Split in two- what would you do?

[Lizzy]

Ok, this might end up being a book, but here it goes.


I recently got divorced, and have my child sharing parenting plan all ironed out and court ordered. Ex gets them during the day Mon and Wed. Then he gets them Friday morning until Saturday at 6 every other week and until 12 Sunday the other weeks. Due to his extra amounts of having them, I get not even half of what the state requires for Child Support. That is really not the important part.

I work 2 jobs, and the parenting plan was based on my work schedule mostly.

My first job, is with a Health Insurance company that pays double what the second job does, and is Mon- Fri 8-5. Problem is, it is boring as all get out, I don't understand half of the job, I can't get up in the morning well so I am late almost every day, and it is a 40 minute drive there and an hour drive home (traffic is strange in Melbourne) that does not include driving my kids all over town to Daycare, grandma's, dad's whatever! I can't stand it actually, but the pay is so good.

My second job (which I actually had first) is my restaurant manager job-which I have always said is the best job I have ever had. However, it is mostly nights, and doesn't pay squat.

Here is my problem. My sister is more than willing to keep the kids on the 2-3 nights a week that I would have to work. My boyfriend is also a restaurant manager, we started at the same store but I am transferring this week. I will welcome the fact that I will no longer be working opposite schedules from him, but between the two of us the bills will be barely making it. I will have the baby most days, but according to my court paperwork, I will have to still take them to dad's on Mon and Wed. Which while it sounds like it could be a good thing to get that extra sleep, I will actually be giving up a ton of extra time with them.

Or I could keep my other job and keep getting paid the big bucks but be miserable. I don't fit in with anybody there. The one friend I had there moved away. The restaurant job envigorates me. Many people work nights and still manage to raise normal kids right? My sister and the kids father live very close to my store and my house, so it wouldn't be a big deal to pick them up at 12:30 and take them home. They wouldn't lose a whole lot of sleep.

Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated! I am so torn between two worlds that I know I can't keep it up forever. I have to make a choice, and I don't want it to be to late.

[NotaGeek]

Well, if you are that unhappy and unfulfilled at your primary job, odds are that the company has noticed. Is there any chance that your on-time preformance and general dislike an understanding of what the job entails might get you fired? If so, keep your 2nd job for sure. In this economy companies are far more likely to take action, so beware.

Maybe in this case doing what is best to help you raise your children is the best answer ... and that can be part of your decision. Good mental health or good pay with benefits. It's an age-old dilemma for sure. Good luck on whatever you decide.

[PirateLover]

Have you done a budget and figured out if you can realistically live your life on just the restaurant job? I am usually of the mindset that you need to do what makes you happy, but with a child in the mix you need to be responsible too.

[Lizzy]

Yes, I have done a budget check. Things will definatly be tight at first until we adjust, but not so bad that we have to make a huge lifestyle change. Having been a single mom twice in the past has made me pretty frugal. I just worry that something major will come up.

I will lose my health coverage, but the restaurant does have medical benefits. My main thing is, I will be giving up the nights with my kids, but I will gain the daytime. I know that I will have to sleep sometime, but can fit that in around my kids schedule. Right now, my BF works nights, and I usually stay up to see him for a little while before I go to bed, and still get up in the morning (granted I do hit snooze one too many times)

It's a hard decision. I don't want my kids father to come back and try to fight me to keep them all the time then. I wouldn't have the money for a lawyer at that point.

[BigRedDad]

I am not divorced and not sure how to answer, bu here goes my opinion. Happiness is most important. If you are happy and living in a refrigerator box, it is more important than being miserable and barely making ends meet.

I told my wife if I could sell my house, make $50k on it, find a piece of property to put a paid for trailer on it, I would be happy. I have poked fun of "trailer people" with the tornadoes and what-not. However, looking at it in this economy, the housing crash how nice would it be to have a piece of land, a place to sleep, and no mortgage? I would love to put that $1300 in investments every year. I could retire 10 years earlier, I would have college for my DD3 paid for, I wouldn't be in my current situation of having to find out how to make it to our next paycheck due to another new $2000 bill.

[Disney Doll]

I once worked a job that I hated and quitting that job was the best thing I ever did. I was so much happier and less stressed. I didn't have any kids at the time, but I'm sure that I would have been a better mother without all the stress and unhappiness about work. Kids are pretty in tune to stuff like that.

However, giving up time with the kids is tough. I know that as a working mother I can't stand to be away from my son any more than I have to for work. However, I think that's the reality of divorce. SIL looses a lot of time with her son because of shared custody. Some weeks she barely sees him because she's at work all day M-F and then he's with dad from Thursday- Sunday. It's not ideal, but dad deserves time too. Good luck with your decision!