Frustrated vent about senior prom

[MNNHFLTX]

Obviously not my own, but my son's. He's been planning for weeks on going with a girl (a junior) he's interested in (as "friends", but I know he likes her too). So he and his friends have been nailing down the details, he's been working to pay for the tickets, dinner, limo, etc. Now, one week before the event, the girl gets into an argument with her parents and they have grounded her from going to prom! Like it only affects her and not someone else too! Sheesh!

My son is a bit down and wondering what to do--he was supposed to go in today for his tux fitting. We are encouraging him to go, even he goes stag, but all of his friends are paired up right now, so that idea makes him a little uncomfortable. One of his friends, a girl, wants to set him up with a friend from another school and he might go that route--provded that he talks to her first and she truly seems interested.

Anyway, it just ticks me off that he has invested so much time and effort into making this happen; right down to how he asked the original girl out (he did a "build a bear" to give to her). And now it comes down to this. Of course, I understand that parents need to discipline their kids, but not at the expense of someone else's feelings. I hope that my son tries to make the best of the situation and still comes out of it with great memories. Sometimes things happen for a reason, or at least that is the way we are encouraging him to look at it.

Okay, off my

[SBETigg]

Beth, I totally agree with you. It's tempting as a parent to take away what means most to kids when they need disciplining, but we always try to consider the long-term implications and the effect on others involved. Maybe you can call the parents and explain? They should be responsible for making up the cost of the girl's prom ticket and limo expense, or half of any other expenses your son incurred. Not that the world works that way all the time, and maybe not. But it only seems fair.

What a disappointment for him, too! There's no making that up to him. And the girl is likely to hold a lifelong grudge against her parents on that one. Not that she might not have deserved her consequences but I can imagine that forty years later, she will still be thinking "I never went to prom, because my parents wouldn't let me." It's the prom! I hope the punishment fits the crime. Yowch.

I do think he should go on his own, which could be awkward but better than wondering what he missed. He might actually have fun. Or I hope it works out with the other girl. I'm sorry this turned out to be an unpleasant situation for him. Sending and best wishes to him.

[WDWFanatic]

That is horrible! Do you know the first girls family? Could you talk to them, or would that make it worse?

I hope it all works out well for your son.

[Pirate Granny]

I agree with everyone...give the girls parent's a call...maybe something could be worked out...what a disappointment...

[VWL Mom]

If I'm reading this correctly, she's only a friend and a junior so her parents may think it's just another night because it really isn't her prom. More than likely they'd be singing a different tune if it was.

He should talk to her and see if there is a chance of the situation changing and if not, take another friend.

Personally, DS18 (also a hs sr) would be mortified if I got involved. Good luck to him. Hope everything works out.

[cer]

So disappointing! I hope it all works out.

[MNNHFLTX]

If I'm reading this correctly, she's only a friend and a junior so her parents may think it's just another night because it really isn't her prom. More than likely they'd be singing a different tune if it was.

I think that you may be right, but that certainly isn't very insightful of them. Prom is an expensive proposition these days. And while the girl may have next year's prom to look forward to, it is my son's only chance, so the it's the disappointment that means more to him than the money.

Personally, DS18 (also a hs sr) would be mortified if I got involved.

Yes, our son would not have wanted us to contact the girl's parents, even if we were so inclined. Unfortunately, these types of situations do happen in life and he has to learn how to handle them. It doesn't keep me from being upset about it though, for his sake.

[VWL Mom]

I think that you may be right, but that certainly isn't very insightful of them. Prom is an expensive proposition these days. And while the girl may have next year's prom to look forward to, it is my son's only chance, so the it's the disappointment that means more to him than the money.


Yes, our son would not have wanted us to contact the girl's parents, even if we were so inclined. Unfortunately, these types of situations do happen in life and he has to learn how to handle them. It doesn't keep me from being upset about it though, for his sake.

I agree. I too would be mad. Now mind you, somewhere along the line I would make sure they knew how I felt and how DS felt.

Life lessons are no fun! Breaks my heart to have to watch my kids learn them.

Again, best of luck to your son.

[Magic Smiles]

I feel so bad for you son. My DS is graduating this year also and I can't believe how far in advance everyone plans thier dates and all of the activities.

However, I think that the girls parents are not being considerate about anyone except themselves. I am sure that they could find some other punishment for whatever she did that would not effect you DS and all of his plans. After all you only graduate from High School once. I am assuming that the girls parents had given permission for her to attend his prom in the first place.

I think that your son should definitely go, either with the other girl, that he hasn't met yet, or with his group of friends. I am sure that all of his friends would ensure that he still had a great time.

My DS actually has a backup date, a good friend.........just in case.

[brownie]

That's too bad after the investment your son has made. Maybe you could talk to her parents?

[Jimenyfan]

Maybe its just me but obviously the parents havent invested anything in this prom and thats why its not a big deal. My son just had his senior prom and his date had her dress atleast 2 mos. in advance. On the flip side, depending on what she did to get punished, if it was serious enough I would take away what was most important to her at the time regardless of anyone else.

[Dznygrl79]

I would encourage him to go stag, (can he talk some friends into attending as a group) also I would contact the girls parents and let them know how much money was involved for her half of the items. I am sure she is out the cost of the dress but again she has one more prom to attend.
Discipline may be neccessary but not at his expense.

[Genie1953]

Oh my goodness! That is too bad. Please keep us posted of how everything turns out!

[pianobabe]

We had a similar situation a couple of weeks ago, but with a different twist. DS (a senior) was in a car wreck (nobody got hurt and there was very minimal damage to the other car and not much to mine either). It was his fault. He was also somewhere he did not tell us he was going and had someone in the car with him too. Our rule is you let us know when you leave and where you are going. Where he went and who he was with would have been okay, if he had let us know first. Since he didn't do that, he was punished. At first, DH talked about grounding him from the prom, but since his date already had her dress we decided that would be punishing her too. We ended up going a different route which I think was much better.

[pink]

I think you should encourage your son to invite that girl from another school if he feels uncomfortable going alone. Other than that, I wouldn't involve yourself in her parents punishment.

[Kairi_7378]

That's a tough one. At this stage it will be hard for your son to get refunds on any of the things for the date that he's paid for. I would try to encourage him to go with the girl from another school. The only thing that I'd worry about if I were him were the feelings of the first girl, if he really cares about her. Replacing her quickly could send a bad message and hurt her feelings.

[Melanie]

Oh Beth! I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. What a complete bummer. Gosh, maybe her parents will reconsider this week? How horribly selfish of them!

[Ian]

Man, I have to believe the girl's parents will come to their senses on this at some point. This, to me, sounds like a "heat of the moment" kind of thing that might change after the parents have a chance to calm down.

What a shame for your son. I really hope everything turns out for him. This is one of the most special things you do during your school "career" and it would be a shame if it was ruined for him.

[MNNHFLTX]

Well, Jake (my son) ended up getting fitted for his tux anyway, so I he's decided to go to the prom one way or the other. It sounds like the girl's parents are starting to relent (although after all this I feel like telling them to take a flying leap off a bridge). He's feeling a bit more hopeful, I think, that it will all work out; I just hope he doesn't get disappointed again. I think at this point he will most likely just go stag if she's a no-show, as I don't know that he feels like there's enough time to ask another girl, even the one at the other school.

Thanks for well-wishes--I'll let you know what happens!

[Granny Jill A]

I feel your pain, as a parent. My daughter broke up with her steady boyfriend right before their senior prom. She was pretty down in the dumps until she found a friend to go with. His girlfriend was too young to accompany him, so it worked out for both of them.

I hope your son and his prom date have a wonderful time. Let us know how it turns out, and don't forget to post a picture, if your son will let you