This just annoys me.....any words of wisdom??

[wdwgrl377]

Hello Everyone! :wave:

Firstly, I am so glad my pc is up and running again. It was down for almost a week and *knock on wood* I am hoping it is finally fixed!:D

Ok I just need to vent about something that annoys me and I don't know how to deal with it. My best friend, who is like a sister to me since 2cd grade calls me a lot since I've moved from New Orleans. Well, we talk and talk and laugh and catch up on things.:call:

Her household always has people coming in/out all the time. I mean ALL the time and the phone constantly rings. Well, she'll call me on her cell or house phone, but when the other phone rings..she answers it and starts talking to that person leaving me hanging. She also does that when someone else comes to her, as she's on the phone. She'll leave me hanging and continues to talk to them for a short period of time. Keep in mind, this takes up my cell phone minutes, if it's during the daytime. And if so, I will tell her to please call back after it's free and she understands.

I just personally, find that rude.:angry: I can see if someone comes in her room, etc to tell her something briefly, but this isn't briefly. This is a conversation and I'm just sitting on the other end waiting and waiting! :wait:

I am a quiet person who doesn't really say that much until I've about had it with a certain issue. :mad: I've dealt with this for some time now and just don't know what to say or how to deal with it. I would like to tell her nicely that it bothers me, but how? I don't want her to be mad at me. I know at times when she's called me, in all honesty, I've spoken to my mom or whomever while I'm on the phone with her to show her how it feels, but it doesn't phase her.

So what should I do? What would y'all do? Any advice? Anyone have someone do that to you?

[SBETigg]

That's a tough call, Monica. I agree that it is really rude. You deserve her undivided attention when you finally have that time to catch up. I just don't know how you could really say something and have her take it the right way. I want to think she would understand and try to be less absent while on the line with you, but the reality is that it might just upset her. Best wishes with it!

[ChipnDaleGal]

I don't know if it is a viable solution for you Monica, but you could just start hanging up when she does it. She might not realize how much she does it to you, but if she has to keep redialing you it might make her think about how often she does it.

Or if you want a quieter solution, maybe concentrate on the minutes aspect on your phone. With the rising cost of everything right now, minutes are money.

Good luck Monica. :hug:

[kakn7294]

It is really rude - I'm thinking that she just doesn't understand that it bothers you so much or even realize that she does it - it sounds like it's a way of life in her household. I think by doing the same thing as her, it only reinforces to her that it's okay - it's not sending the message that you don't like it. Maybe try to take some of the blame for the interuptions yourself - tell her that you love talking to her on the phone but the interuptions you guys keep experiencing are rather annoying. You think it would be great if you could concentrate just on each other and both attempt to limit the interuptions as much as possible, especially since it uses up valuable cell minutes that could be spent on each other instead of being wasted while you are on hold. Set limits - if you are going to be called away for more than 1 - 2 minutes, it's okay for the other person to hang up and you can call back when you have more free time. If you share responsiblity for the problem, maybe that will help. If not, you might just have to continue to live with it to keep her friendship. I know it's annoying, but is it worth losing her over?

[Jasper]

First of all I do agree that this is rude. At our house the rule has always been that the conversation you start first whether on the telephone or in person is the one that takes priority. We even extend this to my wife's costume store and it is not unusual for customers to comment on it and to thank us for the way we do it.

Now to the tough part. I assume that I understand your comments correctly that this is the way things have always been done at her house. Whenever a person has grown up with something like that it is often very difficult to change. The first step I would take is to contact her to set up a time when she can talk to you and you alone. It is important that she understand that she really needs to set aside time during this phone call to focus only on you. And no, at this point you really don't need to tell her what it is you want to talk about, that way it is more likely to get her attention. Then when you have the actual conversation just very nicely lay out your concerns and feelings and spell out for her how you would like her to treat your calls. If this is done with tact you should be able to get it done with out causing conflict.

Good luck!

[Disneyatic]

I agree that it is really rude for her to set you aside on the phone while she talks to other people.
I think that if you have been friends for as long as you have (since 2nd grade) that you should be able to tell her that it bothers you and she should be fine with it. As long as you don't attack her or what she is doing, just present it in a way thatlets her know that it makes you feel less important and wastes your time and minutes while you sit on the phone listening to her talk to other people.
Maybe she does it because she doesn't want to let you go and potentially hurt your feelings? Let her know that it's okay to call you back later instead of just having you hold on forever.

