Would you still go? [Archive]

Lorraine444

07-10-2008, 12:48 PM

Hoping for sincere advice - Confused:confused:
I have an opportunity for 2 weeks 8/5-8/17 in Florida with a co-worker. She has a house in Sarasota, and a time share 2 miles from Disney, a week at each.
I've only purchased flights to get there so far.
The problem is my son (13) doesn't want to go!
He's been to Florida many times, and Disney 2 times. He wants to spend the summer @ home with his friends. Now this means playing on XBox for hours at a time.... Ugh! This drives me mad!
There will be 2 other boys same age, but he doesn't know them well. I believe he will get over it, and have fun. I really need to get away.
Oh by the way this will be the 2nd thing he doesn't want to do! I'm sending him to an overnight camp for 2 weeks as well 7/21-8/1. He needs to experience the great outdoors!
Am I doing the right thing? I can't stand him just hanging around doing nothing with himself, and is not old enough to work yet!
What would you do??????
I am soooo not looking forward to the confrontation I'll be dealing with as 7/21 (camp)approaches, then 8/5 (vacation). I just want peace..... I'm a single mom & there isn't any place he can go, so I can't leave him behind.

darthmacho

07-10-2008, 01:00 PM

Dare I suggest a compromise? Maybe you could both enjoy time at WDW together still. Tell him that if he goes to WDW with you without a fuss, then maybe you'll spare him from the camp?

Maybe that's conceding too much, but I'm not familiar with your relationship with your son, so I can't judge fairly. Use your judgment so far as how he may perceive your compromise as a sign that he can manipulate you.

I'm hoping that's not the case and that you have a great time!

I remember not being interested in that kind of stuff at his age. I remember I balked at a family trip to Niagara Falls so at age 15 because I didn't want to spend a week away from my new girlfriend. Turns out I had a great time and now I plot someday to take that girl, now my wife, and our two daughters, on a family trip to Niagara some day!

Sorry for the rambling, and good luck. :mickey:

sisterslovindisney

07-10-2008, 01:09 PM

Any way to take one of those friends of his along? Just a thought but it might be a good compromise if your coworker doesn't mind.

Aurora

07-10-2008, 01:15 PM

Your son seems to be completely normal -- friends and unscheduled time are so important at his age. And 13-year-olds are so moody and ego-driven.

You shouldn't give up your vacation just because he doesn't "want" to go. There are worse things in life than being dragged to Florida on vacation. (In fact, just about everything is worse than that!) I also don't think as a parent you are required to negotiate with your children, but you do need to think about whether he'll "ruin" your getaway time.

Have you thought about him bringing a friend on vacation? I know that's a long time for a friend to be away, but if it's an option for you it might work. You wouldn't have a lot of mother-son bonding time, but it sounds like that might not happen anyway.

Disney Doll

07-10-2008, 01:16 PM

I understand wanting him to do something besides play video games all day. Although, I'm not sure I could force my kid to go to summer camp for a week. I know I would have HATED that. Plus, isn't camp kind of expensive especially if he doesn't really want to go? I like the idea of limiting video game time so he doesn't get to play all day long. I would not pass up a chance to go to Disney, but I would offer a compromise. Can your son bring his X-Box and possibly even play online with his friends at home while in Florida? Maybe allowing him to bring his system would make him feel better about going. I would implement a limit on video game time even in Florida. Family time is important too. Hopefully once he gets there he'll get to know the other kids and end up having fun.

Your post reminds me of a family I once saw at WDW. They had a teen aged boy who was dressed in goth and looked like he was way too cool to be at WDW. It cracked me up because he looked so miserable going in and had that teen angst look down pat. I saw them later in the day and he was having a great time. I though man if his goth friends could see him now. :D

blabbermouth

07-10-2008, 02:47 PM

I say he should go to both. That's only 4 weeks of summer gone to things he doesn't "want" to do... he still has another couple weeks to just chill out. Plus at 13 you're bored by the end of the summer anyway, he needs something to break up all that loafing around!! Go for both, he'll have fun at both whether he admits it or not!!

CaptainJessicaSparrow

07-10-2008, 03:07 PM

Why not allow him to bring the XBox with you guys? That way, he can play a bit while still spending time with you and the other families (plus he can possibly make some new friends). So he can go to the parks for a bit, ride some rides, and then return to the timeshare and have his game console there for him.

Also, would you consider letting him have some freedom to roam the parks on his own provided he doesn't leave and stays in contact with you? That way, he could have a bit of freedom as a young adult, possibly with the other kids.

I also think maybe bringing one of his friends from home might be a good idea, so that he doesn't feel completely trapped with parents (at 13, that's the age when they want to start rebelling and developing as a adult, not being treated like a child and the idea it's "not cool" to hang with parents).

