Parents of only children??

[DisneyLandMomma]

My daughter just turned 13 last month *sigh* and I just needed some reassurance, support, etc... from other parents of just one who have been through the age where they no longer need(want) you around as much. **double sigh**

My daughter and I have always been such good buddies, going everywhere and doing everything together, since her daddy works alot. A few months ago I got us a room across the street from Disneyland, we have APs and our visits are usually day trips so I thought this would be fun for the two of us. Well she just wasn't into it, she didn't want to be in the park very long, she prefered hanging out in the room, she didn't want to swim, and she spent a lot of time on her phone texting friends. She also mentioned about a thousand times how much funner it would be if next time she brought a friend. The next day when we woke up, instead of heading to the parks, she just wanted to go home. :( As we were packing up to head home, I have to admit I had to go into the bathroom to cry a little realizing that was probably the last time we would have our little JUST mom and her girl trips. Gosh it was soo heartbreaking for me. LOL. My hubby tried to make me feel better saying we can now do more JUST mommy and daddy trips with her staying with grandma or friends,and as much as I am looking forward to those too, its just not the same. LOL

I guess I'm just having a hard time with my one and only growing up.

[McLiberal8]

Just remember - it's only temporary. I remember doing everything I could as a teenager to avoid my mom. As I got older, 18, 19, 20... I realized how awesome she was. I'm closer to her now than I ever have been. Look forward to those days, and be there if she needs you. All you can do :)

[VWL Mom]

Not a parent of an only child but I know how you feel. My oldest son and I are very close. He adored my mom and she him, when she died he was 8 and the only one old enough to understand. Her death formed a special bond between us.

Then came 14!! During our trip to WDW I went through the same things as you, the texting, the friends, the bored look.....broke my heart. He became a person I didn't know and didn't like.

Happy to say it was a short lived phase we worked through. By the following year we were back to WDW. We have taken a friend now and then but not every trip. He's 19 now and a sophomore in college, he can't come with us in November anymore so last year we started a new tradition of myself and the boys going for a few days in August before school starts.

Hang in there, things will come full circle. In the meantime keep her attitude in check, watch & protect her, be a parent 1st - friend 2nd. Early teen years stink but I got through it 2x's and we're all still standing! :hug:

[SBETigg]

This isn't any easier for parents of more than one child, I assure you. We're just as close and involved with each of our children even if there are more than one. Each one is unique and special to us, and the bond is just as intense. I'm not sure that having one or several makes a difference to your question.

I have one boy, one girl, and they're both in college now. Dropping your child off at college and leaving him/her is about as hard as it gets. But... they do come back. Your relationship with your child will grow and change as they do, and yes, it is hard, with many tears for us along the way. But with each passing phase (and this will pass- I am guessing she will want to go back with you alone again, and she will need you more than ever once again) comes new joys, new challenges, new fears, and new facets to your relationship develop to replace what you lose. It's okay to be sad about some of the changes, and to miss what you had, but just remember that lots more is ahead for you two together, all good things.

[mgmnut]

I'm kind of going through the same thing right now, so I hear what you are saying. My twins (boy/girl) are turning 14 next week. The innocence is gone and I am really starting to miss those days of quick trips to the local park, taking a walk, or just spending time together. The days when they wanted to spend every minute with you. Now they just have their face in their phone and give you one word answers.

[Dulcee]

Not a parent or an only child but as someone who was once a teenage girl I can tell you went through that phase!

Now I'm living 600 miles from my Mom and when I get to head home I enjoy nothing better then Mom & me days. We are closer now then we ever were when I was a teen. She'll come back around eventually, we all do :)

[tinksmom02]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I am so not looking forward to it. My DD just turned 9 and still loves our Mommy-Daughter time together. I know these moments are short-lived so I'm trying to get in as many as possible now!

