Drama Already??

[Dulcee]

Some of you may have seen my earlier post that I got engaged on Christmas Eve. I love to plan parties and thus already started discussing what my fiancee and I would like out of a wedding.

Out of that little discussion I've already been told that my Mother is horrified:eek: at the idea of keeping it under 80 people and doesn't agree with my choice for Maid of Honor:humph:. His parents HATE :flame:the idea of us having it NC where we live ( our families both live in NJ ). My sister pretty much told me I'm dreaming if I think I can stick to a budget of 10K.:funny: And my older brother's girlfriend of 8 years won't speak to me because evidently she wanted an engagement ring this holiday and didn't receive one. :rant:

I'm thinking I'm ready to forget them all and just elope to WDW next week.:bolt: Hammock on the Poly beach :vacation:with a bottle of Champagne here we come...


But in all seriousness,

How do people plan these things without loosing their sanity?? :shrug:

[Hair_Razor]

Set a budget and get a planner that's how! :thumbsup: Good luck, and remember it's YOU AND YOUR FIANCE'S wedding!!!! No one else matters!

[Daisy'sMom]

Don't listen to anyone. This is your wedding. My suggestion, tell everyone you are going on a nice vacation to Disney and get married there. Alone, without the fuss of families complaining.:mickey:

[TheVBs]

I am so sorry! I don't know why people say these things. :mad: It's so thoughtless. You certainly can stay within that budget. We had a very intimate wedding at an unorthodox location, and despite everyone's "concerns" about it, it turned out beautifully and everyone complimented us on it. Yours will turn out beautifully as well! It's your and your fiance's day - no one else's! Do your best to ignore their comments and plan the wedding the two of you want.

[brownie]

It's your wedding, not theirs. Take things under advisement, but do what will make the day special for you and your fiance.

As for your brother's girlfriend, she needs to grow up. It's not your fault she didn't get a ring.

[clausjo]

We had a very, very small wedding, much to pretty much everyone's dismay. I really just wanted the ceremony and a cake reception with champagne, but my mom threw a fit, so we did the whole sit down thing. It was lovely, but in a way, I wish I did what we wanted rather than cave. All in all, it turned out fine, but you should do what you want, it's your and your fiancee's wedding. Your family will be happy in the end. Congratulations and best of luck! You'll get through it.

[Strmchsr]

You're not alone. As a pastor I've done countless weddings and I pretty much hear your story from every bride and groom. First off, I don't see how anyone spends more than 10K on a wedding (not a good idea to go into debt right off the bat when finances are one of the leading causes of marital issues). I second much of what's already been said. Politely, but firmly, let everyone else know you want them involved, but it's your wedding and ya'll are making the decisions. Families rip each other apart during wedding planning if they're allowed. Also, make sure you get top notch pre-marital counseling. It's vital in surviving the pre-marital stress as much as the post marital relationship.

[BellesRose]

Don't listen to anyone. This is your wedding. My suggestion, tell everyone you are going on a nice vacation to Disney and get married there. Alone, without the fuss of families complaining.:mickey:
I completely agree!

[VWL Mom]

Take a deep breath and count to 10.....the fun is just beginning :D

IMO you and your fiancee should have the small intimate NC wedding that you want. Later on, if the parents wish, they can throw a lavish NJ reception with you and hubby as the guests of honor.

Congrats on your engagement and good luck with the planning.

[greengeen]

Excellent advice from Strmchsr. And the most important thing to remember is, the MARRIAGE is much more important than the WEDDING.

[Melanie]

I sincerely wish family drama isn't something that will follow you into your marriage. Unfortunately I haven't been that lucky. I wish you well with your preparations and hope you can find something to appease you and your fiance first and foremost. Best of luck!

[MNNHFLTX]

I am actually a bit surprised that your mother wants a more extensive guest list--most parents are more than happy to scale back and save a bit of money. But no matter--the decisions are yours to make, as long as they are reasonable. Just let the comments and criticisms roll off your back and enjoy planning your wedding.

[Magic Smiles]

Don't listen to anyone. This is your wedding. My suggestion, tell everyone you are going on a nice vacation to Disney and get married there. Alone, without the fuss of families complaining.:mickey:
I agree 100%.

[kakn7294]

It can be done and it should be done how you want it. I know it's been 17 years and costs have risen since then but our wedding was under $6000 for everything for 220 guests in a church with a very nice banquet dinner reception. Congrats on your engagement and best wishes for the perfect wedding. And remember, you can always come here to vent!

[Dulcee]

Thank you so much for all the support everyone. Its nice to know its not just me who's dealt with this!

I really didn't imagine that even these early planning stages would stir up family bickering.

My fiance and I are trying to keep both sides of the families under control. Since we are paying for the wedding (hence why we've planned a two year engagement and set the budget at what we've determined we can put away each month before then so as to not use credit cards to pay for this) we are going to sit down and discuss with both sets of parents that while we want them involved the final decisions need to be our own.

While I'm sure there will be more drama to follow for now I'm going to enjoy the advantage of being 600 miles away from both families and having the ability to turn off my cell phone and just enjoy being engaged :blush:

[TheVBs]

Good for you! You will get through this, and you don't have to compromise - especially if you're paying for everything! We paid for everything as well. We decided that a honeymoon in Europe was more important to us than feeding hundreds of people a substandard chicken dinner. And even factoring in the cost of the honeymoon we were still well under 10K! So you really can do it. Stick to your budget and your plans. Your family will get over it.

[lettripp]

#1) Enjoy being engaged! My fiance and I have been engaged for just over a year and are getting married in July - by taking a while we have enjoyed EVERY MINUTE of the planning... and it truly is saving us the stress that can come from short engagements.

#2) Unfortunately, any time you plan something that involves more than 1 person, drama can happen. Just one week after getting engaged, I had a pretty big disagreement with my parents about where the wedding would take place. After thinking about it, we realized the argument happened because we were speculating about what we wanted before sitting down to think about it from every angel. Everything worked itself out very quickly and I am confident that it will for you too.


No matter what, enjoy every minute of the planning, your time together and don't let the time pass you by!

[Ian]

Mine was easy to plan ... I told DW, "I'll handle the groomsmen, the tuxes, the limos, and the tunes. The rest is up to you. See you in 11 months!" ;)

[Dulcee]

#1) My fiance and I have been engaged for just over a year and are getting married in July - by taking a while we have enjoyed EVERY MINUTE of the planning... and it truly is saving us the stress that can come from short engagements.




I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who figured a longer engagement would be a good idea! With just under two years to plan I figured we can really take our time to find the right venue, caterer etc and put money away without it turning into a stressful battle.

Nice to know that makes sense to someone else!:)

[lettripp]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who figured a longer engagement would be a good idea! With just under two years to plan I figured we can really take our time to find the right venue, caterer etc and put money away without it turning into a stressful battle.

Nice to know that makes sense to someone else!:)

Oh it makes perfect sense! The best venue fill more than a year out! It also means you can get priority on the best (or best deal) on other aspects. The best part really is being able to spread everything out! Why would you want one of the best times of your life to be stressful if it doesn't have to be?! :-)

Oh don't forget to take advantage of The Knot and other wedding sites. The Knot has a GREAT schedule as to when you should have certain things done and it has been SO helpful!

[jmj18]

I like your idea...elope!

I should have done that!

Congratulations and enjoy your engagement!

:mickey:

[brivers222]

its your wedding and if you are paying for it, do it the way you want. If others are helping you then its kinda catch-22 that you will have to cave a bit.

but don't listen to anyone else... people are selfish by nature and then tend to take out their aggression on people who have what they want!

we got in engaged on oct 2009 and are getting married in Nov of 2011... take things with a grain of salt.

[thrillme]

Congratulations on your engagement.:thumbsup:

Sounds like you've got a good plan for the wedding. And you're thinking logically by already saving up...Don't worry about the others but sit back and be prepared for the "drama" to unfold.

And YES you can plan a very nice wedding for $10,000 or less (personally I think 10K is a pretty good chunk - you should be able to plan a nice wedding AND a nice honeymoon). The biggest thing is to make a list of what you can and cannot live without. That way you'll know where you can cut the budget and where you can't.

The brother's girlfriend that didn't get her ring and won't talk to you...HE is probably going thru the second "ice age" at home.

I think you're in good shape planning a wedding nearest to you rather than them because you have a little more control.

[forever a child]

Congratulations on your engagement. Like everyone has stated...it is your wedding, you are paying for it...do it the way you will be most happy with.

At least your families seem to like your future spouse, my father hated my fiancee. I ended up divorced and although I don't blame my father...it sure did make life a little more difficult while I was married. So be thankful it is just the wedding plans they dislike. :blush:

[faline]

When my daughter got married, I was a little disappointed that they did not want a traditional wedding. I always had images in my head of a wedding at home or at Disney with a limited, but generous guest list. They did not want that. In fact, they talked about going to Las Vegas and getting married there with only a few folks present. I suggested they consider another location - perhaps Hawaii. They took me up on that. They planned to have only us and my son-in-law's parents. They, however, were older and opted to not travel to Hawaii so it was just my daughter, myself and my husband. To be honest, the cost was about the same as it might have been had she elected the more traditional wedding but, lucky us, we got a 2 week vacation out it - which certainly woud not have happened with the more traditional wedding!

[MarkC]

Agree with the other posts-- its your wedding. I've been married 23 years (same wife). As we go on, the wedding itself means less and less and practically nothing. Its your marriage that is meaningful. Any money you spend may seem really necessary now but may seem a waste later. Keep your expenses low. But whatever you do, do it how you want to. My Mom wanted some family friends invited but we were keeping our wedding really small as well. I stood firm and told her no and she's never mentioned another word about it.

Do it for YOU, not anyone else. Good luck. And those people who are mad at you or won't talk to you wil get over it, or they're not worth worrying about anyway.

[DisneyDog]

I've been married 16 1/2 years now, and visions of the arguments I had with my mom over wedding planning still creep into my mind. I got engaged on a Friday evening. Monday morning, I went into work and my phone was ringing. It was my mom telling me that she had already booked the place for the wedding! She didn't even give me time to think about what I wanted. She pretty much took over everything because her mother didn't let her have the wedding she wanted, so "her" wedding was going to be my wedding. When my BIL married his wife, they gave me a rose. I wasn't in the wedding, but they did it to make me feel included. So, I wanted to do the same for her. Nope. My mother through a fit. She thought it was tacky and told me she wouldn't pay for anything if I gave her the flower. It was the most ridiculous thing ever and I still don't understand her reasoning behind it. We fought about this stupid thing for weeks. All I have to say is, I am so glad I have a son.

[mickeys_princess_mom]

It sounds like you two are pretty grounded, and I think you're going to be just fine! It is VERY important for you to plan what YOU want, and see it through, so there will be no regrets later. If you're planning it where you live, and paying for it, and are geographically removed from the drama, I have high hopes that you will endure and be able to have the wedding of YOUR dreams. They will get over it! Congratulations!

[TheDuckRocks]

She didn't even give me time to think about what I wanted. She pretty much took over everything because her mother didn't let her have the wedding she wanted, so "her" wedding was going to be my wedding.

48 1/2 years ago that was exactly what my mom did to me and it upset me so badly that to this day I don't actually remember my wedding ceremony. She also would not let my dad pay for anything as she stated that as I was working (as a poorly paid waitress) I could pay for it myself. And then she told my dad that since they had enough spare money "laying around" that she had made reservations for the honeymoon they never had.
This sorry story does have a happy ending as I'm now in the early stages of planning our 50th Wedding Anniversary and believe me it will be what I want.
Stick to your guns.....Do It Your Way!

[IloveJack]

My wedding (5.5 years ago) cost less than $5000 and we had a guest list of over 300 with a full sit-down dinner. We did exactly what we wanted, got married in a field (at the camp where we met) under a huge tulip poplar. It wasn't in a church, but it did cost to rent the camp out for the night, plus chairs, etc. But we did everything ourselves, also (invites, mom made my dress, cooked rather than catered, etc.). There are ways to keep costs down, if you're willing.

And just tell everyone else that if they want to plan the wedding, to go have one of their own... it's what I tell everyone that gives me pregnancy advice, and it usually works! :thedolls:

[faline]

She pretty much took over everything

You brought back memories of my wedding! I figured we'd be paying for it so had outlined what we could afford (which wasn't much) but included folks who were important to us. What we got was more extravagent than what I had in mind but included far fewer of the folks I wish I could have had there and many more distant relatives who had never been part of my life (before or after my wedding - can't imagine why they even came since a numbe ot them traveled a considerable distance to attend)! I still joke about the receiving line where my standard line was "Hello, I'm the bride. Who are you?"

[MNNHFLTX]

You brought back memories of my wedding! I figured we'd be paying for it so had outlined what we could afford (which wasn't much) but included folks who were important to us. What we got was more extravagent than what I had in mind but included far fewer of the folks I wish I could have had there and many more distant relatives who had never been part of my life (before or after my wedding - can't imagine why they even came since a numbe ot them traveled a considerable distance to attend)! I still joke about the receiving line where my standard line was "Hello, I'm the bride. Who are you?"
What a story, Linda!

I'm kind of amazed at hearing about moms who took over the planning, especially when the bride and groom were paying for the wedding. When my husband and I got married 20 years ago we pretty much payed for everything too (with a monetary gift from each set of parents, which they stipulated was to be used for our honeymoon). I was very much in control of everything and once I outlined the agenda with our parents, got a lot of support and planning help from them, for which I was immensely grateful. Our wedding cost less than $5000, which included paying for the bridesmaids' dresses, tuxes for the wedding party and our dads, flowers, food, alcohol, bridal dress, cake and reception venue. With about 100 guests, it wasn't a big wedding, but it suited us and our laid-back style.

A beautiful, meaningful wedding can be done for a reasonable amount of money, but you just have to stick to your guns with the planning!

[TheMartellFamily]

I have to tell you I love NC and there are alot of great places to have a wedding in the state. Know if there is drama everyday with family it will not matter if there is wedding planning or not. You are paying for it you do what you want and do not give them a choice. It will be ok, and Congrats

[Dulcee]

Thanks so much for all the stories everyone! (Compared to some of them you make mine and my fiance's families sound placid:secret:)

We've found a couple of farms in western NC that do weddings and have told both sets of parents when we'll be going to look at them and that they are very much invited to come and view the venues WE'VE picked out and help decide amongst them.

We've also started working on a guest list and have asked both sets of parents to contribute their "wish lists" with the caveat that we still get final say.

Thanks again folks, knew I could count on you to make me feel like I'm not the only one who's been through this!