Norm nowadays? Or no?

[DVC2004]

We received an invite to a child's birthday party...4 months from now. Turning 2. There was also a gift registry included. Is this typical now? I was surprised to recieve an invite this far out for a birthday and also a registry. I thought that was usually for weddings or showers. Just curious! I don't know what I am doing 4 weeks from now let alone 4 months!:blush:

[PirateLover]

Wow, the 4 month thing doesn't bother me as much as the registry, although I too think 4 months out is a bit much for a child's
party. But a gift registry for a 2 year old??? I think that is pretty tacky and I've never heard of it.

[Mickey'sGirl]

I have never heard of such a thing either. Most times when we are invited to a birthday party, the parents ask that gifts NOT be given ... they just want to celebrate their child.

[disneymom15]

Not the "Norm" in my book. I would have been floored if that was sent to me.

[buzznwoodysmom]

That's definitely not the norm in my neck of the woods. I actually find both the 4 month "notice" and the registry extremely tacky.

[DVC2004]

LOL, whew, I'm glad I wasn't the only one who found this bizarre! I was floored, but I thought well maybe this is what people are doing these days. I guess not LOL!

The registry especially surprise me because I remember my kids at 1 1/2 or 2... they were happy with anything they were given. Heck they loved crayons and cardboard boxes more than any toy. And, it's an at-home party so it's not like at a venue or Chuck E. Cheese or any place where you might need to know a headcount in advance.

[Disney Doll]

Yeah, that's seems very tacky to me. You never mention gifts in any invite: bridal shower, birthday, wedding, or otherwise. If there is a registry that information is shared by word of mouth to those that inquire. A registry for a 2 year old seems very over the top and I've never heard of a 4 month prior birthday invite. What's next, save the date cards? I'd probably decline just because those two things are so off putting.

[Melanie]

Wow. Just wow.

[Mousemates]

that seems a little tacky to me and not anything I've seen or heard of in our area...and a registry four months out really just doesn't make much sense, because in four months who knows what a child will really want (thou I suspect the registry might be more what the mom wants, than what they want).

[Ian]

Very tacky and totally not the norm. Not even in the wacky Northeast where we take crazy to a whole new level! :crazy:

[Jeri]

I have to agree I have never heard of an invite sent that far in advance. Seems like the mom wants to make sure she has lots of people, thus lots of gifts. Tacky

Also the registry is very odd, and I actually find it very rude and greedy.
I had a cousin though that sent an invite for her son's birthday ( on facebook) when he turned 3 or 4, she said he needed a new big boy carseat, and he liked cars and pringles chips.:confused:
I found that rude too, I would never ask people to buy my child their carseat, that is part of being a parent.

My daughter will be 2 in January, and I would never think of doing a registry. If people ask what she wants I always offer some ideas, but mainly because she has Down syndrome so toys that are fun and serve a PT/OT need or goal are always good. "Purposeful Play"

[Ms. Mode]

We just got my DD married off in May; there is a specific time line for sending invites...something like 4 or 5 weeks prior to the event. Four months is a bit much...but for a birthday party...for a 2 year old! Give me a break!

No way I'd go. I have to agree that this is mommy wanting special gifts for her little darling...who won't care one way or another.

[dnickels]

This parent needs to receive an anonymous email or letter in the mail from any of the 'miss manners' or 'miss etiquette' or similar advice columns (you can google 'gift registry for a 2 year old etiquette' and get plenty of them) explaining that what they're doing is universally tacky.

Some people are just unreal these days. :ack:

[SBETigg]

I have never heard of such a thing. Wow! That seems over the top and ridiculous to me. I would have laughed to get that invitation. But maybe they're new to this and over enthusiastic. :) I think I would gift the child with a charity donation in his name and a polite "we can't make it" to the party.

[Dopey's Girl]

That's really strange. I have had less notice for weddings! Four months seems excessive.

And the registry...that's just not cool.

[TinkerbellT421]

I have seen and heard of some crazy things.

And I might sound like a twit saying this seeing it is not the two year olds fault, but the parents, however, I think I would purposely not go and not buy a gift at all. Just for the sheer principle. I might lose a friend for it but I think I would write on the RSVP card a note after check marking the no, and write "just because this is absurd". In my Italian family who has been known to be a little over the top with parties and get togethers, I would be lucky to receive the invite via phone two weeks before. Heck, we have planned literally last minute-day before-parties as birthday parties. I just cannot even express the issues I have with this lol.

