Am I being rude??? [Archive]

Ms.Disney

04-24-2008, 12:14 AM

Here is the deal, my DH and I brought our first home in the fall of 07 when we got married. (We rented a apt. before that). So now we live in a nice 2,200 sf. home with a pool and fenced in back yard. We are young I am 22 and my husband is 25. Here's where it gets tricky, we are friends with a bunch of 20 somethings that are in school full time, a lot of them are living at home or in small apts. with room mates. They love our house and everyone wants to "stop by to hang out". It's really bad on weekends because of the pool and small outdoor kitchen. Everyone wants to come lay by the pool and before you know it we have 4-8 people over. I am a very structured person and for the most part DH and I live on routine. And I can't get anything done! My DH owns his own business and works from home. I guess because we are both home during the day our friends act like we have nothing better to do. It's to the point where we have friends stopping by while we are trying to eat dinner. Last night a friend came over without calling and we didnt answer the door!!!! Also I am sick of being made fun of in my own house. Because I watch Martha Stewart and get her mags our friends poke fun at that. They also think it's "so funny" that our house is so clean and that I cook and clean all day. ( casue they live like pigs and eat out all the time) Calling me Suzie home-maker and Jane Cleaver. I even lost my cool this past weekend and went off, I told this jerk that came to "hang" by my pool that I enjoy my lifestyle and feel very blessed. I am to the point of telling them all where to go!!!!!! When we first got the house I didnt mind people coming by, in fact I wanted to show it off :D but I am over that and want my house back!
Ok rant is over.....I do feel better :secret:

PirateLover

04-24-2008, 01:08 AM

Your friends have totally overstepped their bounds. I am the same age as you... my fiance is about to turn 25 this summer, and you pretty much described the type of house we want, so kudos to you! ;)

Now onto your issue... we do have one couple in our group of friends that kind of have the "hangout" house. We go over there on weekends or for games and such because like your friends none of us have our own place, and those that do do not have a large space. If they had a pool that would be heaven! However, That being said, I would NEVER go over there uninvited or without calling first. I think you need to lay down ground rules with your friends so that you don't reach this point of absolutely snapping. Maybe you could send a nice email out and say that you love them, but it's getting out of hand. Explain everything you've said to us... that your DH works from home, you would like alone time with your hubby, you don't mind having people over but they need to call first and should not expect to come over whenever they please.

As far as the being made fun of thing... that's something that you're probably going to have to get a tough skin about. The truth of the matter is, you are in a great situation, and most of your friends are either jealous or just don't understand yet what it's like to have and take care of your own place. In time they'll grow up (hopefully). Just try not to pay any mind to it. Good luck!

pink

04-24-2008, 01:11 AM

I don't think that you're being rude at all. You are obviously more mature than you friends at this point seeing as a "clean house" is a funny concept to them. I'm just curious but were these people around you and your DH this much before you moved into your house? It kind of seems like they are taking advantage of your additional space and pool. If these people are your real friends then they will understand if your explain to them that your DH works from home and can't get any work done with the constant visitors and interuptions. I'm also just like you- I'm also a very structured person and I know how chaos or unwelcomed guests can become a struggle to deal with. If your friends ever drop in without notice again and you're busy, you should just ignore it and when they ask you later on why you didn't answer, just tell them it was a bad time and next time they should call first. Hopefully they will get the hint and good luck! :mickey:

crazypoohbear

04-24-2008, 01:44 AM

LibertyTreeGal

04-24-2008, 06:20 AM

gerald72

04-24-2008, 07:28 AM

Sounds like they are visiting the pool and the kitchen (bet there's free food), and not you.
Tell them you are busy and you have stuff to do.
Let them come back when they are invited.
I'm sure you had to work hard for what you have, and that is why they don't have it. You don't need them sponging off you.
So when can we all come over? I like my burgers medium-well.

Tinkerfreak

04-24-2008, 07:50 AM

It is possible that they are just too young and imature to realize that they are being rude? I would just find a nice way to let them know that you need them to call before just showing up. "We love you guys but DH is working from home and company is too much of a distraction so we will call you this weekend to get together" and then make sure you do call them so they know that you do like having them visit, just not unanounced and all the time. You didn't say if you were feeding them all the time and washing towels etc. but if that is the case make sure you ask them to bring something to add to the munchies and to bring their own towel.
We have a pool and this became a problem with neighborhood kids. They would ask to come over and use the pool but would not bring a towel and would stay through lunch so I was constantly feeding kids and washing towels. I finally just said "you can come over after lunch and don't forget your towel".

