Without Kids = Guilt??

[wdwaggie]

OK, I've posted here already that my not so crazy about Disney DW has graciously agreed to celebrate my 40th birthday with a trip to WDW. :cloud9: The dilemma I am facing now is that although I am CRAZY INSANE in love with WDW, I am starting to feel some guilt that my DD 12 and DS 10 won't be able to come along, as this is a late Sept trip and they do not live with us all the time.

My question, but more of a group therapy thing is should I feel guilty for coming without them??:(:confused:

[Patricia]

I have gone without my kids when they were younger. I had moments of "Gee, I wish they were here to see this", but overall it was a very different experience that you should go and enjoy. I found myself slowing down and taking in the sights a bit differently. I was walking around the resort for pleasure instead of hustling through to catch a bus.. I even slept in a few days. :)

You wouldn't feel guilty going anywhere else for your adult vacation. Have fun!

[aabshagen]

We have made several trips without our children as well. Mainly when I go for work and DW goes with me. Just can't take them with every time. And as the previous poster stated we do see things differently. We plan on doing things that we can't or won't do with the children.

And actually we have one of these trips coming up next week. We plan on spending time in the parks we enjoy more than they do. And spend time outside of the parks at things like Boardwalk and Downtown during the evenings. Also the later EMH are much easier since we wouldn't be keeping them up much later than normal.

Basics of it yes there is some guilt there that they are not going with but in the end we will have just as much fun with out them.

[WDWCrazyKaren]

DH and I have now gone three times without the kids. As long as we intersperse our big kids trips with trips that include them, they have been just fine with it. We bribed one of them this year in this manner: You are going to Washington DC with your class for a full week this summer, so we are going to go on an adult vacation. Since her school trip is costing MORE than the two of us at Disney for a week, she was pretty ok with it! We did run across things that we said "oh, so-and-so would love this", we also knew that so-and-so would be seeing it on the next trip.

The kids will be fine. Go and have a ball!

[Scott C]

Getting ready for our first big trip without them in September. I guess perhaps I am being selfish--but I don't want to go in the summer any longer. They are 18 and 21 and both away at college. The way this summer was shaping up we could not have taken both of them at the same time anyway due to their activities and class schedules. I wouldn't have wanted to take one of them and not the other. I am feeling some guilt - but I have to consider my wife and I first anymore.

Thanks
Scott C

[baldburke]

We went to WDW without the kids for our 10th anniversary and DCL last year without the kids for our 15th anniversary. Both were relatively short trips and in both cases we "made it up to them" by following it up with trips back for the whole family shortly thereafter.

Yes there was some guilt, but it's nice to be able to do what you want to do when you want to do it. It's nice to be able to skip the Pooh ride and maybe spend some more time at the World Showcase. Or even to be able to sleep in, lounge by the pool or eat somewhere they don't serve chicken fingers is great.

But most of all, you are the adults and you are the providers. Yes, it's nice to treat your kids and to build memories with your kids but you deserve a break every now and then too. Enjoy!

[mouseketeer mom]

I wouldn't want to go without the kids. I feel like my time with them is very short...sooner than later they will be on their own, and I'll have plenty of time to vacation alone with DH, and I'll miss them dearly. And I want to share our vacations with them right now, all of the vacations!! I love them with us, and it would feel weird and wrong not to have them with us at this point.

[slegrant]

My Birthday and Anniversary are both near the end of May and we have gone to Disneyland and Walt Disney World without the kids. We managed to do this because we go to Walt Disney World every July for 12 days and the kids knew this and were ok with just my wife and myselg going as long as we brought them back a treat or two:mickey: Go and have fun and as I agree with a previous poster that the kids grow up fast, it's always good to have a little husband wife time:mickey:

[mickey_M_lvr]

Congrats on booking a couples trip. My hubby and I have booked one for Sept for our 10 year anniversary. We are looking forward to it greatly but....BOY do I feel guilty. :( We have a 7 y/o.

