Why is R.S.V.P. So Difficult?? (mini-vent)

[RenDuran]

You know I actually had a friend who got so irritated with the rudeness of people not RSVP'ing. Finally one year she did something drastic that really taught a lesson. She was having a party for her husband. NO ONE RSVP'ed...so the day of the party she stuck a sign on the door that said "Sorry, no RSVP'ed so we figured everyone was busy. Just the family have gone out to celebrate. Sorry if you showed up."

I think that was a great idea!! lol

This is hilarious! I wish I had the guts to do it!

And I do think we live in a busy world, like DizneeRX states, but are we really so busy that we can't make a quick courtesy call? If we're that busy, why would we even have parties to begin with?

[Terra]

This is hilarious! I wish I had the guts to do it!

And I do think we live in a busy world, like DizneeRX states, but are we really so busy that we can't make a quick courtesy call? If we're that busy, why would we even have parties to begin with?

LOL...I know, me too!! She had some mad people at her, but she really hasn't had a problem with RSVP's after that!

Yeah, I agree...we all are busy...but it only takes a minute to make that call! Everytime I get an RSVP, I pretty much look right away to see and let them know!

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

And don't forget that on occasion, the mail might get misdirected or not delivered. I've had that happen with bills etc. So i think you should make sure that isn't the case with the ones that didn't bother to call, at least the first time. If it happens again, then you know they are just being inconciderate.

[magicofdisney]

Ok, on behalf of all the non-repliers, I apologize. I just don't always get to it. I realize it's a simple process, but maybe we could simplify it more by only asking for a response if the person plans to attend. I also prefer an email response method as it's much easier for me to whip off a quick email stating my ability to attend.

Now as a mother of 4 children, I HATE to commit to parties. If I had my way I wouldn't even tell the kids about them until we're on our way. Why? Because inevitably, someone gets sick and I can't take them. This actually happens more times than not. It drives me insane. As a matter of fact, two years ago I had a ruptured appendix (not knowing it at the time) and I was fighting my pain all day just so I could take my girls to a birthday party. Needless to say, that didn't work out.

I guess, sometimes, you just don't know how much something bothers someone until they voice their concerns.

[DizneeRX]

[QUOTE=Terra;1465325]Children and their parties are just as important as weddings IMO...my son is getting ready to turn one year old and that is a huge milestone in our lives. You may not think it's important, but to us it is extremely important. It is a gift and blessing!
...
Some of us ARE on a budget so I can't just "plan" for 30 extra people to show up. QUOTE]

First, I didn’t say the children’s birthdays weren’t important. Of course they are, you missed the point. My kids’ first birthdays were huge milestones in our lives as well. What you’re forgetting is that these milestones were for OUR family. I don’t expect others to make MY kids’ birthdays milestones in THEIR lives and drop everything to immediately pick up that phone and RSVP to me. I’m lenient with people. (Just a side note, my thoughts on RSVPing are irrelevant as to how I feel about my kids birthdays. Don’t make such a harsh assumption about me.)

If you missed the point, I’ll restate it… Some people seem to be getting hell-bent on others RSVPing, and seem to lose sight of the real reason for the party. I’m just happy that you’re at my party even if you forgot to let me know in advance that you were coming. I invited you, I’m happy you could make it and take time out of your life to celebrate something for one of us. RSVPs are a little antiquated in my book and seem to be a good excuse for people to get mad at other people.


I’m on a budget as well, and didn’t say I had money to burn for parties. But do I REALLY need to know in advance?? I invited 25 people, I have food for at least 30 people. And if you don’t come…. Leftovers for us (make lemonade!) How does that hurt my budget? I wasn’t counting on saving $$ because someone didn’t show up.