Hopefully this is just a short-lived phase that your DD is going through, and soon she'll realize (again!) what an awesome mom she has. :mickey:

[buzznwoodysmom]

Awww, my heart is breaking for you. Just so you know it doesn't help at all to have 2 children (or more). I still feel the same way when I realize my kids are growing up. I have two boys, ages 11 and 9, and I don't think a day goes by that I don't realize that some of my favorite times with them have already past. Those days when they totally depended on me for everything, and I was their best buddy, and they thought I was the best thing ever!!!! I am very close with my children and the thought that one day they'll want to hang out with their friends and not want us parents around breaks my heart. Just the other day I was telling my youngest that I'll be so sad when he thinks he's too old to come to WDW or help me put up decorations for the holidays. He told me he'll always want to go to WDW and he'll always help me decorate since that's "our thing". So cute and sweet of him, and he truly believes that now, but I know the day will come when he'll roll his eyes at me when its time to put up the Halloween decorations or the Christmas tree. LOL, and thats OK, but I do hope, however, that they never outgrow our family trips to WDW. Hang in there!

[MississippiDisneyFreak]

Hang in there, the 13 to 15 years were the most difficult for me and my son. He too is an only child. He didn't want to be around me, seemed almost hostile at times and once or twice even got into a bit of minor trouble at school. (No suspensions, just got written up) He had always been an excellent student mostly A's and was barely pulling off Bs and got a couple of C's during this period. There were times he would yell and say awful things and I thought things were spiralling out of control and then boom, he just started changing back to the same child. He is once again an excellent student and we get along most of the time. I just hung in there and didn't give up.

My sister is a mental health professional and said this is common for this age group. I guess it has to do with the changes in hormones and all the challenges of changing from a little kid to a teenager. If this is the worst of it for you, then don't worry just be there for her and things will probably get better.:)

[MississippiDisneyFreak]

Awww, my heart is breaking for you. Just so you know it doesn't help at all to have 2 children (or more). I still feel the same way when I realize my kids are growing up. I have two boys, ages 11 and 9, and I don't think a day goes by that I don't realize that some of my favorite times with them have already past. Those days when they totally depended on me for everything, and I was their best buddy, and they thought I was the best thing ever!!!! I am very close with my children and the thought that one day they'll want to hang out with their friends and not want us parents around breaks my heart. Just the other day I was telling my youngest that I'll be so sad when he thinks he's too old to come to WDW or help me put up decorations for the holidays. He told me he'll always want to go to WDW and he'll always help me decorate since that's "our thing". So cute and sweet of him, and he truly believes that now, but I know the day will come when he'll roll his eyes at me when its time to put up the Halloween decorations or the Christmas tree. LOL, and thats OK, but I do hope, however, that they never outgrow our family trips to WDW. Hang in there!

Yep, I told my son once I was sad thinking that he wouldn't want to go to Disneyworld with me anymore once he was out of highschool. He looked at me and said, Mom, I will always want to go to Disneyworld with you.:thumbsup:

[MNNHFLTX]

As the parent of an only child, I know what you are talking about--as my son has reminded me at times, if he had a sibling or two some of the parental expectations might be spread around a bit, lol! Anyway, I do think that's a phase all (or almost all) kids go through. I think it's all a part of asserting their independence and forming their own identity with friends and activities away from their parents. Your daughter will eventually appreciate those mom/daughter times with you again, but it will probably be on a more mature level. At 19 my son still enjoys hanging out at WDW with me, but we don't stick together like glue when we're there. Sometimes he's goes off on his own, which is okay with me, as it allows me to do things he doesn't enjoy as much, like shopping or touring around the World Showcase. After we meet up again, it's fun to talk about what we did.:mickey:

On a side note, one summer when my son was 14 we went on vacation to Southern California, including 3 days spent at Disneyland. We let him invite a friend to go along, thinking it would be fun for him to have someone his own age along for once. To our surprise, it was kind of a bust. The friend didn't have my son's enthusiasm for Disney parks, didn't tolerate heat or crowds well and wanted to hang out at the hotel all the time, playing video games. My son got a little disgusted with him and commented that it wasn't as fun to have his friend around on vacation as he thought it would be. I think it gave him a new appreciation of us.

