From two children to three...

[TikiGoddess]

I need some advice from parents out there. My husband and I have two girls, ages 6 and 4. They are wonderful and getting to the age where they can play together and be reasonably independent on some tasks (getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc). I have to say I'm enjoying the fact that I now have a little more time to devote to other projects, whether it be for work or hobbies.

But the other night my 'mommy gene' kicked in. I started thinking about what a gift it is to bring a new personality into the world. I'm just not sure this is the right move for us... so parents of 3, was it a big transition from two to three? Any words of wisdom from parents of two who decided NOT to expand the family?

Kathy

[buzznwoodysmom]

Kathy,
I feel the same way as you. My boys are almost 9 and 7 and its a killer that they are getting so old. For a long while I thought we were done, but these past few years the desire to have another child has gotten stronger and stronger. I don't really have any advise for you, but just wanted to tell you I'm in the same boat. Sometimes I feel so fortunate to be able to come and go as we please now that the boys are older. On the other hand I can't imagine never having a baby in our house again. I think now that we are older (and hopefully wiser LOL) and our kids are older we would appreciate and enjoy a little one so much! Good luck with your decission!

[kakn7294]

I have 2 DDs - now ages 13 and 9. We had them that far apart on purpose and have decided to not have any more children because of a number of factors - we didn't feel we could devote the time each child needed if we had a third child, we weren't sure that we were financially stable enough to support another child, and we just didn't feel that it was right for us unless God surprised us with other plans. And although sometimes I do think I would have liked a third, I'm happy with where we are in our family. I enjoy my girls at their current ages and look fondly back on the "baby days". Good luck with your decision!

[luvmyboys4ever]

Kathy,
I feel the same way as you. My boys are almost 9 and 7 and its a killer that they are getting so old. For a long while I thought we were done, but these past few years the desire to have another child has gotten stronger and stronger. I don't really have any advise for you, but just wanted to tell you I'm in the same boat. Sometimes I feel so fortunate to be able to come and go as we please now that the boys are older. On the other hand I can't imagine never having a baby in our house again. I think now that we are older (and hopefully wiser LOL) and our kids are older we would appreciate and enjoy a little one so much! Good luck with your decission!

OMG! This is :exactly:what I am dealing with...but my boys are 10 & 8. We are thinking it might be time to have another(maybe 2):cloud9:. It's such a weird feeling, since 2 years ago, we thought we were done. Good luck...I know we will need it! :blush:

[pandkx3]

As a mother of 3 sons (15,11,9), I can tell you that going from one child to two children was much harder than going from two to three. Maybe my spirit was already broken!:D My husband always says that going from two to three children is like going from man to man defense to zone defense.:funny:

[murphy1]

I have three girls, they are 9, 7 and 4 (she will be five in March). I always wanted three kids. I get asked your question from other people and tell them that if they want another one (regardless of if they have one or two already), you kind of have to just jump into it. My oldest two were still so young when #3 came along, so I really like now that the she just goes along with them and they will all be in the same school next year. No, I do not want anymore, plus I was 37 when I had #3 and knew that when I hit 40 she would be the terrible 3's. My dr. was baffled that I got pg so fast or at all with all of them, b/c I have an autoimmune thyroid disease, so I know they are great gifts. I think it gets much harder at your girl's ages to decide what to do. Good luck with your decision!

PS I think it's hardest to go from none to any kids!! LOL

[RedSoxFan]

I have 4 kids: Chris, Kyle, Connor & Kourtney.

Going from one child to the second was difficult. And to make it harder was the fact that Kyle was born with a dislocated hip and was in a harness for 6 months. But he never cried and was the best baby a mother could ask for. Having the third child, Connor, was not a big deal at all. My boys are 2 years apart. Kourtney came along when Connor was almost 5 and that was no problem either -- and the boys were all in school by then.

Good luck with whatever decision you make. I think all children are a precious gift.

[Melanie]

Call me selfish, but I just can't imagine more than two for us. Mine are 9 and 10, and at almost 40, another one seems unimaginable. Going back to diapers is a frightening thought. lol! Since we have two boys, everyone always asks if we don't want to try for a girl. Uh....no. Perfectly content with my boys!

I like the fact it's always been one child per parent, that we can get a booth at a restaurant, only one hotel room, etc. 4 is just a nice, easy number.

[sleepingbooty]

I'll ditto Melanears. And maybe I'm selfish, but I'm actually looking forward to going back to work (my "baby" will be in kindergarten come fall). I suppose I could still work if I had another - but how would that child feel knowing that I stayed home with the first two? But honestly, if I felt a deep longing for another child - I would go for it - and not worry about all the other stuff. The details will work themselves out.:thumbsup:

[Melanie]

But honestly, if I felt a deep longing for another child - I would go for it - and not worry about all the other stuff.

Exactly. :yes: Kathy, I think you are doing the right thing exploring your feelings on this. What does your hubby think?

[SBETigg]

I have two. I used to think I wanted four. My husband and I are both middle children of three and we always said we wouldn't put someone in the middle like we were, so it was two children or four children for us. Middle children are the best, of course, so nothing wrong with three.

Financially and emotionally, for us, it was a better decision to stick with two. We can give them each more of our time, attention, and material comforts without a third. No one has to share a bedroom. Also, we're not outnumbered. We have an even parent-child ratio.

Now that it's time for our oldest to head to college, I'm really glad we stuck with two. It's going to cost us. It's also nice that we can see the time when we'll be back to having just the two of us at home, an empty nest. And I sometimes think that will be so sad, but most times now it's a really exciting thought, and especially nice that we'll be young enough to enjoy each other and traveling. And, think of the convenience for WDW trips. Familes with more than four seem to have more trouble getting resort accommodations. Just a thought. I would say to give your feelings some time before you jump in. I've had those feelings and then I thought it over and remembered the sleepless nights and lack of time for myself and the feeling passed. This may pass, or you really want another little one. They are so sweet. Best wishes deciding.

[TikiGoddess]

My husband didn't have much to say about it... he's happy where we are right now but I don't think he would stop me if I said I really wanted another child. I really thought we were done after the two girls... but recently just realized that if we're going to have any more children, now is the time. I'm not getting any younger, and neither is he! He's 41 and that was his only comment... that he would be in his 60's when the youngest is going through college.

I know that having another child means losing sleep... losing 'me' time... crying... worry... heck, LABOR.... but yet I'm still considering this??? Like one of the previous posters said -- the details work themselves out. The only thing is we'd have to move (or add on) at some point. We're in a small 3 bedroom ranch and it's perfect right now, but would be a tight squeeze when the kids get bigger.

Well, I know I don't need to make a committment soon. I told DH that I didn't want to be pregnant for our trip to Disney in August. (maybe we could bring back a 'souvenir' from the trip!)

Kathy

[Magic Smiles]

As I only have 1 child, I don't know the answer to your question. Never really wanted more than one - and he loves being an only child. My question would be: "Can you financially afford a third?" You mention that you would have to either add onto your current home or move in the future. Would this be feasible? Only you and you DH know the answers to all of your questions.
Good luck with whatever decision you make!:mickey:

[elmjimmlm]

I have 3, 2 boys and a girl and I didnt think that it was that hard to begin with until they were a little older...I have said that 2 is like 1 but 3 is like 30...
I am glad with the decision that we made to have 3 because if we stopped at 2 then I wouldnt have the greatest little girl on earth...I always thought that I wanted 4 but 3 is a good number for us...

[thrillme]

The bad thing is even the new little one will grow up too. That's why I just "rent" them...(nieces, nephews, cousins, friends...)

[DisneyAggies]

I just wanted to jump in and say we're in the same boat. I think we'd go for a third in a heartbeat IF we knew it was going to be a boy. (we already have 2 boys)
Girls freak me out... LOL

[Mousefever]

Hey Kath,

I hear you. When my step-daughter and her husband had their first baby, I said, "I can still do that!" Of course, Tom's response was, "I want to retire some day!" (He's 54.) I conceded the point and got Nicky (my dog) instead. You're a wonderful mom and a very busy woman. I suggest that you list the pros and cons. Think about, for example, how this would affect your ability to easily go to Disney World. I would definitely look at finances and retirement. If you think about everything, though, and still have that feeling, go for it!

I also think you should spend some serious time with toddlers to remind you what that's like! :thumbsup:

Amy

[mouseketeer mom]

Hi Kathy!
I have three children, ages 14, 12, and 9. I had my two girls first. I never really was one to think, oh, I'll have two kids, I'll have three kids,..I didn't have a specific number in mind. I was very content with my two girls. But..when Khloe was 2, I started kind of feeling one more around me..like I wasn't done yet, there was one more to be. We went back and forth about it for awhile, because to complicate our situation was the fact that my pregnancies became complicated with toxemia. It wasn't a matter of going for "the boy" either, as many people seem to inquire about. It didn't matter to us.
Well, I am grateful every day for the One more!!! I had Kai, and our family was complete. We knew we were done. This little soul was the one that was to be, the one that we were waiting for to complete our family!!
There are lots of reasons not to, the even number thing, the equal kids to equal parent thing, but know what?? Love is limitless, boundless, didn't stretch our hearts at all.. He fit right in, right where he was supposed to, odd numbers and all.;) Turned out 3 kids was the perfect number for us!

[Coccinelle]

Hi!

I have three beautiful kids, girls 10 and 8 and my little boy 5 almost 6. As many other said, it is not very difficult to go from 2 to 3 kids. Every kid is so different and bring us a lot of joy! I felt so complete the first time i had my three little kids in my arms, i knew what i would have miss if not having the third one (husband was hard to convince since the delivery of the girls were complicated).

Is is true that many places are made for family of four but with a little imagination you can do just fine !

My wish for you is that you take the best decision for you and that it make you very happy!

[buzznwoodysmom]

OMG! This is :exactly:what I am dealing with...but my boys are 10 & 8. We are thinking it might be time to have another(maybe 2):cloud9:. It's such a weird feeling, since 2 years ago, we thought we were done. Good luck...I know we will need it! :blush:


Ha ha, thats so funny you said maybe 2, that's exactly how I feel. I had my first two so close and it was great for them to always have someone to play with and learn to share and whatnot. Having another one now I often think if we have one I'd like to have another one right after just like I did with my boys. Having twins would be great also. Good luck to you too!

[TikiGoddess]

Nothing like a dose of reality to help you make decisions.

I was over at my best friend's house last night for dinner. She has two kids -- ages 4 and 7 months. Her 7 mo old is an angel baby, very laid back. I spent a lot of time holding him and playing with him as I usually do (he's my baby fix).

And it brought back all the memories -- good and bad -- of infanthood. And now I can say, yes, I am happy with our family the way it is. I'm not ready to go through babyhood again (and toddlerhood...). There are many reasons for my decision, too many to list. But your input was valuable in helping me to decide.

So thanks for all the advice!! I love Intercot.

Kathy

[Mousefever]

I had a funny feeling that you might end up with this decision. But you can always think about it again in the future. I also understand the feeling. About once a year I get a baby urge, and I know I have to ride it out.

Here's to older kids who will ride more and more Disney attractions with you!

Amy

[jrkcr]

I have 3 daughters, and that the perfect number for me. Ages 17, 15 and 9. After dd#2, we talked about not having any more. But I wasn't sure. After dd#3, I KNEW I had the right number. Our family just felt complete.

But a baby boy would be nice...

I'll settle for a grandson!

[Ian]

I kind of feel the same way. We have two that are 6 1/2 and 2 (boy and a girl) and, while I'm glad the infant phase is over for both of them, I'm still kind of itching for a third.

The thing is, I'm turning 40 this year and I just don't know if I want to have a newborn on my hands when I'm almost 41! :eek:

[princessgirls]

I start feeling a little like I really would love another child, but do I want to go back to all the baby stuff again??? I had my one-year old niece overnight, and you forget the equipment that is involved.

We had our girls so close together (not planned), that I was just not ready for another.

I am content and THANKFUL that my girls are happy and healthy, and at 40 I don't know that I have the energy to start this all over.
Julie:mickey:

[BrerGnat]

I hope I never get the feeling that I want more children, because we are DONE. Made sure of that by having DH...ahem...well, you know. :blush:

We currently have two boys, 4 1/2 and almost 3. I KNOW I will never want a girl :D, so that won't be it, but I'm still fairly young (I just turned 30 last year), so those "biological clock" hormones probably haven't kicked in full force yet.

The thing is, 2 is kicking our rear end. DH is military and has to spend a lot of time away from home, so I have to play "single mommy" a lot. It's hard. Plus, both our kids have developmental disabilities (one has autism, the other has a speech/language delay). It's rough on the best days.

I am grateful for my kids, but I really don't know HOW couples handle more than 2. Both me and DH came from families with 3 children, and we agreed early on that we would stop at 2, and we did just that.

We've already agreed that if we ever get "the urge", we'll just get a puppy! :D

[princessgirls]

Natalie~

You know what you can handle... I truly believe that!!!

Your husband is in the military and you have two beautiful boys who need some extra TLC.

You may get the urge, later on you are still young... oh to be 30 again...LOL!
Thanks for sharing!
Julie:mickey:

[Momof2boys]

We made that same decision - our boys are 10 & 8 and I/we went thru that same "whats one more" but we truly believe by sticking with a family of 4 we made the right decision. I'm the oldest of 3 and I always said I'd have to have an even amount of kids - so 3 would've turned into 4 I'm sure.

[murphy1]

I kind of feel the same way. We have two that are 6 1/2 and 2 (boy and a girl) and, while I'm glad the infant phase is over for both of them, I'm still kind of itching for a third.

The thing is, I'm turning 40 this year and I just don't know if I want to have a newborn on my hands when I'm almost 41! :eek:

Or you will have a three yo when you are 43!! LOL

I think baby borrowing is good :) And that's why I said the whole thing about this is just to do it, don't think on it too much! It'll overwhelm you.

[Cinderelley]

I have three biological kids. For me, going from 1 to 2 wasn't too hard, but going from 2 to 3 felt like I was starting all over again. I found that I got the "new baby" urge about the time the youngest one turned 1. I think it was because they became so independent, and I missed the cuddly time. Now my youngest is 14, and I'm so glad I don't have another one. I love them to death, but I'm ready for some me time.

[ncscgirl2005]

I hate to drag this back up but I am in the same situation as many others have previously discussed.

We have two DDs (ages 11 and 8) and DH wants to have two more. I have never pictured myself having 3 kids so needless to say I am stunned he wants 4. His reasoning is that if we have one they will have not have anyone to grow up with since the other two kids are so much older. We are young parents so our ages are not really a factor for us.

I would love to have a son but I feel like it would be just my luck I end up with another girl. I would be happy either way but for grooming purposes I would love to have a son. It already takes me and DDs about two hours to get dressed now so I don't even want to think about adding more time to to that by having another girl. If we had a boy I could just throw him on a shirt, jeans, and a baseball cap and hit the door!

There are several factors we have to think about as well including buying a bigger house, a bigger vehicle, and other financial responsibilities that go along with having another kid. Also, DH is in the Army and his unit deploys in six month rotations. I really seriously don't want to go through childbirth alone nor do I want to have a newborn while he's deployed.

I do have to itch to have another kid but it is cured when I go to the stores and hear those screaming babies all through the store. DD11 is very against having another kid. She thinks she's going to have to give up some of her material comforts (softball, guitar lessons,etc) if we have another kids. DD8 is all for it. She wants a little brother also. I like our family of 4. It makes it so much easier to travel and such. I love the freedom we have to go and come as please because our kids are old enough to do lot of things by themselves.

DH will be home from deployment in a few weeks and I will start taking my birth control again. I don't want any "accidents" while we try to figure all this out.;)

[Cinderelley]

Does your DH get this longing when he is away from home for the 6 months? I've talked to some people who say that that is pretty common. See what he says 6 months from now when he's been home for a while. Do you have any friends with infants that he can use as a "trial run"?

[BedknobsandBroomsticks]

and I'm happy as heck! but I would agree age is a factor not to be ignored. I was 32 when I had #3 and then hubby got a vasectomy. Our first born was an adventure, I had to have a c-section which for me was awful. Colicky, screamer, not a good sleeper for a while. Our ped. actually said you should have another one quick because if you wait to long you might not want to. She is beautiful, just headstrong. Anyway, #2 DD was a VBAC which I understand are hardly done anymore, only 8% nationally and it was wonderful. She was so good from day 1, slept 10 hours by 3 weeks etc. I said to DH I think I would like another. If it happens it happens but if I turn 35 then I don't want anymore. I just didn't want them that far apart or when I was older. A choice for me. #3 was born 2 years and 1 day after #2. Our darling boy. But don't do it ever to try and have a certain sex, statistically the odds are 80% you will have the same sex again if you have 2 already. It wasn't any harder with 3 at all. Actually easier because #2 and #3 are so close in age they always had each other to play with. By the way I would have had more so that is why DH got fixed, I get the itch all the time but I can't scratch it. It eventually goes away. I know I shouldn't have more but probably would if I could.

[ncscgirl2005]

Does your DH get this longing when he is away from home for the 6 months? I've talked to some people who say that that is pretty common. See what he says 6 months from now when he's been home for a while. Do you have any friends with infants that he can use as a "trial run"?

We don't have any friends with little babies but my sister's 3-yr old God daughter might get the trick done. I visited with her last night and I was ready to leave after an hour with her! Whew...that was a lot of work.

[wdwfansince75]

I have enjoyed reading each of these posts! To me, all of you are "the next generation"...and each of you implied that you had children that you love....but wonder if you should have more. It was noted that if you have 2 children of the same sex, there is an 80 % probability that a third child would be of the same sex....but let me assure you that if a couple have 2 children that they love, there is a 100 % probability that a third child will be loved just as much......The beauty of parential love is that each child receives 100 % of that love....

My dad was named "Theodore"...."the gift of God"....He was his mother's 12th child.....His name was his mother's way of acknowledging that all children, not just Theodore, were gifts from God. Should any of you choose ( or be chosen) to be parents again, your child will be blessed with loving parents....and you will be blessed as well.

[aurora, ariel, and bell]

My "kids" are now 28, 26 and 20. I had a boy and girl 20months apart and then waited until my daughter was 6. We knew we wanted one more but decided to wait. I thouroughly enjoyed my youngest son. The other two were in school and i had time to devote just to him, However i have thought as they were older that i wish i had one more that was close in age to the last one. As they got older he was more like an only child, and i think he misses some of the fun experiences having a sibling close to his age.

My daughter is now a mom of 3 girls, all 12 months apart. Her and her husband knew they wanted 3 and close together. the third one for them just made her life crazy...3 under 3. As they get older now 4, 3, and 2 it is getting easier.

Hope my rambling helped. I guess my advise is each family is different, but i wish I had two and not just one later on.

[Dulcee]

As a completely different point of view, I never realized 3 kids was a lot. I'm #3 of four kids, and theres seven years between each and every one of us. My oldest sister was out of high school when Mom had my little sister. So from a totally different view point, if its a matter of time and love for each child, there is nothing better then the relationship siblings form with each other, despite the age differences and now physical distances, my sibilings are easily my best friends and none of us has ever felt "more loved" by our parents then the others.