Special vacation

[Disnydreamer]

Hoping you all can help me. My wife and I have a 4 day weekend planned coming up from September 4th to 8th and we are staying in the park. When we planned this weekend it was to celebrate our pregnancy. We both work so many hours that we wanted to get away and have a short but very nice vacation. We thought Disney would be the best place for that. We were so excited to go and buy all kinds of Disney kids stuff for our unborn baby.
About two weeks ago We found out that we lost the baby. My wife was heartbroken (and to be honest with you I have been dealing with trying to cheer her up so much it still has not hit me) but anyway, I would like to do something special for my wife to try and get her back into her groove. She has been the light of my life and I love her so dearly it breaks my heart and kills me inside to see her like this. She is slowly getting back to herself but not up to par yet.

Anyone have any good ideas or know of how I can make this trip a magical one to cheer her up and show her it isn;t the end of the world?

Thank you in advance !

[disneyfan328]

I see that you are staying at POR so my suggestion would be to do the horse drawn carriage ride. You can bring a bottle of wine with you and make it a wonderfully romantic ride. Try to book a time around when the sun is going down as the grounds there are totally beautiful.

While I personally haven't had an issue like your wifes, I have several very close friends that went through exactly what she is going through. Just be there for her and tell her you love her and that you are sorry for what she is going through. Who knows maybe you'll even bring a home a disney souvenir this trip!

not sure what all your plans are but there are also some very nice restaurants ect that you could try. Maybe send flowers or something from the disney florist to your room for her to have.

Good luck and I am sending some :magic::pixie: you way. Know that your little one is now an :angel: watching over both you and your DW. may you be blessed again soon.

[Strmchsr]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Having been through it with my own DW I understand how devastating it can be.

One thing you might find helpful (at least we did) is to find a quiet place to have a private "memorial" service for your little one. Just a time to talk about the hopes and dreams you had for this child and to say good bye. You're right in that this is not the end of the world, but it will feel like it to her, so you help her disengage her emotional investment in the past and reinvest in the future. In order to do that she, and probably you, too, need to be able to symbolically say goodbye to that past.

Other things you could do would be a special dinner or an afternoon at the Grand Floridian Spa. Whatever is most important to her. You could contact Disney Florist and have them send a special flower arrangement to your room. Just being together will be the most important thing. Hope you have a wonderful trip.

[gauvin4]

So sorry to hear of your loss. :pixie: for you and your family.

I think you are a wonderful husband for wanting to do something special for your wife on this trip. I agree with the previous poster in that your wife may enjoy an afternoon at the spa. The horse drawn carriage ride is also a nice idea. I'm sure whatever you do your wife will love it.

[disneymom15]

So sorry for your loss. I agree with the above posters, have some flowers sent to your room and plan a romantic dinner. The carriage ride also sounds wonderful. :pixie:

[dumbo_buddy]

i'm so sorry for your loss.

i lost my pregnancy at the beginning of june. this september trip was supposed to be a celebration of the pregnancy as well.

it's bittersweet to go - i'm excited b/c it's disney but sad b/c i'm not going with a pooh-sized belly.

as far as doing something special, just being there for her is what is important. my DH has been so strong for me and that's better than any special whatever that costs $$. just hug her and kiss her and tell her how wonderful she is while walking down main street.

also, do NOT say something like, "oh it was God's way" or "there was something wrong with it" - the best thing to say is "i'm sorry, i love you"

[Strmchsr]

also, do NOT say something like, "oh it was God's way" or "there was something wrong with it" - the best thing to say is "i'm sorry, i love you"

:exactly: Speaking as pastor, counselor, and someone who has experienced this personally those are the WORST things you could say. Losing a child is never for the best. I agree that "I'm sorry" and "I love you" are the best things you could say, especially the latter.

[dumbo_buddy]

strmchaser, thanks :mickey:

[disneygeek84]

While I personally have not lost a child, my sister had a miscarriage around Thanksgiving last year and my cousin has had 6 miscarriages and 1 still-birth over the last 2 years. While it is quite possible the worst thing to happen to a woman, I think that going to a place like Disney World could be really great therapy. I agree that you shouldn't think about what might have been wrong with the child, but instead think, and talk, about your future children. Like a PP said, do a little memorial for your lost child, and then look ahead to the future. My sister is actually expecting their first in January. She's completely freaked out every time that she goes to the doctor, but she did just have her 18 week check-up and they heard a heartbeat as well. So just keep in mind that she may never completely recover from the loss, just keep encouraging her and letting her know that you're always going to be there for her, no matter what.

I hope that you have a very magical trip and we will be praying for you and your wife.

