One too many weddings...

[Dulcee]

Alright, so many of you may remember some of my previous posts. I got engaged over Christmas and my fiance and I have stared planning the wedding for October 2012. We decided we were doing the wedding in NC where we now live despite the fact that both of our families live in NJ. To make it easier on everyone, and so we can save the money to do the wedding weekend we imagined we pushed it off till 2012. This way we can give everyone the heads up and those who want to come can plan/save money/etc.

Well when I got engaged my older brother's gf of 8 years was a little bitter (enough to stop speaking to me!) mostly because she wanted to be the one getting engaged. Well lo-and-behold my brother proposed a little over 2 weeks ago (the feeling from my family is he did it so that he wasn't shown up by his 7 year younger sister, but regardless)..

So yay, great, everyone's engaged but then I hear today that she's talking about having it September 2012, less then one month before ours!

I'm trying very hard to not turn into bridezilla :thedolls: here but frankly I feel like my head is going to explode:flame: . With the travel involved for my family and just the significant expense of getting married I feel like doing their's right before ours puts our family in a very tough spot (immediate and extended). Now my relatives and immediate family have all already been made aware of our date so its not like she's unaware. We've been telling people Oct 2012 since January!

Add to that, that my best friend for whom I'm going to be maid of honor, has set her date for the last weekend in August of 2012. Another date she's very well aware of.

Am I being wrong here? Is there some type of wedding etiquette that applies? :dizzy:And if I'm not how do I approach this? Me and my soon to be sister in law don't exactly get along to begin with so I'm leary about even approaching her on this.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

I think you should just plan your wedding and let them plan theirs. There is no reason to even bring this up to anyone except to maybe vent to your fiancee. Because honestly what will it accomplish except make the family uncomfortable when they have to take sides.Please just remember why you are getting married and take the high road. All you have to remember is to be polite and how everyone else behaves is up to them.. Happy wedding planning. I have been married almost 30 years so I do have some experience from what I speak..

[magicofdisney]

I think Tracey gave very good advice.

A similar thing happened to me. A friend and I got engaged at the same time. Originally, my wedding was planned a month before hers (without either knowing this in advance). We had the same circle of friends because we were in school together, went to the same church and worked together. After all was said and done, she moved her wedding up a month or two before mine (I don't remember the details anymore because it was so long ago). I admit it bothered me, but ultimately it's had no bearing on my married life and who did or did not show up for the wedding.

Have fun planning your wedding! Nothing compares and you get to focus on you and your fiance. :)

[Mickey'sGirl]

I agree ... just go ahead and plan your own wedding. My cousins (sisters) both got engaged last year. The younger sister is getting married out of town in June, and her sister is getting married in town in September. The very same people from my cousin's family will be at both receptions, weddings, Jack and Jill parties, and most will have to travel from out of town for one or the other of the weddings. It's just how it is. My aunt gave us the dates as soon as she had them so that we could do our "financial planning", and that is that. We intend on going to both. The plus side is that we should only have to buy suits for our very tall boys one time (oh please oh please oh please!!).

Enjoy your experience, and don't let other things come in and spoil your excitement!

[BrerGnat]

I agree with everyone's advice, but I'd like to throw out one more suggestion:

Elope. Seriously. Sometimes, all this drama isn't worth it, and the whole point of a wedding is just an outward show of pomp and circumstance. What really matters is your and your fiance's love for each other, not all this family drama.

DH and I got married in a civil ceremony at a courthouse with our two best friends as witnesses. We did this for a few reasons (most of them being related to being in the military), but it was a very special day for us. We had our "wedding celebration" at WDW almost a year later. It came with a WHOLE lot of family drama, which has caused issues for years since. We did the big wedding for our families, but then about half the people we did the wedding FOR didn't even come! It was a great day, and I don't regret it, but that saying goes, "If I had it to do over again, would I do it the same way?" Honestly, we probably would have skipped the big WDW wedding. We were happily married at the courthouse, and it was just as special, if not moreso, than the big "pretend" wedding.

Just something to think about...

[Tiggerlovr9000]

We eloped too. I went up to North Dakota where my dh was working and we got married in a beautiful church with 5 people. We had the white dress, flowers, dinner and no drama.. We have never had any repercussions from it. It was a special day....

[WDWFanatic]

I'm sorry you are going through this. What does your Mom have to say?

You could always move your wedding up, but not tell the other brides until it's too late for them to change...:thedolls:.

Also maybe it will be good to have your brother getting married first so your mother will focus on his wedding and let you plan yours the way you want.

Best of luck!

[Dulcee]

Elope. Seriously.

I would LOVE to elope. Fiance is very against the idea. To be honest I even called up a wedding coordinator at WDW and got some quotes on what it would cost us to get married there, just the two of us, along with a weeks vacation.

However, the whole family involved ceremony is very important to the fiance so I'm going with the flow since its also important to our families.

I have calmed some since receiving the news. To be honest our parents are none too pleased with the idea either. Since they had planned on contributing in small amounts monetarily to our wedding and would like to do the same for my brother's, to have them on top of each other makes this very difficult.

I've decided at this point to take a back seat until dad talks to the brother and see how that goes.

Thanks for helping to talk me off my cliff guys :blush:

[PirateLover]

The closeness of the date isn't so bad, I know a lot of people who have weddings very close to one another. I had an issue similar to magicofdisney. A friend of mine, with the same mutual group of friends, got engaged a full year after me. We had been planning a June wedding but let everyone know that it was going to be bumped up to May. When I sent an email reminder about the date and letting everyone know things were officially booked, she told me that she thought mine was in June and that she was getting ready to book for THE DAY AFTER my wedding! And she did. And then knocked me off the guest list despite the fact that I had been invited (and attended) the engagement party. I'm over it, really, but the point is there will ALWAYS be wedding drama. (And everything was fine, our friends attended both and had a great time).

Being that both these weddings involve your family it does add the financial burden element, but leave that to your parents to deal with. I totally get how you feel but I would resist saying anything. You don't need to risk starting a war over this. Hopefully your family members are understanding. Really, it's not that uncommon for people to have multiple weddings to attend close to each other. My husband is in two weddings this summer that are a month apart and we will have something similar the following year. The truth is if people really love you and want to be a part of your day they will find a way to work it out!

[MNNHFLTX]

I can understand your frustration, but in the end everyone has the right to get married whenever they want. So I agree--plan your wedding and focus on the deeper meaning the event is meant to have and don't let this spoil your joy.

[Georgesgirl1]

I don't really see what the big deal is. Me and about 4 of my good friends from high school all got married in a 6 month span. It meant lots of shower and wedding gifts, multiple bridesmaids gowns for some, and lots of travel for others who had moved out of town. But, we all loved each other so we didn't mind the expenses involved. Your family obvious is not going to pick only one wedding to go to, so in the grand scheme of things I don't think it matters.

[TheVBs]

So sorry you're dealing with additional frustration and drama. :( I definitely agree with the advice to just focus on your own wedding and let everyone else deal with theirs. Your wedding will be beautiful and wonderful, no matter what else is going on close to the date.

[jillluvsdisney]

Even though you set your date first, you don't get claim "ownership" of the weeks before and after. Grant you, your SIL sounds a little devious to me. Perhaps your friend has issues or complications in her own family or in laws and the date she choose worked best for her. Establishing a life time commitment to your fiance is what is important here.

[Dulcee]

Thanks for the thoughts guys

In update...

My Brother and Future Sister in Law were talking to my parents and told them they had decided on the first weekend in september 2012. That didn't go over well with my parents as my maid of honor's wedding is the weekend after. My family is all extremely close with her and as my parents pointed out to my brother while its a financial strain to have our sibling weddings back to back its really not right to have it on top of hers.

So the brother has been asked (or politely told) that they really need to reconsider dates and be considerate of those who already booked venues and such.

We'll see how it goes...

Eloping sounds better and better every day :blush:

[Madame Leona]

Wedding put a huge strain on families. My wedding was the same day as a counsin's high school soccer game. I did not have a soccer schedule when I booked everything so I didn't do it on purpose. Anyway, my aunt, cousins and grandmother no longer speak to me because of it. My grandmother did come to the wedding but my aunt and cousins skipped it. I should mention my cousins were my bridesmaids and had already bought dresses and such so I didn't have bridesmaids.
My message: a wedding is one day... just keep planning yours, ignore the rest and it will all fall into place.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

Wedding put a huge strain on families. My wedding was the same day as a counsin's high school soccer game. I did not have a soccer schedule when I booked everything so I didn't do it on purpose. Anyway, my aunt, cousins and grandmother no longer speak to me because of it. My grandmother did come to the wedding but my aunt and cousins skipped it. I should mention my cousins were my bridesmaids and had already bought dresses and such so I didn't have bridesmaids.
My message: a wedding is one day... just keep planning yours, ignore the rest and it will all fall into place.

Seriously? a high school soccer game? Not even the playoff?
Just plan your wedding how and when you want it. It won't matter in the long run who is and isn't there as long as you and your fiance are there.