Terra

04-24-2008, 07:57 AM

oh my goodness lock the doors and electrify your doorbell (warn the neighbors and the mailman first of course lol).

The pool needs to be off limits except for party situations. This constant flow of people isn't fair to you or to your neighbors who probably do not appreciate it. These kids are treating you like their parents or something and i am just frankly appalled.

And good for you for being "Suzy Homemaker" -- we are a dying breed :D

:haha: Oh just the vision of that doorbell and someone ringing it!!

I don't think you are being rude at all! It is your home, your time and your life! [And yay to you for feeling blessed!!! I think that is wonderful when people acknowledge that!]

I would definitely have a "call first before you come over rule" ... lay it down and when they start showing up without calling, don't answer the door until they get the point.

I don't mind if it's my immediate family that pops in for a bit but usually they even call. I would never to go someone's house without being invited or calling first myself to see if it was an okay time.
Sounds like they really need a good dose of reality on this! I'm glad you stood up for yourself this past weekend!

And I agree about the "Suzi homemaker" too!! We ARE a dying bread! I LOVE being at home, taking care of my baby, being pregnant, cooking, baking bread, etc...
And hey I love watching Martha Stewart too!!!!

Shoot I'm 37 and I like my day structured a bit too! Afterall with a 17 month old there is meal times, naps, play and errands...I CAN'T just have people popping over it really throws things out of whack!

Ian

04-24-2008, 08:26 AM

Calling me ... Jane Cleaver.Well first of all, the next time someone calls you that look them straight in the eye and say, "If you're going to insult me, at least get her name right ... It's JUNE Cleaver! JUNE!"

It is very, very difficult to be the first one in your group of friends to grow up. You and your husband have made a very nice, comfortable lives for yourselves at a very young age and that's something to be proud of. As someone else said, your friends are most likely jealous or, honestly, they may just not understand your desire to settle down and be a homemaker at such a young age. Either way it's totally irrelevant ... it's your life, not theirs, and they have no right to judge you or infringe on the life you've chosen for yourself.

You need to set some limits. I would just tell them point blank that their behavior has become unacceptable and, under no circumstances, do you and your husband want uninvited guests in your house. "Call first" needs to be the law of the land. Just be prepared for some of them to walk away with hurt feelings and for the phone to stop ringing as much. It'll happen, trust me.

If it makes you feel any better, my friends are all in their late 30's and they're still acting the way your friends do. They don't stop by and hang out at our house the way they used to, but none of them have married, own a home, or have settled down at all. They still all go out drinking 4 nights a week and live their entire lives based around the next softball season. :rolleyes:

mrsgaribaldi

04-24-2008, 09:18 AM

Everyone has said what I wanted to say so I'll just agree with them. You are in no way being rude. When people stop by uninvited, you can answer the door and tell them you are busy now, you'll call them, don't ask them in or let them in. True friends won't be insulted, if anyone is, you're better off without them.

Ms.Disney

04-24-2008, 09:45 AM

Ok well I feel better to know it's June LOL how dumb are they ha! Thank you everyones for the advice. I am going to be sending out an email explaining that we bought our home for us to enjoy and with visitors all the time we can't do that. I am also going to put in there that is you want to come and see us that's fine. Pick up the phone and lets fine a time that good for both of us. To answer the persons question about how often we saw the same friends before we got the house, we saw them less than half the time as we do now. And yes I have to wash the towels and cook food for them. I find myself a the store saying "well I know were gonna have people over so I better buy more.." I am sick of that. DH had a friend call and say he was having a BBQ, DH thought we had called to invite us, here the guy wanted to have it at our house!!!! I really am going to put a stop to this! I have been spending about $30-$50 more every time I go to the store for extra food, bottled water and soda. I have a few very close friends that have kids I would like to have them over on the weekends to enjoy the pool but I always have "others" hanging out. I dont want my friends with the kids over while the "others" are over. It would be to overwhelming for me. Plus the "others" my use language that is not appropriate for children. My DH LOVES the idea of the pools closed sign. He has actually told a few people that "we are growing up and your not" thing and basically told them to go hang out somewhere else. I dont want to be rude. I am not the type of person who wants to hurt someones feelings. Another think I was thinking about, we would like to start a family in the next few years. I can not and will not have people in and out of my home when we decide to have children. Oh! Thats another thing, we have 4 bed rooms and a office, I have had people say there are in between places to stay and dont you have an extra room?? I dont think so! I really have to do something, I mean it's not even summer yet and we are already having everyone and there brother wanting to come over. Thank you again everyone for the great advice and for listening to my ranting.

kakn7294

04-24-2008, 10:01 AM

I'm sure you don't want to offend your friends, but these people are seriously taking advantage of you and your husband's hospitality. Everyone here had some great suggestions for putting an end to the constant parade of people through your house (I especially like the electrified doorbell - where can I get one of those?). You are a lucky woman that you and your husband can have a home and live the lifestyle you want at such a young age. Don't allow your friends to ruin it - if they are truly friends, they will understand.

Marilyn Michetti

04-24-2008, 10:05 AM

First of all, KUDOS for siezing your goals at such a young age.

One question from an old lady? Do you value these folks "friendship", because it sounds to me like they're freeloading, finger pointers. They're also a liability, because fenced in or not fenced in, if someone gets hurt or drowns in your pool, they'll speed dial an attorney.

You've earned what you have. I don't know what words to use with them, but a big dog does. Don't have a big dog? Oh, well.......

Seriously, you have to set some bounderies the sooner the better. I like the POOL CLOSED thing.

Good luck. Somebody here will come up with something better.:swim:

conorsmom2000

04-24-2008, 10:25 AM

I couldn't agree more with what everyone else has said! If you don't draw the line now, it will only get worse - and no, you are in no means being rude. If they find it rude, it's their issue, not yours.

We have that same house, except it's family, not friends, and it makes me nuts. For us it started after my Mom died - Mom's house (4 blocks from mine) was always Grand Central Station - now that she's gone, it's my house. My Dad is actually the worst, though it's understandable. He's lonely and I do feel for him - but there are times I reach my breaking point. I work from home so he knows he can just randomly stop by any time - he's even stayed for an entire play date I had with my friend and her son, whom I only get to see like twice a year!

Two years ago we got a pool and things got worse - for the most part, my family will call (again, except Dad) but the bottom line is that it's hard for me to say no - so, I never do. But, we too found ourselves spending a ton of money that first summer on snacks, bbq food, soda, water and beer! It was getting out of hand so finally Mike made a "No Burgers, No Beer, No Pool" rule - the actual saying is just a joke, but the message was clear - we are very happy to share our pool and our home, but they need to contribute to the food & drink as we are not rich and these unexpected dinner guests was getting hard. Some weeks we had 7 or 8 people over for dinner 5 times a week! That's a big jump from just the 3 of us! Plus, it's a lot of work for me! My family was actually very understanding and no one comes over empty handed anymore - and we appreciate that and it does help!

Overall, I love having my family around, I love that we have a pool for everyone to share but we had to draw a line somewhere. Your friends aren't at the same place in life where you guys are and they need to be told point blank what it's like from your perspective. You can only be taken advantage of when you let yourself be, so make it clear to them what's okay and what's not.

Good luck!! :thumbsup:

ljv1975

04-24-2008, 10:32 AM

I have to agree with what everyone else has said. In a situation like this, you have to stand up for yourself, or things will just get worse.

I know exactly how you feel though. DH's parents used to have a problem with stopping over and not calling first. It got so bad (ringing our bell at 7:00 am when both DH and I worked till after midnight the night before :mad:), that one day I did lose my temper with DH's stepdad. I wish it wouldn't have come to that, but they always call first now. :blush:

I also settled down young. I'm 25 and DH is a little older than me - 32. We are the first of both our sets of friends to have settled down. We own our home and have a beautiful daughter and a son due next month. Since DH's friends are a little older, they are begining to follow suit by having kids and things, but my friends are still bar hopping almost every night. Neither of us hang out with our friends as much as we used to - they are still our friends and we do hang out, but we are just at different points in our lives than most of them. We have the responsibility of children and a mortgage while they are worried about other things.

Just be firm with your friends and let them know that you enjoy having them over, but it is your home, not a fraternity house!! Like others have said, if they are truly your friends and value spending time with you, they will understand! Good luck!