I know that we will take him next time but for now...I am going with my best friend and enjoy a wonderful adult week. I will probably purchase way too many things for him but...:secret:

So I guess what I am saying is...Yes it is ok to feel guilty b/c you love your kids and love making the memories with them there. But it is absolutely ok to want to spend time with your significant other in a place you both enjoy. I hope your trip is magical! :magic:

[Disney Doll]

My husband and I both work full-time so we spend a fair amount of time away from our kids as it is. We view vacation as a time to reconnect as a family and we just have no desire to vacation without our kids. The good thing is that my husband and I completely agree on this point so it works for us.

However, I think your situation is a bit different. Since they don't live with you year round I would presume that you and your wife do many things without your kids during those times and surely your kids do fun things without you. I think 10 and 12 is old enough to understand. Can you talk your wife into a family trip in the future?

[Disoriented]

I see this as an opportunity. You mention that your wife is not all that interested in WDW. For what ever reason she might possibly feel like an outsider on your family trips, so you might want to make to make this as much, if not more about her, than about you. Give her a chance to build some memories that just belong to the two of you.

Slow your pace down, stop and smell the roses, so to speak. (Obviously I’m Making some assumptions on how you vacation. Please forgive me for this)

I would take my accommodations up a notch or two. If you normally stay value or moderate I would move up to deluxe, if normally deluxe, then Club level.

After the boardwalk entertainment closes down, the Epcot hotels can be wonderfully romantic on a warm evening just taking a leisurely stroll hand in hand around Crescent lake, Also the Grand Floridian and the Polynesian have very romantic atmospheres especially if you are staying club level.

I would also do some special dinners. Victoria’s & Albert’s is an incredibly romantic dinning room, The California Grill has inspiring views and Jiko, a wonderfully exotic atmosphere.

If you plan your trip so you are there at the beginning of October when the food and wine festival is going on then your options for couples activities increases dramatically.

Your kids are going to grow up and probably embark on many WDW trips without you and it won’t bother them in the least. Here is your chance to build a foundation for your own future trips when that day arrives.

[nfrustaci]

I wouldn't want to go without the kids. I feel like my time with them is very short...sooner than later they will be on their own, and I'll have plenty of time to vacation alone with DH, and I'll miss them dearly. And I want to share our vacations with them right now, all of the vacations!! I love them with us, and it would feel weird and wrong not to have them with us at this point.

I AM SORRY TO SAY THIS BUT I THINK THAT YOUR POST IS OUT OF LINE..... IT IS NOT FAIR TO MAKE SOMEONE FEEL GUILTY FOR THEIR CHOICES. WHILE WHAT YOU WROTE CAME FROM YOUR HEART I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED IT WITH ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHER AND HAVE A WONDERFUL VACATION. I REALIZE THAT THEY ARE ASKING OUR OPINION BUT I THINK WHAT THEY ARE REALLY ASKING IS FOR US TO SAY IT IS OK TO HAVE A HUSBAND AND WIFE VACATION AND I AM A BIG BELIEVER IN TIME TOGETHER. IT IS TOO EASY TO LOSE THE ROMANCE IN A RELATIONSHIP THESE DAYS. AND I WILL SAY TO THE POSTER OF THIS THREAD ...... GO AHEAD AND ENJOY EACHOTHER, LOVE ONE ANOTHER, ACT LIKE KIDS AGAIN. THATS WHAT DISNEY IS FOR "magic" :blush:

[mom2morgan]

I don't think it is fair to call someone's post out of line because you don't agree with it. i think it was respectfully phrased, and the original poster can take it or leave it as it is. We all have different opinions!
ps - I apologize for my old eyes, but I find it very difficult to read all caps.