What about maybe planning a day to DisneyQuest as well? It's a 5 story video arcade that he might enjoy a visit to. Or maybe a day at Universal Studios/IOA? A lot of teens at that age, especially boys, think that Disney is for "little kids," so maybe taking him to a bigger park with bigger thrills might be a good idea.

In the end, you know your child best and only you can decide what would be best for him. If you are comfortable with him staying with some friends back home, that might be an option too. Otherwise if you force him to come down when he honestly has no desire, he might be in the worst mood possible the entire time because of that fact.

SBETigg

07-10-2008, 03:08 PM

It is his downtime, too. I would skip the camp if he has no interest, but I would insist on the vacation.

xipetotec

07-10-2008, 04:11 PM

RocknBev

07-10-2008, 04:55 PM

I wouldn't force the 2 weeks of outdoor camp but I would require my child to go on vacation with me. And I would allow him to bring the Xbox if that is a good compromise.
Kids at that age start to think going on vacation with parents stink but then they end up enjoying it despite themselves...and when they are older they reflect on it as a "good time." Hope this helps....having teenagers is always a tricking situation. Good luck!

Lorraine444

07-10-2008, 05:12 PM

Thanking you all for your responses. It's nice to see what others would do!
I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me - "I'm the parent". Don't not go just because the teen says he doesn't want to, which is what a few have said.
The bring a friend deal - That I feel is not needed since there will be 2 other teens with us. I brought & paid for his friends parks passes for 10 days last year.

The Xbox deal - I suppose I could compromise & let him bring it, we won't be around much for him to play it anyway....

2 weeks of camp - That's a mommies decision - mom's know best. I don't believe it's healthy - mentally or physically to be in front of that T.V.
I work Mon-Fri - 8-4:30 I can't stop him, unless I take the game with me to work?
My son is not the adventurous type, and I need for him to think/experience "outside the box".
I truely believe it will be a great experience if he can only get over the fact he has to be there.
I would definately allow him roaming time in the parks with the other teens with cell phone contact. I did this last year a bit.

I can't back out on camp NO REFUNDS - I really feel this is a needed experience I wouldn't have paid $900.00 if I didn't feel it would be best for him. I'm just stressed out about the day I have to take him, I hope he doesn't outright refuse....
All comments Welcome & Appreciated...

RockChalkKimball

07-10-2008, 05:25 PM

Sounds like you have thought it through and made good decisions.
I am not a big camp person, but I did "make" both of my kids go to 4-H camp when they were young. My DD LOVED it and still goes as a volunteer counselor 10 years later. My DS didn't really like it, so he never went back. However, he did go to basketball camp for a couple of years and loved that.
I agree that he needs to get away from the xbox. I would throw my out the window if I could. And, going on vacation isn't the worse thing you can do to him:secret: He and the other boys will warm up quickly and have a great time.

Isn't it fun being the mommy???

RocknBev

07-10-2008, 05:29 PM

I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me - "I'm the parent". Don't not go just because the teen says he doesn't want to, which is what a few have said.
The bring a friend deal - That I feel is not needed since there will be 2 other teens with us. I brought & paid for his friends parks passes for 10 days last year.

The Xbox deal - I suppose I could compromise & let him bring it, we won't be around much for him to play it anyway....

2 weeks of camp - That's a mommies decision - mom's know best. I don't believe it's healthy - mentally or physically to be in front of that T.V.
I work Mon-Fri - 8-4:30 I can't stop him, unless I take the game with me to work?
My son is not the adventurous type, and I need for him to think/experience "outside the box".
I truely believe it will be a great experience if he can only get over the fact he has to be there.
I can't back out on camp NO REFUNDS - I really feel this is a needed experience I wouldn't have paid $900.00 if I didn't feel it would be best for him. I'm just stressed out about the day I have to take him, I hope he doesn't outright refuse....
All comments Welcome & Appreciated...

YES!!! You are the mom! And you know your child better than anyone so do what you know is right regardless. Definitely don't make a decision based upon what a 13 yro says! I can't believe that others are telling you to stay home because your son THINKS he doesn't want to go. Maybe he doesn't want to go now but hey maybe once he gets there.....
Anyway.....he should not be the one making decisions in your household...that's for you to do. I think that maybe that is a bit of what is wrong with our society today...too many kids making the decisions in our homes. Basically, tell him to get his butt in the car or on the plane when you get ready to go. The children grow up too fast and you will not have this opportunity in a couple of years. Once he gets there, he will have a good time...especially if there are others his age to hang out with.

As for camp, you are also right, but I have also been the camp counselor where parents forced their kids to camp where they didn't want to go. That could go either way...he could end up loving it or not....and you may never know which...teenagers are sneaky that way. Regardless, it will be a learning experience for him. Keep doing what you are doing....making good decisions for you and your son.