TheDuckRocks

04-24-2008, 10:33 AM

Congrats on the new house! So nice to see young people that are making there way in the world!
Now for the words you don't want to hear: You are going to have to be rude!
These types of people just don't get hints or nice suggestions. You and your hubby need to sit down with paper and pencil and figure out just how far you are willing to be taken advantage of and what rules need to be put in place to make your home yours.
Unforuantely I speak from experience, I saw my mom and dad put in a pool when I was a kid and about 20 years down the line my DH and I put one in. Believe me this "friends" come out of the woodwork and they just keep multipling. I once had a someone from around the corner who I didn't know show up with her whole faamily in swimsuits and called me Pat, not my name!
Put a stop to it now!!! Good luck and keep us updated.

Belle619

04-24-2008, 11:00 AM

Congrats on having such a nice place! And no, you are not out of line wanting there to be some order to your house and life!

My DH and I are a little bit older, he is going to turn 30 and I'm 27, so most of our friends are somewhat settled with houses of their own...except his best friend. This guy is still living the bachelor lifestyle and probably always will. Which is fine, except he is always trying to convince my DH to have parties - like hosting fantasy sports drafts, combined birthday parties (their b-days are 1 day apart), etc. at OUR HOUSE where he can invite people we don't know!

While I too like entertaining and having people over, I get angry because it's our house, not his. And I agree with the other posts - you have to be brutally honest - afterall, you two are the ones paying the bills and the mortgage. They may think you're being a you-know-what, but once they mature and get married with houses of their own, they'll understand.

On a side note, this is why my dad never got a pool for us when we were growing up - he always said we'd have unwanted guests at the house!

TinkerbellT421

04-24-2008, 11:27 AM

I also agree with all the advise everyone here has given you. I felt for you, because I to am very young, I am 24. And ppl always look at me with "your too young,what do u know attitude". I was brought up by my grandparents, whom adopted me, and I callthem mom and dad. I was brought "old school" in the sense of the word. And alot of ppl "my age" aggrevate me lol, to but it quite frankly. I have a house, I helped my mom take care of my dad when he was sick w. leukemia (god rest his soul), and now I help my mom and we take care of each other now. I have always gotten along better with ppl older than me, (my bf is older, 39 and my best friend is 50 lol) but thats neither here nor there, I am very mature for my age, I have my responsibilities, with my parents house, taking care of the bills, cleaning, cooking, etc...so I understand exactly how u feel and I actually had to put a stop (In the same situation except for the married part, but practically lol, we just dont live together) to freinds coming over unannounced. Because unfortunately, I dont work from home, I have a full time job all week from 8 to 4:30 so the weekends were my get stuff done if I wasnt able to do it all during the week. And friends would stop by un announced and I still wouldnt get anything done. lol. You are not being rude at all, sometimes you have to "lay down the law" lol. Ian was funny when he said that. I didnt realize it but I knew something wasnt right, I kept repeating in my head Jane Cleaver Jane cleaver who the heck is that, and then I went ohhhh June Cleaver lol. But anyway, congratson the house, congrats on your marriage. and kudos to you for being very mature and "grown-up" (Not too grown up seeing we are all kids when it comes to Disney lol). You are not rude at all. You have come to be a wonderful woman is how I see it. KUDOS GIRL!!!! :thumbsup:

Gooftroop5

04-24-2008, 11:31 AM

Sounds like you & dh are in the same agreement about the friends. If they are really your friends they will abide by your rules & actually being sorry for their action. Also they will chip in & bring food/their own drinks, towels etc. If they aren't really friends they will go away with hurt feelings but oh well they need to grow up & learn. Who wants someone who's just friends because of the pool & free food.