I AM SORRY TO SAY THIS BUT I THINK THAT YOUR POST IS OUT OF LINE..... IT IS NOT FAIR TO MAKE SOMEONE FEEL GUILTY FOR THEIR CHOICES. WHILE WHAT YOU WROTE CAME FROM YOUR HEART I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED IT WITH ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHER AND HAVE A WONDERFUL VACATION. I REALIZE THAT THEY ARE ASKING OUR OPINION BUT I THINK WHAT THEY ARE REALLY ASKING IS FOR US TO SAY IT IS OK TO HAVE A HUSBAND AND WIFE VACATION AND I AM A BIG BELIEVER IN TIME TOGETHER. IT IS TOO EASY TO LOSE THE ROMANCE IN A RELATIONSHIP THESE DAYS. AND I WILL SAY TO THE POSTER OF THIS THREAD ...... GO AHEAD AND ENJOY EACHOTHER, LOVE ONE ANOTHER, ACT LIKE KIDS AGAIN. THATS WHAT DISNEY IS FOR "magic" :blush:

[mom2morgan]

How often do you get to go to Disney? I'm just wondering if your kids get to go sometimes, since your DW seems to dislike it so much. If they have had the opportunity, I'm all for a little bit of "couples" time, as I assume they also get to do fun stuff with their mom when they're with her! Enjoy your trip. I just wish your wife would come on over to the dark side ;-)

[buzznwoodysmom]

I wouldn't want to go without the kids. I feel like my time with them is very short...sooner than later they will be on their own, and I'll have plenty of time to vacation alone with DH, and I'll miss them dearly. And I want to share our vacations with them right now, all of the vacations!! I love them with us, and it would feel weird and wrong not to have them with us at this point.

This is exactly how I feel as well. I do feel like DH and I had time before our kids were born to do these kinds of things, and we'll have plenty of time after they've gone off on there own to enjoy vacations alone. Right now, I feel as though time is running out as it is. I often feel like there are so many places we want to go as a family, so many vacations I want to take with my children, and they grow up so fast, that we'll never be able to do and see all that we want while they are still "ours".

However, just because I would feel guilty, doesn't mean that others feel the same way. And that's OK. Each family has different ways of doing things, different feelings about this subject. Each family needs to do what is best for them. I don't think that just because I (or anyone else on the boards) have a different opinion about a subject should mean that I can't/shouldn't respond to a thread. The OP was asking for opinions, surely they knew they would likely get both sides.

Having said all of that I did read that OP said the children don't live with them all the time, and won't be staying with them during this trip. In that case I don't think OP should feel guilty at all about it. Every situation is different, and this trip just so happens to fall when the children are not going to be with you to start with.

[nfrustaci]

I wouldn't want to go without the kids. I feel like my time with them is very short...sooner than later they will be on their own, and I'll have plenty of time to vacation alone with DH, and I'll miss them dearly. And I want to share our vacations with them right now, all of the vacations!! I love them with us, and it would feel weird and wrong not to have them with us at this point.


I don't think it is fair to call someone's post out of line because you don't agree with it. i think it was respectfully phrased, and the original poster can take it or leave it as it is. We all have different opinions!
ps - I apologize for my old eyes, but I find it very difficult to read all caps.

you are correct, was not fair of me to say that, but i do stand by my feeling of alone time. i absolutely believe it is important in a relationship. and sorry for the caps, i didn't have my glasses on and it was easier for me to see what i was writing. i am currently wearing them.

[nfrustaci]

I would also like to say that you never know what the future holds for the two of you. My parents never vacationed without my sister and I. I moved out, my sister got married, grandpa died and mom and dad took grandma in. she had dimensia. i got married, mom was diagnosed with lung cancer stage 4, she died 8 months later. they never got their alone time, nor did they get to take that much deserved vacation they always talked about during their retirement. i vowed to never put things off till tomorrow. i took care of my mom during that time. i was away from my husband for 8 months, only seeing him on the weekends at my parents home in PA (a 2.5 hour drive for my husband) i am married 12 years and we have a beautiful 2 year old son. we take 1 family vacation and 1 adult only vacation a year. i love my baby and i cherish every moment with him, its just that i want to keep the romance going :blush: i am a stay at home mom and we all know how challenging that can be. i find it harder then when i worked full time as a corporated purchasing manager.

