Am I wrong for being upset?

[bshaw96]

I'm so upset with my mom right now, but even worse, feel guilty for being upset. Our ds turned 7 yesterday. He had decided he did not want to have a birthday party. He felt too "old" for the kind we've been having (at Chuck E Cheese or wherever) And I was fine with this too as those parties get expensive Plus, it's so cold here now, if we just had something at the house, they couldn't go outside and play. So we had talked and agreed we'd forego the party, and go out to dinner and we'd spend more money on the presents (which is an idea he really loved!) Plus, I sent cupcakes and stuff to school yesterday for a little class party. Well, after a week with my mom while we were gone, I come back to hear how he wants a party so she's gonna have one at her house. I was miffed, b/c it seemed to be more about her than him, but went along with it since she was gonna do all the work, etc. Next thing I know, she's calling telling me she's decided to move his party to my house since we have more room and they've invited more people than they planned. Says she's planning it for a Sunday. I asked if we could switch it to a Saturday b/c we had family plans on Sunday. Of course we couldn't b/c my stepdad had to work Saturday. Still, I'm dealing. Well, she just called now wanting to know what I had planned for everyone to do since it was gonna be cold and rainy the day of his party? What???? Wants to know what kind of gift bags I'm getting, how many kids from the neighborhood I've invited, etc. And then gets angry at me because I don't seem to be enjoying the planning? Really, I appreciate her caring, but this just keeps getting worse and worse. I even talked to ds last nite to make sure he hadn't cried to her how much he wanted a party? In which case I'd understand a little more of this. But he said he didn't want one, he was too "big". Aaggghhhh!

[Quasimodo]

No. You're not wrong for being upset. I would be too. I think any rational person would be. I know this doesn't make you feel any better, but maybe it will help some.

[Scar]

Do not be upset. Cancel the party and then both you and your son will be happy. Just make sure you do something special with him, and include your mom if you would like.

[BronxTigger]

Maybe you can cancel it and blame it on the weather?

[crazeedizneefinatic]

Upset would be an understatment. I can sympathize with the guilty part though. I would call her immediately and cancel the party. Explain you and your son already had the agreement. Be honest not emotional. Explain that doing this would send your son the wrong message. He gets the best of both worlds more presents or a larger one and a party. Maybe explaining it that way will lessen her hurt. I have found the best thing is honesty, honesty, honesty. Good luck, sometimes not wanting to hurt others really puts you in a strange place. If it happens once, it will happen again, I have learned my lesson some time ago.

[PirateLover]

Clearly your mother is in the wrong for pushing this party agenda. You don't want it, the birthday kid himself doesn't want it so I agree with canceling. Maybe you can include your mom in your dinner plans and make sure they bring him out some cake so you can sing to him. I think that she probably feels every kid should have a party and that she wants to celebrate his special day in a fun way, and can't grasp the fact that he doesn't care about the party.

[Jimenyfan]

Do not be upset. Cancel the party and then both you and your son will be happy. Just make sure you do something special with him, and include your mom if you would like.

I completly agree with you, I'd have Mom get on the phone with the people she invited and explain that she made a mistake. It never ceases to amaze me what people do and feel that they have the right to do. Your son, your rules.

[disneymom15]

I agree with you, I'd be upset to. I'd cancel the party and explain to your mother what you and your son had planned.

[tinklover]

Is your mom's name by chance Maryanne? you have just described my mother to a tee. you have every right to be upset as I have been in teh same situation as you many times thanks to my mom.Sending lots of pixie dust your way in hopes this might help the situation.

[Dakota Rose]

I agree you have every right to be upset. If DS doesn't want a party, then his wishes come first. Cancel the party, blame it on the rain, or a sore throat or whatever. 'Course if your mom is like mine, an argument will ensue, so be prepared.

[crazypoohbear]

I would say that you have 2 choices
cancel the party-tell her that you son does not want a party and you did not want to host one anyway.
or
tell her that because she is the one who insisted on the party ask her what her budget is and when she plans on reimbursing you for the gift bags etc.
If she is insistant on a party, have it on the day that works for you. Invite her/stepfather and whomever else in the Family that wants to be there. Serve pepperidge farm cake and vanilla ice cream, blow out the candles serve the cake and ice cream, give your son the presents then send everyone on their way!

WAY back in the day birthday parties were for immediate family only. at least in my house it was. that was the routine, pepperidge farm cake, ice cream, blow out the candles. (relight and let the smaller siblings blow them out as well)
Open presents and then leave.
there were no gift bags!
Good luck

[bshaw96]

Thanks for the replies everyone, and support. I'll probably just grin and bear it through the party, as now ds is expecting it. But it will NOT happen again.

[MsMin]

Sending for strength and patience for the weekend. Your choice is probably best for all because you can avoid the guilt and the fallout and your son won't feel like he's torn between making grandma happy or you and himself. I do agree that you are right to make decisions for your child and then to change it to your house is out of line. Good luck with it and sending Happy Birthday wishes for your son!

[PirateLover]

Is your mom's name by chance Maryanne?

Lol that's actual my name, spelled that exact way. It's very rare to find someone who spells it all one word with an E at the end. Too bad I share my name with such a pushy woman

WAY back in the day birthday parties were for immediate family only. at least in my house it was.

We still do this. I think I had big parties with friends in 2nd through 5th grade, but we always have a separate family party. Ours used to include a personalized cake, cupcakes made from my grandmother's secret recipe when she was still alive and well, carvel ice cream cake, and chips, pretzels and cheese curls.

Hang in there and make your mother help you more with this party. Good luck to you and let us know how it turns out.

[gamblefamily5]

Last year we let our kids have 2 friends come over and spend the night for their party. We went out to dinner, to a movie and then came home and they stayed up really late playing video games. The deal was that they could have a big party and a small gift or a small party and $75.00 cash. Well, they took the money and the 2 friends and ran with it. Btw, my sons were turning 8 and 12 at the time. After the 8 yr old saw that the 12 yr old did his party this way he did the same thing 4 months later. This has since turned into a popular thing for their friends and the parents love it!