Running away from home. Really.

[disney obsessed]

So, have you ever considered running away from home?

Consider this. Several months of being on the road, making decisions only for yourself, seeing what you have always wanted to see. I love watching travelogs, like departures, and would love to have that type of adventure. Of course, I have no corporate sponser and I am not independantly wealthy. This overwhelming urge has hit me several times a year, for the past two years. Maybe this is a midlife crisis?

I still have one child in high school, I am the only family in the area for my mother who lives in assisted living, I work part time at a job I really love, and I do not think it would thrill my husband.

How do I fulfill this need without damaging my
family or bank account?

Thanks for the imput.

[HollyB]

Start planning now. Save up: vacation days, money, etc. Look into renting an RV or figure out how you will 'get around' if you choose alternate transportation. Get someone to agree to be the emergency contact for your mom while you're gone.

The planning will help with your itch and will ease your family into the idea. It will also give you time to save so the trip doesn't break the bank.

Then next summer or the summer after (or whatever timing works for you, your family, and your job), off you go! It's not quite so spontaneous as "I'm outta here!" but it doesn't burn any bridges, and once you're actually on the trip, you can be as spontaneous as you like. If you plan to go for, say, a month, you can see a lot of the country in that time.

Good luck!

[Mrs Bus Driver]

How long has it been since you had a vacation? I know the feeling, you need to get away. But without knowing your situation it is hard to advise you. I do have a couple of suggestions. 1) How about a week away by yourself? Talk to your husband and see if you can afford it. 2) How about a 1 or 2 week road trip with Hubby? Unless you need a break from him to? Could your child stay home alone or at a friends? Is there someone who can look in on mom while you are gone? Even if there isn't you can't be there for everyone else all the time if your not getting some time for yourself.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you wanting to get away. Often times we women get overwhelmed with family responsibility and don't get enough me time. Not taking enough time for yourself can effect both your physical and mental health. You could end up resenting those you care about if you don't take some time for yourself. If you can't do a vacation, start taking walks by yourself everyday, go to the mall or a movie by yourself. I used to fight it by planning a trip by myself to WDW and checking out intercot and other WDW sites. Never did get to take the trip but planning one helped me get through some tough times.;)

[dnickels]

Not really running away, but I've managed to pull-off a snowbird lifestyle for the better part of the past decade (and I'm less than 35 years old), spending winters in Florida and summers out west, have spent several months in Key West, that sort of thing. In a few days I'm heading out again for the entire summer, traveling through Yellowstone and some other beautiful areas before ending up in northern Montana for the bulk of the summer.

Obviously finding a career I can do remotely was a big part of it, but large life decisions along the way have made it possible.

Chose to not get married or have kids - obviously much greater ability to up and go when I want.

I'm pretty frugal in a lot of ways, bought a home that's less than 2x my annual income so by minimizing my largest expense I have plenty left over to travel while still doing responsible things like saving for retirement, etc. When I do that I camp (free to about $20 a night) and rent rooms ($300-500 a month) from people rather than spending 100+ a night for hotels or 1000+ a month for short term rentals. I eat healthy and exercise to minimize any healthcare-related expenses. Have no debt other than the mortgage so my $$ goes to me rather than paying interest. Cook in rather than eating out, don't have a ton of 'stuff', that sort of thing.

Like anything in life, there's tradeoffs so you have to weigh those out. For me the road trips and travel I'm able to do far outweigh the things I've given up on doing so I absolutely love it, but it's certainly not for everyone.

[BrerGnat]

I "run away" once every other year or so. I need it for my mental sanity. My home life has been incredibly stressful due to having special needs kids and a military husband who spent many, many months away from home. Things have gotten exponentially better in the past couple of years as the kids have gotten older and we've had no deployments.

However, I figured out really quickly that if I didn't get away from home to just have "me" time without having to be "on" mommy duty 24/7, I was going to end up committed.

I "ran away" for the first time shortly after my 1st son turned one, in 2005. I went to WDW for a 4 day weekend, by myself. It was glorious! I was also 11 weeks pregnant with #2.

I then went back to WDW in 2007 and 2009 with my sister and friend for a week, and left the kids with DH.

I ran away to San Francisco for 5 days last summer to help my sister with my newborn niece.

