Need some advice

[Stitchahula]

I'm planning my sons 6th birthday party. We are having at a play place (where they have inflatable slides and such). This is his first birthday that we are doing like this instead of just a family party at home. I sent home the invitations to the kids in his class addressed to only the child in his class. Well I'm starting to get calls that so and so would love to come and is going to be bringing their little sister/brother. HUH? I could've sworn I only put their childs name on it that was in class with my son. Now at this place you can have x amount of kids at the party for a certain price but anything over that costs money, the food also isn't included in the price so that is also extra. We don't have a lot of money infact we weren't even going to do this but our son really wanted this and we gave in. Now I would never think that when my son gets an invite to a friends birthday party that it is ok to bring his brother to it. Is this normal to think you can just add a sibling and how do I politely say I'm sorry but no it's not ok to bring your other children.

[NotaGeek]

No, it's not normal, it's pretty tacky. Just say no. Don't feel bad ... the only person that can make you feel guilty is yourself.

Expect that some people won't bring their kid though ... it sounds like some parents are planning to use you as a babysitting service. :nono:

[Madame Leona]

I don't think what these parents are doing is right. I might try saying, "As much as we would like for your other son/daughter to come, we have only reserved x amount of spots. I'm very sorry."

[mickey&missy]

I don't think what these parents are doing is right. I might try saying, "As much as we would like for your other son/daughter to come, we have only reserved x amount of spots. I'm very sorry."

:thumbsup: I definitely agree! What these parents are doing is awful! We had DD's 6th b-day and Buildabear and a cousin came of one of her friends came :confused: Soooo wrong!!! What is that matter with people!?

Definitely tell them that you have reserved an amount of spots and can't go over! If they want to take their kids there they can do it on their own $$

[gerald72]

They shouldn't be bringing extra kids.
But, maybe a parent wants to stay with their son/daughter instead of dropping him/her off and doesn't have anyone to watch a sibling.
Some of the kids might not show up anyway.
You are lucky they even RSVPed at all. Most people don't.

[kakn7294]

I had that happen to me once with DD's B-day party. A mom brought her toddler and just left her there before we really knew what was happening THEN had the nerve to expect us to drive both the invited child and the toddler home - this info was relayed by the invited child. I called the mom and told her that she needed to come get the toddler immediately - not only was she not an invited party guest, she didn't meet the age requirement to participate (it was a gymnastics party) and we had never met the little girl before. Mom was not too happy but she came back. Just politely tell the parents that you are sorry, but the invitation is only for "X" child unless they are planning to stay and pay for the other child(ren) themselves.

[Stitchahula]

Thanks for the advice. I just can't believe how some people think being rude is ok. With 1 of the families I know it's not a case of wanting to stay with their kid and not having to watch the other one because they have more than just the 2. I guess I was raised that the invite only meant the person it was addressed to and you don't just invite yourself or anyone else along.

[DisneyOtaku]

I would gently tell the parents the extra child is now allowed. I used to work birthday parties at our local movie theater which allows 20 children and 4 adults, and you would be surprised at the number of parties where parents would drop off extra siblings and such when there was no room in the party room for them! In addition, it's 15 dollars per child (if it was a 3D film, more like 17), and we *had* to include those extra kids. Those moms throwing the parties were none too pleased, let me tell you! (Neither were we, actually).

[Stitchahula]

Yep here it's $10 for anybody over the limit. Then you count the food, drinks ,and gift bags it starts to add up. I don't want to sound cheap but I don't want to be taken advantage of either. We had thought to instead of having people bring presents for him to make a donation to the DBA Foundation in his name. He kind of wants presents really bad but his room looks like a toy store blew up. Plus he still has his family buying him presents.

[buzznwoodysmom]

Oh boy, I feel for you. Last year I had my two sons birthday parties together at a gymnastics place. I was already over the limit and was paying $10 for each extra child invited, but I didn't mind because we were knocking out two parties in one. However, I ended up with around 7 uninvited kids showing up. That cost me $70 for kids who were not even invited. I thought about telling the parent's that they needed to pay me back for that amount when they were picked up, but decided against it and just took it as a lesson learned on my part. Now I will always have their parties at home, which is what I had always done in the past. I would have never thought so many people were going to show up or drop off siblings or relatives or friends who weren't invited. Good luck with your party and I'd send the letter stating that your party will only accomodate X amount of kids and you can not have any extra. However, be prepared for some of those invited kids to not show up. That's really sad, isn't it?

[TheMartellFamily]

The parents must be told that the X child was invited and that Y child was not. I have seen this happen, and inform them of the situation. You could inform the parent that your child is not friends with child y and therefore do not feel comfortable with that child there. Sometimes to be straight forward is what a parent needs to be told. Just tell them they were not they were not invited.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

I don't want to sound rude, but it's not like you are shy! It's ok everyone, I'm her big sis.

Just tell them you'd love to be able to have unlimited guests but you only have room for the kids that were invited, that you only have X amount of chaperones and that you don't want to be responsible for the extra kids and that they would basically be unsupervised and you don't want them getting hurt on your watch.

Then you can tell them that if you have cancellations you would try to accomodate the other kids, you know, the ones that aren't invited.

What time should I and all my friends be there? I know I wasn't invited but......


And I have to buy my sweetie pie a present? I thought just being with me was present enough. <g>

[Princess'Mom]

Just tell them you'd love to be able to have unlimited guests but you only have room for the kids that were invited, that you only have X amount of chaperones and that you don't want to be responsible for the extra kids and that they would basically be unsupervised and you don't want them getting hurt on your watch.

Then you can tell them that if you have cancellations you would try to accomodate the other kids, you know, the ones that aren't invited.


I agree - its tactful and the message is on point!

[beksy]

I can't imagine just adding on another person without an invitation--I agree with pp's that it is rude and tacky. I would definitely let them know that you won't be able to accomodate the extras and it might be nice to add that if there are any cancellations, maybe the extra sibling can come along (even if you have no intention of allowing it--it is a nice peace offering). The only exception I can think of is one that we experienced when my sister was growing up. She doesn't swim and at the time wasn't real comfortable in the water. A friend was having a pool party at a large local pool and invited her. She was about ten at the time so the others could swim and the friend's mom is a close friend of the family so we called and explained the situation, asking if I could go along to be with her in the water. Of course, we also said we would pay my way if there was an extra cost. This took the burden off her friend's mom of watching a non-swimmer in addition to all the others and added an extra chaperone (I'm six years older) so it worked out well. I can't imagine just assuming that it is alright to include someone extra in your situation though and expecting you to foot the bill.

[SBETigg]

Thanks for the advice. I just can't believe how some people think being rude is ok. With 1 of the families I know it's not a case of wanting to stay with their kid and not having to watch the other one because they have more than just the 2. I guess I was raised that the invite only meant the person it was addressed to and you don't just invite yourself or anyone else along.

I agree. I was raised that way, too. I'm a younger sister, and I remember crying when my big sis was invited to cool parties and I had to stay home. My grandfather always took me out for special things to make me feel better. But no way would my parents have considered sending me along.

As a parent, I would never have considered sending my younger child along with my older one to a party, either. But we have had guests do this, ask to bring a sibling or just bring them. It always amazed me that people would do this. I think some parents have come to believe that they should guard their kids from all disappointments in life, but these are things that help us learn and make us stronger. Siblings need to be able to lead separate lives just as much as they need to learn to get along and share at home. Just know that it's okay to say no to these parents. Your child's friendships will survive it, and you're not being rude at all to say no to the extra guests.

[Stitchahula]

I just didn't know if times had changed where this is now the norm. I now have to hunt down the kids who's parents didn't bother to call to rsvp one way or the other. When did manners get thrown out the window? This has become such a headache trying to arrange this party get the gift bags for the kids. I know others have done this but we are at 1 doctor or another everyweek and some weeks we have multiple appointments. I thought this would take pressure off me boy was I wrong. At this point all I hope for is for him to have a good time.

[tyandskyesmom]

I just didn't know if times had changed where this is now the norm. I now have to hunt down the kids who's parents didn't bother to call to rsvp one way or the other. When did manners get thrown out the window? This has become such a headache trying to arrange this party get the gift bags for the kids. I know others have done this but we are at 1 doctor or another everyweek and some weeks we have multiple appointments. I thought this would take pressure off me boy was I wrong. At this point all I hope for is for him to have a good time.

I know, right?!?!?!

I am planning Skye's 5th birthday in less than two weeks and of the 18 girls between age 4 - 6 that she invited, we have only heard from about 7 I think...and they are all coming...I have not heard from anyone saying they are not coming...do people realize an RSVP is for yes or no unless stated differently? I thought about enclosing stamped, addressed return RSVP cards (like for a wedding) hoping that would encourage more people to respond but I didn't...now I am kind of wishing I had. I am having a real difficult time with the planning because of this. She is having a tea party and we have some very specific things we are doing and giving in goodie bags and such. I would feel so bad if someone who was invited but did not RSVP arrived and I did not have enough of something for them...but it all costs money and I don't need to have extras of everything sitting around for years after the party because I was prepared for them and the did niot show up...did that make sense? Do people realize that it is not a punishment to RSVP, it is in your best interest to RSVP. I still have not decided how I am going to handle it.

[Stitchahula]

Well I've heard from all but 2 of the kids parents so far. After me calling them a couple of times the other parents have finally called to RSVP. I actually had 1 say well didn't so and so tell you son she would be there. HUH you want me to take the word of a 5 y/o that they are coming to the party. If I believed everything a 5 y/o told me then I guess I have a t-rex living in my house along with other baby dinosaurs. Sherry start calling the ones that haven't RSVP'd the very next day so that way maybe you'll find out in time to get the things the girls need for the tea party. Ok so here's a new question. There is a girl in my sons class that isn't too nice, knot just to him but to everyone. He didn't even want to invite her but I told him he had to (you can't invite everyone in class but her). Well she's coming, I'm hoping she behaves but if not and the parent is there do I address the parent or the child. Normally I would say something to the parent but the teachers have talked to her parents before about her behavior and have gotton no where. Last week another mom and I were talking in fornt of the school when the dad dropped of the girl and we said hello he just looked at us and kept walking. The other mom just looked at me and said well I guess we know why the child has such bad manners. Again I'm hoping this kid can behave for 2 hours but I will not let her upset my son during his birthday party.

[SBETigg]

I would address the parents unless it's absolutely essential to address the child at the time, say if the parents aren't around and danger's imminent. I think you can safely correct other children at the party to a degree, depending on how it's done. But you're allowed to have your own house rules, and if she violates, simply turn to the parents and say something politely. If they fail to address the issue, either step in on your own or ask them to take her home. After all, it's your son's party and you don't have much of a relationship with these people or their child outside of school. I would err on the side of making sure my son was happy on his birthday before I worried about making sure I preserved any kind of polite relationship with passing acquaintances, if it comes down to it. Fingers crossed that it won't!

[crazeedizneefinatic]

Tacky is an understatement! Must happen to everyone, I thought it was just me. My son had a friend who's sister had to go everywhere he did, mind you there was like a 4 year difference. Very strange. The first few times I let it slide, like you I did not know how to say no. I am not sure how she felt since she was with a bunch of 6 year old boys who paid no attention to her. I drew the line last year and just told the mom I am sorry she just was not invited. She may come but not in the party room and told her about all the activities her and her daughter could enjoy while the party was going on. My son was having fits over a girl being at his party. (yes, I know that will change, that's a whole other story!) She brought the son but complained to another mom her daughter had to stay home. My son had a sleepover another time and she wanted her daughter to come! I quit inviting her son, I could not handle the added stress. I would just be honest. Sometimes things happen and a sibling may have to come along but not join in on the party. Some people just don't use their heads. Good luck and stand your ground.

[Stitchahula]

Wow the mom really wanted her daughter to join in on an all boy sleep over. I think she was just using you as a babysitter. I don't ever remember having to tag along with 1 of my siblings to a party they were invited to. For us it was like free time, time we were able to get away from family.

[crazeedizneefinatic]

Wow the mom really wanted her daughter to join in on an all boy sleep over. I think she was just using you as a babysitter. I don't ever remember having to tag along with 1 of my siblings to a party they were invited to. For us it was like free time, time we were able to get away from family.

Yes, that's what made me stop inviting the son. She also regulary attends boy scouts, LOL!

[Stitchahula]

well DS's party is tomorrow nightand the drama continues. Last night I got home from the store to a message on the answering machine. It was from a parent of 1 of the kids going to the party "so and so is really looking forward to the party and could you swing by on your way to the place to pick up our child to bring her with you." I have never even met this woman before. I would never even think to ask someone I don't know to pick up one of my children and drive them anywhere. When I told my DH he thought I was playing an early April fools joke on him. I would've thought the same thing if the call came today instead.

[MNNHFLTX]

All of the situations you mention--uninvited siblings coming along, parents who don't RSVP and those that ask you to pick up (and bring home) their children have happened to me too, albeit many years ago, now that my son is 16. The one situation I remember distinctly was a mom who would not let the invited child (a classmate of my son's) go to a party if the other child (an older boy) wasn't welcome to come along too. My son didn't even know the older boy and why would a 8-year-old boy want to hang out with a bunch of 5-year-olds? It baffled me.

[thrillme]

Arghhh...this always has annoyed me. Stand your ground EARLY and keep up with it.

I have told them: "I only have a limited number of slots available and each slot is part of my limited budget....so I'm sorry but NO".

Then I've had some parent actually state...they were willing to PAY for a spot. At that point depending on how old the child was (I am NOT a babysitter and I don't have time for it at my son's party) and how close I was to the parent I would perhaps consider that IF I had a slot available on the day of the party...But most often the answer is STILL no out of principal.

I've had the game of "can you pick him up and drop him off". I admit that I honestly consider it in some cases (ie...son was my son's best friend and the mother and I routinely did stuff for one another and the child lived within a few blocks etc). I've ALSO told them honestly NO because my car was full or that we wouldn't be coming HOME from the party etc. (I'm NOT a taxi service for everybody). I NEVER ask, but occasionally my son has ridden to a party with someone else for some reason or another. I will consider reciprocating. But most often the answer is NO.

My absolute FAVORITE were the parents who would come with the younger sibling and ask in FRONT of the child if the uninvited could stay. UNBELIEVABLE. I usually stock plenty of extra goody bags ANYWAY just in case. Because I tend to have an issue with not really wanting to say "No you're not invited to a tiny face"...I will tell them "NO I'm sorry I have all I can handle but they can have a goody bag...have a nice day..."

This annoys me to no end. The other thing that makes me crazy are some parents who invite you to a birthday party and expect you to bring something for the sibling as well. I had an aquantince that did this. I finally told them that I don't do things that way (they had SEPARATE b-day parties for each child). If I know both children then I'll likely get them a gift on their appropriate birthdays or parties unless it's a situation like one of my relatives where 2 of the children have birthdays two days apart then I'll get them gifts at the same time...it's logical.

These parents really need to toughen up their kids a bit to realize that things don't always go their way and that they're not necessarily entitled to EVERYTHING their sibling gets. Other parents need to realize that birthday parties aren't instant babysitters for the whole clan.

I sometimes wonder if these parents have EVER thrown their child a b-day party at a party place.

[Stitchahula]

THANK GOD this party is over! On the morning of the party 1 of the fathers called to tell me his son WOULD be coming. I wasn't sure so I had made a goody bag for him just in case. He shows up with the boy that was invited and also brings along another child that wasn't. Kind of rude but ok the brother can stay I just don't have a gift bag for him. Then things went really well during the play session of the party. When we got into the "party" room where they do the pizza, cake, ect. things went down hill fast. We had 2 kids wipe out on the floor, it was kind of slippery. Some of the parents showed up early for their kids (like 40 minutes early) but they also brought siblings. Now I'm wondering if I even have enough food for everyone. Needless to say the slices of cake became very small. Then when we tried to get my DS in the birthday throne for his cake some of the kids wouldn't get out of it. I did put my foot down so I could get the picture I wanted of him in the chair blowing out the candles. Chaos and carnage was next on the list. Ok so the carnage didn't really happen but we didn't know that for a while. We were doing presents when he only got through the 1st present when SMASH, SPLASH. One of the kids had given him an aquarium with 2 frogs and a snail. Well the place was supposed to put it in the break room to keep it safe but some how it ended up on the presents table. I've got no problem with the frogs and the snail but at first I thought she said snake and I was like well that's going back home with you then. Well one of the kids brought the bag over to give to my DS when the bottom broke and it hit the floor. I had no idea if there was broken glass or not plus we could only find 1 frog in the tank (the other was under the rocks). I was trying to get all the kids to back up so they weren't stepping on frog or glass but I couldn't get them to move. The parents were sitting there not doing anything. So my DS opened ALL of the presents and we have no idea who gave what. I never gave out the goody bags I figure I'll bring them to school and hand them out there. Some of the siblings that I didn't know was even coming started to go into the goody bags trying to take them. I told them no I'll bring them to school and hand them out there because some of the kids that were invited had already left. Only to be told well I'm not in his class. Do parents not teach their kids any manners? The child that I had to swing by to pick up to bring to the party left the party, we assumed the parent picked them up. It's not like they came up and told us they were there and thank you for bringing her. When we got home we called to make sure she was indeed brought home to be told by the GF oh yeah she's here, still no thank you. The only reason why I picked her up was because the parent was going to call someone else in the class to bring her, and I wasn't going to put any other parent in that position. My DS did have a blast though and so did my little one so I'm glad I did it if only for that reason.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

My nephews did indeed have a blast at the party. When Crazypoohbear asked me how many kids were there, I said about 400. At least that's what it seemed like. The guy running the room was obviously not used to speaking up because no one could hear him. So I started telling the kids they couldn't go down the slides head first! Can you say broken neck? And the parents that were there were so busy chatting with the other parents that they were oblivious to their own kids and what was going on.
But there was no blood so I guess all was good! I just hope the family party at my house is a littel tamer.

[crazypoohbear]

Don't count on it!! The evil one will be at your house at 10AM!!!!
I'll see you around 4PM!!!

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

Thanks, I'll start drinking at 9am! Just kidding?

[Magic Smiles]

WOW and I thought that I had issues with my DS birthday parties when he was younger. It would frustrate me to no end that parents would not RSVP. Now really how hard is it to pick up a phone and call? DS is now 17 and I have box full of old goodie bag stuff, bought just in case so and so decides to show up. And I would give out GREAT goodie bags. All the kids would always want to come to DSs parties. If I do say so myself we had some amazing themed parties, but I never had a parent drop off an uninvited child. After hearing about your party, ours were a breeze! It is no wonder so many of the kids now-a-days have no manners. Take a look at the parents. Anyways, I am happy to hear that your son had a good time. After all birthday parties are for the kids and they only come around once a year.:mickey:

[Stitchahula]

My DS whose party it was had a great time and so did the little one thank god. I've heard from 1 of the other mom's she called to let me know her daughter had a great time, and she was saying how everything was great and even had a few laughs over the frog incident. I guess William's party will go down as the frog party. I now know that I won't be able to count on the parents that stay to keep there little ones under control so I'll be prepared next time.

[SBETigg]

Coreen, what an experience! Oh goodness! Isn't it amazing that all those parents there were too busy socializing and not helping with the kids? Typical. The good news is that your DS had a great time, and it was certainly memorable. You ready to do it again next year? ;)

[Stitchahula]

next year no problem...I'll just remember to bring my tranquilizer darts with me. I'm just so shocked at some of the parents.

[NotaGeek]

Whew. I say next year go to Disney World. Family only. :mickey:

[MNNHFLTX]

Whew. I say next year go to Disney World. Family only. :mickey:
That does sound a lot easier. And I'm sure your son won't complain!

[Stitchahula]

He's always up for going to disney, infact he's asks me if we can just live there.

[tyandskyesmom]

I am sorry your party was so rough but at least the kids had fun...and probably do not even realize your stess!

We ended up having eight girls and none that did not RSVP so I was good, cause I had no extras! The room was beautiful with pink and white tulle draped over a canopy frame to look like a gazebo with fake flowers tied onto the tulle with lilac colored tulle. Pink and white balloons, a huge bouquet of roses in the center of the table that was lines with a white plastic table cloth and then a pink strip of material. There was a bouguet of yellow daisies on either side of the roses and her plates were turquoise flowers (sort of in the style of china tea sets). We had finger sandwiches (PB&J, ham/mayo/pineapple bread, egg salad/lettuce, and cream cheese/cucumber (which is the one that really went well!)), white chocolate covered oreos, big flower shaped iced sugar cookies, banana bread, zuchini bread, strawberries with home made Devonshire creme, various teas, and apple juice. The girls all tried some kind of tea (and loved the sugar cubes and lemons) and all sat and ate much longer than I expected them to. They colored inserts to put into a mug which had a piece of styrofaom in them. Then they put some green easter grass in it and poked fake flowers into it. They decorated hats with ribbon and fake flowers and mafe neaklaces with pony beads, charms, and yarn. Then we played a version of a white elephant game and had an easter egg hunt outside (thank goodness it stayed nice long enough!). Skye opened presents in the middle and we went through the alphabet and when it was each girl's turn we had them bring Skye their gift and take a picture with her. Parents started showing up just as we were finishing cake at the end of the party. All went really well. I'll have to post some pictures when I get them from everyone who was taking them...thanx for the encouragement!

[Stitchahula]

Sherry your party sounds awesome! I wish I went the food sounds really yummy. I'm so glad yours was such a success and the girls had a great time. I can't wait to see the pics and maybe try to get some recipes off you for the stuff you served.