My mom kicked me out of the house

[pink]

This problem started about a week ago. I have a job as a receptionist at night and I work 3 nights a week and every weekend. However, I worked at a summer camp last summer and was offered the job again. I took it back then later backed out because I have IBS and it would be diffulcult for me to manage two jobs.

I was thinking to myself to take summer classes and I just signed up for yoga but this isn't good enough for my mom. She calls me lazy to everyone that comes to the house, yells at me that I sleep in when her alarm goes off at 1 in the afternoon. She is also made because I'm switching from a university in my district to a state college and she's angry because she said "I can't brag to my friends anymore about you going to a 'smart' school." However, I'm only going to this school because it's around the block from my house, therefore easier for me if I get sick which is often.



Today my DBF was over and the three of us were just talking nicely and such and all of a sudden she starts bullying me about what I'm going to do this summer and how lazy I am and how I'm just wasting me life away. I try to expain it to her that IBS is hard to live with and I'm trying to get help all the time but we haven't found a solution yet. She doesn't listen all of it just goes over her head. My DBF even tried to reason with her and she just ignores him.

I started crying and when my DBF left I tried to calmy explain to her why I think she's wrong for bullying me about this. She just tells me that I think I know everything because I'm almost 19 now and how she is just going to cut me out of her life. She tells me she isn't going to help with my my stomach disorder anymore and that I'm on my own. Granted I don't need her money or what not but I can't live in this situation anymore. My dad is never home but he usually just makes problems worse anyways. I don't know what to do. :(

[offwego]

Pink, I'm not sure from your post if your mom kicked you out or not but it sure sounds like a not nice discussion.

Hopefully you'll be able to talk about it rationally soon. Have you tried taking her with you to the dr. to have a medical professional explain it to her?

[pink]

Yes, she kicked me out of the house. She said I have to be out by tonight.

[ShelbyAD]

I am very sorry that you are going through this. Do you have a place to go to? I have noticed (realized) that when parents are frustrated about things they can't control, they tend to lash out - maybe this is their way of handling it (maybe because they don't fully understand what you are going through).

I hope things work out for the best. :hug::pixie: coming your way!!

[brownie]

It's tough, but it sounds like it might be for the best at the moment. I hope things improve and you're able to find a happier place to stay.

[disneydeb]

Do you have a place to go?

(((hugs))) That is about all I can really do ,but I will pray that the situation will soon be resolved and cooler heads will prevail.

[mreinventtt]

What happened to unconditional love?
Sounds like your mother is picking on you. Does she have a job? She sounds bored.
I dont know personally how you feel. But my sister who is also 19 was diagnosed with Chrones disease and sometimes cannot function like a normal person by going to work or even going to school. I totally feel for you.
I hope that you have some other kind of family members to lean on and help you out in your situation.
Or ask your mom what she expects from you and what would make her happy. In a calm and rational way.
Good luck.
Take care.
Missy :princess:

[bleukarma]

*hugs*
It sounds like you are better off not living in her house. I hope you have a place to go. Good luck, and keep your head up! Things will work out, they always do.

[SBETigg]

I'm so sorry, Pink. It's so hard when family relationships break down, and especially difficult when your own mother doesn't understand. I can't begin to imagine what she's thinking. :hug: Are you going to be okay? Do you have a place to go? Other people to turn to for now? Maybe she'll calm down and see reason, or maybe not. It would be nice if you could get her to see your doctor with you, but it sounds like she has made up her mind to discount your health problems as a serious issue. Do you think she has a point with this at all? Are there strategies you could research that would enable you to live a fuller life? Maybe she's thinking that she's doling out some tough love to help you conquer your symptoms?

As a mom to teens, I can tell you that sometimes, they've made me so angry(more frustrated, really) that I could hardly see straight and there are a few rare times when I have said things that I really regretted once I calmed down. The bottom line is that I always love my kids, even when I'm upset with them, and I like to think there's nothing that could ever happen between us that we couldn't fix. I want to think that your mom is the same. You're obviously an articulate and bright young woman. I hope she comes around for you. I'm sure you're really hurting right now and there's no easy solution.

:pixie: :hug: :pixie:

[RedSoxFan]

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. Sending more HUGS and I hope everything works out for you.

[Mr. Brass Bonanza]

Pink, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Kicking a child out of the house--unless it's an extreme circumstance that goes well beyond what's going on here--is a disgustingly despicable practice. Before we were married, my in-laws kicked my wife out of their house several times. My MIL was usually the evil ring leader and my FIL her side kick. Sometimes they gave her some time to get out, and other times he had to leave on the spot. I have a very good relationship with my in-laws, but I despise them for what they did to my wife and there is nothing they can do ti repair that. The damage is done.

Sometimes my wife moved in with friends, and once with her aunt. As mentioned above, it was actually the best thing to happen at the times it did because her parents were so irrational and riculous. One of the times I was already dating my wife, so I know she wasn't exaggerating. We all thing my MIL has bi-polar syndrome, but her ego and pride is too high up in Earth orbit for her to be tested because she thinks it will make her look weak...which is why she won't stop smoking even though she has cancer.

I'm sorry...I didn't mean to go on about my wife's history. I'm sorry to say this, but your mom is acting like a jerk, and your father doesn't seem to care too much about what she does. That's exactly how it was with my wife. You're better off not being there. I mean, you have a medical condition! It seems your mom care more about what other people think than how you are yourself. Again..amazing how it is like my wife's situation!

I hope you find a place to stay soon. Please keep us updated. Don't let your mom change you and what you want to do. You are an adult, and if your mom doesn't respect that and stand behind what you do, leave her out of it.

[ElenitaB]

I'm so sorry. Like others, I'm concerned whether you have someplace to go! Please take care!

[Marilyn Michetti]

WOW, I'm sitting here looking at the reply box, and wondering, "what can we say"?

I don't know of any easy answer, but if you can find a church with an outreach program, they might have a place where you can stay while you get on your feet. This must be incredibly hard, and my heart goes out to you. Leaving home when it's your idea is hard enough, but being set out like a bag of trash must be devestating.

Good luck sweetie. Find a bed, get someone that will support you emotionally. How about your school? Please hang on - this might be the beginning of something better, even if that's hard to believe now.:hug:

[PirateLover]

Your mom doesn't seem to be very understanding of your problem, and that's ashame. I remember when you were first thinking about making an appointment that lead to your diagnosis. You were nervous, and said that your mom made light of the situation and didn't want to come at first when you asked her. This is very hard for me to understand because my parents are the opposite of your mom. Sometimes it feels like they are TOO involved. At any rate, IBS can be a serious problem. My dad had it in his early 20s and as a near 6ft man he was almost down to 100lbs because it wasn't commonly diagnosed back then. It's scary to look at pictures of him. He did research and got placed on a medicine called Elavil, and was able to get normal again.
It seems to me like you are doing all that you can do. You have a job, go to school, and look after your health. What more a parent can expect from a 19 year old, I don't know. Unfortunately I think that sometimes parents reach breaking points, whether justifiable or not. Hopefully you can stay at a friend, relative, or your DBF's house while you try to figure this all out. Please keep us updated if you can. :pixie:

[Dragongirlx]

Pink

This is a horrible thing to happen and I hope you are ok and have somewhere safe to go.

I sympathise because this happened to my twin sister and myself when we were not much older than you. My mother had a huge argument with my sister and tried to get me to take siders against her and when I weouldn't because my mum was lying about certain things she chucked us both out. Luckily we had my Dad to go to.

I suggest that you try and talk to your mother and even if she dosen't want you to stay she gives you time to find somewhere else to go. If she does let you stay I think it might be time to look for a place of your own anyway. I realise you are only 19 and this can be very hard but if your mother is continuing with this behaviour it will be even harder on you in the long run. My sisters and I put up with my mothers bad behviour for a long time and not one pof us came away unscarred and I can't help but think if we had stopped her earlier we might all have had a better time of it.