[buzznwoodysmom]

On a side note, one summer when my son was 14 we went on vacation to Southern California, including 3 days spent at Disneyland. We let him invite a friend to go along, thinking it would be fun for him to have someone his own age along for once. To our surprise, it was kind of a bust. The friend didn't have my son's enthusiasm for Disney parks, didn't tolerate heat or crowds well and wanted to hang out at the hotel all the time, playing video games. My son got a little disgusted with him and commented that it wasn't as fun to have his friend around on vacation as he thought it would be. I think it gave him a new appreciation of us.

My kids do this to us too. We've never brought along a friend on vacation, but there have been times we had a friend come along to the movies or some place local, and often times my kids will say they like when its just our family more than when we bring a friend along. Sure makes you feel good as a parent!!!!!

[emerzmom]

I have one daughter "only child"however this is not an "only child" issue. I agree with all of the above. This is more her age than anything else. Just be patient. This is a very normal part of child/adolescent development and something that is actually healthy and normal. This is her beginning steps of independence...mixed in with a lot of hormones. I think 12-15 is the toughest age for most girls.
My daughter is now 21 and she actually wants to hang out with me sometime. I love it!
Hang in there!
Parenting: The toughest job you will ever love! (I know I stole it from the Army but parenting is not for wimps!)
:mickey:
Julie

[BrerGnat]

The only advice I can offer you, from the perspective of your daughter is, let her have her space. I know it is tough for you, but if you become overbearing at this time, you will push her away, annoy her, and she will eventually come to resent you. It might never improve either. This is what my mom did with all three of us (me and my sisters). She became overbearing to the point of being so intrusive and annoying that we all lost our trust in her. She honestly started acting like a crazy person and it pushed us further and further away from her. It's sad, because there was once a time when she was "pretty cool". I'm almost 33 now, and my mom still annoys me, and I don't enjoy being around her, she is judgmental and overbearing, and we will simply never have a close relationship again.

So, tread lightly during these teenage years. Be there for her when she needs it, keep an eye on her for any problems, etc. but let her sort of make her own way. She will appreciate you more if you focus on being her mother, and not her "friend" right now. You can be friends again when she's matured out of this stage.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

My dd 19 is doesnt ever want to talk or be in the same room with me unless she wants something.:confused: She is mad because we wont pay for her to live on campus because we live 6 blocks away from her college.. I am so looking forward to me being smarter in a few years..LOL

[MNNHFLTX]

I am so looking forward to me being smarter in a few years..LOLI'm not sure that will ever happen (in her eyes). ;)

[Tiggerlovr9000]

I'm not sure that will ever happen (in her eyes). ;)

I think when she has her degree and virtually no college loans she will think it was the right decision...

[meldan98]

I'm an only child and have many friends who are only children as well. The interesting thing is, many of them are huge Disney fans.

Even though I'm now an adult, I really remember going through that faze in my teen years. I have to say, I think since I was an only child, it may have been even harder for my parents.

I know for me as an only child, I truely enjoy my alone time and I think as a teen, it became even more so important for me. My parents did try to make vacations more fun by allowing me to bring a friend. We had a few trips that bombed because of the friend we brought, so if you do decide to go that route, make sure you think really hard about the friend you take. One thing my parents did was allow me to plan some of the vacation. If you go to WDW, ask her if there are things that she would enjoy doing and try and add that into the vacation. If for example she would really want to go to Universal or maybe the water parks, see if you can included that. If you are the type that goes theme park comando, see if you can allow her to sleep in and then meet up with you later in the morning.

Keep your head up...me and my friends do truely love our parents and grew out of this phase.

[kemps@wdw]

We have a 18 yr old DD. And it is harder when she's your only. I went thru the same feelings when she began not "needng" me as much anymore, after 12 yrs of being her world (or so I thought...silly me). But my momma told me that she was in the "teen tunnel". And just like I did, when she emerges on the other side, she'll need you again only in a different way. Not as a child but as a young woman." Mom's are soooo smart, aren't they? :D

[kemps@wdw]

We have a 18 yr old DD. And it is harder when she's your only. I went thru the same feelings when she began not "needng" me as much anymore, after 12 yrs of being her world (or so I thought...silly me). But my momma told me that she was in the "teen tunnel". And just like I did, when she emerges on the other side, she'll need you again only in a different way. Not as a child but as a young woman. You just have to have a thick skin, and lots of love and PATIENCE!" Mom's are soooo smart, aren't they? :D

[thrillme]

I have an only teenage son and I am an only child myself. To top it off my first husband passed away when my only son was 5 (I remarried a couple of years ago)...

Yes...I've had my cries and I still cry sometimes at him growing up and not needing me as much. I've finally got myself to the point that I realize him "seperating" a bit is also a sign that I was successful in bringing up a confident and outgoing child. I know he's going to be fine when his time comes to leave the nest...That is what we're supposed to do. It sounds like you're doing well.

What I "have" done too is I have let my son know about how I feel about certian things. I've told him in no uncertian terms there is family time as well as friend time and I'll be happy to balance both. This time we're in right now is very short and limited for me and YES...I want as much as I can get from him because I know it will be over too soon as he takes on college, work and his own family.

Some author wrote a story for his daughter (I don't remember the story...only the inscription)...his daughter was a teen by the time he published it. He said something to the effect of ... "I know you're too old for fairy tales, but one day you'll be young enough to enjoy them again...this story is for you".

I understand what he meant now.

You might want to consider "cruising" it's a GREAT way to balance family time and "peer" time. They have teen clubs so she can have fun and you can too.

[Wolf]

Speaking as an only child I put my Moma thru pure heck when I was that age, I was into the "Goth" stuff, dressed in all black, baggy boy pants, band t-shirts and combat boots the whole time. It was actually disney that pulled me out of that, I went in to my first trip (Orchestrated by my Aunt and her daughter who is 6 months apart from me) in full goth junk, blue hair, black nail polish, very socially akward and just in that "Mom doesn't understand me phase" we went, had a ball! My Moma's fondest memory from that trip was I curled up on her shoulder and fell asleep in Magic Kingdom while it "snowed" around us during the Christmas party. By the end of the trip I had washed out the dye and was nearly a blonde again, actually wore a pair of normal blue jean she snuck into my suit case and consented that combat boots were not proper park trekking attire unless you are military ^.^ Since then we have gona as often as possible, I completely outgrew my angsty stage and have since gotten my degree and a pretty decent job at a military company. I am suprising her with a trip next weekend actually, I booked the whole thing with her thinking we were staying Pop Century (again) when I've really had us booked at Polynessian the whole time, all her fav resturants have ressies and everything. Hopefully we can get to at least the airport before I tell her, but I'm doubting my resolve. Either way, (sorry I tend to be long-winded) I can't tell you how to fix it just don't fight too hard with her about it, she really thinks shes right, I promise within 2 years (worst case scenario) she will be back on your team and will be able to laugh at all the junk that was so important at this time in her life.

[DisneyLandMomma]

Thanks evryone for the replies, I guess I could've titled this for all who has parented a teen. LOL. I am very lucky that she is a very good kid and still very much a "little girl", she spent birthday money on some LIV "Alice in Wonderland" dolls. :thumbsup: So I guess I just have to have patience and now that someday she'll want to hang out with me again. :blush:

I did want to share that since I posted this we went to Disneyland again this time with her dad to celebrate her birthday. We spent the night before her birthday in the parks and when we asked what she wanted to do for her birthday, she said first of all sleep in :laughing: , before going back to the parks. So my hubbby and I woke up early, left her to sleep in while we went off to the parks ridewhat we wanted. :D By the time we got back, we still had time before checkout and she was still sleeping so we hit the pool for awhile. We finally woke her up, checked out and spent the rest of the day the way she wanted and we all had a blast! :)