roommate trouble for son

[Tiggerlovr9000]

My son rented a house with 2 other grad students. Since he was the closest he took off work and got all the utilities hooked up in his name.{my dad signed for deposits so they wouldnt have the expense}. My son had no furniture and so we let it be known and a local couple whose parent had passed away gave him a houseful of furniture. everything you could think of was included. My son rented a truck and we moved it all in and my son also paid to have carpets cleaned. The rental house is 100 miles away from our house so it cost us roughly 100 dollars for every trip we made. He also got the landlord to reduce rent for first 6 months and do the mowing. Everytime he went there he had to take off work.
So the only thing his roommates had to do when they arrived was put away their clothes in dressers that were provided and one even took the extra bed that was there.
My son hooked up the utilities on the budget plan so you have the same payments every month because he didnt want to be surprised with a 300 heating bill.
There are 2 tv's that are used by everyone and they both belong to my son. Sorry this is so long.
The trouble is now they are picking on my son. Saying he washes his clothes to much so he should pay more of the electric bill and they dont want to be on budget. They want to put the heat at 60 degrees this winter and when my son said the pipes could freeze they laughed at him. They are both from warm parts of the world and don't know about harsh winters. We are at a loss how to help. He is hanging in his room to avoid them. He did tell them if they wanted to be off budget that one of them could put the utilities in their name and pay the deposits. Any advice? thanks in advance.

[Aurora]

I'm not a lawyer and the laws vary from state to state, but my first question is, is the lease in his name? Or all three? Unfortunately if all three signed the lease, he's kind of stuck at least paying the rent and any other specified expenses for the remainder of the lease. If it's just in his name, he can ask the others to leave and find some other roommates.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

I'm not a lawyer and the laws vary from state to state, but my first question is, is the lease in his name? Or all three? Unfortunately if all three signed the lease, he's kind of stuck at least paying the rent and any other specified expenses for the remainder of the lease. If it's just in his name, he can ask the others to leave and find some other roommates.

Unfortunately all three.

[brownie]

Turn off the utilities and see how long they last.

[SBETigg]

I think he has to work on making it look like he's making compromises. If he's using more of the utilities, it might make sense to his roommates to ask him to pay more of the utilities (overlooking the fact that he did so much of the work to set up and the furniture and TVs are his). Basically, the comfort of washing to his liking and keeping the heat turned up (they will probably change their tune when it's colder) might be worth paying more of the utilities, and it might avoid further problems. If one of them moves out, it will cost more for everything. A lease might not stop that from happening. People break commitments all the time, especially when they think someone else will be stuck with the problems.

They need to try to work together and get along. That said, if it is really hard on your son, he can somehow try limiting the use of his things or countering the utility bills by charging the roommates for their share of the furniture/TVs/carpet cleaning. The worst thing is probably to let them know that they're getting to him and to allow himself to be the one cornered and hanging out in his room. If he shows that he can be that easily frazzled, he becomes more of a target. Sounds like maybe he has to toughen up and hold his ground, while keeping a friendly attitude (as if there's no problem, he's not bothered). I think he would be better served to to make a point of not staying in his room but enjoying the lay of the house. Let the other two go to their rooms if they don't like it. He especially needs to hold his ground on the heat issue. He's absolutely right on that, and the other two are clearly ignorant on the issue. Convincing them won't be easy, but it will be easier once they understand winter in your part of the world. Maybe there's some internet advice or site on safe winter home care that could help him prove his point to the roommates?

[Dulcee]

Having lived with three other girls as a senior in college I can tell you anytime you have more then two students in a house there will be problems, someone is always odd man out.

That being said, he does need to hold his ground. Allowing the other two to gang up on him will only make things worse.

As far as the heat issue, wait for winter to roll around and watch how quickly that changes. Right now it sounds like the other two students are learning that being an adult, responsible for your own bills, is not nearly as fun as they thought it would be. Tell your son to give it some time. And tell him to stick up for himself. He needs to remind his roommates of everything he has done so far and also remind them who's name the bills are in. Once they start coming to terms with the fact that the majority of their money now needs to head towards bills they'll probably start to level out.

[MNNHFLTX]

They probably all need to sit down and come to an agreement about these issues--even put it in writing. That way there won't be any more misunderstandings or baseless complaining from his roommates. Not much you can do from your standpoint except encourage your son to hold his ground, as previously mentioned.

[brivers222]

sounds like he needs to shut off the utilities and keep them off until one of the other boys decide to put it in his name... The way i look at it.. your name is on it, you get to pay less than everyone else... because you have the most to lose in the deal.

[azdisneymom]

It sounds like your family did a lot of nice things to get things up and running in the house. However I have a feeling you did this to help your son out and it was not a part of his agreement with the roomies. I am sorry your ds feels picked on but he is an adult and needs to work things out. If the other roomies want off the budget plan then tell them as of XX/xx/xx the current plan will be terminated and one of the others will need to set up the new plan. Then your ds will need to budget appropriately for his share of the expenses.

As for doing laundry too much, he needs to take an honest look at how many loads he does a week. If he consistantly does 2 or 3 loads more than the others then maybe they have a point. If it is just once in a while they need to get over it.

My dd had a horrible roommate her freshman year and it made life miserable. She had to learn when to stand up for herself and when to compromise. I wish the best outcome for your ds.

[BrerGnat]

Let him deal with this on his own. I know it's hard, as a mother, but really, trust me on this!

This is a valuable life lesson that he needs to figure out on his own. Being able to work out problems, compromise, etc. is what life is all about.

I had the WORST roommate experiences in college (we only had student housing our freshman year, and after that, everyone rented apartments). I could write a book...seriously. It was bad. I had two YEARS of bad experiences. And, I handled all this stuff as a 19-20 year old. WITHOUT my parents. They helped financially with rent and utilities, BUT they really had NO idea what types of roommates I was dealing with. Just as a teaser: I had a schizophrenic that we ended up having to have "taken away"; I had a male roommate who really loved doing "X" and getting high out of his mind and blasting music at all hours; a roommate had numerous male "friends" who would climb in her window in the middle of the night to visit (we were on the second floor too...); a roommate who was stalking her ex boyfriend; and a roommate who simply dropped out of college and bailed on us, leaving us to pay her share of rent for the rest of the lease....

Honestly, what your son is dealing with is VERY minor. Consider him lucky. There are some crazy people out there! He will figure out how to deal with this.

[SBETigg]

BrerGnat, I'm sorry about your bad experiences, but I would totally read that book. :blush: Get busy. :thumbsup:

[dnickels]

Let him deal with this on his own. I know it's hard, as a mother, but really, trust me on this!

Not a parent, but gotta agree! Not completely related but it makes for a good aside - I talked to a U of Wisconsin professor last winter while he was visiting Key West and after he had a few beers in him he couldn't stop talking about the epidemic of helicopter parents he has to deal with. Parents calling the prof to tell him their son/daughter is going on family vacation and can they get the homework/assignments/readings ahead of time. Parents calling him with excuses for why the child missed class, and on and on.

Not saying you're one of those! :mickey: Just that if he's a grad student he's old enough to deal with it on his own.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

Thanks for the replies. Since all three of them had only been in the dorms, they were not educated on how the utilities worked. My ds asked me to explain it to everyone including him. After I did this everyone was fine with it. I told them that I totally understand their wanting to keep the bills down. My ds has agreed to only wash full loads of laundry. Also I explained that if they go on line that the insurance companies suggest the heat be set at at least 68 degrees in the winter. None of this was done with malice or portraying my son as a martyr. One of the roommates had set up an appointment with the landlord to have the same discussion. My ds has had roommates for the last 5 years and we have never gotten involved. thanks for the advice....

[SBETigg]

Tracey, that's such good news. It sounds like they worked together and worked it out, and that your son's roommates actually listened and learned a little. You must feel so much better.