morning we received a message from them, that they have purchased their plane tickets and are staying with us.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a big jerk to DH's family, but the thought of having two house guests in our small house is already stressing me out. I don't know how I'll feel after having them there a few days, much less a week! Aaaaargh!!

Any thoughts? Advice?

[Ian]

At the risk of sounding insensitive, I don't really see what the big deal is. I presume, although it's not clear from your post, that this is your son's first birthday and that at least one of his Aunt's hasn't met him yet. Sounds like a pretty joyous time to me.

Why stress over one extra person in your house? I mean if it was 3 or 4 then yeah, maybe. But one??

Sounds like much ado about nothing, to me. They're family ... personally, I think it's pretty rude to expect them to go to the trouble and expense of getting a hotel room (they're already buying airline tickets to come see your son) instead of just dealing with one extra houseguest.

My opinion? If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you, you're blessed. I say open your home and welcome both of your son's Aunts with a smile.

[alphamommy]

Would a twin-sized air mattress be an option for one of them? Perhaps they sleep in a common area (living room, etc.), then the mattress could just be leaned against a wall or something during the day.

Good luck!
Tammy

[SBETigg]

I can understand why you're stressed. It's always stressful for me to have houseguests. I usually freak out in the planning stages and then relax and actually enjoy it once they get there. I would advise to try not to pressure yourself to be the best hostess ever. Be yourself. Be gracious and honest. You have space limitations. It seems that they must know all this in advance and they've most likely adjusted their expectations accordingly.

When they arrive, show them the sleeping arrangements. They can always change their plans once they get there, or chances are they will be up for the adventure and willing to make due somehow. You could ask if they have an air mattress to pack to drive the point home on the sleeping arrangements if you think they're somehow not getting it. You could suggest places where they can rent a car.

Don't expect that they will judge you. If they're passing judgement, they're not good guests. They are family. I predict they'll be helpful, enjoyable guests and you will wonder why you were so worried about it all working out.

[dfamasb]

There's no reason to make yourself miserable during what should be a joyous time for you. I would simply tell them that while you are thrilled that they are coming for a visit you unfortunately do not have room in your small home to accomodate them. Offer to make arrangements for them at one of the local bed and breakfasts or hotels. I don't think it's at all rude to turn them away! In fact, I think it's quite rude and presumptious of them to assume that they can stay with you! I would nevver impose on family when going somewhere, that's what hotels are for!!

[thrillme]

I'd venture to say hook 'em up with an "air mattress" and don't worry anymore about it.

As long as you tell them you have one twin bed in your son's room. And you will have to put the "other" sister on a "blow up" in a common room. You should be fine. Let them worry about it. I lived in a one bedroom apartment for a long time before my son was born and trust me. When people were tired enough they found a place to sleep. Air mattress, cot, sleeper sofa, sleeping bags...It all worked out.

[cal5755]

Well I have to say I am the opposite of you. I LOVE houseguests and the more the merrier. Every year we open our house up for labor day weekend. We have a big pig roast on sunday and we have relatives come from all over. We usually have six or seven air mattresses throughout the house. The couches are slept on. If guests want to pitch a tent for privacy they do so in the back yard. Some even put air matresses out on the porch when the weather is nice and sleep under the stars. This past year on top of the 7 that already live in this house we had 14 guests inside and 2 tents outside and one sleeper van.

Thats me though. I love having people around and family is important. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and we have lost to many young people in our family so every second spent together means the world to me.

I suggest you just take a deep breath and know it is only one week out of life. Grab and air mattress (they have some really comfy ones now) and let them both stay. It will be great for your DH and your DS to be connected with family. Try to look at it from a different angle than the fact that your house is too small. Anything can happen in the future and you don't want to regret not letting them stay with you. I agree to be yourself and not try to out hostess yourself. When we have company for a few days if they offer to cook I let them, if they help pick up I let them do that too. I don't wait on them hand and foot either. Upon entering the kitchen I will tell them...anything in the fridge or cupboards is yours..help yourself.

Now if there are major personality conflicts or fights going on that would be unhealthy for you ds and your home then that would be different. That is a rule in our home every labor day weekend. We tell all invited - Everyone is welcome, no fighting is allowed so if you don't feel you can behave yourself I have a list of hotels for you to choose from.

Whatever you decide I hope your sons birthday party is wonderful and the visit with his Aunties is too!!

[mickey&missy]

I'd venture to say hook 'em up with an "air mattress" and don't worry anymore about it.

I have to agree with this! If the other person doesn't want to stay on an air mattress they'll get a room!

Try not to stress!!

[DizneyRox]

I've spent enough time on the couch that I wouldn't be afraid to offer it to someone else in need! Isn't that what the couch is for?

I would just make do, it's one person for a little while, it's not like they lost their job and got evicted so you're not sure when they will leave. Sometimes I wish more people would stay with us, instead of us having to go all over visiting.

[pixiesmimi]

Been there, done that. I, also, stress a little when DH's family comes to visit expecting to stay with us when we don't have enough room and tell them so ahead of time. When we go to see them, they expect us to stay in a hotel. I just clean the house good, stock the fridge and go with the flow once they arrive.

I grew up sleeping on pallets on the floor, etc. when we went to visit relatives and the kids always loved it. We always tell my mother when the extended family goes to her house that we will all find a space to sleep and if not, we will find a hotel. This relieves her stress. We feel this way about guests at our house too. We put a bed on every floor we can find and if they don't want to deal with this, we tell them where the hotels are. Just get an inflatable mattress that you can put away for later uses and since you have told them up front the conditions, let them deal with it. Just enjoy your time with relatives and don't try to wait on them hand and foot.

Good luck and have fun!

[HollyB]

Does your son sleep in the twin bed in his room? If so, get two air mattresses and put both sisters in the common area. If money is an issue for them, roughing it won't matter. Remember, they chose this, despite your warnings about space, so I would assume they will deal graciously with the implications.

It's only a week. You'll live and so will they. I do suggest planning some "me" time. Perhaps the aunties would like to babysit while you got a massage, a hair cut, or even a latte. That will give you some time away from the overcrowding in your small house.

As for the car, perhaps you could rent a car for the single day.

Take a deep breath. The week will be here and gone before you know it. Make wonderful memories. I hope your son has an excellent birthday.

[Marilyn Michetti]

How's the money? (Not prying). When DD got married, we got rooms for all the out of town guests, made sure they had something to drive, and just counted it as part of the wedding expense. All of the Ohio group rented a big van, and one of DH's sisters paid her own expenses, so it wasn't as bad as it sounds now.

Company is HARD. DH's sister is coming to visit in two weeks, and she's absolutely no trouble, but my mom has the extra bedroom, so we're going to put the Nun, (she really is one), on an air matress in the dining room, lend her moms Chevy Metro, and do the best we can. If it doesn't work out, she can have my room, and I'll go to a motel.!

[Meteora]

I would suggest, first of all, that you have your DH talk to them rather than talking to them yourself, since he probably knows them better. Maybe tell them that you're so happy and excited they're coming, and that you would love to have them stay with you, but that you are concerned that they won't be comfortable staying in such tight quarters for a week. And then detail what you think the problems might be. If you think one will have to sleep on the floor on an air mattress, or sleeping bag, tell them that. And then let them make their own decision.

[princessgirls]

I'll just add my 2cents here.

I'm cheap when it comes to visiting my in-laws. CHEAP!!

We are not cheap people and my in-laws do not have the resources that I am blessed to have, so on top of paying travel and all dining and entertainment expenses for nine people (as opposed to just my family of 4) I'll sleep on an air mattress for the duration of my stay. The ONLY reason we do this is for our kids and niece and nephews. They enjoy seeing each other and it's important to make memories with their cousins.
We are down to an every other year status.
Just smile, and remember it's for your child.
Enjoy and I hope it goes well.
Julie

[Cinderelley]

I agree with having your DH call them and talk to them about the sleeping arrangements. Maybe that's the only way they can afford to come. If it means enough, everyone will find a way to make it work. Do they have any other family in your area that they might want to "visit" after a couple of days?

If driving everyone to the birthday party is an issue (and you don't want to have to make two trips that day) can you and DS stay at your mom's house the night before his party?

We have had family at our house several times and stay at our family's houses several times. We all made it work in order to spend time with each other. On the flip side, I have a friend who really needs his space and couldn't handle that for more than a couple of days. He loves his family dearly, but everyone is happier if he has the house to himself.

[Stitchahula]

I can understand your stress, you want everything to be just right and make everyone happy. I say go with the air mattress and let them know they will need to rent a car. That way they can also "get out" for a little while during their stay if they want. Try to enjoy and have fun.