I am always for adressing the issue upfront and not letting the feelings build up until a point of explosion!

[mrsgaribaldi]

I agree that it is really rude for her to set you aside on the phone while she talks to other people.
I think that if you have been friends for as long as you have (since 2nd grade) that you should be able to tell her that it bothers you and she should be fine with it. As long as you don't attack her or what she is doing, just present it in a way thatlets her know that it makes you feel less important and wastes your time and minutes while you sit on the phone listening to her talk to other people.



I agree 100%. You two have been friends for so long, she probably thinks nothing of it. And probably she won't be mad if you tell her it bothers you so much. :mickey:

[SBETigg]

I agree 100%. You two have been friends for so long, she probably thinks nothing of it. And probably she won't be mad if you tell her it bothers you so much. :mickey:

Good point, Stephanie and Liz.

Maybe if you did in a way that you ask what time is a good time to call next, because every time you call, there are so many interruptions and you just want to have her to yourself for a little while? If you make it sound that you are just guarding your time with her and not that you're annoyed by the constant interrupting, she may be happy to know it and more willing to set aside the time and excuse herself from her family for the conversation.

[wdwgrl377]

WOW! Thanks everyone for the great words of wisdom for me.

I have thought about this 'many' times - to just hang up on her when she starts talking to other people, in her house. And if she were to say something about me hanging up, I'd say something like, "Well are you ready to talk to me now? You were talking to other people instead." Or something like that.

She made the comment to me last night, on the phone, "Let me call you back, Monica b/c I don't want to keep you hanging." So I said OK.

As some mentioned, she may not even be aware she's doing that to me. She does it with a lot of people. We went to WDW once together and the ENTIRE time we were at DHS, she was on the phone with her mom.

In my house, it's just me and my mom. I've never lived in a house where there is always alot of commotion, etc. She constantly has ppl in her room asking her things while she's talking. But when she calls me up and just flat out ignores me and talks to others while I'm on the other end....that makes me so mad!!! :mad:

I may just say to her next time something like, "When you have more time to talk call me later..I hear you're busy" Something like that b/c I do want her to know it bothers me. I did try it on her the other night when she called to tell me our friend had a baby. My mom had asked me a quick question and as she was 'talking' i answered my mom and she was like, "Are you talking to me or your mom?" I'm sure that was kinda mean for me to do, but I wanted to show her what it felt like.

I know this is a tough situation to deal with. But, I will just keep these thoughts in mind and put them to use. Thanks again!

[MauiMouse]

Hello Everyone! :wave:

Firstly, I am so glad my pc is up and running again. It was down for almost a week and *knock on wood* I am hoping it is finally fixed!:D

Yeah, I'm glad that you got your computer back up and running.


I've never lived in a house where there is always alot of commotion, etc.

Same here Monica, never had a lot of commotion in our house either. I fully understand it's probably very frustrating for you. I don't have any words of wisdom, just hang in there and hopefully it will get better. :hug:

[wdwgrl377]

Well, I think I spoke *too* soon b/c I am now at the library using their computer. Ours went down again last night, and it's getting to be a really stressful and frustrating. We have NO idea why our computer just freezes on us. My mom knows a lot about computers, etc and has now asked her friend to come and help.

Yeah, see in my house, I'm an only child. So it's been really quiet for me. Her house is always commotion, people coming in/out all the time. It just makes me want to at times scream and be like, "Don't you realize YOU called me and you're leaving me hanging?" It's the rudest thing to me and it really makes me :mad::mad:

I guess one thing is that she's never been considerate in that area most of her life, as I have been. Not that i am better than she is, but I just consider other people's feelings. SOme of you on here know me personally and have met me, and know I am a quiet person and I don't seem like a person who confronts someone. I guess part of me is scared to tell her, "Hey look, this ignoring me/leaving me hanging, while on the phone with me isn't considerate" UGH!

I guess I will just have to deal with it. I just had to vent it b/c it had gotten to the point I was boiling over with it!! Haha! It sure does feel good to vent it and hear other peoples views and know i am not just the only one thinking it's rude.

Well, my time at the library is up for now. Send some pixie dust that my pc will be up and running soon!! Y'all are the best!!:mickey: