Baby shower for 3rd baby...

[disneydrmr]

One of my 'co-workers' is pregnant with her third child. Her other two children are toddlers. She is having a baby shower here at work and has even said where she is registered. Is this the new thing? I always thought you had one for your first child only.. then maybe another one if numerous years have passed between children? Am I wrong?

[d_m_n_n]

I'm sure I am probably old school about this, but I just think it is in incredibly bad taste without certain circumstances. I had a girlfriend who had a shower with every single baby (4!!) even though there was only 2 years between each one (and the worst part...she started throwing her own saying it was "hosted" by the older siblings). After #2, I stopped going (hmmm and we don't talk much anymore ;) ). If it is a mom who needs extra help or had many years between babies, I understand. Just to have a shower to get gifts...:nono:

[thrillme]

I'm old school too. Baby shower for the first baby (unless there are YEARS between the first and second so that all previous baby stuff is gone).

Multiple baby showers is just tacky. Family and close friends who wish to give a little something for the new baby...that's fine but to hold a full blown shower is uh...NO!

[Mickey'sGirl]

I agree with the previous posters.

That said - my boys are 5 1/2 years apart, and we had absolutely nothing from DS#1 other than the crib. My staff gave me a cake and a baby swing on my last day of work, and my sister had a very intimate family shower (there were 15 people) in her home which set us up with the essentials. I would have been mortified if anything more had been planned. Just my two cents.

[Gooftroop5]

I agree with the others. No more than 1 baby shower unless there are a lot of years between kids.

My bff wanted to throw one for me when I had ds#2 there is just short of 5 years between dd & ds#1. I told her no I didn't agree with it. I told her if she really needed to throw a shower wait until after the baby was born. Needless to say I managed to convince her not to have one. :D

[kakn7294]

Actually, I agree as well. I've always thought proper ettiquette for 2nd+ babies was no shower unless there was a large gap between or it was for a couple that had remarried and this is a first baby for one of them.

[offwego]

Work ones have always been fairly regular in terms of each baby (perhaps due to the any excuse for some cake theory?)..but it would never have seemed normal to get registry info on them for the 3rd one to me.

[Flower]

For our family, it is first baby only, which I actually found rather hard personally because we adopted Brandon at 18 months of age, so everything I received for him at the shower was geared towards a toddler.

Low and behold, after trying for many years to get pregnant, 6 months after we adopted, I got pregnant, so there I was with absolutely nothing for a new born and we had to purchase everything, and I have to say there is so much out there and I really did not have a clue, but, my mom refused to throw another shower for me because "Showers are for the first baby only".

[DestinationWDW]

i agree with all above (except in Flower's situation - starting off with a toddler then going to a newborn....you needed a shower! - what a wonderful blessing, but I am off topic :blush:). I have 3 children: 13, 10 and 4...so by the 3rd one we were "starting over" again. Everything had changed so much....crib we did have had already been converted in a bed for one of the others, etc. But I in no way expected a shower and was actually quite relaxed and didn't worry about certain "this diaper bag" or "that highchair" , etc. My boss did surprise me though with a Peg Perego highchair and some close friends gave me a shower at work and had my older daughter there to be the "gift recorder" and that was very nice! But all the other "big stuff" - stroller, crib, car seat, etc. - we were on our own - and expected it!!!!

[diz_girl]

Normally, a second shower is a no-no with some exceptions, like those already noted.

Workplaces can be a little different. Around here, if it's someone who already has one or two children, but it's their first baby while working here, we may hold a small one for them.

Also, someone may do a registry if they already have a boy and the next is a girl, in case family and friends want to give gifts and can see what the parents may need without asking them directly..

[Marceline]

Okay, maybe my family is tacky.....but my sister is on her 3rd baby, with 3 years between this and the last, and we plan to throw her a shower.

However, we call it a Baby Sprinkle, and it's not so much about gifts as it is about gathering with family and friends to celebrate the impending child. Is that really so wrong? To want to eat cake, punch and dainty sandwiches, then play silly games with a bunch of other women in honor of a new life? Doesn't each child deserve a welcoming? :confused:

She didn't register though, that is bit too far. It was more personal gifts....a quilt from Grandma, picture frames, a baby book. It's not like my sister throws a fit demanding a shower, we just like to give her one....I think a shower is a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon. *shrugs*:cool:

[Kairi_7378]

In our family, it is a shower for the first baby only. Traditionally a shower is meant to celebrate a woman's transition into motherhood, which really only happens once. I can see there being some exceptions to this etiquette rule but in general, that is how my family looks at things.

