RAIDER
07-02-2008, 08:55 AM
ELDERLY drivers. Pressing the pedal on your right will make your car go a little faster. Forget all that rubbish about suffocating at speeds above 15mph, it was all a myth.
WHEN cooking spaghetti, tie all the ends together. That way you can eat it in one long go, eliminating the drudgery of washing up knives and forks.
MUMS. After your kids have mastered spelling with Alphabetti Spaghetti, buy a tin of the normal stuff so as they can practise joined-up writing.
BONO. Take the mickey by spending thousands of pounds on pink tinted sunglasses then ask the working class to give to charity.
EXPERIENCE the thrills of a skiing holiday without the expense. Simply sellotape two planks of wood to your feet, sit in your freezer for three hours, then run into a tree as fast as you can.
HOUSEHOLDERS. Store yellow crayons, broken pencils, dried up biros and highlighters somewhere handy. I keep mine in a jar by the telephone.
BASEBALL cap manufacturers. Save the wearer the bother of turning your caps round by putting the peak on the other side.
MOTORISTS Always have a hot pie in your hands in heavy traffic. Each time the traffic grinds to a halt, just reach for the pie. The instant you place it to your lips the traffic begins to move. This works especially well with the molten lava apple turnovers from KFC.
WHEN cooking spaghetti, tie all the ends together. That way you can eat it in one long go, eliminating the drudgery of washing up knives and forks.
MUMS. After your kids have mastered spelling with Alphabetti Spaghetti, buy a tin of the normal stuff so as they can practise joined-up writing.
BONO. Take the mickey by spending thousands of pounds on pink tinted sunglasses then ask the working class to give to charity.
EXPERIENCE the thrills of a skiing holiday without the expense. Simply sellotape two planks of wood to your feet, sit in your freezer for three hours, then run into a tree as fast as you can.
HOUSEHOLDERS. Store yellow crayons, broken pencils, dried up biros and highlighters somewhere handy. I keep mine in a jar by the telephone.
BASEBALL cap manufacturers. Save the wearer the bother of turning your caps round by putting the peak on the other side.
MOTORISTS Always have a hot pie in your hands in heavy traffic. Each time the traffic grinds to a halt, just reach for the pie. The instant you place it to your lips the traffic begins to move. This works especially well with the molten lava apple turnovers from KFC.