We were in a similar situation when dh & I got married. We didn't have our own home we rented but our place was the place dh's best friend came & dried out for a week. I didn't mind we moved 45 minutes away from dh's friends & we use to go out a lot with them before we got married. Of course within a month & a half after we were married dh was laid off & we never had the money to go out with them. Plus since they all lived at home & had no responsibilities all they wanted to do was drink. Dh & I outgrew drinking all the time & it wasn't fun for us. When dh's friend showed up he would sit around the house while we were working & not do anything. He wanted to be waited on hand & foot when we were home. After I had dd I put my foot down. I said I was too tired taking care of dd to take care of another child too. Dh told him. Once & a while dh & him would get together but not very often (money & family obligations) eventually dh's friends met girls & got married. Other than Christmas cards dh doesn't see or talk to them. At times I feel bad for dh because I see my BFF practically everyday & even when she wasn't living near us we talked at least once a week & emailed practically everyday. Dh says he isn't bothered by it. He outgrew them & by the time they grew up he had 3 kids, a home & a real job.(they still were/are jumping jobs or delivering pizzas)

Stick to your guns. Grow closer to the couples with kids. These are the ones that you will be friends with a lot longer because they are already where you are & want to be soon.

Congrats on your house & Good luck!!

BelleLovesTheBeast

04-24-2008, 11:50 AM

Congratulations on the house. Sounds beautiful!

I think the best thing to do is when they stop by tell them you are busy that that in the future you would appreciate them calling before just stopping by. Otherwise it will keep getting worse.

I had a problem with the when I lived in an apartment. I had a lot of friends that still lived at home and would just drop by. I finally had to tell them that my apartment was mine and I wanted it to myself. It wasn't a place to crash because they didn't want to go home and deal with their parents.

I wish you luck with this.

By the way I too am a neat freak and extremely organized. My friends all make fun of me for it too. I don't have Martha mags but several gourmet cooking ones. So I completely understand.

Jodileigh

04-24-2008, 12:45 PM

I don't think YOU are being rude at all! It's THEM! How disrespectful can they POSSIBLY be? You are allowing them to use your pool and home FREE OF CHARGE! You pay all the upkeep as well as the original purchase price! And they should appreciate a clean place to "hang out" instead of making jokes at your expense. To me, it sounds like these people need a MAJOR reality check! And perhaps a bit of growing up would help, too! But then, maybe I'm just old and grumpy!:blush: For me, as soon as the "nagging and insults" started, I'd be showing them to the door. I'm certainly not above not answering the door, either!:) Maybe a nice "do not disturb" sign! Good luck with trying to handle this one!

Jodi

SgtTigger

04-24-2008, 07:34 PM

Just to back up what everyone said.......

Set those limits and do it now..........

They are being real rude......... for someone who calls they self friends.......

:cop: :tigger:

Stitchahula

04-24-2008, 07:51 PM

So they pick on you for cooking and cleaning your house huh...turn to them and say yes I do we worked very hard to buy this house and we want to keep it nice. Here's a strange idea they are expecting you to feed them and keep them hydrated well they aren't invited guests so make them pay for it. Set up a "hamburger shack" list all the prices and when someone asks for a bottle of water or something to eat deliver it like a waitress complete with a bill. Maybe just maybe they will get the idea that it's getting rather expensive to support them too. Or if they come over when you are cleaning just say I'd love to be able to hang out but I have all this work to do but hey since your here anyways why don't you help out. Making them work is a sure way to weed out some of the people coming over. I wish you both luck I have a feeling your going to need it with some people they don't get the hint unless you hit them over the head with it.

princessjojo

04-24-2008, 07:53 PM

Are you being rude? Sure, from their perspective, but it's not their home, their pool, their future, or their business that they're trying to operate. It's yours and your're entitled to your views. I agree with you and think you have been overly accomidating to your friends. Surely they would feel the same if it were their home. I know how I feel when my friends come by and say those things to me. You should be proud of your home and the progress you've made in your lives at such an early age. It is completely wrong for them to take that degree of advantage of you & your DH's hospitity. I agree that to some degree, they are jealous of what you've accomplished. It isn't easy. I would have to agree that you & DH should set boundaries, especially since he is trying to work to help maintain your lifestyle.

We had our children earlier than some of our friends, I was 24 and DH 22. Many of our friends began doing things without us, saying that we could never do anything because it was a hassle to always find a babysitter. But they wanted to do things all weekend, every weekend and go away on vacations all the time. Now that they have children they are seeing what they did to us, especially since now, our kids are old enough for us to go to dinner without a babysitter and theirs aren't. When our kids are old enough to stay a weekend alone or with a friend, theirs will still need the long term babysitter. Thus the shoe is on or will be on the other foot.

I guess my point is eventually they will walk in your shoes. If they are truly your friends, they will understand why you feel what you feel, and will respect your wishes and needs. One day, they will own their own homes and will then understand life and how good it is to be like to be Jane Cleaver.

In short, you do need to let them know and understand the boundaries. And no, it isn't rude of you, just you asking for them to respect you, as they should do.

BTW, I'm proud of you, your DH, and what you've accomplished at such a young age. You're setting a great example for your friends. Good luck in always setting those high standards for yourself!!!

katzctkpt

04-25-2008, 12:47 AM

Good for you and your husband on purchasing your home at such a young age!
As for your friends. you need to set some ground rules. no stopping by without notice. The pool is closed unless an invitation has been sent.
It might take some role playing between you and DH but try these out.
Answer the door and say " oh, hello, I'm sorry we can't invite you in right now we are in the middle of our work day" We will call you over the weekend to get together"

When the bust you about a clean house say
"yes, we enjoy a clean house and would appreciate you making an effort to help us keep it that way"

Put up a pool is closed sign. And stick to it.
They sell signs at pool shops. Utilize it.
When your friends say "oh we just want to use the pool, you can work, explain to the that it would be a distraction for you and you will call them when it's a good time for a pool party.
Good luck to you and stick to your guns!
If they get offended or rude, they really aren't your friends.
You are at an age where you will be "fazing out" friendships and making new friends with other "homeowners, neighbors" The "hangers on" will slowly either drop from your lives or mature and join you.

[QUOTE=princessjojo;1612309][FONT=Century Gothic]Are you being rude? Sure, from their perspective, but it's not their home, their pool, their future, or their business that they're trying to operate. It's yours and your're entitled to your views.

This is your home and you need to seize control before it gets worse than it already is. Send an email and explain to them that you love all of them dearly but there is a time when one must grow up and that you and your dh have come to that time. You have responsibilities and they come first, family 2nd and friends 3rd. Suggest that you'll have a weekend get together once a month with all but, from now on the pool is closed or something like that. I may have worded that a little harsh.

Ms.Disney

04-25-2008, 10:33 AM

Thank you everyone for you great advice. I sent out a mass email to about 12 ppl. I got a few nasty emails back. My email read:

Hello friends,
Chris and I were sitting around the other day and got to thinking.......we have not had a weekend by our selfs since we bought our new home. We value everyones friendship, but we a both are a little tired of ppl popping by with out calling, ppl coming over for 4 hours or more at a time and ppl coming over with no food and no drinks, meanwhile we are providing you with food drinks and towels for the pool. We need a break. From now on Chris and I are going to have a BBQ or something of that nature every 2 months and will send out invites. We dont mind hanging out now and again but please give us a call a day or 2 in advance so we can plan for company. With Chris's business growing everyday he needs time to work in peace. My intentions of this email was NOT to offend anyone, more or less just to let everyone know how I feel.
Thanks
Chris and Jackie :o)

That's the email I sent. I had one person (this same person came to my house with 3 other guys we didnt know to use our pool. My husband went to the door and said "I dont let ppl in our home I dont know" and shut the door in there faces.) anyway he wrote back saying that it is rude when you dont provide your guest with food, drinks and towels. He also said that my house is to stuffy feeling. I was to mad when I read it, my DH was too. No more emails! I picked up the phone for this one:party: I called him and said " I was not trying to be rude in my email but, I can't enjoy the simple things I love to do such as crafting and scrapbooking when my house is always filled with people. And how dare you say I am rude :rolleyes:if I wanted guests I wouldnt mind providing them with food and drinks. If I dont invite someone to my house they are simply a unwanted guest! And I am sick of unwanted guests!:thedolls: Then I hung up the phone :cool: DH busted out laughing and said " Honey, I think we are out growing our friends" and I said I think so. Then he said now go make a a sandwich Mrs. Cleaver!! (joking of course) :funny: Good times,I think thats why I married my husband, he is so funny!:cloud9: Anyway thats how it went!

You know I feel so much better knowing that I might have some peace around here. :D DH and I talked and it seems that we a a rather large group of friends that really need to grow up. My bff of 14 years is married with two kids and we enjoy the time we have with them. I really think we are going to stick with trying less friends less headaches. Were not in high school it's no longer a popularity contest :)

Gooftroop5

04-25-2008, 11:20 AM

:thumbsup: sounds good to me. He obviously wasn't a friend & only took advantage of your good nature & hospitality. No free ride he will move on.

Enjoy your house & your dh. Now is the time. Once you have kids being alone with each other comes harder.

Once again congrats on getting your house back. Sit back enjoy the pool & a :marg:

PirateLover

04-25-2008, 11:26 AM

Wow that guy who replied is an absolute DOPE! Good for you picking up the phone and giving him a piece of your mind. How were these people raised???? Even when we are invited to a party or BBQ we ALWAYS ask if we can bring something or help out. How dare he expect to just freeload off of you like that. And then to call your house STUFFY on top of it???? That sounds so elementary. Like "I don't want to play anymore" "Oh yea, well, you have a big nose!" Puh-lease! I say you are better off with him not around. :thumbsup:

JustCallMeSquishy

04-25-2008, 11:27 AM

Wow I am very suprised. We are in our 20's also with a nice home. We do like to entertain, but our friends (who are also 20-somethings) would NEVER EVER come over un-announced and ALWAYS bring food and/or drink. In fact in our group, a few people always volunteer to help cook and then clean up after the party. I'm glad to hear you put your foot down; you may need some new friends!!!

NotaGeek

04-25-2008, 11:32 AM

I am a firm believe that no one can take advantage of you unless you let them ... same thing goes for people making you feel bad.

These people are friends? Maybe you need to think more about who you consider to be a friend ... I have a feeling that you and your husband will have no problem cleaning house so to speak.

In my life I have had situations like yours, and it's never pleasant. I refer to it as "flushing the toilet" ... sometimes it's needed to keep your own life sane.

Good luck.

LauraleeH

04-25-2008, 11:48 AM

I'm only 20 and I still live at home and I would never think about using someone for their pool or coming by without calling. It's probably not a maturity issue for most of them. They are using you. If you were living in a small apartment, would they come by as often to see you?
It's funny, because my family and I just moved into a new, bigger house...with a pool and two big screen tv's. We've had more people come over in the past 3 weeks we've lived here than in the 3 years we lived at our old house.
Sadly, most people tend to look out for themselves and what they WANT.
Definitely make sure people start calling and coming over at appropriate times. That's not rude at all.

Oh, and I like to help keep our house clean and I know I will continue that when I get married and move out. I get made fun of for watching Martha Stewart and for cleaning up while guests are over (Seriously, what kind of people would throw food around a house that they've never even been in before with people they barely know?!) but I just take it as a compliment, and I can usually hear a hint of jealousy in their tone of voice.

princessjojo

04-25-2008, 12:07 PM

It's my opinion that your e-mail was very appropriate and to the point. Many times what may seen initially harsh, is justs what is needed to be said to get your point across.

I was having a very bad day with regards to school not too long ago. While on the phone with a friend of mine who is in class with me, I was griping about something, now so trivial that I really can't remember what it actually was. Anyways, she quickly remarked, "I'm so tired of hearing everyone complaining about these things. There's so many other things that could be worse and all I hear is everyone complaining and doing nothing about it." I was stunned none the less, but she was right, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. It pretty much put me in line as to where I should be.

This is what you have done. They will either respect what you've asked to have done, or choose to continue to play their popularity contest of which you have chosen to no longer take part in.

I think you've made a wise decision. Good luck! And as for the guy who was obviously angry, oh well, he appears to have no respect to you or your husband so it's his loss, not yours.

pink

04-25-2008, 07:07 PM

Good for both of you! I'm glad that you stuck to your guns and told them how you feel. I also think that your e-mail was exact and to the point. It's amazing that at the end of the e-mail you put in caps "This is not meant to offend anyone" and yet that guy still was offended. You have done nothing wrong and I hope that everything works out for you and your friends. You're doing the right thing. :mickey:

Jodileigh

04-26-2008, 10:06 AM

GOOD FOR YOU!!! I'm so glad you sent that e mail! And I'm so glad you didn't let the one guy who responded negatively just go! WAY TO CALL HIM UP AND LET HIM HAVE IT!! He was WAY out of line to start with and then went even further out of bounds with his reply! He sounds like a very spoiled little boy who just had a toy taken away!! Grow up already!! GREAT JOB to you!:thumbsup: Now you guys can enjoy your home with your real friends when you want to and enjoy it yourselves when you want to!! WOOHOO!!

Jodi