The baby sprinkle sounds cute and can be a fun excuse to get together. Sometimes, showers for second and third babies can sound very gift grabby. (Like the girl in the original post... a registry for a 3rd baby?!)

At my office, we have a "cake only" shower for every parent, whether it be the first baby or the fifth. That way every one is treated fairly. Some of us didn't know our co workers when baby 1 arrived so it is nice to do something for them.

I think the tacky line got crossed here when the co worker provided registry information for this baby. Most co workers aren't going to spend that much on a co workers' baby, so why would they want to know what kind of crib and car seat you want? Sheesh!

[RedSoxFan]

I agree -- 1 baby shower. I have 4 kids and had 1 shower. 3 boys and my girl. There is a 9 yr age difference between the oldest and the youngest.

[meldan98]

I can agree with most of you that if the baby's are the same gender and are really close together, I can understand not having a full blown shower. I will be having a 2nd shower and will only be registering for things we really need, like bottles, bath towels, diapers, bibs and burp rags. It will just be items that just don't make it through two kids. There might be a couple things that get added like a stroller, since the one I had was recalled. A number of the other big ticket item I had have also been recalled, but my girlfriend is giving me her items as she is done with them. Her little one will be almost one by the time my baby is born.

I think it really depends on the situation. My dd will be almost 5 when my baby is born. I am having another girl. My children will be the only children from anyone in my generation for my entire family. So, my two girls are it. All of my cousins have fertility issues, are older, and have had cancer and none of them even want to adopt.

Another issue I have is that I have terrible "friends". With my dd, my mom hosted a shower for my for all of her friends to come and celebrate her becoming a grandma. It was a small group of very dear family friends. None of my group of friends were included, which was perfectly fine by me since my girl friends were going to have a shower for me.

My "friends" at the time picked a weekend to hold the shower and I provided them with a complete guest list. A week before the shower, many of the people on the guest list started calling and asking if I was going to have a shower. Some called wanting to know more info because the "hosts" weren't calling them back. Come to find out one host had an affair and left her husband, my dh's best friend, the week of my shower and they only mailed out 3 invites because the other "friend" ran out of stamps and didn't feel it was that big of a deal and didn't want to be bothered to go to the post office. So the only people who showed up were me, my mom, my mil and one friend that I brought with me.

I have a new friend that are really excited about giving me a shower and it will mostly be for my family and a few of my friends. She knows the history about my last shower and really wants to do something nice for me.

In my situation, is it bad that I'm having a second shower?

[DizneyRox]

It's bad show... 1 shower per mom rule... Sometimes in work they have what I would call a long lunch mybe, but it's more of an excuse to not work than anything else. I wouldn't think twice about having another one, and wouldn't even respond to an invitation. Actually, getting an invitation with a registry card would get a LOL from me and some interesting dinner conversation later...

[Flower]

I like the sprinkle idea, gift optional, come out and eat and wish them well! :baby:

[tinkwest]

Is it my age group? Is it where I live? I seem to be the oddball here. I have never heard of limiting baby showers to the first baby. All my life family & friends have celebrated, with a shower, the birth of each baby.

[Marceline]

Is it my age group? Is it where I live? I seem to be the oddball here. I have never heard of limiting baby showers to the first baby. All my life family & friends have celebrated, with a shower, the birth of each baby.

I agree that each child deserves celebrating before making their grand entrance. It's sort of a wonderful thing for all the women in the little one's life to come together and laugh and share their hopes.

I also think I see the difference in what we are talking about and what the OP is talking about......I am talking about a family gathering, where as they are wondering if a co-worker should essentially beg for presents at work.
I agree that this situation is awkward. If the mother really needs new baby things that badly she should get them herself or go to family with her needs and registry...not her co-workers. I wouldn't feel the need to buy her a gift if I were the OP. Attend, have cake and wish her a healthy delivery.:babyroll:

It would be interesting, out of curiosity, to see what she had registered for though.....is it truly just gift grubbing and upgrading or is this a lady with financial hardship, ya know, needing help to buy diapers and clean onesies?

[Terra]

Is it my age group? Is it where I live? I seem to be the oddball here. I have never heard of limiting baby showers to the first baby. All my life family & friends have celebrated, with a shower, the birth of each baby.

I'm the same way. It doesn't bother me in the least. The funny thing is we actually had this discussion on my Cloth Diapering board and boy oh boy did it get heated. The thread turned into like 8 pages with over 200 replies. And some of the moms got so bent out of shape because they disagreed with it.
Now disagreeing in itself isn't bad, but goodness, they were just so mean and vehement about not having another shower.

I just had 2 different friends have their 3rd babies with in the last 2 months. All there children are under 4 and we still threw them showers. And we all loved it! I love them and think they are so fun.

My take is, if you get an invitation and you don't agree with it then don't come. Kind of what DizneyRox said.

Of course I'm having my 2nd DS here in a week [a little over a week via c section]. When DS #1 was about 3 months old we said we wanted no more at all, so I got rid of everything! And I do mean everything! LOL...And then when he was close to a year we decided you know, this may be our last chance [due to my age and some health issues] so we tried again.

Now my pastor's wife [whom I'm extremely close too], my mom, sister and very best friend as well as my small Attachment Parenting group came to me and said they wanted to throw me a shower and were so excited. So I agreed and I have no regrets. However, we did something a little different. My Attachment Parenting group made it into more of a "Blessingway" for me where each guest was asked to bring a bead and then a prayer, blessing, quote or scripture about motherhood. We went around the room and the beads were strung and each blessing read and then those were all put up in my baby's treasure box to share with him when he was older! That was the best part of the shower/blessingway!

I wasn't even going to register myself because I just wanted to everyone to come and hang out because I just love to mingle! :blush:
But I literally had everyone who was invitied ask me to register so they knew what to get. Now remember this is a close circle of friends and family not just accquaintences though.

I only registered for what I really need which was like 10 items and all cheap! LOL...
I nurse so I don't need bottles, I already have a stroller and a friend gave me a double stroller, plus I actually wear my children until they reach about 30 lbs. So really it was just some onsies, bibs and diapers that I had on there.
I had 20 people come and celebrete our 2nd son's impending birth and it was so awesome! About 25 were invited [but the other five live out of state and are inlaws, they just like to always have an invitation to keep up on our lives down here in Florida :)

My thought is IF anyone did think I was totally tacky then first off, it wasn't my idea, 2nd then they really are not a true friend to me and they didn't have to come. I will add though that perhaps in a work setting if you are not super close to the people then that's a little strange. Now one of the employees could be being nice and want to do it which is fine, but I wouldn't share my registry with the workplace if it were me :) That would only be for my close close friends and family!

[disneydrmr]

Thanks for all the responses. .let me clarify my original post with some info that I guess I should have put in in the first place.. this 'co-worker' actually works in the meat room which is a totally different part of the building from the office and other than in passing we(the office group) have never had much dealings with her. Due to some injury to her back she got working back there and also her pregnancy she has been doing misc work in the office for the last few months. And it is her mother and sister who are throwing the party.. not a coworker. I personally see nothing wrong with gathering with family and close friends to celebrate ANY and ALL upcoming births.. but co-workers? And my real problem is with the whole sending the gift registry info, to me it really came across as pushing for gifts... I would have no problem with a 'long lunch' or something... I was just basically asking if I was right in my thinking on this...

[Terra]

Thanks for all the responses. .let me clarify my original post with some info that I guess I should have put in in the first place.. this 'co-worker' actually works in the meat room which is a totally different part of the building from the office and other than in passing we(the office group) have never had much dealings with her. Due to some injury to her back she got working back there and also her pregnancy she has been doing misc work in the office for the last few months. And it is her mother and sister who are throwing the party.. not a coworker. I personally see nothing wrong with gathering with family and close friends to celebrate ANY and ALL upcoming births.. but co-workers? And my real problem is with the whole sending the gift registry info, to me it really came across as pushing for gifts... I would have no problem with a 'long lunch' or something... I was just basically asking if I was right in my thinking on this...
I completely agree with you on this! That's why I said personally I wouldn't even want a "shower" at a place of employment if I wasn't close to the people. I would feel bad because they don't really know me or anything. The long lunch would be fun!
It's kind of funny because I think some of it is regional! While we have showers for every baby here, I've never heard of or had a shower at a place of employment before...lol..
Although for me with DS #1 I worked in an office of all men ... sooooooooo...they weren't really into the baby thing!:blush:

[Disney Doll]

I am about to start planning a work shower for a coworker (it's the 1st baby) and I have another take on this. In my situation I will probably invite everyone in the office just to avoid hurt feelings if someone is left out. There will be people on the invite list that are not particularly close to the mother, but we wanted to be inclusive. If someone decides not to attend I'm completely fine with that. I love baby showers and I am not opposed to having showers for 2nd or 3rd babies. However, I do agree that a large shower where everyone and their dog is invited should be for firsts barring any unusual circumstances. I also think it's weird to have a shower at work that is not hosted by a co-worker.

[merlinmagic4]

I agree that it is one shower unless there are unusual circumstances (like some described here). I see nothing wrong with family and friends gathering to celebrate the impending arrival of a new baby - that is every family's right (any excuse for a party!). However, it may be a bit tacky to invite coworkers who aren't close friends :blush:

I never had a shower as my first child arrived just before the shower date and I did not have one for my other two, either.

[crazypoohbear]

OMG, I'm old???!
I beleive that it should be 1 shower, unless there is a big gap between children.
As for the work shower question where I work and at other jobs as well, what was done was a card was bought and the card and a manilla envelope went around. Everyone signed the card and put whatever amount of money into the envelope ( or didn't ) and passed it on to the next person. ( we usually attached an employee directory to the manilla envelope and you just cross off your name so we know who as seen the envelope.)
We then have a "long lunch" and the mother or father to be is presented with the card and a group gift that has been purchased "from the office"
If you are particularly close with the mom/dad to be then it is up to you to purchase a personal gift IF YOU WANT TO!

As for the "baby sprinke" that sounds awesome but again I am sure that these people would have gotten together and celebrated and would have given the baby a gift anyway, because they are all close to the mom and baby and WANT to spoil!

Based on the OP question, I would talk with your coworkers and all chip in and buy a small gift "from the office" You could decline the invite and say that "we have something small planned at work already"

BTW, here's to a healthy baby and an easy delivery for the mom!

[Bethis26fan]

We just had a shower for my cousin's second baby. There will be 4 1/2 years apart one a boy one a girl. Then we are having a shower for my other cousin's who's having her second and there is only 18 months diffrent. One's a girl and one is a boy. We just like to have fun it's just family and friends and we didn't do a regular baby shower. The one was Hawaii themed and the one in aug is a tailgate party theme. Although I said if they have anymore I'm not throwing them a shower 2 each and I'm done. lol but if someone else throws them one I would go with a gift. It's just too much work for 3 for each family.

[conorsmom2000]

I guess it's definitely something that depends on your area and family traditions. Around here, it's definitely 1 shower, unless there are exceptions as noted above. My son is now 8 and my sister has already said that should we have another, she would absolutely have another shower for me. That does make me uncomfortable (should it happen!) as my shower for Conor was a big deal and so wonderful. If she kept it small and intimate, I would be okay with that. I think registering for gifts when the babies are close in age is very tacky. But, I think the baby sprinkle idea, as a small gathering to celebrate an upcoming birth, whether it's number 2 or number 10 is wonderful. Most close family and friends would give a gift when the baby was born anyway, so I don't get the need for a full blown shower/registery when babies are only a few years apart.

[Marilyn Michetti]

I didn't even know there were rules, but I'll add my "old lady" opinion anyway.

It's bad taste for ANYONE, to expect, dictate, and direct their own party of whatever the occasion is. AND giving out lists of what's wanted, and where to get it, (Gift Registry), is the worst kind of assumption.

If anyone is lucky enough to have friends or family that want to give a bride or expectant mom a party to kick off the occasion, it should be gratefully acknowledged, not expected. I don't think there should be rules about love. Give it freely, accept it with gratidude, and don't gripe about the rules.:thumbsup:

[mjaclyn]

I don't have a problem with multiple showers if the subsequent showers are small - just for family. I agree that the first shower should be a full blown event and perhaps if years go by between the children. Also, if the second child is a different sex than the first, I think it's nice to have a small shower. That being said, I have a 19 month old daughter and would like to have another one soon. I don't expect to have another shower but I wouldn't be surprised if my mom and sisters wanted to get together with my aunts & grandmother to have something small. I definitely wouldn't expect anything even close to what I had for my daughter, and I would feel embarrassed if my mom made a huge deal out of a shower for the second child.

[Dakota Rose]

Baby showers for subsequent babies are in bad taste for sure. When I announced my pregnancy, my MIL wanted to know when the shower would be. I told her there wouldn't be one b/c it was not good manners to have a shower for baby #2.

In my circle of friends, we take the momma-to-be to a surprise dinner ('course 4 of us have had babies in the last 6 mos, so when my BFF asked me to dinner last week, I kinda knew waht was up) and some people bring gifts. But it's not a shower and there's no registering, etc. It's kind of like the Baby Sprinkle idea. We're all SAHMs and it's mostly an excuse to get a dinner out w/o the hubby and kids. :) At the dinner, we pass around a calendar and each sign up to bring a supper for the new family after baby has arrived.

[mrsgaribaldi]

However, we call it a Baby Sprinkle, and it's not so much about gifts as it is about gathering with family and friends to celebrate the impending child. Is that really so wrong? To want to eat cake, punch and dainty sandwiches, then play silly games with a bunch of other women in honor of a new life? Doesn't each child deserve a welcoming? :confused:

She didn't register though, that is bit too far. It was more personal gifts....a quilt from Grandma, picture frames, a baby book. It's not like my sister throws a fit demanding a shower, we just like to give her one....I think a shower is a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon. *shrugs*:cool:

I love this, I think it's perfect. A Sprinkle!! for the occasion:mickey:

[tinkerbell04]

Where I work the rule is one wedding and one baby shower, gifts are optional and there is a faculty gift purchased and presented along with any individual gifts. In my family we always have one big shower with the first child. For any children after that we normally have a small brunch or something of the sort for the immediate family. My cousin, who is also my BF!, is having her third baby and yesterday 8 of us got together to gift her some neccessities and have a nice lunch.

[IloveDisney71]

I'm not that old (old school:blush:), and I still think it's tacky for work places to go all out for 3rd, 4th and even 5th babies. We had a co-worker that had her 5th baby (the oldest child was maybe 9 or 10) and I thought to myself...what else could she possibly need? There were many of us who felt this way. I think it's fine if the family wants to celebrate...but leave it out of the workplace. I skipped that shower as did many of my co-workers.

[tinksmom02]

In my situation, is it bad that I'm having a second shower?

I would say no, because you didn't really get a "first" shower. Not like all the same people from the first shower are going to be at the second.

Shame on your friends!

I agree with more everyone else, though, in general I don't agree with more than 1 shower. A friend of my sis-in-laws had a baby shower prior to the birth of her fourth child. All 4 kids are girls, and the oldest was only 4 when the baby was born, so they're close in age. That, i think, is uncalled for. If it'd been her fourth child, but there was something like 8-10 years between #3 and #4, I could understand it...

I like the idea of a baby sprinkle, though.

[MNNHFLTX]

Where I work the rule is one wedding and one baby shower, gifts are optional and there is a faculty gift purchased and presented along with any individual gifts.Your post brought to mind my husband's aunt (she must be about 60 years old now), married four times--twice while I've been married to my husband. And all four times she apparently had a bridal shower. And she registered for gifts even for the last one four years ago, despite the fact that she has a nicer house and more belongings than all of her guests! Some people have a lot of chutzpah!!

As far as baby showers, my family only throws a major one (or two) for the first baby, but we do have little gatherings to celebrate subsequent babies. No gifts, typically, just a happy little party with a pot-luck of food. :)

[DisneyOtaku]

I only have one friend who is married AND has children. Even though all of us our in our early 20s, we all have the belief of one baby shower--expect her, apparently. Her kids are less than 2 years apart AND are both boys. My friend literally threw a fissy fit (a small one, but still!) when she found out no one was planning a shower for her--take her out, yes, but weren't going to buy her all new gifts when the ones we gave her were still in very good condition.

[Puppy Mom]

I am really going to be the odd person out here, but I don't think there should be ANY baby showers at work. I don't like this blurring of the line between work and personal life.

Anyone who is close enough to the mother or father to be should be invited to the shower given by the family or friends. Anyone NOT close enough to be invited should not be hit up for a gift, because really that is all work showers are.

Someone here even mentioned inviting everyone at the company so noone would feel left out. Believe me, most of them WANT to be left out and will be grousing about being expected to shell out monet for someone they barely know.

[magicofdisney]

The first time I heard about a registry, I was delighted. I never knew what to buy and was always worried I'd buy a duplicate item. Now I think registries are completely out of hand. I recently found out you can register for birthday parties and I was blown away. I think that's extremely presumptuous and it bother me to no end. I can't say specifically why, but birthday registries offend me, highly. :blush:

I see nothing wrong with intimate showers for successive pregnancies, but all out, act like this is my first baby, showers are over the top. Again, I think it's too presumptuous and I find myself not wanting to participate.