Anway lots of pixie dust :pixie:and a great big hug :hug: and I hope you get every thing sorted out.
Please let us know how every thing goes

[MsMin]

I'm so sorry you are going through this :(
I know it's not easy. I've taken in several girls that have been thrown out by their unreasonable moms including my niece. Unfortunately there are many moms out there that don't have the nurturing to give and look to a child to provide their needs, like you describe, wanting you to be someone she can brag about.
I don't think that anxiety and stress helps with IBS.
I imagine a lot of your stress is funneled through your gut possibly b/c you can't express yourself at home or don't feel heard. I am so glad you can vent here and hope you see that many people here think you have many wonderful qualities.
It's tough to be on your own at 19 and tough w/o a mentor or guardian to help provide safety shelter and support.
Most campuses have a mental health clinic and have very reasonable rates. You may find some relief finding a therapist there that can give you the support you need and reassure you that you are a great person.
Sometimes when we have a frustrating situation and keep it all bottled up it just comes out through things like IBS. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise that you may be helped by learning that your mom's expectations and behavior do not help you to achieve a healthier you. Take good care of yourself. :pixie: :hug:

[Marker]

I don't think I will ever understand families that behave this way, particularly the adults.

But here's the deal, you are an adult now too, like it or not. You are old enough to make life decisions on your own, good or bad. Unfortunately, while living at home, you are at the mercy of those paying the bills.

Give the situation, perhaps it's time to make a change. Going out on your own is not an easy thing, but at some point it has to happen, perhaps this is that point.

Keep your goals in sight, but an adjustment in course may be necessary. Given the situation as you have presented it, I would personally be very hesitant about moving back in and having this become a repeating episode.

What ever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck. I know it can't be easy, but never give up.

[Marker]

I just keep thinking about this situation, and it bugs the stuff out of me.

I know there may be another side to this story, but even so I can not even imagine treating a child of mine like that.

Is this the first time she's done this? Does she have a history of over reacting? Does she have other issues that could be causing this sort of behavior?

Perhaps a change in environment would be helpful to your IBS, reducing that sort of stress couldn't hurt anyway.

Have you ever considered moving to a dorm at your school (assuming they have them)? You may need to talk with their financial aid department to see what sort of arrangements could be made. And if you do go out on your own, make sure your parents stop claiming you as a dependant because that can have an effect on what sort of financial aid you qualify for.

If not a dorm, perhaps a room mate? You may even have to look at full time work and only part time school, at least to begin with. But, don't give up on your school dreams. It may be difficult now, but it'll have it's rewards down the road.

Definitely go talk with your advisor, and financial aid, at school. They may be able to offer real help, or at least present some options you haven't considered.

I know it may not seem so, but with your dedication and internal toughness, you can turn this into a positive opportunity.

[Disneyatic]

What a terrible situation to deal with, especially on top of your health issues. I wish you the best of luck in all things.
As cliche as it sounds, I always try to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. Even if it takes us a bit to figure out that reason!
I agree with previous posters who have said that getting out of that stressful situation will more than likely have a large benefit on your IBS because the stress that you are experiencing from your mom's rants would seem to be very upsetting.

I hope you have somewhere that you can go. If you do, I would get there as soon as possible and start getting your life on your own track and making decisions based on what YOU want and what is best for YOU and forget about what your mom says.
You sound very motivated and mature for a 19 year old and that will benefit you greatly through this challenge.

Hang in there with it all!!!:fingers::hug:

[Disney Doll]

Wow! I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Of all people, you should be able to count on your family for support and I'm sorry that's not the case right now for you. I know I don't have the whole story, but still it seems so hard to understand how a mother could do this. Hopefully she cools down and you two can really talk. I like the idea of taking her along to a doctor's visit. That way you can discuss your limitations and the doctor can back you up.

[pink]

I know there may be another side to this story, but even so I can not even imagine treating a child of mine like that.

Is this the first time she's done this? Does she have a history of over reacting? Does she have other issues that could be causing this sort of behavior?

She does have her own side to this story but that's the problem, that's the only side she is willing to accept. I always try to talk things out with her and I feel like it just goes in one ear and out the other. She's always been a bully-type but she has never been this bad before. I'm starting to notice that first she was like this to my younger brother, then my dad and now it's me.


Have you ever considered moving to a dorm at your school (assuming they have them)?

I've considered this but it's not an option financially for me right now.


I am so glad you can vent here and hope you see that many people here think you have many wonderful qualities.

You have no idea how thankful I am to have found Intercot. I feel like I can always get real advice from all of you. :D



Your mom doesn't seem to be very understanding of your problem, and that's ashame. I remember when you were first thinking about making an appointment that lead to your diagnosis. You were nervous, and said that your mom made light of the situation and didn't want to come at first when you asked her.

I can't believe you remembered that, you just knocked me off my chair. You're right though, even back then she was very unhelpful and negative about the whole process. She finally agreed to come to the doctor with me the first time and just made the whole experience a waste of time. She constantly insisted to the doctor that it was "all in my head" and the doctor tried to help her understand but afterawhile she gave up and just let her ramble.


It seems your mom care more about what other people think than how you are yourself. Again..amazing how it is like my wife's situation!

Are situations are very similar!


Are you going to be okay? Do you have a place to go? Other people to turn to for now? Maybe she'll calm down and see reason, or maybe not.

Last night my DBF offered for me to stay over. However, instead I snuck in at 2 am and slept and then woke up really early today took a shower, ate and left again with some clothes and such. His family is so open and understanding, I don't what I do would do without them. My mom called me last night and asked me to come over tomorrow because her friend was coming over with her kids but it didn't mean that I could come home for good. She just wanted me to act happy to put on a good impression and there is no way I can fake happy right now.



Sounds like your mother is picking on you. Does she have a job? She sounds bored.

She does have a job but she makes her own hours.



I don't know how this situation is going to turn out but I'm glad I can always turn to all of you for advice. I can always live with my grandma if worse comes to worse. She lives about 10 minutes away for my home now and is understanding for the most part. I really appreciate you're hugs and responses, thank you. :mickey:

[SBETigg]

Thanks for the update. You seem to be handling it all well and I'm so glad you have a grandmother nearby and a supportive boyfriend and family. Your mother clearly has no understanding of what you're suffering. And what nerve to tell you to leave and expect you to come back to make pretend happy family time. Wow! Amazing. Best wishes with staying well and stress free.

[Marker]

I've considered this but it's not an option financially for me right now.

You are probably right because you know your situation. But, it can't hurt to make an appointment to talk to the financial aid folks. They might have ways to help that you haven't thought of. It never hurts ask.


She just wanted me to act happy to put on a good impression and there is no way I can fake happy right now.


This may be the totally wrong thing to say, but I would be cautious of playing her games. Maybe she's just using this as a way of saying you can move back without actually "giving in". But, I wouldn't be to quick to play that game.



I can always live with my grandma if worse comes to worse. She lives about 10 minutes away for my home now and is understanding for the most part. I really appreciate you're hugs and responses, thank you. :mickey:

Grandma might be a viable option. Of course you'll want to be respectful of her "rules". And you'll want to be careful not to get grandma stuck in the middle of the issue between you and your mom.

[crazypoohbear]

IBS is made worse by stress and you are living in a very stressful situation.
Whether your mom takes you back in or not it is time for you to look for alternate living arrangements for your own well being.

I left my house at 20, in a snow storm with no place to live. I stayed with a sister for a couple of months, rented an apartment and never looked back. It was very difficult and scary but I managed and things turned out for the best.
I wish you good luck and good health.
Keep us posted.

[BigRedDad]

It doesn't seem like a good situation for you to be in. As long as you have a place to stay, all is OK for now. If she wants to play tough-love, then let her. I would make no contact with her at all until she was apologetic and understanding. At that point, have a discussion with her for what you can mentally tolerate. If she is unwilling to accommodate, give her the ultimatum that she will be out of your life.

I recommend getting with Financial Aid at your school. They have many alternatives. I was shocked at the amount of free money I was given and the low amount of loans I had. Also, IBS is treatable with drugs in most cases. Make sure your doctor is working with you on that to come up with a solution.

[Marker]

If she is unwilling to accommodate, give her the ultimatum that she will be out of your life.

I'm going to respectfully offer the alternative position. The situation is what it is, and you have to do what you have to do to survive. But, you don't have to be vindictive, hateful, prideful or stubborn. Behave like an adult in this situation even if your mother won't.

I don't know what relationship has been up to this point, but if you start playing games too, whatever relationship you have may be jeopardized. LIfe is not about being right, it's about doing the right thing. And unfortunately, doing the right thing is quite often the more difficult choice.

Stand up for yourself, and do what you need to do, but don't retaliate with the same sort of bad behavior. Even though you're at a rough patch, you're still family.

You don't need to "teach her", or "show her", or "get back at her". You just need to evaluate your situation, and determine what you need to do to best find your way past this situation. Emotional reactions such as those typically don't lead to very sound solutions. A lot of families are messed for years because of emotional reactions rather than logical thought.

Stay on the high road, and you'll get through this in a much more satisfactory way.

[Mr. Brass Bonanza]

I also recommend making an appointment at school. You never know.

I really hope you don't go back to your parent's house to make it seem everything is fine. This is just another example of your mom caring more about what other people think about her than what's best for her family. SHE created this situation, not you, Make her deal with it.

You can't let her have her cake and eat it to. Please tell us you aren't going/didn't go.

[DizneyRox]

Knowing she is going to have people over, I would show up and start packing all your stuff up while that person is over, let mom explain the situation away to her friend.

But then, I'm very vindictive like that.

[LauraleeH]

You know, I had a friend that was in a situation a lot like yours. Her parents were very abusive (Verbally) and she'd spend a lot of time at my house or texting me all night crying. I started witnessing how her parents treated her at church. She wasn't disrespectful to them, she didn't deserve any of it. I told her I thought it would be best for her to move out on her own, and she was finally able to. It's the best thing that has ever happened to her. I am praying for you and I really hope that you're able to get out on your own. I hope someday you're able to work out the relationship between you and your mom, but it's really her problem to work out. If you ever need anything, just send me a message.

[Queen Stephanie]

You know, I can't help but think of one thing to advise you: Your Mom loves you...all Mom's love their children. Sure, she may be under some stress, or perhaps Momma bird is trying to push you out of the nest. Give her a few days, then go to her and talk things over. She loves you, perhaps it is time to spread your wings, this might be a good thing. If you aren't ready, ask your Mom to give you 2 months to get prepared. Talk it over, don't allow too much time for a wedge to come between you both. I know she has hurt you, but be the bigger person and communicate with her. Good luck.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

We have a lot of IBS in my family and I can tell you first hand that stress can really make it out of control. Perhaps staying with your Grandmother would be for the best. I don't understand why your mother is so upset. You have a job so it's not like you are just sitting around all day doing nothing!
I don't know what your doctor is doing for your IBS but taking Metamucil helps. You can buy it in the capsule formula so you don't have to taste it. And it's an all natural fiber so it's not habit forming or anything.
And I wouldn't play the "everything is rosy" game for your mother's friend. Let her explain the problem to the friend.
Good luck and keep us posted.

[Marker]

Knowing she is going to have people over, I would show up and start packing all your stuff up while that person is over, let mom explain the situation away to her friend.

But then, I'm very vindictive like that.

In my opinion, a response such as that would serve no useful purpose other than causing even more hurt feelings and further stressing the relationship. Bad behavior is bad behavior, no matter the reason. Assuming the goal is to not damage the relationship beyond repair, something like this would not be the wisest of choices.

She's still your mother. You still love her, and she still loves you. Whatever her reasons are for this behavior, she's still family. Intentionally hurting her out of vengeful pride would just be wrong.

[pink]

Grandma might be a viable option. Of course you'll want to be respectful of her "rules". And you'll want to be careful not to get grandma stuck in the middle of the issue between you and your mom.


You can't let her have her cake and eat it to. Please tell us you aren't going/didn't go.

Unfortunately everything didn't pan out perfectly. I went there for a few days and she told me she didn't want to be in the middle of it so my dad said I could move into the basement for the summer until school starts. My DBF parents said I could move in with them but I feel like that would be too invasive and I'm not ready to live with him yet. My parents don't bother me down there they just let me do my own thing. I'm a completely different level of the house. The only person that I see is my brother when he's playing video games and I doesn't bother me.


Make sure your doctor is working with you on that to come up with a solution.

We're trying. I actually didn't see eye-to-eye with my first gastro. doctor so I'm in the process of researching another one who takes my insurance.



I also recommend making an appointment at school. You never know.


I'm actually going on Tuesday to see a guidance counselor and get a tour of the campus. I'll see what they have to offer regarding dorm rooms.


Knowing she is going to have people over, I would show up and start packing all your stuff up while that person is over, let mom explain the situation away to her friend.

I wouldn't do this. That day I just made sure I didn't come by and she decided to have another family party on Sunday so I'm going to get out of the house that day too or I'll just stay in the basement and act like I'm not there.


You have a job so it's not like you are just sitting around all day doing nothing!
I don't know what your doctor is doing for your IBS but taking Metamucil helps. You can buy it in the capsule formula so you don't have to taste it. And it's an all natural fiber so it's not habit forming or anything.

Thank you! This is what I've been trying to get across to her for weeks now. I work 21+ hours a week. That's not that much but it's something. I also like your idea for Metamucil tablets in the meantime. I tried drinking the Metamucil powder you put in drinks and it tasted horrible even the unflavored one. :ack:


You know, I can't help but think of one thing to advise you: Your Mom loves you...all Mom's love their children. Sure, she may be under some stress, or perhaps Momma bird is trying to push you out of the nest. Give her a few days, then go to her and talk things over. She loves you, perhaps it is time to spread your wings, this might be a good thing. If you aren't ready, ask your Mom to give you 2 months to get prepared. Talk it over, don't allow too much time for a wedge to come between you both. I know she has hurt you, but be the bigger person and communicate with her. Good luck.

You're right, I know she still loves me and I will always love her uncoditionally but right now there is no possibility for a healthy relationship with her. :(


Thanks again everyone, I'll keep you posted.:mickey:

[kakn7294]

You sound like you have a pretty solid head on your shoulders. I have no advice to add since you seem to think things through before you act. I just want to wish you luck in your situation. Keep us posted!

[biodtl]

I'm so sorry you are going through this! Do everything you can to find an alternative, because being in that situaton is not good for you physically or emotionally. That is emotional abuse and I have been through it.

And it's very hard to deal with when it comes from the person who should love you the most (and while I am sure she loves you, she is not showing it).

If you have any access to a counselor, take advantage of it. It helped me a lot. And some of the biggest things I leared from her were to take myself out of the situation whenever I could (which is why I suggest doing what you can to find an alternative) and also to remember that it is not your fault - that her behavior is her problem and not yours.

[TINKERBELL_82]

Hi Pink:

I just wanted to let you know that I too went through that. I was kicked out by my mom who was angry that I missed my 10pm curfew by five minutes a week after I turned 18. It was really rough- I slept on the streets for a few nights- but I prevailed. Although it was a horrible situation and my mother regrets it more than anything to this day, it really did make me stronger. I learned that the only person in the world you can depend on is yourself, and the situation instilled a lot of ethics and responsibilty in me.

I'm very sorry to see you go through this. My mother was the same way to me- she used to scream at me and even push and hit me for no real reason. It's terrible that your mom won't cut you a break- even though you are working and dealing with a chronic medical condition at the same time. My best advice to you is to gather up all your courage and work really hard to create your own life- separate from the torment of your mother and free of the psychological abuse. Its not going to be easy at first but I can absolutely assure you that you are going to be a much happier person in the future.

Best of luck to you- and keep us posted on the situation.