My last "run away" was for ICOT 15, last year.

In all those years, DH has also "run away" a few times to do various things with friends in other states or to go to sporting events.

I think you should start by having an honest conversation with your husband about your need for a solo trip somewhere. Maybe you are having a midlife crisis, maybe you are just tired of always doing for others without doing for yourself. Either way, you shouldn't feel "trapped" or you will end up being resentful towards the ones you love the most. There is nothing selfish about needing to get away alone. Sit down and discuss how this might be possible, financially as well as logistically. Offer a similar deal to your husband. He might be more on board if you give HIM a similar opportunity. I am of the belief that you can make anything happen if you really want to, and it might mean sacrificing in some areas. We travel quite a bit more than I thought we ever would, but we live a very "boring" life otherwise. We spend almost no money on "entertainment" stuff. No movies, don't go out to eat too often, no sporting events, concerts,etc. We mostly spend our weekends at home nowadays. So, we have a bit more to work with when we get these urges to travel.

[Pirate Granny]

Go for it...I felt bad that hubby and three kids all got to go away to university...me, I started work the Monday after HS graduation...I went back to school at 40, planned a term in Paris, but my father lived with us and although he was healthily at the time, there were NO refunds, so I passed on the experience. Now we own DVC, first contract was for family trips, and I plan to escape when the third comes through shortly! Everyone needs some "me" time!

[DVC2004]

I "ran away" once thought not really. I got a great job and because of this I was required to temporarily relocate to another state while I trained. This was for 2 months. My family could have come with me, meaning it was allowed, but really could not make it work due to my husband's job and the kids were finishing out the school year. Had they been younger and not in school, or over the summer, I probably would have just taken them with me and my mom too. At any rate, I was put up in a condo, given a car, and a temp relocation bonus plus my pay.

I will say, I missed my family terribly. I remember when I first arrived in my temp condo home I just cried. I was excited about this amazing job and opportunity but I had never lived alone before and had never been away from my kids for more than a couple days. All this was high anxiety for me. The kids were younger too, like 7 and 9. I got used to it and overall it was a good experience for me. My family was absolutely fine, too. They missed me of course but they came out and visited a few times and stayed as long as they could. My mom helped out watching the kids while my husband was at work so their lives were really stable and regular for the most part. They also all took a vacation with my husband and his parents to Yellowstone. That was my biggest concern was just the kids and that they would be OK. I really felt guilty leaving. I was so torn. But I knew if I didn't take the opportunity I would regret it for the rest of my life. Hardest decision ever.

So anyway- my story is not typical I guess.

[disney obsessed]

Thanks for all of the great responses. To answer a few questions, I do get regular vacations and I do get me time. Ok now i just sound selfish. This is much more than just needing a break from my life. Its much more of a rediscovery of myself. Not as a mom or caretaker or daughter or wife or employee or woman or friend. I don't know if I can really put this into words. Eat, pray love comes to mind. But thats not it either. I am comfortable with my religion and I have been married for 25 yrs.

I was thinking peace corp, but they want a two year commitment. There are some programes where you can go for as long as you want but its pretty expensive. I also have considered getting a TESL certification and teaching somewhere for six months. A lot of those programs seems to be based in missionary work. That would not be for me.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling.

Keep the thoughts and ideas coming. They are helping to organize and prioritize my thoughts wants and needs.

[Mrs Bus Driver]

Sounds like you want to stretch yourself and no its not selfish. That certification and teaching somewhere for 6 months sounds interesting. Talk to your husband and let him know how important this is to you. Maybe you'll love teaching, maybe you won't but you'll be better for having tried. You'll feel better about yourself to. Go for it :thumbsup:

[minnie04]

Sounds like a cool idea. Until I read that you had a family. NOT that there is anything wrong with finding time and getting away "alone", but how do you do that??? (How do you “ask”? Not that you have to “ASK” for anyone’s permission, but you get what I mean How can you just say I’m leaving and I will be back in such in such a date. I would feel really weird saying (asking) to leave.

"Honey, I’m going on a vacation to find myself". (Honey) "ahhh WHAT!! Why aren’t me and the kids going or just me and you?" what's going on here....lol

Sorry I could just hear that in my house. I think it would be cool to do, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon..
:confused::confused::confused:

[White Rose]

Have you looked into voluntourism at all? For short periods of time, you can go abroad to another country and do volunteer work, like teaching or building schools, etc? Might be something to look into. :)

[Mrs Bus Driver]

When my kids were 5 and 12 I had to go back to work we needed the money. I worried that I wouldn't be there for my family like should. But found that after some adjustment, hubby worked nights and would get kids ready for school, I worked a split shift and would come home and take them to school so he could sleep. Then in the afternoon he be up when they got home I could clean and do shopping during the mid-day. It was hardest on me and hubby but we would find time together especially on the weekends. My job was amazing I was able to drive some of my kids field trips and be with them while at the same time I was able to stretch myself by becoming a trainer. I learned to teach CPR and was even a 3rd party tester (do driving tests). I taught classes on all kinds of subjects. Most people don't realize what all is involved with being a school bus driver. It was great, yes I gave up some time with hubby and the kids but I was a better person for it. Before I went to work I was starting to feel trapped and wanted to escape myself. So I understand how you feel. My job allowed me to escape. My kids loved it especially DD who I drove from 4th grade to 10th. The teachers always knew how to get a hold of me if they needed me. Some weeks I worked over 50 hours. So my advice, do what you need to. You'll be a better person for it and a better parent and wife because you won't be resenting your family because you feel trapped. And know one could have told me when I started working that things could have worked out so well. The only way to find out was to try. Hope this helps. :mickey:

[Janmac]

Sounds as tho you want to break out of what you feel is a different day same stuff rut. I have a couple of possibilities, some of which have been mentioned.

One is volunteering. There are all sorts of ways to volunteer and LOTS of people right in your area who have needs as great as those on other continents. When we lived in Norfolk I volunteered at our youngest's school, tutoring kids who were needing extra reading help. This tutoring was both fulfilling and heartbreaking, providing much stretching of myself. This was 40 years ago, so no doubt there have been lots of changes in the tutoring at schools. I have also volunteered in the library at my grandson's elementary, helping with the Accerlerated Reading program and I have been a volunteer bowling coach on Saturday mornings. My niece is currently volunteering some weekday evenings at a nature center operated by our state's Conservation Department. She finds this very rewarding, whether it's shoveling gravel, weeding or heading interpretive programs. I suspect there is a huge variety of volunteer opportunities in your area, sharing your knowledge and time with others.

The second is being a local tourist. This sounds dumb, maybe, but sure has worked for us. We have several times made wonderful discoveries within an hour of our house, because out of state friends and relatives asked to visit places we either had no knowledge of or hadn't ever taken the time to visit. A couple of our local tourist destinations are a cave, a castle ruins and, my favorite, a 17th century English church beside a Berlin Wall sculpture just over an hour away. If you were able to go to some distant destination, you might first investigate on line. Doing this for your area should provide plenty of possibilities. It's amazing what's out there. And many of your local tourist destinations can lead to volunteer opportunities.

Good luck and good investigating.

Jan

[diz_girl]

Your dilemma is completely understandable. While I'm not at that stage yet, I can easily see myself getting there REAL soon, even though my kids are under 6.

After taking care of others (and most likely putting their wants and needs before your own) for probably two decades or more, you are feeling the need to put yourself first.

I recently told a pregnant friend of mine that when her baby is born that she will never be alone again, at least for a decade or two. You need alone time to rejuvenate. Maybe several months is a bit much, but a couple of weeks or a month is manageable

Ease your DH into it by explaining to him that you've been taking care of everyone else for so long that you need a little time to take care of yourself with no one else putting any demands on you. Tell him that he is welcome to do the same if he wants and that you can always go away alone together at another time so you can have some time with each other.

Start by going away for a week this year and then two next year and by the time your youngest is out of high school, take a month. You may realize that by taking a week or two that several months is more than you really need.

My sister has already told her husband that when their youngest (who is only 7) graduates from high school she is taking off by herself for a couple of weeks. He's fine with it.

One of my favorite vacations was when DH and I drove from NJ to WDW. He was on his motorcycle and I followed behind him in my (very fuel efficient) car. We took three days to get down to WDW and three days to get back. I had six days alone in the car and it was fantastic!

Maybe you can rent (or borrow) a camper van and just go camp from place to place.

Good luck.