Why does she keep doing this? (rant/vent)

[alphamommy]

I have one sister, who is much older than I am. Our parents are deceased, and pretty much our entire extended family is about 700 miles away. My sister and her husband live about 40 miles from us.

A painting that our DD8 did in art class was picked for a school district-wide art fair at a local mall. We were very excited about this, and I let my sister know right away. She brags to everyone that our DD got her artistic abilities from her aunt (which I don't disagree with!:artist:).

The painting has been there for almost 2 weeks, and tomorrow is the last day of the show. My sister has not been to see it, and, from the conversation that we had this morning, I don't think she is going to go. I just e-mailed a reminder to her and DH's brother (who lives nearby) that the show ends tomorrow.

This irritates me. My sister likes to think of herself and her husband as a substitute grandparents for our folks. Why can't she drive down for a few minutes and see DD's painting? I know gas prices are high, but they drive all over Creation for less important things than their niece!

Sorry, I just needed to vent. I wish she wouldn't make such a big deal about how much she loves DD if she isn't going to show it!

UPDATE 5/16/08: I decided to send an e-mail reminder to my sister and my husband's brother (who lives nearby) that the art show was ending on Thursday. My sister called Thursday AM to find out where DD's painting was in the display area! She came down to see it! Hurray! She called after DD got home from school to praise her on her great work.

I try not to discuss my disappointments with my sis in front of DD. I don't even think DD realized that her aunt hadn't gone to see the painting. My sister hasn't come to see a single one of DD's hockey games (she's a goalie). She also hasn't acknowledged DD's January b-day (not even a card). And yes, I have posted about my issues with her before. I appreciate all the kind words and understanding here! I know she's not going to change (old dog, new tricks).

[Diznee4Me]

I am sorry to hear that. I know it hurts when that happens. My parents only live a few miles away and I am an only child. The DW and I only have one child so she is the only grandchild my parents will have. At times they treat her like a princess other times she seems to be completely forgotten. :confused:

My DD gave my Mom a drawing she did in art recently because she said she was going to hang it up. My DD found it in the closet recently and it hurt her feelings. What do you say? I made a comment to my parents about it but they shrugged it off.

I told my DD there is no doubt her grandparents love her but they are a bit peculiar - that is when I regale her with my childhood :D - but I know it still bothers her.

You just shower with all the praise you can and let her know you are proud of her accomplishments - that's what is really important!:thumbsup:

[wdwgrl377]

I'm sorry that that has happened. I would too think she should go see the painting. After all, she talks about your DD's artistic abilities, etc.
She should take the time to go and see the art work, in my opinion.

As someone else mentioned, I agree, I'd just continue to praise your DD's work letting her know she has done a fantastic job. Especially, for it to be up for 2 weeks! that's just awesome!!

[NotaGeek]

If this is something that is done historically, I would stop building the expectation that there will be action on your sister's part. Let them know about the event/show or whatever and assume they won't go. We can't control other people's actions, only our own reaction to the situation.

[katzctkpt]

Sounds all to familiar. My parents live about 5 miles away and hardly call or visit. My dh's live about the same and come quite often. We have cookouts etc...and have invited mine but, they just never show. Our kids are involved in a lot of activites and my dh's parents go to the sporting events, plays, or whatever, mine just don't. It's hard to accept and explain to children but, now I don't even bother to mention the events to my parents anymore because I know they won't show. :(

[MNNHFLTX]

Your frustration and disappointment are understandable. While aunts and uncles and friends (and grandparents) often love to be included in our children's lives, it will never have the same meaning to them as it does to us. That is probably even more true of your sister and her husband if they have no kids themselves--I'm sure she loves to have bragging rights as an aunt, but doesn't feel the same degree of responsibility that maybe she should.

Congratulations to your daughter, BTW, in having her painting chosen for the art fair--that is quite an accomplishment for a young artist! :thumbsup:

[Jasper]

Just keep focusing on your DD and try to lower your expectations of your sister. I am in a similar position with my older sister who thinks she is God's gift to the world and to all of us. However, when it comes time to acknowledge the accomplishments of my children or my brother's our sister is the first to ignore it. In fact, she is God Mother over my youngest son and has not even sent him as much as a birthday card in the last five years! My sister in law saw this happening and asked if she could take over informally as God Mother! Unfortunately our church won't allow us to make this change "official" in their eyes but I can promise you it is fully official in all of our eyes!

The best is to lower your expectations and especially don't build up the expectations of your DD.

[Dakota Rose]

I think you've posted about this kind of thing with your sister before, haven't you? I'm sorry things haven't improved. :hug:

I wish I could offer you some magic solution or something. Instead I'll just say I know what you're going through. When we lived near DH's family, I was repeatedly disappointed in the events/milestones/opportunities they missed/ignored.

Sorry, I wish it would get better for you.

[MsMin]

Honestly, it does seem like it's more than just missing an art show. Do remember that a person's behavior is about them and not about you. I can't say that I have the time or energy to run 40 miles and back to see an art show. I would hope to see it when I was visiting; but, I've never been asked. My dd has been in art shows and I've never had the opportunity to ask my sister to come as she was living farther away at that time. Unfortunately, my kids noticed that if it were a "dance recital or game" everyone breaks their neck but for an art show they tend to get ignored-- maybe b/c pple feel they can still see the same piece at your home later... I don't know:confused:
My sister doesn't do anything for mine in fact what angered me most was when she bought the older two a graduation presents for HS and college and the youngest didn't even get a card for either HS or college. My complaint is to be consistent. Sad thing is my youngest spent 3 summers helping her at her shop in Gatlinburg and was very hurt.
My concern would be about your dd. The bigger deal you make of this the more it will hurt so please protect her feelings.
Again, as someone else mentioned, it doesn't seem like a first time-- it seems like there is more anger than that. I'm so sorry she has not made it. I paint and my dd paints and my niece has "my talent" ;). I do proudly display her artwork in my home along w/ my own and my dd's and mentor her despite the differences w/ my :thedolls:sister. :hug: to you and your dd and :thumbsup: to your dd and her artwork from one proud mom to another. I would love to see her work... maybe we could have our own art show thread! :congrats:

[Marilyn Michetti]

Sounds like lots of us have the same sister. My sis and I are both Sr. citizens, and live in the same city. She nags me to come watch her grandchildren play football, and I nag her to spend time with our mother, (living with me).

We'll never be as perfect as the other would like, but it never gets toooooo serious, so we "face off", don't call each other for a few days, and are cordial the rest of the time, (mostly).

I guess every family has someone that isn't quite as great as we are.:goof: It's O.K. tho', cause "MOTHER LIKES ME BEST "!:rotfl: