Please Help!

[mjaclyn]

I'm in the middle of a problem and I'm not sure how to proceed. In September I enrolled my DD (then 2yrs) in a dance class. She absolutely LOVES the class and looks forward to it every week. I've been talking to her about the dance recital at the end of the year and she can't wait to wear her costume and do her dance onstage. I've also already paid $120 towards the recital (still owe another $60), but after some of the information I've heard from the other parents I'm not sure if I should let her be in it. Apparently, (and I just confirmed this with the Studio's assistant), there are 5 Saturday rehearsals before the show. Each of those rehearsals are four hours long and parents are not allowed to come. The kids are not allowed to bring snacks either. (Good luck keeping a 3 yo happy with no food for 4 hours) There is also a dress rehearsal the night before the show at the theater (which BTW is 45 minutes from my house even though the dance studio is right around the corner), which also lasts at least 4 hours and NO parents are allowed. During the show, again, NO parents are allowed backstage. Does anyone else think there's something wrong with that? When I was my daughter's age and in dance recitals my mom was always backstage and at the rehearsals with me, along with the other girls' mothers. This really bothers me a lot. I guess what this dance studio does is let each one of the older girls (by older they mean 13 to 16 years old) take one of the younger girls under her wing. My problem is, I've never met any of these girls. How do I know what kind of families they come from? We don't use bad language in our family and I would be really upset if my 3 yo came home with an extended vocabulary. Also, (and this is not to say that any of these kids are bad or have bad motives), but in this day and age I'm constantly reading in the news about young kids doing sick things to one another...whether it be hurting them, bullying, molesting, whatever. My DD is sill potty training and needs someone to take her to the bathroom and help her wipe herself. There is NO possible way that I'm allowing some kid whom I've never met do that. End of story. Plus, the kids will be getting dressed and undressed...what if some sick person took a video with their phone and uploaded it onto YouTube? Is it probable? No. Possible? Yes, and honestly, I would feel absolutely terrible if something like that happened to my DD when I could have prevented it.

I'm also not one of those parents who would just let 'anyone' watch my kids. IF I go out I'll always leave them with a trusted family member.

To make a long story short, I spoke to the assistant on the phone and let her know my concerns. She told me that she'd let the studio owner know and that I could speak with her next week during her dance class. I am SO nervous. I am not one for any type of confrontation. My question is - should I be prepared to lose the money I've put down to say that DD can't be in the show if the owner won't budge? I also would feel really bad taking her out of the school now that the year is already half over. DD loves her class and is really excited about the recital - I'd hate to disappoint her. I just don't know what to do. Please help!!

[brownie]

Wow, I'm surprised they do that with children that young. 3 is awfully young to have for that long without a parent there.

[deedeebee]

WOW! Both of my DD's were in dance class, nothing like this! I would never have gone for it at such a young age. My DD's are 13 and 11 now, but I say Mom knows best. Good luck.

[princess mommy]

When my daughter was just 3, we went through something similar with her dance class. When it was time for recital, they wanted $60 for the costume, rehearsals were outrageously long and tickets to the show-which was an hour away were $10 a person even for lap-held children. And this was 10 years ago.
I spoke to the teacher about pretty much the same concerns that you had. Mind you, we were never aloud to watch any of the classes and were invited in only a handful of times for the last 10 minutes to observe. They had the shades pulled at all times on the door and the teacher would stop class to bring a child out that had to go to the bathroom.
Anyway, I was told that participation was optional and that that was the way they always did things. I pulled her from class and we never went back once rehearsals began. We found other activities such as swim class and gymnastics that she loved more and I could watch my then 3 year old improve and grow confident. She's 11 now and is a great break dancer and doesn't remember anything about her 1st dance class.
Good luck and listen to the little voice in your head.

[SBETigg]

Wow, that seems like such a hassle for the dance instructors and other students! I can see your worry, obviously. I would have concerns, too. But thinking about the other side of the coin, it just seems that they are courting unnecessary aggravation having to care and keep track of all those kids. It seems so excessive. 5 four hour rehearsals? Wow.

When I was a kid, we always had regular classes up until dress rehearsal time (2 days of that), and then the show. And parents were always welcome. When my daughter had dance class, parents were allowed to stay with the kids except for backstage, no parents backstage. I would probably let her enjoy the class, but trust your judgment on participation in the actual rehearsals/recital at this point. It might be lost money, unfortunately.

[ibelieveindisneymagic]

You need to do what feels right for you and your daughter.

But, I wanted to give you the other side of the picture. I produce a Children's Musical at church every year, and we don't allow parents anywhere near the rehearsals or the show.

We do put a lot of demands on the kids as the show weekend approaches, they are there every evening the week before the show, as well as their regular rehearsals, and then we do two performances, all without the parents being anywhere around.

We have found that it is MUCH easier NOT to have the parents around. We ensure the supervision of the kids, ensure they take bathroom breaks, provide snacks when required, etc, but without the parents it all goes so much smoother. We find that every parent has a different idea of what is "OK" and we totally loose control when they are around, as the kids will listen to their parents instead of the production crew. With so many ways of doing things, nothing actually gets done.

But, I'm not trying to change your mind. Only you know what is best for your daughter, just wanted to give you another perspective.

[Fairy Grandmother]

I would never agree to this for a child as young as yours! In fact, I don't think it is a good idea for any child under 12 years old.

I hope there are other dance schools in your area. Now you know what questions to ask before enrolling.

[Tinkermom]

5 four hour rehearsals is quite excessive for a 3 year old in my opinion. I work in children's ministry at a mega-church so deal with kids all of the time and also have been involved with our musical productions. We have LOTS of policies and procedures in place to keep kids safe and we also have LOTS of parent helpers (ADULTS!). Parents are allowed to come watch the dress rehearsals for our productions.

I agree with the others who say to listen to the voice in your head. If it does not feel right pull your little girl out and find either another dance studio or something else for her to be involved in. She will most likely not even remember any of this as she gets older. Good luck!

[Georgesgirl1]

I would be wary of that many rehersals for a child that young. Our dress rehersals for high school plays were not even that long and our director was really tough on us! Not to mention the ban on parents. I am teacher, and understand that sometimes it is easier not to have a ton of parents at an event because you can lose control like Heather mentioned. BUT, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a 3 year old in the care of someone I did not know. A teacher or church nursery worker I knew and trusted, sure...a stranger, nope.

[mjaclyn]

I can understand why it would be more difficult having a lot of parents around for a play or different type of production. This is a dance recital...just one dance right after the other. All I want to be able to do is help her in and out of her costumes, take her to the bathroom if she needs to go, and provide a snack/drink if needed. I would think having the younger kids parents there would be more helpful than anything else. If the kids are older, I understand that the parents may not need to be there...but 3 years old?

I called around to a few other dance schools in the area and they ALL let parents backstage and at rehearsals. I think there was one school that had a sign-up sheet in order to work backstage and that meant you couldn't watch the performance, but at least you have the option. None of the other schools have such excessive rehearsal schedules either. They rehearse their own dances in their specific dance class and then there is one dress rehearsal before the performance. One studio said they may have room for DD to go to their Kinderdance class, but they'd have to let me know. I'd really like to have a backup plan in case things go south once I speak to DD's dance teacher next week. The more I think about it, the less I want her to be in this recital. She's only three and supposed to be in 5 dances. The poor thing is probably going to be incredibly exhausted. I'm really annoyed because if I had been told all of this at the beginning of the year I wouldn't have even had her go to this dance school. The only thing we were told is that there were 5 rehearsals before the show and 1 dress rehearsal. No one said anything about EACH of those rehearsals being at least 4 hours long, and no one said that parents weren't allowed at any of these things. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time and money.

[thrillme]

If she was about 9 that would probably be ok...but really 2-3??? (I'm guessing she's turning 3 soon). That seems to be a bit on the excessive side.