A WWYD about travelling with "adult" child....

[mom2morgan]

This is part looking for advice and experience, and part grief counselling, I think ;-) When we go in May of 2012 my oldest daughter will be 19 years old, and just finished her first year of college. Yes, my baby turns 18 TODAY. I want a cozy family just-the-four-of-us, doing everything together every minute of the day trip to Disney like the other times we've gone :cloud9: HOWEVER, I know that boat has sailed forever :( So, I'm trying to figure out what other families do. Morgan says she has totally outgrown sharing one little room with the whole family, and needs a room of her own, or with just her sister. okay, so that would make 2 rooms at the Pop the perfect (affordable) solution. But hubby and I are wanting to try more and different - we want to do a split stay in a Mod and Deluxe we haven't tried. SOOOO...when you travel with (barely) adult kids, do you stay in the same resort? Would you have the youngster stay where they can afford it, and you stay where you want to, and meet up in between? And she's toying with the idea of bringing her BFF and staying at a Value - any opinions on how that would affect the dynamics of the trip? Every solution I consider is an attempt to turn back time so I need some objective ideas about how to accomodate an "adult" child and yet not feel like my Disney Dreams are gone forever :grouphug:

[markyv]

Unless you are intending on using the DDP, I would book two rooms at Swan and Dolphin. They have discounts for nurses, teachers, and a couple of other professions. You might even find that their other rates are comparable to moderate without the discounts.

We have stayed here and loved it. You get deluxe quality and location for the price of moderate, and the beds are "heavenly". Great beds, actually referred to as heavenly beds.

You could still get two rooms rather affordably and probably keep your daughter a little more happy on the trip. You definitely don't want her going with a bad attitude about it.

Good luck and have a great time. Family vacations are to be treasured.

[hubbyofadisneyholic]

Thankfully we haven't had to deal with that yet. Our daughter is 21 and will be a college senior next semester, but she enjoys being with us every minute at WDW because she gets our undivided attention and has never given any indication of wanting her own room.
She is showing her independence little by little at home, but at WDW she enjoys being a "kid" again.

[mom2morgan]

Thankfully we haven't had to deal with that yet. Our daughter is 21 and will be a college senior next semester, but she enjoys being with us every minute at WDW because she gets our undivided attention and has never given any indication of wanting her own room.
She is showing her independence little by little at home, but at WDW she enjoys being a "kid" again.

*sigh* I'm jealous. Well, maybe a year away from us at college will change her perspective. But I know that her issue is crowded rooms, less bathroom space, can't stand to share a bed with her sister, and mom and dad snore:shake:

[Ian]

I'd look into renting enough DVC points to get a 2BR villa somewhere.

I that would be your best solution.

[2MuchWDFun]

We haven't had this issue either...in fact our son (22y/o college student) will be joining us for our upcoming Christmas vacation. We'll all be in the same room and have always done it that way. I think you'll find that your daughter will have matured a little more over the next year and will want to spend time with her family.

I'd keep everyone as together as possible. It's a family vacation. You may want to consider renting points for a suite at one of the DVC resorts. You'd have more room, separate sleeping areas, and more privacy.

Now--I have to say that I never appreciated how tough it is to sleep with a loud snorer until my best friend and I went on a "Girls Only" cruise to the Caribbean this year. She snored so loud it would wake me up out of a dead sleep (I am one of those people that will be asleep within 5 minutes of my head hitting the pillow and stay asleep the whole night.) So, I can understand her point about the snoring issue.

