WDW without Mom

[thejens]

I have been to WDW three times, and every time my Mom came with us. Just weeks ago, she passed away after a sudden exacerbation of her Pulmonary Fibrosis. Naturally, my two sons and our family are shocked and grieving. I am still planning our WDW vacation for the first week of June at AKL. I know this one will be bittersweet and filled with memories for us. Usually one of my sisters and their kids come with us, but his time it will just be the 4 of us. I wonder if any of you have ever been in a similar situation and how you coped or even made it meaningful. My youngest, who just turned 5, keeps asking questions like "is Grandma's ghost coming with us to Disney World?" (He is a little confused between the idea of soul/spirit and too many Scooby Doo cartoons, I am afraid.) I have chosen the AKL because Mom never stayed at that one with us. I am trying to focus on the positive and unique aspects of being just the 4 of us. "No princesses, guys! Just pirates!" (Of course, I always enjoy the princesses, shhh) Not sure what I am asking for, but am having a harder time planning this trip and wondered if anyone had similar experiences going from big family trips to "just Us this time."

[andreallybadeggs]

I am so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are taking the right steps to make it a different kind of vacation without forgetting your sweet Mom. Not sure how old your kids are but you might prepare them for the likelihood that there could be some tears this trip but that it is natural when you are revisiting a place that reminds you of a loved one who has passed. Then I will tell you that my experience is that you tend to steel yourself for the big "expected" moments and so those are sometimes easier to face than you might expect. It's the little, unexpected ones that get you.
For example, you might hold up very well during Wishes and then break down as the balloon vendor walks by. Focusing on the happy memories is never a bad idea, though, so I wish you and your family a bittersweet yet thoroughly wonderful trip as you look back, look around, look forward, and count your blessings together.

[dmosher]

This can be a very tough one. I used to go to WDW with my best friend and after his death, going was bitter sweet. Now the memories are not replaced but rather merged with the amazing ones I have with my wife and friends we meet there. The times I have with A. will never be far from my mind or heart, but they allow me to see each event after them in WDW as an amazing one and I cherish them all.

on a side note, I did once hear a small child ask, " Is that grandma?" in the ball room in the haunted mansion and the mother replied, " it could be honey, this is where ghost s go on vacation". I thought that was very smart and when the little kid yelled, "Hi grandma!" the whole line of doom buggies laughed and yelled hello grandma as well. The child seemed very happy and asked if they could go see grandma again before they left.

Go, try to have fun and yes it will be hard and yes you will cry, but cry happy tears knowing that those we have spent time in this most magical place that are no longer with us are forever in our hearts during our magical stay and beyond.
:pipes:
D

[kemps@wdw]

My sincerest and deepest sympathy for your loss. I can ony surmise that WDW was a place that your mamma liked. If so, then she would surely want you to go and enjoy yourselves. It will most certainly be bittersweet for you and your family, but rest assured, if she's in your heart (which she definitely is) then she will be with you there in spirit! In spite of the fact that there will be certain things...rides, smells, sights, etc... that will bring tears to your eyes, WDW has certain "healing powers" and should provide a certain comfort in knowing that you're in a place that she loved. (and I liked the HM theory). God bless you and yours and may your magical journey help you thru this most difficult time.

[ransam]

i am sorry to hear about your mom.

[brewcrew26]

So sorry to hear about your loss. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

I lost my mom in March '01 and we had an Aug. trip planned. We continued as planned because we knew that's what she would tell us to do. But, it was a very difficult trip that was bittersweet.

[csdavis]

So sorry to hear about your mom. We went in January with my father who was battling cancer. We had planned the trip at diagnosis in August. He had gotten out of the hospital on a Thursday with kidney and liver problems (we now know they were failing because of the chemo) determined to make this trip. They came down on a Sunday and we all had a great day Monday and Tuesday. By Wednesday, we know something was terribly wrong and rushed him back. He passed away the following Monday. We were talking with my mom just the other day about going back- he and my mom always went with us. We went ahead and made reservations but I know it is going to be hard. Disney was my dad's favorite place in the world. Your mom would want you to go. You have those precious memories. From my point of my grieving, I think it might be a special time of healing for all of you, which is one reason we want to go back. Take a deep breath, choke back the tears and make your reservations- you will be glad you did. My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family.

[Daisy'sMom]

I am so sorry to hear about your mom's passing. I lost my mom when I was 12, I still have a hole in my heart.
I am sure you will have a range of emotions at WDW. Just remember that your mom is with you in your heart on this trip and concentrate on giving your sons some more memories. I am praying for you.

[SandmanGStefani24]

i love WDW, and figure i've left part of my heart there. I also figure after I'm gone that part will still be there. You can take solace knowing that your mom will still be there now, and forever. Going on this trip is a very important step, for one knowing that yes, she is gone ; but more importantly, she will never be far, and will always be with you. Here's hoping you have a great time, and make more memories that will carry on. We're all pullin' for ya!

:thumbsup:

[peemagg]

First of all, let me say I'm sorry for your loss.

Secondly a thought came to mind that might be something worth thinking about. Since Disney is doing a thing of "Celebrations", why not turn this trip, not into one without Grandma but one to celebrate Grandma's life and her love of WDW? You might be surprised how healing something of the exact opposite of how you feel can be. Why not do something that Grandma really enjoyed doing with you all, as a way of celebrating her love of all of you and her love of WDW?

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

[Mickey'sGirl]

First of all, let me say I'm sorry for your loss.

Secondly a thought came to mind that might be something worth thinking about. Since Disney is doing a thing of "Celebrations", why not turn this trip, not into one without Grandma but one to celebrate Grandma's life and her love of WDW? You might be surprised how healing something of the exact opposite of how you feel can be. Why not do something that Grandma really enjoyed doing with you all, as a way of celebrating her love of all of you and her love of WDW?

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
What a nice idea.

I am sorry for your loss.

[laprana]

I don't have any experience with this, so I just wanted to offer my condolences and tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. Sending some :pixie::pixie: your way for a magical, healing trip! I'm sure your mom will be right there with you the whole time.

[Nini5055]

I am so sorry for your loss. It will be good to keep moving forward and plan your trip...I am certain your mother would have wanted you to.

One thing/theory that has helped my dd7 deal with a death in the family last year is to know that their spirits are with us. Not like a ghost, but in the memories we hold in our heart. This kind of helped her think of it in more abstract spiritual terms instead of thinking there was a ghost lurking in the shadows (like Scooby Doo where the ghosties are kind of scary and sometimes end up to be people). I even used the Circle of Life (Lion King) to help her understand life and death for all living things is natural and nothing to fear.

I also agree with the poster that suggested making this trip into a Celebration. Celebrate the Circle of Life.

{{{hugs}}}

[faline]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's very hard to offer an advice about your upcoming trip as we all deal with grief in different ways. I do like the idea of acknowledging your mom's absence by celebrating her life and enjoyment of Disney World.

[KatMark]

I have been to WDW three times, and every time my Mom came with us. Just weeks ago, she passed away after a sudden exacerbation of her Pulmonary Fibrosis. Naturally, my two sons and our family are shocked and grieving. I am still planning our WDW vacation for the first week of June at AKL. I know this one will be bittersweet and filled with memories for us. Usually one of my sisters and their kids come with us, but his time it will just be the 4 of us. I wonder if any of you have ever been in a similar situation and how you coped or even made it meaningful. My youngest, who just turned 5, keeps asking questions like "is Grandma's ghost coming with us to Disney World?" (He is a little confused between the idea of soul/spirit and too many Scooby Doo cartoons, I am afraid.) I have chosen the AKL because Mom never stayed at that one with us. I am trying to focus on the positive and unique aspects of being just the 4 of us. "No princesses, guys! Just pirates!" (Of course, I always enjoy the princesses, shhh) Not sure what I am asking for, but am having a harder time planning this trip and wondered if anyone had similar experiences going from big family trips to "just Us this time."

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I know how hard it is to lose a parent.

Although my dad only went with us and the kids a couple of times (he had health issues for many years and just could not handle all of the walking, the sun, etc.), I knew our first trip without my dad would be very painful.

My dad died a week before our trip this past September after having been in the hospital/nursing home for seven months. Although not unexpected, I don't think you are ever prepared for it.

Our boys are now 23 and 21 and they know longer travel with us. This trip was DH and I and our best friends for our 25th wedding anniversary. I did not want to go on the trip but one of my dad's last wishes was that we go and celebrate the milestone of being married 25 years and to celebrate life.

So we went ahead with the trip. I won't lie to you. It was very, very difficult. I cried when I walked into Epcot for the first time as it was my dad's favorite park. Our friends left Mark and I alone to go on Spaceship Earth because they knew it was my dad's favorite ride and that he loved sitting with his grandsons and going through the history with them. I cried throughout the entire ride and was kind of in a fog the first ride through with the rehab (we did it two more times and although I had tears it got better each time).

One of my dad's favorite things to do was buy each of the boys a balloon. So I went with the intention of buying a balloon and letting it fly away up to my dad in heaven. But then this little nagging voice was in my head: "Kathy, why would you spend all of that money on a balloon and then just let it go (this from a man who wouldn't let me buy him cards because he said Hallmark had enough money!)." Therefore, I bought the balloon and with tears in my eyes I found a family with a child in a stroller and gave it to her and explained why I was doing this...that it was something I know my dad would have wanted me to do.

Please don't think the entire trip was spent in tears. MY DH and I talked about all the fun dad had with the kids, how he was picked on during the Jungle Cruise ride because he had a yellow shirt on and Goofy ears and kept telling him that he was the banana for the monkeys, etc., and we had a lot of laughs and smiles too remembering all the good times.

It will be difficult, but treasure the memories you have from your mom traveling with you and your children and keep them close in your heart. They will always be "your sweet memories."

[Mousefever]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Maybe your little guy just needs to hear that grandma's spirit would never scare him.

Amy

[Ksmith75]

I am sorry for your loss.....

[iheartdisney]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

After experiencing a loss of my own, a dear friend of mine told me "the firsts" (first birthday, first Christmas, and in this case first trip to WDW) without your loved one are always the toughest. And because the trip will be so different without your mom how about taking it one step further? If you always planned everything down to the last detail (ADR's, which park which day, etc.) how about "winging" it this next trip? No ADR's, wake up and see which park you feel like on that particular day. Or if you always "wing it", get your family involved since it'll just be the 4 of you and brainstorm about how to make it special for the 4 of you. This suggestion is certainly not made to diminish the memory of your mother. It's just that with so many reminders of her of previous trips to WDW, switching it up a bit might help to alleviate some of the sadness you all will inevitably feel. No denying this trip in June will be difficult. My heart goes out to all of you. But it will still be special and this trip and the many trips to come will be a wonderful way to honor the memory of your mom.

Sending hugs to all of you!

[cmsizzlin]

I am so sorry for your loss. This happened to my family in July of 07 when my mom passed away. My brother, his wife and 2 young daughters and myself were planning our trip for Aug of 07 and mom became so ill that we expected not to be able to go, the day before she passed away she wanted to know all about the trip and no matter what she wanted us to go especially because of her grand daughters. She made me promise to continue w/the trip and gave me a list of things to do w/the girls that she would have wanted to do with them. It was a bittersweet trip but the memories we have always include "Nana" in them. We go back every year now because of my mom.

[Mousemates]

unfortunately I can relate from personal expeirence to both the emotions associated with the loss of one's mother...and also of visiting disney world after the loss of a loved one you traveled there with in the past.

Chances are good that you will be flooded with memories of good times shared throughout the park...(my guess is that this will be most prevalent at the MK...don't ask me why, but the general nostalgia of the place seems to lend itself to deeper memories). and if you are wired anything like me, you may even find yourself "tearing up"---and not just when you enter the park but also at various random spots througout the day...(who would have ever thought riding the jungle cruise could be an emotional draining experience).

Now when the tears come you essentially have two choices...you can either try to choke them down and hide them from your kids and the masses of strangers around you...(which for me didn't work)

or

you can simply have a good cry, explain to your children that you miss your mom, that the things you see remind you of good times you shared together, and explain about how glad you are that you got to share such a wonderful place with her...and also how glad you are that you and your children can build on those memories with special times of your own.

As the day goes on, things will get easier...as they will on subsequent visits...the sense of melancholy will still rear its head from time to time (it seems to be quite random)...but the saddest part of it seems to go away and with a little time, you will be able to remember the good times without so much of the sorrow attached.

as for the scooby do/ghost thing...if my knowledge of heaven is in any sense theologically accurate...you might also share something with your kids along the lines of...as wonderful as disney world is for us to visit....grandma is someplace even more wonderful than this and would certainly be glad to know we are here having fun just like we did when she was here with us.

Will be praying for you to have a wonderful trip and that you will eventually find that the memories you have there of your mom simply add to your enjoyment of a truly magical place.

[thejens]

You are all just so wonderful. Thank you so much for all your ideas and compassion. I really would like to "celebrate" my mother, their grandmother, on this trip if I can. She was such a joyful person, always eager to play with the kids, dine in the fancy restaurants, relax by the pool at the Poly, stay up for the fireworks etc. We always savored the grilled foie gras in the Cali Grill together. At the same time I am trying to change it up a little bit to try to make this trip special in its own way (not always feel someone is missing.) I do believe in Disney magic and know we will have a wonderful time together. I absolutely love the Haunted Mansion story! I don't think my youngest 5, is afraid of ghosts exactly, but I don't want him to think Grandma's "ghost" will be coming with us! Explaining that her spirit is with us was obviously not very clear to him. My 10 year old understands and will be able to enjoy memories as well as feel sad. We have been pretty good about having our feelings together, and I would like this trip to be a healing time of togetherness for us. I am trying to think of something nice to do in her memory that wouldn't be to maudlin. Maybe it will just come to us, magically.:magic:

[kemps@wdw]

I know I've already posted on this thread, but I had to repost to tell you a little story. My mamma was my best friend in the whole world! She passed away suddenly a couple of years ago and I was completely devastated, to say the least. She was not a WDW fan as I am, but her one wish her whole life was to travel around the world. Upon her death, her request was to be creamated and her ashes spread in the ocean. So, my siblings and I decided to give her want she wanted in life and death! We split her ashes between the 4 of us, and I have taken a little of her with me on my last 2 trips to the ocean to honor her death's wish. Now that we have planned on returning to WDW in the Fall, I plan to bring her w/me once again and leave some of her in each country @ Epcot, (w/permission of course) thereby honoring her life's wish! And if you knew my mamma, you would understand that she would absolutely LOVE that idea! That way, in all my future travels to the World, she'll be there waiting on me!:cloud9:

[thejens]

I love that idea. I have to confess I have been entertaining myself with little thoughts like: tossing her ashes up just as we Splash, or sprinkling her from the TTA, or while watching Wishes from the Cali Grill observation deck. I don't mean to horrify anyone, but they are comforting thoughts to me. :secret:

[Mrs Bus Driver]

When my children were 4 & 11 my mother passed away with in a week I lost my father also. When the funerals were over I was a wreck. I needed to do something that wasn't sad. Since we were near Universal Studios in CA I took the kids there. You see I knew my mother would have wanted me to, she wouldn't have wanted the kids and I to just be sad she would have wanted us to do something fun and think of her and that my father would agree. It has been on of my most cherished memories.

This week I lost my son, as we grieve for him we have also laughed thinking of all the fun and silly things he did in life. DD is going to take his ashes and with his friends visit places he enjoyed in life. And while there is sadness there is also joy in a life well lived.

[Mickey'sGirl]

Now that we have planned on returning to WDW in the Fall, I plan to bring her w/me once again and leave some of her in each country @ Epcot, (w/permission of course) thereby honoring her life's wish!
It is a lovely idea, but I am pretty sure it is against the law. Perhaps you could collect a little something from each country to put with her remains so that she has a bit of the World with her?

[thejens]

Mrs. Busdriver, I am so sorry for your loss. I do agree that with the grief it is just as important to celebrate the life of our loved ones. Tears and laughter have both felt very natural to us lately.