College daughter coming home...

[Jeri Lynn]

This is the first time I have a daughter who lived away at school and will now be home for the summer.

Of course at school she is used to coming and going as she pleases.

How have those of you who have had children home from college dealt with their newfound freedom yet they are back in the house.

I have never been unreasonable with curfews, and I still feel that I do have a right to have some rules since she is back at home.

Is it better for me to sit back and see how things go in regards to her going out, or should I lay the rules down beforehand??

[BronxTigger]

I would have a conversation with her beforehand; she may be wondering some of the same things you are, like if she will have freedom at home or not.

I don't think I had a curfew when I went home from college on breaks, but I was expected to call home if I was planning to be out later than the time I told my mom I'd be home. I was also expected to spend SOME time with the family, either X amount of meals each week or certain events/activities.

[Pirate Granny]

My rule of thumb was you need to tell me what time you are coming home and where you are going...after that...CALL if you are late. Once the last DD graduated University and moved home (Yipee...I LOVED IT, truly, I hated the empty nest)...our rules were...you had to tell us if you weren't coming home that night...no exceptions...and once she got an animal that we had to take care of if she wasn't coming home...we asked that she ASK us one day ahead if at all possible...we really had no issues...
:pirate:

[Dulcee]

This is my third summer as college student coming home for the summer. My parents were always pretty strict with me in high school with curfews and such but once I came back from school the curfew went. For the most part they expect to know if I'm coming home for dinner or for the rest of the night. They usually appreciate a "I'll probably be in around such and such a time..." but they don't demand it.

Things went pretty easy the first summer I came back. Good luck with your DD.

[KineGirl]

:( oh great! My only kid doesnt leave for another year but I thought I had already thought of all the "worries".. I missed this one. Ive been so busy worrying about her being gone I hadnt even thought of when she came home with "her own life" :(

[murphy1]

If she is responsible, just let her know you would like to know when she might be home if she's out. I wouldn't set a curfew for her. I think this is what I did not only with parents, but my roommates, too. I always wanted someone to know where I was out at or when I would be back and this was when I was college age and even afterwards living on my own, so I don't think you are being unreasonable. Does she have a boyfriend? Sometimes that can be an issue, too.

[Kairi_7378]

I like the idea of letting her know what your expectations are before she gets home. A lot of the friction between parents and kids on college breaks is miscommunication.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

When our 2 come home there is no curfew and I don't plan meals around them so if they are there fine if not thats fine too. They use our car to drive to work, so each of them has to take turns filling the car with gas. They are also required to do the same chores as when they were in high school.

[KineGirl]

If she is responsible, just let her know you would like to know when she might be home if she's out. I wouldn't set a curfew for her. I think this is what I did not only with parents, but my roommates, too. I always wanted someone to know where I was out at or when I would be back and this was when I was college age and even afterwards living on my own, so I don't think you are being unreasonable. Does she have a boyfriend? Sometimes that can be an issue, too.

college boyfriends!?! :stop: :scared: I cant read this thread anymore!! I know its gonna happen (she has a bf now) but Im just not ready for ALL THAT

[RedSoxFan]

DS#1 is home for the second summer. I don't have curfew problems as we moved to NY after he finished HS and he doesn't have any friends here. So he sits in the house and goes to work. But this summer, it will be a little different because he has a girlfriend who lives in NJ. They are taking turns visiting each other over the summer. She may be coming up this weekend. So that is my worry -- driving back and forth to NJ. DS#2 goes to college in the fall. I will have to deal with the curfew thing with him next year as we've living in NY for two years and he has LOTS of friends.

[MsMin]

I've dealt with kids in and out and will have my youngest move back btwn their lease expiring and vet school in August. I strongly believe in expressing my rules concerns and expectations before we start out. I don't have a set time to return but I do ask that they give me an idea of when I can expect them. I do expect a call or text msg giving me an update if things change. Visitors are another story too. I don't mind kids staying late but they have to respect others in the house and we all get tired of company with too many guests in and out all the time so I ask them to keep it to 2-3 nights a week. Nobody in the house wants to feel uncomfortable so no carrying on in the house. Anyone is welcome to sleep on the sofa since we are far from town but don't make a habit. (If they have been drinking I don't want anyone leaving after drinking too much). We all like to feel like we can get up and walk to the kitchen in our pj's etc. so it's just about respect for all members of the household. If you make your statements in what your needs are and not what may seem like some random rule then it often helps.
When my son was finished his first year he was into this independence- don't tell me what to do-- I don't have to call ... and my mom got sick and I left town w/o telling him. This was several years ago and I couldn't use the cell phone in the hospital and I was nearly 100 miles away---- he's never complained about communication again! My girls lived through the serial killer here in their late HS and early college years so they really understand how important it is to communicate!