[NJGIRL]

****Alert******


The original poster ask if he should feel guilty about going without the kids. Since this question was ask everyone is entitled to give their opinion. I do not believe what Lisa said was out of line. She was just stating that she would rather not go without the kids. Please lets not attack each other. Everyone can have a different opinion on this topic.

[wdwaggie]

Folks, I sincerely thank each of you for your opinions. I would not have asked such a question had I not expected to hear differing opinions. Afterall, that's what makes them opinions. I'm just a big hearted ol' softy Dad that just doesn't have his kid's living with him all the time and loves Disney World with a passion, mostly because it makes me feel young at heart. My DW asked me where I wanted to go for MY 40th birthday:party: and I chose WDW. I do and will feel a little selfish for going without the kids, but they too will have countless summer vacations with their mother and other siblings that I will not be part of, I don't want them feeling guilty for going and having fun on their time. I know that my DW and I will go and have an incredible time, and yes, I think this will be a great opportunity for us to help her create her own Disney Magic memories. Thanks again to you all.

[SBETigg]

Walt Disney World has so much to offer couples as well as families. I think you should go and have fun, no guilt. It's like a completely different place for adults without children, and there's no reason why you can't enjoy it both ways, with them or without them.

[luvDaMouse]

BRING BACK PRESENTS!! :D that helped when we went alone the first time :blush: We love our "without kids" time at Disney we have been doing it for the past 3 years now. However we decided that we wanted them there for our 25th anniversary celebration this October so after my DH and I get off of our 3 day cruise on the Dream they will be joining us for the remainder of our trip! Try to enjoy yourselves dont feel to bad about not bringing them BUT bring back some goodies :)

[Mitzie]

DH and I went two year ago for an anniversary trip and are planning another kid-less trip this Oct. Like others have said, you can see things you normally don't notice trying to keep track of the kiddos. Our kids DD14, DD11, and DS11 don't give us too much grief because we normally take them once a year(was just there last week and plan to go next spring break). Also we try to stay places they have already been or don't care to go so that helps as well.

[MinnieMommie]

This is such a heart felt post as are the responses. I think we all know there is no right or wrong way for parents to travel and that perhaps guilt is a part of our reactions however we choose.

DH and I have never been to Disney alone. We have always taken our children. Even now that they are older (and actually have gone without us) at least some of them manage to attach themselves to our trip planning.

My husband is very sick now and I remember once he came home with a trip planned as a birthday present for me. The trip was just for the two of us and he had worked out the details in luxury. To make a long story short we ended up taking our 4 kids because in my heart I did not want to have this wonderful experience without them. Now as I look back I have a tinge of guilt about not graciously accepting this as a parents only trip. But who's to know...

We have a nice big family trip coming up this year but I also have planned at least one trip for just the two of us if time permits. Guilt can be a part of parenting but Disney is a great place to enjoy as a family or as a couple. It is wonderful to celebrate our life as a family and as a couple.

So while you may be a little guilty about not taking the kids, enjoy your time at Disney with your wife. Celebrate each other. :mickey:

[ThanxForNoticin]

As mentioned many times here, this is a very personal decision for you to make. However, based on the description of your situation, it sounds like you do lots of things with your kids and try to include them in as much as you can.

That being said, a trip with just the 2 of you can be a great experience, as well. We've done Disney with 2 boys, we've done Disney with 20 family members, and we've done Disney with just the 2 of us - and we loved every one of the trips in a different way. With lives as busy as they are with work and school and responsibilities, sometimes just the 2 of us need to get away for a couple days. That doesn't mean we love our kids or family any less. Will you feel guilty? Probably a little. But you'll probably spend some of your trip planning the next one when you take the kids along!

I hope you have a great time when you go. I expect you will enjoy it - a lot.