Should I say something?

[Dakota Rose]

About 3 weeks ago, my friend Carol's mom insulted my DH very deeply. He was devastated and I was also hurt and angered.

It's put a strain on our friendship tho' neither of us have acknowledged it happened. Our kids are best friends and we share a close friend, Addie. Addie's the friend you can say anything to, while Carol is easily offended. I purposefully didn't say anything to Addie about it b/c I didn't want to get her in the middle, but Addie mentioned that Carol told her what happened.

So, should I say something? I'm not good at confrontation, so my thought was to email Carol and say something like, "I don't want things between us to be awkward. The situation between your DM and my DH is not a good one but I don't want that to affect our friendship. I hope you feel the same."

I've thought about talking to Addie about it, but I really don't want to put her in the middle. I know Carol will tell her about it anyway.

So, what do you think?

[Jen C.]

I agree with keeping Addie out of the middle. I, too, hate confrontations. I think the e-mai you proposed though sounds very good. Just acknowledging it, but stating that you aren't willing to let that come between you is super. Your friend is probably mortified by her mothers behavior and very embarrased. I think the e-mail is the best idea.:thumbsup:

Good Luck!;)

[AuntDJ]

Here is my two cents....I really dislike email..I was going to say hate, but that would be an overstatement and I know it.

So the thing with email is..you cannot read a tone. So you may mean the email to be light and airy, but when I read it, if I am not in a good mood or am expecting you to be upset, that is the "tone" I will read the email in.

Whether you mean it bad or good, you cannot tell that in an email.

I think if Carol is as good a friend as it seems, then maybe you could have lunch or call her and just say hey...

It also kinda sounds like Carol has already put Addie in the middle....sorry....

Good Luck!

[crazeedizneefinatic]

I too dislike heavy communication through email. I would also suggest a face to face meeting so at least the two of you can hug at the end and get past it. On the note of email, I have found so many people sending invites and such through email, I even got a "thank you note" once and I feel it's too impersonal.
Good luck, after the air is clear everyone will feel so much better.

[mrsgaribaldi]

I too dislike heavy communication through email. I would also suggest a face to face meeting so at least the two of you can hug at the end and get past it. On the note of email, I have found so many people sending invites and such through email, I even got a "thank you note" once and I feel it's too impersonal.
Good luck, after the air is clear everyone will feel so much better.

I agree:thumbsup:

[Tinkerfreak]

I also agree you should talk to Carol either in person or on the phone. Just tell her that you don't want this to hurt your friendship and that you don't hold her responsible for what her mother says or does. I do agree that she ha put Addie in the middle sort of but that does not mean you have to keep her there. Don't talk to Addie about this, talk to Carol directly and just make sure that she knows that you are not upset with her over this.

[MsMin]

It does sound like Carol is upset about it too. I agree that face to face will be better for both. I bet Carol is very embarrassed and feels partly responsible. Addie is ONLY in the middle if Carol has asked her to intervene, like asking her to talk to you for her. If she was just venting then that's not so bad as asking others to act in your behalf :nono:
A :hug: from Carol will go a long way in helping you heal. She can't control what her mom says. Remember that what ppl say is about them and not about you. People say stupid stuff ALL the time. It says more about her and possibly her callousness and bitterness???
From the sounds of it Carol would be relieved and glad you sad something. Good luck and :hug:

[crazypoohbear]

I think you should talk with your friend also, if you let this fester then it will ruin your friendship.
Did you get any indication from your friend Addie on how Carol felt about the situation.
I know you said you didn't want to put Addie in the middle but since she did bring it up, what was it that she said, did she just repeat what happened or did she say that Carol felt bad her mom said .... or did she say that you two were in an awkward situation because of such and such? What I'm trying to say is did you get a feeling from your conversation with Addie that Carol would like to put this situation to bed between the two of you as well? That would indicate that your friendship is savable.

[Dakota Rose]

Well there was a convenient segway in my conversation with Addie yesterday. We were talking about Carol's son's party on Sunday which we can't attend b/c of church commitments, so it easily worked into, "I think Carol might think we're not coming b/c of the thing with her mom." Addie said that she would really doubt it that Carol didn't mention any details, just that something had happened. I asked if I should address it, and she said that she didn't think it needed addressing b/c Carol brought it up very briefly and hasn't brought it up since. I'll see Carol tomorrow and again on Mon of next week, so if things are awkward, then I'll bring it up. If not, I'll just let it go. That's probably the best idea at this point. I don't want to bring it up and make things worse, y'know? I mean, if Carol doesn't think it's that big of a deal and I bring it up b/c I think it is, that would make it worse, don't you think?

[meldan98]

I wouldn't bring it up unless you notice that things are awkward. I'm mean, she mentioned to Addie that something happened, so she is obviously aware that there were hurt feelings, so you may not need to bring it up. Who knows, she may even bring it up first.

[pink]

I know you said you don't like confrontation but I think email is a little too impersonal. If you don't want to say it to her face then call her up and say what you told us. This way it clears the air and there always isn't a huge elephant in the room whenever you're together. I hope you can work it out. :mickey:

[SBETigg]

I'm with the majority in thinking that I wouldn't do this in email. Sounds like you have it under control now, anyway. It's a good plan to mention it if things are awkward, but not to go there if you think things are smoothed over by now. What an awful situation for both you and Carol, though. I feel for you. It's hard to deal with conflicts of that sort.