Also, I’m curious, you have “30 extra people” who show up to your party?? If these 30 extra people weren’t invited then RSVPing isn’t your problem, party crashers are. But if you have 30 of the people you invited who didn’t RSVP and showed up, my question is… how many people overall did you invite??
- If you invited 35 and 30 didn’t RSVP, I would suspect something other than simple RSVP problems are going on.
- If you invited 80 people (I dare say your budget must be a heck of a lot bigger than mine) and 30 didn’t RSVP and showed up,… shouldn’t you be prepared to foot a bill in the event that everyone says yes? If you can’t afford to cover everyone you invite, don’t invite that many people.

I think you have overreacted a bit. ....
So, don't make me out to be the bad guy because I think people should call

My point: Be lenient with others. Is that an over-reaction? Locking people out of their houses, name calling, never inviting family members to things in the future, alienating people from your life over a birthday party…. I’m the one over-reacting??

I was waiting for the "bad guy" comment, and No, I’m not saying the host is the bad guy, however a host with such a lousy disposition about their guests may just be the bad guy.

(Please, don’t take that like I’m personally talking to you, I’m speaking in general about the topic. I’m sure you, personally, are a lovely host. In fact from what you wrote we sound a lot alike, I love making personal goody bags for kids and enjoy doing special things for my guests, I think it also teaches the birthday kid a lot.)

My final thoughts… It is a courtesy to RSVP (I’ll stress the word COURTESY). Where I greatly differ from some others on this thread is the fact that I really just don’t put SO MUCH importance behind an RSVP. Also, I feel it’s a two way street between the host and the guests. When you throw a party things like not RSVPing are to be expected, it comes with the territory. Honestly, if you can’t handle it THAT much, don’t throw a party.

[Terra]

First, I didn’t say the children’s birthdays weren’t important. Of course they are, you missed the point. My kids’ first birthdays were huge milestones in our lives as well. What you’re forgetting is that these milestones were for OUR family. I don’t expect others to make MY kids’ birthdays milestones in THEIR lives and drop everything to immediately pick up that phone and RSVP to me. I’m lenient with people. (Just a side note, my thoughts on RSVPing are irrelevant as to how I feel about my kids birthdays. Don’t make such a harsh assumption about me.)

If you missed the point, I’ll restate it… Some people seem to be getting hell-bent on others RSVPing, and seem to lose sight of the real reason for the party. I’m just happy that you’re at my party even if you forgot to let me know in advance that you were coming. I invited you, I’m happy you could make it and take time out of your life to celebrate something for one of us. RSVPs are a little antiquated in my book and seem to be a good excuse for people to get mad at other people.


I’m on a budget as well, and didn’t say I had money to burn for parties. But do I REALLY need to know in advance?? I invited 25 people, I have food for at least 30 people. And if you don’t come…. Leftovers for us (make lemonade!) How does that hurt my budget? I wasn’t counting on saving $$ because someone didn’t show up.

Also, I’m curious, you have “30 extra people” who show up to your party?? If these 30 extra people weren’t invited then RSVPing isn’t your problem, party crashers are. But if you have 30 of the people you invited who didn’t RSVP and showed up, my question is… how many people overall did you invite??
- If you invited 35 and 30 didn’t RSVP, I would suspect something other than simple RSVP problems are going on.
- If you invited 80 people (I dare say your budget must be a heck of a lot bigger than mine) and 30 didn’t RSVP and showed up,… shouldn’t you be prepared to foot a bill in the event that everyone says yes? If you can’t afford to cover everyone you invite, don’t invite that many people.


My point: Be lenient with others. Is that an over-reaction? Locking people out of their houses, name calling, never inviting family members to things in the future, alienating people from your life over a birthday party…. I’m the one over-reacting??

I was waiting for the "bad guy" comment, and No, I’m not saying the host is the bad guy, however a host with such a lousy disposition about their guests may just be the bad guy.

(Please, don’t take that like I’m personally talking to you, I’m speaking in general about the topic. I’m sure you, personally, are a lovely host. In fact from what you wrote we sound a lot alike, I love making personal goody bags for kids and enjoy doing special things for my guests, I think it also teaches the birthday kid a lot.)

My final thoughts… It is a courtesy to RSVP (I’ll stress the word COURTESY). Where I greatly differ from some others on this thread is the fact that I really just don’t put SO MUCH importance behind an RSVP. Also, I feel it’s a two way street between the host and the guests. When you throw a party things like not RSVPing are to be expected, it comes with the territory. Honestly, if you can’t handle it THAT much, don’t throw a party.

I'm talking about "x" number of people showing up who WERE invitied but did NOT RSVP...
If I only get RSVP's from 10 people out of 30 that I invite. I am NOT making food for 30 people. It's not that I can't afford it..[oh don't make harsh assumption...] I just think it is wasteful..VERY wasteful. Yes we could have leftovers...but we would never be able to eat leftovers for 20 extra people [or however many] before it would go bad, not to mention that I don't have the room in my small frig to store it..

Anyway, that is all beside the point..
Bottom line is...It IS VERY RUDE to NOT RSVP... I understand your statement about not dropping everything at that very moment to RSVP, but surely within the next few days you have time, no?

I disagree with you. No RSVP, then too bad!

[ldn324]

Anyway, that is all beside the point..
Bottom line is...It IS VERY RUDE to NOT RSVP... I understand your statement about not dropping everything at that very moment to RSVP, but surely within the next few days you have time, no?

I disagree with you. No RSVP, then too bad!

and well said Terra.

There is no gray area here - if you receive an invitation for anything, it means the host/hostess thought enough of you to invite you. If you do not respond - whether you forget, get busy, etc., it is simply rude and translates that you don't respect that person or family as much as they respected you and that you don't think their event is worthy of your time to respond.

I work three jobs, yet still find time to respond to invitations - whether I can make it or not. It's just simply courtesy to respond with regrets if you cannot attend and on the flip side if you are planning on attending. Especially with the easy of e-mailing an RSVP these days, there is no excuse for not doing so.

Oh, and by the way, if you include a return address on your envelope and the mailed invitation does not get returned to you, I think you can safely assume that the person received the invitation. Double that if you run into that person after the event and they try and avoid you or act very uneasy when having to speak with you. Guilt will do that to people.

[offwego]

Funny how this tends to be such an issue. I have always felt that it doesn't take much to respond but then I guess it would be easy to be non-commital as well.

I have to say that in terms of planning etc it is very offputting to plan and account for a number that either turns out to be smaller or larger then you thought it would be because people didn't contact you. And truly aside from neighbourhood block parties/and your third cousins wedding how many events a year are we all invited too where we don't know who it is?

[jax86]

sometimes things do come up and we all make mistakes, but it seems to me that its always the SAME people that don't respond. If it were up to me I wouldn't invite them anymore, but my DH is much more forgiving than I am I truely believe some people want it to appear that they are so "important and busy" that they can't be bothered. I do know some people that actually wait to see if something better comes along. VERY rude.

[PirateLover]

Oh, and by the way, if you include a return address on your envelope and the mailed invitation does not get returned to you, I think you can safely assume that the person received the invitation.

No, actually, it is not safe to assume anything. I once was thought to be one of the rude and inconsiderate people you are all speaking of because I had not RSVP'd to a baby shower for a friend's cousin who I met twice in my life. Apparently they kept talking about me wondering why I didn't respond etc. I didn't even know I was invited nor had I expected to be. Low and behold, a few days before the event my invitation turns up in the mail, ripped and wet and looking like it had been through a tornado.

I also get someone else's mail at least once a month. I am nice enough to walk it over to their house if they are nearby or stick it back in the mailbox, but there are people I'm sure who just can't be bothered.

All of that being said, I admit it's a rare occasion. However these things do happen, and if it's a first time "offense" I think it is rude to immediately cross someone off your list without talking to them first, especially if you consider them a friend. Now, if they are a repeat offender or avoid you when you see them, then no you should not waste your time inviting them again.