But to answer your original question, no, not the norm lol.

[DVC2004]

Yes I agree that if someone asks for ideas for what the child wants it's totally OK to offer up some reasonable ones (i.e. he likes Star Wars or she's into arts and crafts or Barbie), because people just don't know sometimes what the kid likes or ideas to look into...but I thought the gift registry was a little much. To actually have gone around the store with that scan gun picking stuff out -wow! :confused: I looked at the items and I can't see any child that age going around a store "picking" out stuff. It has to be mommy.

Speaking of asking what a child likes, I remember a relative of mine used to ask us for very expensive, specific items for birthdays or Christmas for her child. We would be told very specifically she wants a Barbie Dream House (over $100!) or My Size Barbie (also $100), so get her one of those! I would tell her politely, but in a direct way, that we appreciated the input but it was out of our budget so we would find something else she would enjoy. Like someone said above when they were asked for a big-boy car seat for a birthday, that and these high priced items are for parents to buy! I would never dream of telling people, relatives or not, that my kid wants a Playstation 3 or whatever (or any other expensive item). Sheesh! That's for me to buy as a parent.

[BrerGnat]

I thought I'd seen it all when I saw some of those parties that the "Real Housewives" have had for their little ones, but this just takes the cake.

I really hope this is not a good friend of yours, because she needs to be told how horribly tacky and out of control this all is...

[andypooh]

never ever heard of a gift registry for a birthday party of any age, let alone a 2 year old

[meldan98]

I've got an 8 year old and a 3 year old and about two weeks prior to their birthdays I get hammered with questions on what they want for their birthday by friends and family. I would say, I get asked by about 90% of the people who get invited. I am usually stumped on what to tell people. I'm learning to keep a list of things to tell people all under about $20 and keep track of what I've told people. Once I didn't and my daughter got 3 or 4 of the same things. I'm learning that people really do need to be told what to buy, despite how tacky it is I'm really tempted to do a registry. It is stressful to get the ugly looks from the parents at the party when 2 or more of the same things are opened at the party.

There is a toy store in our area that lets you go in and put things in a Birthday box. Your guests then go to that store, pick from the box and then they get a 20% discount on the items in the box. This has become a popular option to the traditional registry. It saves time and money.

Another thing that is becoming popular at parties, is not opening presents during the party. Many times, the party will end and the presants will remain unopened and taken home and opened later. That's a weird one to me.

[mickeys_princess_mom]

W.o.w.

[Aurora]

Being on my third child in primary grades, I can tell you these birthday parties have gotten way out of hand. Too big, too many presents, too much money. Everyone's always so worried about who to invite, what to buy, where to have it, etc.

In your case, the registry is tacky, but the 4-month invite is beyond that -- it's rude and inconsiderate. What it says is: "We are the most important. I told you about this date before you have a chance to make any other plans, so if you do anything else on this date, I'll know you chose it over my little angel and you have no excuse."

I hope this is not a good friend, because if she is, she'll be a hard one to keep over the years.


What's next, save the date cards?

That's pretty much what this is. But I find save-the-date cards tacky as well.

[MNNHFLTX]

That's definitely not the norm in my neck of the woods. I actually find both the 4 month "notice" and the registry extremely tacky.
:ditto:


I'm learning that people really do need to be told what to buy, despite how tacky it is I'm really tempted to do a registry. It is stressful to get the ugly looks from the parents at the party when 2 or more of the same things are opened at the party.I wouldn't bother. If parents are giving you dirty looks, they're being rude.

[Jeri Lynn]

Have never heard of this and I have a little niece and nephew. There parties are like little kids parties, no notice, no registry...

[buzznwoodysmom]

Oh my gosh, just checked my mail and had to come back to this thread.

In the mail was an invitation to my nephew's 2nd birthday party in about 2 weeks. Stapled to the top corner of the invite is a small (business sized) card. Here is what the small card reads:

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!

TOP BIRTHDAY SUGGESTIONS:
1. SHIRTS - 2T
2. SHORTS/PANTS - 24 MONTHS
3. ANYTHING PLAYS MUSIC
4. BIG TRUCKS
5. KIDS MOVIES

I was like "WHAT????". Now I admit this isn't as bad as as gift registry, but to me it screams "the most important thing is that you know what to get my little darling".

I knew his party was coming up, and I did call her from Target over the weekend to see what size clothes he wore. She had told me he loved anything Mickey Mouse Clubhouse related, but there was nothing at Target so I opted for clothes as a gift. So I get it that lots of people ask about their clothes size and what they like, but I still think it's extremely tacky to have a registry, or in this case, a list of "TOP BIRTHDAY SUGGESTIONS". It's one thing to give suggestions when asked, totally another when you send a list with the invitation.

And to add to that she asked that you RSVP her by a certain date. That date is 9 DAYS before the party. What the heck does she need a headcount for that far out. It's a 2 year old's birthday party for crying out loud, and it's an "at home party".

I already knew my sister in law was tacky and pushy (she actually told me the week of her bridal shower that she periodically checked her registry online to see what had been purchased--beyond tacky in my opinion), yet this still surprised me. :shake:

[buzznwoodysmom]

:ditto:

If parents are giving you dirty looks, they're being rude.

Exactly!!!! I would be appalled if a parent gave me a dirty look regarding a gift I gave their child. That would be a sure way to keep me away from future parties for their children.

I actually had little talks with my kids before each and every one of their parties when they were younger to remind them of their manners. "You always say thank you no matter what the gift is. You never, ever announce that you already have an item or express that you don't like an item". My kids were babies and they fully understood the concept that you appreciate any and all gifts, and you say thank you to each and every one of them. The thought that a parent would do the opposite is something I can't quite wrap my mind around!

[T-Belle]

that's definitely not the norm in my neck of the woods. I actually find both the 4 month "notice" and the registry extremely tacky.

ditto!!!

[Dixie Springs]

Return to sender.

[MstngDrvnDsnyLvr]

Unfortunately - it is the norm - but I live in a tiny town where I am surrounded by lots of money!! People have giant parties for their children and want to make sure there are no repeat gifts or need to return anything that wasn't really wanted.

SNOB SNOB SNOB!!!

And we also have the other extreme - where my SIL created a registry one Christmas knowing that her kids already had each of the items on the Wal-Mart list - she returned all registry gifts for the CASH refund Wal-Mart gives and then spent it all on drugs (this is why my inlaws have permanent custody of 3 of their grands).

SO, do I buy off the registry if my kids or myself are invited to a party like that - NO!! I give books and handmade gifts. End of discussion.

[PirateLover]

Wow some of these stories in the responses are wild!

As far as getting duplicate gifts... it happened to me all the time as a kid. It's called a gift receipt! You return it and get something else, it's not that difficult to do.

I can only remember one party where they did not open the gifts while guests were there, and I was not happy about it. I think it's exciting to watch others open their gifts, and I think it's a good lesson for kids to practice their thank you etiquette when they find each person in the crowd and thank them for the gift (or the parent to teach them by example). At family parties I would usually just open the gift right away when the person gave it to me, then hug and thank them. Then again most of my parties were just in the house-chips, pretzels, cheese curls, and cake were all you needed!

[BrerGnat]

Can I just say how dumb I think these elaborate parties are for kids these days? What ever happened to celebrating with a few "best friends" at home, with pizza and cake and stupid party games?

My son is about to turn 8 and he has never had a standard "party", because he has never wanted one. He doesn't really have friends due to his Autism, and we always go and do something really fun for the day as a family (this year we're going to a waterpark, since he loves waterslides now), eat out, and make him a homemade cake themed to his current obsession. He LOVES it, and so do we! Why do parents think their kids need such excess? No wonder why kids are growing up with such a sense of entitlement nowadays. Makes me sad. :(

[TinkerbellT421]

Natalie, Your post is right on!
I think you would enjoy a blog I recently discovered where she talks about this very thing.

Google: "Over Achieving Moms and Their Kids' Birthday Parties".

She has a very dry miserable sense of humor but she literally makes me laugh out loud till I cry. This entire post has reminded me of her blog about this very thing. I am sure she would LOVE to hear about this story because she loves hearing from her fans!

[AgentC]

I can only remember one party where they did not open the gifts while guests were there, and I was not happy about it. I think it's exciting to watch others open their gifts, and I think it's a good lesson for kids to practice their thank you etiquette when they find each person in the crowd and thank them for the gift (or the parent to teach them by example). At family parties I would usually just open the gift right away when the person gave it to me, then hug and thank them. Then again most of my parties were just in the house-chips, pretzels, cheese curls, and cake were all you needed!

Not opening the gifts at the party has occurred at the last few parties my children were invited to. At the parties held outside the home, it can make sense because around here most places that do children's parties have a 2 hour limit. We have been to parties at the roller skating rink and a gymnastics gym. It was hard enough to get the kids to sit down for cake.

But my son was very disappointed that he didn't get to see his friend open the gift he had picked. I almost always let me child pick the gift for the party. I do usually call and ask the parents if there is anything they do NOT want their child to have just because you never know what is not allowed in a household.

As far as parties getting too elaborate, I do agree. We usually do family parties or go to Disney since we live so close.

My son was allowed to have 1 big party (more than just family and close friends) in when he was 5 because he had been invited to a lot of preschool parties. We did have that outside the house simply because it made it easier for me. No clean up or cleaning my house in preparation for it. :thumbsup:

My daughter will be allowed to have a party when she turns 5 as well to celebrate with her friends since it will be her last year in preschool.

[BrerGnat]

Ok, I lied. We had a big party when each of our sons turned 1. We rented the clubhouse at our apartment complex and invited all our local family and a few close friends. We had some balloons, a Costco cake, and a video of our sons first year playing in the background. It was high class, I tell you. ;)

[Mickey'sGirl]

We have always had the kid's parties outside of the home because we have dogs. We live in a very multicultural area, and many of our sons' friends are afraid of dogs, so it's best for everyone involved if they are not part of the party. :blush: We are done with parties now though, as our youngest turned 8 in January and he has been told that is it (our older son never wanted parties so it was not an issue). :party:

[Disney Hungarian]

Since I don't have any children, I rarely get invited to birthday parties. I'm fine with that. If I did receive an invite like that, I would just have to laugh at it and do what I always do. Send cash.

[Hull-onian]

Sorry, never heard of such a thing for a two year older. Good luck with it......:thumbsup:

[Arielfan98]

I myself have never heard of this. A gift registry is typically used for weddings and baby showers. Is this kid very wealthy? I would browse through the gift registry and find something affordable otherwise buy a cheap toy at Target and apologize to the hostess with the excuse that you were having internet problems so you couldn't view the registry.

[PirateLover]

I only had 3 "friends" birthday parties that I can recall. One, when I was maybe 6 or 7 was at Chuck E Cheese. Another, I think it might've been 10th, was at Discovery Zone. Then, for my 12th, my mom offered to take a few of my friends to the movies and then out for pizza. The flu was going around and only 2 friends could make it.

When I was 13 my friends threw me a surprise party at one of their houses, and the rest were all family parties I'm pretty sure.

[minnie04]

@ buzznwoodysmom, I think She attached a paper to the invitation, so she wouldn’t get flooded with calls asking "what size" & " what does he want" I know it’s crazy and I would NEVER do that (attach the paper), but I can see how people would. I would just use my Invitations as a way to tell people what my children liked at the time. i.e. Mickey, SpongeBob, princess etc. that usually let people know what the kids were into at the time. I would also think the people I invited would know more or less what sizes to get, because we would see each other a lot. Or at least often enough that they would know the size.

As far as 4months in advance good luck on that one. lol. And the registry. ahhh good luck there too. I would be so mad if someone basically told me what to buy... NOT HAPPENING :ack:

[minnie04]

I myself have never heard of this. A gift registry is typically used for weddings and baby showers. Is this kid very wealthy? I would browse through the gift registry and find something affordable otherwise buy a cheap toy at Target and apologize to the hostess with the excuse that you were having internet problems so you couldn't view the registry.

LOL.. I would never "apologize to the hostess " if you are friends or family with this person, they should be ashamed to ask you to go to a registry for a 2 year old and buy something "they " want or feel their child would want. I would buy what I can afford and something my kids would like to give and NEVER feel I needed to apologize for it. And if they don't like it. DONATE IT!! To a child that has NOTHING... How dare you ask me to pick from a list :mad: that makes me so mad. I honestly don't even like it when it's a Baby Shower or Wedding. I guess I wasn’t raised that way. That you have to tell me what to get you. And If I don't my gift isn’t good enough... Whatever!!

That's just me :D

[magicofdisney]

Appalled? Yes. Surprised? No. I figured it was only a matter of time before birthday registries began. I have no problems with wedding or baby shower registries, however that's where I draw the line.

As for gift ideas, I don't think it's THAT difficult. Either buy something age appropriate, with a gift receipt, or buy something to match the party theme.

I agree it's gotten completely out of hand. :confused:

[buzznwoodysmom]

@ buzznwoodysmom, I think She attached a paper to the invitation, so she wouldn’t get flooded with calls asking "what size" & " what does he want"

Yes, I am sure that was her intention, but it's still tacky in my book. LOL.

[princessgirls]

Oh My...
Entitled people really do take things to a whole new level!!!!

Geez.... 4 months in advance? I think I'm busy on that day!!!!!!!

Funny I just watched a recent episode of RHONJ, where Melissa had a party for her daughter, and probably dropped a cool $5,000. Was it any better than a $250 at home party? Probably not to the kids who attended. When my girls were little it was all about the goody bag and getting crazy with their friends.

Julie:mickey:

[NewDVCowner]

@ buzznwoodysmom, I think She attached a paper to the invitation, so she wouldn’t get flooded with calls asking "what size" & " what does he want"

Those are the questions that you ask when you RSVP.

[meldan98]

The other challenge now is that very few actually RSVP or even check their regular mail. I mailed out my dd's invites 3 weeks before the party and only received 1 RSVP. I then called all of those that were invited and several of the families only check their mail once a month and hadn't checked their mail yet.

[minnie04]

Those are the questions that you ask when you RSVP.

That's a good one...lol. who really RSVP's
But your right..

[TheVBs]

Whoa. That's way over the top! If it were me, I would decline.

Reminds me of something a friend told me recently. Apparently the mother of a little girl in her daughter's kindergarten class regularly sent out invites for parties. Not a birthday party invitation, just random parties she decided to throw. Get this. On every invitation to these non-birthday invites was the message not to bring gifts - her daughter prefers Target or Toys-R-Us gift cards instead!!! What?! Who does that? That would be awful to put on a birthday invite, but a random party invite?

Our girls had parties when they were younger, a handful of family members and a handful of friends, just at our house. The last few years we just have a few family members over for cake and do a special family outing like the zoo or the waterpark.

[Disneyatic]

Oh my! I think it is so rude and presumptuous to register for your child's birthday party!! I have always thought that part of the fun of going to a birthday party is creating or picking out, or letting your child pick out, a really great gift to give.


Those are the questions that you ask when you RSVP.

This made me laugh because RSVP'ing is definitely a dying art and I am in the process of planning my best friend's baby shower so currently dealing with it. It is in 8 days, we sent out 37 invites and have had 2 people RSVP. This makes it so difficult to plan food, etc.
And I only sent the invites out 4 weeks in advance :blush:

[buzznwoodysmom]

This made me laugh because RSVP'ing is definitely a dying art and I am in the process of planning my best friend's baby shower so currently dealing with it. It is in 8 days, we sent out 37 invites and have had 2 people RSVP. This makes it so difficult to plan food, etc.
And I only sent the invites out 4 weeks in advance :blush:

You are right about that. I hosted a couple's shower (think bridal shower, but with couples instead of just ladies) last Oct. We got very few guest RSVPs, mostly the older guests (friend's of the couple's parents). Facebook is how many of them let us know they were coming. I don't have Facebook, so it was difficult to know the number of guests to expect, but we made do just fine.

I always RSVP for showers, weddings, adult surprise parties, major events. I think it's still the proper thing to do. However, I don't think it's necessary to RSVP for a child's birthday party. First of all there is no real need for a headcout for a child's party. Unless of course the party is at a venue that requires an advanced head count, in that case I do RSVP. But an at home child's party.... I don't usually RSVP.