[Gregandmel]

We have a 19 year old and 10 year old boys. WE've taken 2 trips the past 2 years and stayed at WL once (with bunk beds) and POFQ the 2nd time. NO WAY will the 19 yo sleep with his younger brother. He put up sort of a fight with the sleeping arrangments, but I put my foot down and said a trip to WDW wasn't just about *him* but us doing things as a family. When we stayed at POFQ (double beds) I had the boys put pillows between them so they weren't too close. And I made sure I got up earlier than normal so the bathroom was "free" for him to take a shower when he was ready. (Little brother would take his at nighttime). Our oldest also had the freedom to go to the pool by himself (while we rested) after we returned from the parks or "do his own thing" for several hours at night. He liked to eat dinner by himself sometimes and walk around the resort, etc..... we gave him his "space" each day, but he needed to be part of the family for the rest of it. We just worked around it - each family is going to be different with what they plan to make it smooth & as stree-free as possible. I don't have girls, so that might be an entirely different situation with what they can handle "space wise" but I made it clear to BOTH of our boys that trips to WDW were a BIG DEAL financially for us and if they fought or had petty issues, we wouldn't be coming back anytime soon. They were both on pretty good behavior on both trips, but we set the ground rules up early on. Good luck to you - I know you want your trip to be wonderful and I know it will - magic is always in the air at WDW and sometimes even those with high demands seem to bring it down a notch (sometimes - LOL!) ENJOY!!!!:thumbsup:

[Buttercup]

If it were me, I would compromise this way:

Spend 2-3 nights at the hotel that YOU like, (say a Deluxe or whatever) with the stipulation that she HAS to stay in the same room as you guys just for financial sake.

Then spend the remaining days of your trip in 2 separate rooms at POP, so that she gets the thrill of having her own room, but still within budget.

That way, everybody gets what they want, plus you get to see 2 separate resorts!
:thumbsup:

[mom2morgan]

Thanks - that's an option I hadn't thought of, so I'll think about it. Thanks, too, for your response under the pools thread. I know from other discussions that pool hopping isn't allowed - but I agree with you that it wouldn't even have occurred to me that it isn't allowed if I handn't just happened across the information.



Unless you are intending on using the DDP, I would book two rooms at Swan and Dolphin. They have discounts for nurses, teachers, and a couple of other professions. You might even find that their other rates are comparable to moderate without the discounts.

We have stayed here and loved it. You get deluxe quality and location for the price of moderate, and the beds are "heavenly". Great beds, actually referred to as heavenly beds.

You could still get two rooms rather affordably and probably keep your daughter a little more happy on the trip. You definitely don't want her going with a bad attitude about it.

Good luck and have a great time. Family vacations are to be treasured.

[mom2morgan]

I'd look into renting enough DVC points to get a 2BR villa somewhere.

I that would be your best solution.
ooh! That would certainly make her happy :-)

[mom2morgan]

Yes, I'm hoping the time apart will make a difference! I do truly sympathize on the snoring, but she used to say ear plugs worked pretty well :-)

We haven't had this issue either...in fact our son (22y/o college student) will be joining us for our upcoming Christmas vacation. We'll all be in the same room and have always done it that way. I think you'll find that your daughter will have matured a little more over the next year and will want to spend time with her family.

I'd keep everyone as together as possible. It's a family vacation. You may want to consider renting points for a suite at one of the DVC resorts. You'd have more room, separate sleeping areas, and more privacy.

Now--I have to say that I never appreciated how tough it is to sleep with a loud snorer until my best friend and I went on a "Girls Only" cruise to the Caribbean this year. She snored so loud it would wake me up out of a dead sleep (I am one of those people that will be asleep within 5 minutes of my head hitting the pillow and stay asleep the whole night.) So, I can understand her point about the snoring issue.

[mom2morgan]

GREAT advice - I like everything you said. I think that's what I'll do - I can't force her to come, of course, but she LOVES Disney. So I can certainly suggest the compromises that you did (last time we went, she did one day of park hopping just to shop, and loved it!). I think beyond that I might just say "This is what we're doing, this is where we're staying, and if you'd like to make and pay for different arrangements for yourself, go ahead." (But that is slightly coloured by the Christmas tree debacle with the whole family that I just lived through, LOL Honestly, some days I can't wait 'till she leaves for college for a few months ;-)



We have a 19 year old and 10 year old boys. WE've taken 2 trips the past 2 years and stayed at WL once (with bunk beds) and POFQ the 2nd time. NO WAY will the 19 yo sleep with his younger brother. He put up sort of a fight with the sleeping arrangments, but I put my foot down and said a trip to WDW wasn't just about *him* but us doing things as a family. When we stayed at POFQ (double beds) I had the boys put pillows between them so they weren't too close. And I made sure I got up earlier than normal so the bathroom was "free" for him to take a shower when he was ready. (Little brother would take his at nighttime). Our oldest also had the freedom to go to the pool by himself (while we rested) after we returned from the parks or "do his own thing" for several hours at night. He liked to eat dinner by himself sometimes and walk around the resort, etc..... we gave him his "space" each day, but he needed to be part of the family for the rest of it. We just worked around it - each family is going to be different with what they plan to make it smooth & as stree-free as possible. I don't have girls, so that might be an entirely different situation with what they can handle "space wise" but I made it clear to BOTH of our boys that trips to WDW were a BIG DEAL financially for us and if they fought or had petty issues, we wouldn't be coming back anytime soon. They were both on pretty good behavior on both trips, but we set the ground rules up early on. Good luck to you - I know you want your trip to be wonderful and I know it will - magic is always in the air at WDW and sometimes even those with high demands seem to bring it down a notch (sometimes - LOL!) ENJOY!!!!:thumbsup:

[mom2morgan]

That seems fair - and if she won't stay in the same room with us at the Deluxe, I guess the decision is in her hands.


If it were me, I would compromise this way:

Spend 2-3 nights at the hotel that YOU like, (say a Deluxe or whatever) with the stipulation that she HAS to stay in the same room as you guys just for financial sake.

Then spend the remaining days of your trip in 2 separate rooms at POP, so that she gets the thrill of having her own room, but still within budget.

That way, everybody gets what they want, plus you get to see 2 separate resorts!
:thumbsup:

[Dakota Rose]

I just wanted to say, "good luck and stand your ground." My kids are still little, but my sister was always pushing the envelope with these things when we were young adults. So good luck! Keep smiling!

[Scar]

Would you have the youngster stay where they can afford it, and you stay where you want to, and meet up in between?Does this mean your kids are paying their own way? If so, they are adults and should stay where they want to.

[PrettyMinnie]

We recently did a cruise where all 4 kids in our family stayed their own cabin on the ship. There were 2 sets of bunk beds so each had their own space and were away from parents for a time but still enjoyed the family activities and dinners. It's also fun to spend time with just your siblings. That being said, if your daughter really has her heart set on her own space and sleeping area, I would recommend 2 rooms but at the same resort. I suspect she will be more willing to spend some quality time with her family after a year away from home (I know I was!), but I also suspect her desire for her own bed and more room will still be there. The Swan and Dolphin seems like an ideal solution for deluxe amenities without the $$$ making 2 rooms possible. Either way it is WDW and everyone will enjoy themselves! Happy planning!

[hubbyofadisneyholic]

*sigh* I'm jealous. Well, maybe a year away from us at college will change her perspective. But I know that her issue is crowded rooms, less bathroom space, can't stand to share a bed with her sister, and mom and dad snore:shake:

Her perspective may very well change.
Our daughter succumbed to the pressure from her HS teachers and went away for her freshman year of college. It wasn't long before she decided dorm life wasn't her cup of tea. She transferred to a college within commuting distance from home, freely admitting that she preferred being home, sharing a bathroom with just 2 people and having her own room.
And NOT having a drunk roommate wandering in at all hours of the night. ;)

[frozman]

LOL, I have an opinion for you, but from the "Adult Childs" perspective

During my trips in 2005 (Shades of Green) and 2006 (Pop Century) I was 20 and 21 respectively. The 2005 trip was with my mom and sister, and the 2006 trip was with my dad and sister (about 12-13 at the time). But anyway, we always stayed in the same room. Maybe it's because there was just one parent or because my parents were paying for the trip and I knew I really wasn't in any place to make demands (hint hint), or it could be because I am a guy and I think girls are a little more sensitive to that, but I will tell you that I had no issues sharing the room. I think the real issue was me coming back to the hotel room at 2:30 am after a Magic Kingdom EMH waking my parents and sister up LOL. But I can certainly see how 4 people in a value room would be kind of crowded.
I will tell you at age 25 now, if my parents offered a trip again, I'd go, and not complain about being in the same room.

BTW, if you or your husband are active military or retired military, you may want to look into Shades of Green. Though not a Disney owned Resort, it once was one of their deluxe resorts and has rates about the same as a value.
Personally, what I'd do though is maybe book her a room at POP for the whole trip, and you and your husband do whatever it is you most wanted to. Or, you can simply tell her "You want it your way, you pay for it".

[Scar]

This thread reminds me of a funny story. Last year my parents paid for a trip for the family: them, us 3 kids, spouses, and 3 grandkids at The Beach Club. I (around 43 at the time) was arriving by car several days after everyone else but ended up getting there around 11:00 the night before I was suppose to. My room was available but they wouldn't give me the discount and I wasn't about to pay $360 just to sleep for the night. So I called my Mom from the lobby and asked if I could sleep on the folding couch that all (or at least most I assume) BC rooms have. She politely told me to hit the road so I ended up at The All-Stars for that one night.

Just for the record. I love my Mom very much and don't blame her one bit for not wanting to be disturbed that late at night. I'm sure if there were no rooms available anywhere in the area she would have let me stay.

[White Rose]

I'm also going to come at this from the "Adult Child" perspective. To be honest, I can very much see where your daughter is coming from. I also have a younger sister (we're six years apart) and by the time I was 16-18 years old, I just could not handle sleeping with her--she had a tendency to kick. ;) Not to mention, my father was a snorer (he hadn't been diagnosed with his sleep apnea yet and had not been issued his CPAP) and it was REALLY difficult to sleep in this same room as him.

Staying in the same room, I think, doesn't have to translate into "family time" I think. I personally think family time is really more the time spent in the parks, vs. staying in a small room--don't let that make you feel like you're compromising on family time, if your daughter is in another room. I would also suggest taking the money you would normally use to stay a a Deluxe or Mod, to rent DVC and stay in a Villa or something along those lines. The 2 bedroom would be perfect as she could still be with her sister, but also still have her own bed. My mother was pretty understanding about my need to have more space, so we just started making sure we shopped for a REALLY good deals on 2 bedroom suites and the like for vacations. I never minded sharing a room with my sister on vacation--it was sharing a BED. :thumbsup:

Now, if she is considering bringing a friend and staying at a Value, I would nix that--epsecially, if you are the one paying for that trip. It would skew the dynamics a lot, in my own opinion, and based on what you've stated in this thread so far, I'm afraid she may try to find more time to hang out her friend vs. family time. Insist that if you're paying her way, she needs to stay with the family, but I also think it will mean a lot to her if you agree to a 2 bedroom sitaution of some kind--compromise on both ends!

I hope that helped!

[nicster]

I get the dilemma, this is my experience. When our daughter comes with us, without a friend, she is 100% our daughter. When she comes with a friend, she is a friend to us... I hope that makes sense.

[mom2morgan]

Does this mean your kids are paying their own way? If so, they are adults and should stay where they want to.

That IS the dilemma. I'd assumed we'd pay all her expenses and she'd stay with us... but since she started saying she "needs" her own room, one thought in my mind is to tell her that if she "needs" a separate room she can pay for it herself. In which case she'd have to stay at the VAlues, and then it doesn't feel like we're together as a family. At THIS point she seems to think I should spring for her to have her own room (at my expense) at the hotels we stay at. I'm afraid that really isn't in my budget without hardship, so I was trying to decide how hard a line to take. And I think I've decided to go right with "Here are our plans. You are welcome to join us. If you wish to make other arrangements at your own expense, you are free to do that as well."

[mom2morgan]

Thanks for the perspective from the other side of the fence! I've decided she's being unreasonable - isn't that the job of a just-turned 18 year old? LOL


LOL, I have an opinion for you, but from the "Adult Childs" perspective

During my trips in 2005 (Shades of Green) and 2006 (Pop Century) I was 20 and 21 respectively. The 2005 trip was with my mom and sister, and the 2006 trip was with my dad and sister (about 12-13 at the time). But anyway, we always stayed in the same room. Maybe it's because there was just one parent or because my parents were paying for the trip and I knew I really wasn't in any place to make demands (hint hint), or it could be because I am a guy and I think girls are a little more sensitive to that, but I will tell you that I had no issues sharing the room. I think the real issue was me coming back to the hotel room at 2:30 am after a Magic Kingdom EMH waking my parents and sister up LOL. But I can certainly see how 4 people in a value room would be kind of crowded.
I will tell you at age 25 now, if my parents offered a trip again, I'd go, and not complain about being in the same room.

BTW, if you or your husband are active military or retired military, you may want to look into Shades of Green. Though not a Disney owned Resort, it once was one of their deluxe resorts and has rates about the same as a value.
Personally, what I'd do though is maybe book her a room at POP for the whole trip, and you and your husband do whatever it is you most wanted to. Or, you can simply tell her "You want it your way, you pay for it".

[mom2morgan]

There is much wisdom in that response, White Rose! Thank you for the great suggestions and insight. HAve you MET my daughter? LOL


I'm also going to come at this from the "Adult Child" perspective. To be honest, I can very much see where your daughter is coming from. I also have a younger sister (we're six years apart) and by the time I was 16-18 years old, I just could not handle sleeping with her--she had a tendency to kick. ;) Not to mention, my father was a snorer (he hadn't been diagnosed with his sleep apnea yet and had not been issued his CPAP) and it was REALLY difficult to sleep in this same room as him.

Staying in the same room, I think, doesn't have to translate into "family time" I think. I personally think family time is really more the time spent in the parks, vs. staying in a small room--don't let that make you feel like you're compromising on family time, if your daughter is in another room. I would also suggest taking the money you would normally use to stay a a Deluxe or Mod, to rent DVC and stay in a Villa or something along those lines. The 2 bedroom would be perfect as she could still be with her sister, but also still have her own bed. My mother was pretty understanding about my need to have more space, so we just started making sure we shopped for a REALLY good deals on 2 bedroom suites and the like for vacations. I never minded sharing a room with my sister on vacation--it was sharing a BED. :thumbsup:

Now, if she is considering bringing a friend and staying at a Value, I would nix that--epsecially, if you are the one paying for that trip. It would skew the dynamics a lot, in my own opinion, and based on what you've stated in this thread so far, I'm afraid she may try to find more time to hang out her friend vs. family time. Insist that if you're paying her way, she needs to stay with the family, but I also think it will mean a lot to her if you agree to a 2 bedroom sitaution of some kind--compromise on both ends!

I hope that helped!

[White Rose]

There is much wisdom in that response, White Rose! Thank you for the great suggestions and insight. HAve you MET my daughter? LOL

LOL! I can't say I have but I have most definitely been there and done that! That's always such a difficult age--I can assure you this is all COMPLETELY normal and this too, shall pass. My parents had such struggles with me when I was her age and to be honest, it actually got worse once I started college (I was a resident student at a college about 45 minutes away from my hometown). It was difficult coming home and having to answer to parents after being on my own at school and making my own decisions. You're in this rock and this hard place--old/legally enough to make your own decisions, but still financially dependent on your parents to get anywhere. Luckily, with some pixie dust and some patience, my parents and I worked through it (me being a bit more understanding and listening and my parents giving me a little bit more leeway and not constantly bringing up the paying for school part).

And, if it helps at all, there's a HUGE difference between 18 and 22 when she finally graduates! I can attest to that right now, LOL!

Anyway, thanks for your kind words, and I'm glad they seemed to have helped somewhat! :thumbsup: