The Santa Question

[Mousefever]

My son is almost 11. He is currently anticipating the arrival of treats from the Easter Bunny.

I can tell that he is making a conscious choice to believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa, despite having heard from classmates, etc., that they don't exist. I'm wondering if you have any ideas that could help lay the groundwork for the transition between belief and non-belief. Has anyone come up with a clever way to turn it into a positive? I'm thinking ahead to Christmas. Should I focus more on the life of St. Nicholas? Help!

Amy

[Princess'Mom]

My DD7 has been posing questions about the "realness" of Santa. I explained to her "Those who believe - receive". I also explained to her that holiday time is about love, being thoughtful to one another, and helping those who are in need.
Of course we try to live that way throughout the year, but it seems there are a lot of opportunities to highlight sharing and giving during holiday times.
As far as friends, classmates or whomever dampening the spirit of Santa, I explained to her that not everyone believes as she does. It is their choice.

BTW, the tooth fairy and Easter Bunny are going strong in our household! :D

[NotaGeek]

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Clause...

My parents never fought it ... Santa wasn't as important in my house as the whole Christmas Holiday was though ... spending time with family, loving, giving and just enjoying the love that comes with the Holiday was stressed more than giving/getting presents. I still feel that, and don't feel cheated that Santa was no big deal in my house -- and I remember lean years with few gifts, and they were just as special thanks to our whole huge crazy family hanging out together.

[Mousemates]

Apart from our personal decision to emphasize the actual Central Figure of both holidays (cuz as we all know it ain't S.C. or E.B.), as our children got older we slowly backed S.C. out of the equation by lessening the number of gifts that came form him...and increasing the number that came from us...(hey why let some obscure fellow get credit for all the good stuff anyway:))... so much so that by the time our kids were in about the 3rd grade all saint nick brought was candy, socks, underwear and something in their stocking...so when news leaked and they found out "the truth," it wasn't any big deal. In fact, at our house the jolly old fellow is now referred to as Daddy Claus and he still brings "socks and drawers" each christmas morn.

[LauraleeH]

I'm not sure I ever believed in the Easter Bunny...

With Santa, I was about 5 or 6 when I overheard my mom telling a friend what she got me for Christmas. When I told her she was mistaken and Santa got it for me, the look on her face told me I was the mistaken one. I wasn't ready to give up on Santa, even though I knew the truth, I chose to pretend and made myself believe he was real for the rest of my childhood. Santa only gave us candy and money, anyways...and he still does, but that was never a big deal with me. I think I was 12 when I decided that it should be my last Christmas to stop pretending, and I wasn't really upset over it, I guess because my family never made that aspect of Christmas a big deal in the first place.

The tooth fairy...well, I lost a tooth when I was about 7 or 8 thanks to Tootsie Rolls, and since my mom was taking a nap, I decided to leave the tooth under my pillow and not tell her. The next morning, no money...and I called my parents out on that one.

Bottom line, it was very important to me that I made those decisions on my own, without my parents telling me so and so IS real or ISN'T real. I think your child might feel the same since he doesn't seem to believe everything he's told (His classmates, etc...) and just wants to make his mind up on his own. Maybe he is having doubts but wants to keep believing because he's afraid things aren't going to seem as magical (Like me with Santa...but all I really cared about was my family, and that will never change).

I think if you just focus on family and the true reasons for the holidays, the rest will fall in place, and it won't seem like a big deal to him.

[Stitchahula]

whatdo you mean there is no bunny or claus? OMG next your gonna tell me there is no great pumkin either. My oldest DS just turned 6 and I'm hoping to have alot more time for believing. It just seems to make it all more magical, and don't we all need to believe in magic.:thumbsup:

[LauraleeH]

whatdo you mean there is no bunny or claus? OMG next your gonna tell me there is no great pumkin either. My oldest DS just turned 6 and I'm hoping to have alot more time for believing. It just seems to make it all more magical, and don't we all need to believe in magic.:thumbsup:
Ok, there IS a great pumpkin, and I will always believe that! I love Halloween ;)

[betteratmk]

DS now almost 12 gave up the ship at 11 but there were questions from about 10. We told him the story of Saint. Nicholas and that Mom's and dads took over for the spirit of ST. Nick. Now he has 6 younger nieces and nephews that he keeps the magic alive for!

[SBETigg]

I agree that he will know when he's ready and reason it out for himself. No one had to tell me. I didn't have to tell my kids. He's probably not ready to give up on the magic of it all. The Easter Bunny was the first one to give me some concern, and it was the same for my kids. How does a bunny actually bring all this stuff? Suddenly, it just seemed a stretch.

But my parents did the same as a previous poster suggested- they started giving me gifts from them that were different from the gifts Santa and the Bunny brought. It made me realize, when I was ready to face it, that giving up on the fantasy didn't mean giving up all the fun things I associated with the holidays. I've done the same with my kids. It worked out well. It brought tears to my eyes when they realized that we gave them presents, not some magical being, and they were so grateful, also we were able to focus more on the actual importance of the holidays and our celebrations.

[handmaidenofprincesses]

There is an excellent story (written in the 40's, the name of which I can't quite recall) that my parents gave me when I started getting upset with schoolmates for saying santa wasn't real. The story explained that it is everyone's responsibility to be Santa... that the legends had just gotten a bit out of hand over the years.. and it emphasized the importance of giving and caring for others...but that definitely helped. If I recall the name of it I'll edit my post...

[DisneyLandMomma]

My daughter is 10 and I think still believes. When she has asked in the past, whether or not, SC or EB or TF were real(after hearing they were NOT from classmates), I would ask her what she thought and that was all that mattered.

I don't remember anyone sitting me down and telling me, they weren't real. I believed for a long time and then just knew one day. LOL

[Mousefever]

DS now almost 12 gave up the ship at 11 but there were questions from about 10. We told him the story of Saint. Nicholas and that Mom's and dads took over for the spirit of ST. Nick. Now he has 6 younger nieces and nephews that he keeps the magic alive for!

That's the kind of transition I'm hoping for!

I didn't bring up the religious aspects of the holiday because we already have a rich religious component and emphasis on the true meaning of the holidays. My dad is a retired pastor, but he and my mom loved the magic that Santa brought into our lives.

I think that those of you who have said that he will let it go when he's ready are correct. I really like hearing the stories of how to keep the happiness of the holidays the same without Santa. The idea of allowing more of the presents to be from us is a great idea!

Thanks for all the replies so far!

Amy

[dmosher]

I honestly can't remember if I ever believe din the Easter Bunny. I mean at one point in time I am certain I did, but I can not say when or how I lost that one. Santa on the other hand was a traumatic discovery. I would just let your child discover it slowly and choose if he or she believes it, don't rush it or make a big deal out of it. Either way it will be a slight disappointment, but if you call it out, it can be much more than it needs to be. No one wants to learn that the MAGICS we believe in are not true, especially if they are TOLD it and not DISCOVER it for themselves. Maybe that's what we all love Disney so much? It's the only place where magic still exists! At least for those of us who can see it.
:pipes:
D

[cindchan]

My parents told me when I was 10(boy was that a hard shock). My initial reaction was, "I guess that means the Easter Bunny doesn't exist either."

My niece is 17 and I think she's still believes. Anyway, I know that last year, she still believed, because my sister never told her.

I don't think my nephew believes, even without my sister never having told him.

[Dulcee]

My Christmas presents all still come from Santa and I'm 22 :) And I have a 7 year old nephew going home tonite to the Easter Bunny AND the tooth Fairy (his lucky night).

However, I can't say I remember any huge moment when I didn't believe anymore. I do remember begining to wonder why Mom always had the reciepts for gifts I needed to return.. hmmmmm I would probably have been devestated if my parents sat down and said "XYZ doesn't exist" it seems less painful to just allow more of a growing up and slowly realizing...

[Cinderelley]

My kids all figured it out on their own. They knew a long time before they told me, because they knew how much I enjoyed surprising them. They just "tested the waters" with their questions and comments. We still keep the spirit alive though. Now, there is one big present from Santa for each kid. (By big I mean what they really want, not necessarily large in size.) The rest are from us.

[crazypoohbear]

I never told my kids, they just kind of said one year "mom, I know" However we still give presents from "santa"
The easter bunny they gave up on long before Santa because when their "rich" friends started saying that the parents bought all the presents my oldest (now 19) came home from school one day and said "mom, so and so said that the mom's and dads' buy all the presents but I know he was lying because there is no way you would spend that much money on my brother and me!" So, being broke all the time was actually beneficial for him believing longer!
As for the easter bunny the night before Easter my youngest (14) said to me just before going to be "mom, Joe and I still want to get easter baskets"
So... 5:30am easter morning I run out to CVS and buy choc. bunnies, jelly beans and eggs for the baskets that I have to dig out from the basement.
They were very pleases so it was worth it.

[DVC2004]

Mine are both at "that age"- they have both asked and my response is always yes there is. They will eventually believe what they want but I will not tell them no. As we get older there is less and less magic to be found in the world. Nothing wrong with holding on to a little innocence. Santa and the Easter Bunny always stop at out house and always will.

[scootch713]

My 9 1/2 year old started pressing me weeks ago about Santa...even sending me notes... wanting the know "the real deal". She kept bringing it up in front of her younger sister though and so I finally took her aside and told her. I actually got a wonderful response from her. When she realized that her dad and I bought the laptop(cheap one, we needed a second computer) for her and her sister, she threw her arms around me and said, "I love you!" A few days later she asked about the Easter bunny and I said you figure it out. She said, well if a man in a red suit can come in, then how can a rabbit. It was amazing though, she was more excited to hunt for where I hid her basket than she ever has been on Easter morning. I did go about explaining the spirit of giving(aka Santa) to her, that many people who normally are not giving, get the spirit to do so at Christmas, ect... I also begged her not to tell her younger sister or classmates yet, and I think she will do that. She knew.... that is why she kept asking, she just needed me to answer truthfully.

[alphamommy]

DD9 hasn't really been asking, but she has talked about the means by which SC and EB get in the house, do everything without anyone hearing, etc. She says that she's heard each of them at different times. I figured it out at around 10, but got stuff from SC until I got married!

This thread raises a question: does SC bring your kids all of their presents? It doesn't work that way for us, and never did in my family. There's some special thing(s) that she asks SC for, then there are other presents that she gets from us, that are wrapped and under the tree before Christmas.

[Stitchahula]

In our house we supply the majority of presents. Santa only brings a few things usually some special things that they really wanted.

[LauraleeH]

Santa gives us stockings with candy and cash and 5-10 gift cards! :thumbsup:

[crazypoohbear]

I always told my kids that Santa brought 3 gifts because Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and Jesus got three gifts when he was born (the three wise men)
So, they got three gifts from santa, some things from mom and dad and then grandparents and aunts, and cousins.
they were never left wanting.
Santa always brought the good stuff and mom and dad gave them the new pj's, undies, etc.

[DisneyLandMomma]

Santa brings one big gift and we give the rest. That's the way it was in our house growing up.

[LittleSpirit02]

I agree that he will know when he's ready and reason it out for himself. No one had to tell me. I didn't have to tell my kids.

Same here. My parents never told me and I don't think I ever asked. I just kind of figured it out myself. I don't know that you ever stop "believing" but you know rationally he doesn't exist. I think, despite knowing he's not real, it's nice to hold on to that idea of believing in magic and the peace that Christmas seems to bring. You can still "believe" without having a person dressed in a red suit to bring gifts... if that makes any sense...

[mickey&missy]

My DD8 is in a stage now where I think she's afraid not to believe, if that makes sense. I'm almost positive that she knows, she's very smart and very observant. But she won't say it. I think she is afraid that if she says it and she's wrong she won't get anything!

We kind of tired to pull back from santa this year and will do so going forward a little more each year for the older kids!

I agree about the easter bunny, I sure there was a time I believed but I don't remember it. Really the concept is a little strange, a giant bunny! YIKES! ;)