I would love a summer of 2 weeks of camp and then WDW. :minnie:Would you like to adopt me?:yes:

Reedy Creek Buccaneer

07-10-2008, 05:50 PM

If he doesn't want to go, I volunteer to take his place.

Anyway, tell him you are the parent, and he IS going!

He will be fine, maybe you could let him plan a few things he would enjoy when he gets there.

Stay Strong!
:mickey::mickey::mickey:

crazypoohbear

07-10-2008, 05:54 PM

I would let him take the xbox and make him go to the camp. It sounds like he is behaving like my 13 year old earlier this week. As for taking the system with you to work... you could do what I have done, you only need to take the controllers :) not the whole system.

If the camp is sleepaway and he doesn't want to sleep away AND you want to try to keep him happy can you at this late date find a day camp that he might like/ Basketball, science etc.?
but, don't back down, let him know that your word is the final say. Good luck

pink

07-10-2008, 06:08 PM

I think you should go! I don't know about your house but when I was thirteen I didn't make the vacation decisions. Your son is still young and it's good of you to keep his mind stimulated through the summer. He may only want to spend time with his friends but after awhile he will get bored and wished he went on that Disney trip or to camp. He would only be gone for a total of 4 weeks, he would still have some of the summer left to see his friends. He may be miserable pre-trip but I gaurantee he will have a great time once he gets there. Don't stress about it and enjoy your vacation, you deserve it! :mickey:

MuchLovedMama

07-10-2008, 06:17 PM

2 weeks of camp - That's a mommies decision - mom's know best.

At that age I think they need to have a little more independence & not be mommied so much. I'm 28 now & my mom & I are the best of friends & I talk to her every day but when I was that age, if I'm to be honest. I grew to hate her. Kids that age don't want to be told what to do & although sometimes for safety reasons & stuff I agree you need to but had my mom forced me to go to a camp I would've run away. No, I'm not kidding I wouldn't have gone & there would've been no way she could've made me. A vacation is one thing & if there's nobody for him to stay with then he needs to go with you but I hate the idea of him being forced to go to a camp (especially if he doen'st know anybody else). I think it's important that he does other things than just xbox but being that my husband & I still play games to this day I think for the majority of video gamers it's really not hurting things. Limit the play time if need to but I wouldn't make him go to camp just to get away from that. He's got to grow up someday mom. Maybe slowly but surely loosen some of those strings.

I hope you don't take this message the wrong way because I'm just speaking from experience.

BelleCiavo

07-10-2008, 06:26 PM

My son is not the adventurous type, and I need for him to think/experience "outside the box".
I truely believe it will be a great experience if he can only get over the fact he has to be there.

My husband and I are forcing our ds15 to go to camp this summer. He sounds a lot like your son (substitute Wii and Godzilla Forum for Xbox.) I think it's perfectly normal that your son doesn't want to go; it's out of his comfort zone. The camp my son is going to has a no electronics policy (no cell phone, Nintendo DS, or iPod :drama:) Is your camp like that too?

I don't like to do things out of my comfort zone, but I'm usually glad when I do. I think you should make your son do both and I bet he will have fun, he may even admit it. :yes:

Karen

SBETigg

07-10-2008, 08:39 PM

I think he'll end up enjoying the camp, so good call. Especially if the alternative is leaving him home alone all day while you're at work. It's a healthy, wise choice, in that case, and most likely worth every dollar. If he's like my son, he will complain about everything in advance and then go and actually enjoy it. There is always the chance that they will grow to resent you when you have to make these judgment calls, but you have to weigh it out and see what's best for you and for him. Leaving him home alone all day all summer doesn't sound best for anyone.

I would be on the fence about bringing the XBox, too. On one hand, it's a good compromise and may make him a little more complacent. Plus, there are other boys his age. It might help them all get to know each other and have fun. On the other hand, it may encourage him to be anti-social and just want to do on vacation what he does at home. I think there are probably more pros than cons with bringing it.

He's only 13! You are still the parent. Go, Mom!

PAYROLL PRINCESS

07-10-2008, 10:04 PM

Lorraine444

07-10-2008, 10:53 PM

I am soooo loving everyone's say!

I see all points of views & that is exactly what I was confused about.

There is a big problem with children these days, they just do WHATEVER they want!:blowup:
The parents just let them. That's another thing I'm battling about, I'm a horrible mom (though he doesn't say so to me)because I don't let him just roam.... And I always need to speak with an adult in the house if he's out.... I am a minority mom....

I love all of you who made me feel like I'm making the correct decision, and for those of you who disagree with me, I respect your opinion. There will always be a :goodbad: in everything.

He is going to camp!:camp:
He will be very busy......
:skate::basket::fish:

He is going on vacation!

MOM"S KNOW BEST..... Here's to that!
:cheers:

The responses are great!
Thanks a million!!!!:thanks:

Lorraine444

07-10-2008, 11:04 PM

BellaCiavo -
To answer your question yes the same rules apply. He is going flip like a drug addiction!
It's a YMCA camp & yes, it did cost $$$$, but it is worth every penny for him to experience it even if he doesn't enjoy it!
Hopefully next summer he can find something to do for work. So I don't have to go through this anymore......
Can your 15 year old work anywhere yet?
If I'm having a hard time @ 13yrs, I can only imagine @ 15 yrs..... We'll have to post back after this is all over.....if we make it through!
:faint:

jonahbear2006

07-11-2008, 12:17 AM

If I were the mom, sincerely, I would tell my teenager that when the child recieves a part time job, a driver's licence, and has outstanding grades, then he/she will be allowed to make decisions that allow him to stay out of family vacations or out of summer camp. Until then, he will just have to find a way to make himself content with what he has access to, after all this is what growing us is all about; learning how to change for the world, cause it certainly isn't going to change for you. I imagine you know what you want the answer to be but you feel like you should try to make him happy as a favor to him. I would make him accountable for his own happiness. He will enjoy the trip, as will you. x box is no way to waste the beautiful summer. Have a great trip!!

TikiGoddess

07-11-2008, 09:24 AM

Hi Lorraine!

Sounds like you got the advice you were looking for. I hope you and your son have a WONDERFUL time this summer!! :)

And if he doesn't want to go to camp, tell him his other choice is babysitting two little girls all day (who like to play dress up). I could use some help around the house... :)

TikiG

Lorraine444

07-11-2008, 10:18 AM

Kathy,

I knew you would chime in! Glad to hear from you!
I did receive the answers I was looking for.
Just needed a little reassurance I was doing the right thing. No Husband in my house to discuss.

I don't think you would want him to babysit your little girls. You would come home to a disaster.

Guess I'm paying a ton for airfare, Southwest has moved into September for dings from Orlando > Hartford....$180.00/person. YUK!

Have a great summer, Keep those kids busy!

A Mouse Fan

07-11-2008, 10:51 AM

I 100% agree that you are the parent and ultimately whatever you decide goes. You know your child best. At 13, I didn't want to be away from my friends for a minute, but hey that is normal! I would definitely take him to Florida with you...I bet he will make friends fast with the other two kids and have a great time. And let him take his video game with him, he can play it at night after you get home from the parks etc. while you relax!
Now about the camp, my mother pushed me into going to camp and I hated every minute of it and still at (37 yrs old) remember how much I hated it! I would never ever ever force my kid into going to camp! However I am NOT the outdoors type at all and the thought of camping turns my stomach :( I wished my mom would have realized that and not pushed me into going but hey it didn't kill me LOL!
Like you said you know your son the best and if you think he will enjoy camp :thumbsup:
You sound like an awesome mom and it's great of you to be so concerned about doing the right thing for your child!

Lorraine444

07-11-2008, 11:54 AM

Awwww, That's nice to hear I could :sob:

crazypoohbear

07-11-2008, 01:44 PM

I was extremely shy growing up. But I had a chance to go to camp for a week when I was about 11. I didn't know anyone else going and I still managed to have a great time. And it was a sleep over camp.
As for Disney, I agree, go and make him go. He'll have a great time once you get him there! He probably thinks he's too cool for it but we all know different. You are never too cool for Disney.

WHAT?????!!!! When did you go to camp??? Where was I??
What kind of camp??
What about ME???

You went to camp, I didn't
M joined girl scouts I couldn't
Coreen got a dog - I couldn't have one

I'm seeing a pattern in my childhood and I don't like it!!!!!!!!!!

Lorraine444

07-11-2008, 02:47 PM

????? I'm not understanding crazypoohbear????

crazypoohbear

07-11-2008, 06:55 PM

????? I'm not understanding crazypoohbear????

Sorry. payroll princess is my sister... I did not know that she got to go away to camp (don't know how I missed that!)
She got to go to camp
another sister got to join girl scouts and yet ANOTHER one got a puppy as a child
I did not get to go to camp,
I did not get to join the girl scouts and
I did not get a puppy!!!

I'm thinking my parents didn't love me enough :blush:
I got to stay home and do nothing
Oh, I was working at 13 though

Lorraine444

07-11-2008, 09:29 PM

Hmmm - Wonder why?
Maybe it's cause you actually kept yourself busy...:)

Texas Tinkerbell Too

07-14-2008, 11:01 AM

I just want to give you a hug and a pat on the back! You sound like a GREAT mom! I think you are doing the right thing. Like some of others have said, today's society is the way it is because so many parents let their children dictate how to run the house.

My dad raised my sister and I. He took us every summer to either Disney or the islands. I do not remember ever fussing about going on vacation with him. (Notice...I said... I don't remember.) As an adult, I really treasure those memories. I am sure someday your son will, too.