[DisneyBabies]

I am so sorry for your loss. This is not something that you or your wife will ever get over (and anyone who tells you different has never been through a miscarriage); you will move on. And it can be a very slow process for many who go through it. I lost my son's twin (and almost my son) in my first pregnancy and I had a threatened miscarriage with my daughter and to this day, I can tell you the day and time that it happened. As hard as it will be for the two of you, the other posters are right; you need to say good bye to your child. I think the idea of a romantic carriage ride and a bottle of wine (or non-alcoholic sparkling water if you are planning to try again soon) would be a very nice thing to do. And flowers are always appreciated :).
I know you are trying to make sure your wife gets better physically and emotionally and that is wonderful; but don't forget about yourself. This is just as hard on you (in a little different way) as it is your wife. Please, please make sure you talk to someone as well. Your wife may not be able to handle the load of your emotions on top of her own right now, but please talk to someone. . .a pastor, a family member, a close friend, a counselor. . .anyone you trust to let you talk and help to support you through this until your wife can.
I hope things begin to get better soon and I hope you let us all know how you are both doing.

[Disnydreamer]

I thank everyone for their suggestions and warm replies!

Thanks again!

[Hayden's Dad]

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost two before we were blessed with Hayden. It takes time but both you and your wife will decide when it is time again.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you have been trying to cheer your wife up so it hasn't hit you yet, just remember that when it is time for it to hit you it is ok to be sad it is ok to cry some times men, myself included, have a hard time remembering that.

As for Disney i think it is a great diversion, a good exit from reality. Try to have fun!!

[DisneyDudet]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have not personally experienced a loss like yours, but I can only imagine the hurt. I'm sure your wife feels broken, not just emotionally, but physically. I have known some people that have had miscarriages, and the "What did I do wrong?" thought is ever prevalent. That is such a struggle for women. I have experienced other losses in my life, so maybe I can help a little.

In my studies, I was taught that closure is important when there is a personal loss. One of the things that makes loss of an unborn child so difficult is the fact that you can't say those "goodbyes", and the wonder of what might have been. I think a memorial for the little one sounds like a great idea. Why not each of you write a letter to your baby. Grab some balloons and tie the letters to the balloons. You can read it outloud or not, and let the balloons go. It might seem corny, but it can be your symbol of letting go of the past, while feeling a connection to that little one. You can do this at a special place in the park, like the Wishing Well near the castle, or rent a little boat on Bay Lake or something. Maybe a beach at one of the resorts. Whatever you feel will make it special for the both of you.

You know your wife better than we do, so what does she enjoy? What makes her feel beautiful and happy? Why not purchase her a beautiful dress, rent a limo for the evening, and take her to a nice restaurant in the World? What about a night of fun at The Boardwalk?

Your love and care for your wife is so evident that she is very, very lucky to be married to you. I can tell you are broken about losing the baby, but your concern for your wife is number one to you. I am sure that, even if she doesn't show it, your love is making it better, a little every day. Anything you do for your wife, she will love. Wrap your arms around her and just hold her. Tell her you love her and that you are there for her.

I am praying for your family and sending Pixie Dust your way for another blessing soon.

[tinksmom02]

I am very sorry for your loss.
I don't really have any other, original suggestions, I was thinking perhaps the spa or a nice quiet dinner, as well.

[Madzac]

I just wanted to say that I am so very sorry for your loss. Miscaraige is just devastating and I think it is one of those things that so many dont understand the true depth of sadness and loss until you have been through it. I lost one between my first two and I really did feel like the world was ending for some time. It was really tough.

Anyway, you are an excellent husband to care enough to want to do something special. I think something adult would be great for her... she will likely see many little kids and pregnant women while at disney and I remember how painful that was for me. So maybe the carraige ride or a massage in the spa or something would be a good thing for her and for you to share.

ALL i can say is, keep talking to her about it. It seems like everyone assumes you have moved on quickly and i think it is good for you both to talk about it together, cry together, and just let her see that you care too. I have this wonderful story that was given to me after my loss that I have passed on to many women that is so comforting. If you would like it to read for yourself and to pass to your DW just PM me and I would love to share it.

Have a magical time together and best wishes as you heal and move forward!

[DDuck66]

While this has never happened to me, my DW lost her baby at 9 months from a previous marriage and it still bothers her 18 years later. This was about 4 years before I even met her. You might think of a fireworks dinner cruise. Just being together and enjoying the sights and sounds may be the best medicine...it will probably take a long time for her to recover and it may continue to bother her for years to come, especially on the anniversary date of when it happened. Hear's wishing you the best.