In need of an Intercot Group Hug

[Tinkerfreak]

Hi guys! I'm feeling a bit down lately and I knew I could cry on all of your shoulders.
As some of you might remember my Dad had a stroke back in early December. Well medicare would only pay for him to stay in a nursing home for 100 days so he had to come home yesterday. He is paralized on his right side and can't speak at all. My mom is trying to take care of him herself. My brother, sister and I are all trying to take turns helping her but I just feel like it is going to be too much for her. He wasn't even home half a day and he slid out of his chair when she was trying to transfer him from the wheelchair back into his recliner chair. I know she has practiced doing this with him at the nursing home and she does do pretty good with it but he is 6ft tall and is 275lbs. I feel guilty because I left her alone with him yesterday but I have been fighting the influenza for over 3 weeks now and just can't seem to get better so I had to go to the doctors. I feel bad because I probably should not even be near him but I have to help her so I put on a surgical mask and made sure I did not cough around him.
I am just so frustrated. I have been fighting depression all winter long. It has been such a long winter here with snow every few days and I always get a bit blue in the winter anyway but this year has been awful. We canceled our Feb. trip for DH and I because my mom could not watch the kids and now I am worried I won't be able to even go with DH and the kids in Nov. They also told her that they will only pay for him to have speach and Physical therapy for 3 weeks. She thought they would do it longer than that.
It has been so hard on everyone and I know that my Dad feels like such a burden. They just can't afford an all day nurse for home or the $300 a day it would have cost to keep in the nursing home.
Thanks for listening to my long pitty party but I just have to vent or I may go nuts!

[PEA_Swe]

I'm sending all my warmest thoughts to you, your dad and the rest of your family.

It's so sad when good care has to be about money....

[Jonas_Swe]

:grouphug:

[RedSoxFan]

:grouphug:My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time.

[daparish]

I am so sorry your family is going through this. I will keep you in my prayers. :hug:

[Magic Smiles]

$300 a day seems rather steep for a nursing home. My MIL had a stroke a couple of years back which also caused paralysis on her right side and she also can no longer speak nor walk nor use her right side at all. She was actually on a feeding tube for 6 months, but is now off and eating well. While she was in the hospital waiting for a room in a nursing home, we still had to pay the nursing home rates to the hospital. She only pays approx $1000 per month as she is subsized due to low income and therefore her monthly rent is based on her income. Do they not have anything like this available in Maine?

I am sending you lots of :pixie::pixie::pixie: as I know what a difficult situation you and your family are in.

Don't cancel your Nov trip yet. You don't yet know what the situation closer to Nov will be like. As my Mothers psychiatrist would say to me "You have a life to live also!"

[Dakota Rose]

:grouphug: I know how tough this is. My grandmother had 3 strokes in a matter of weeks and my grandfather couldn't care for her. So my mom, sis and I did. Hang in there the best you can. In a few days, you all will get into a schedule and pattern and things will get easier. You're in my thoughts and prayers. :hug:

[disneydeb]

Talk to your family physician. People on medicare can go back into the hospital for a necessary illness and then return to the nursing home. I'm not sure of all the stipulations, but a country that is not providing for its citizens needs to IMHO. Is he a veteran?

[Tinksalot]

:pixie::pixie::pixie::pixie::pixie::pixie:
My mom suffered a stroke and couldn't speak either, and became bedridden. It makes it hard to communicate and deal with, but in time you and your family will adjust. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
:hug:

[MsMin]

Sending a :hug: and hoping things get better real soon. You may have already looked into everything so excuse me if I tell give you info you already have. I don't know how state medicare benefits vary b/c I know they do depending on the states legislature and their contribution. There is an elderly waiver service here. Have you checked into that? Also many elderly apply for medicaid when things get bad. I'm not an expert in it but I believe the spouse can have a home, a car and under 100K in the bank... many people do qualify and sometimes there are ways to help families qualify and it can help avoid estate taxes if "gifts" are given to family members HOWEVER.. I don't know your state laws and the details an attorney would have to help you there. I also thought your benefits renewed every year but the nursing homes are pretty good at knowing what you may qualify for b/c they benefit when their place is full. There are medicaid beds in nursing homes to help families in need. Unfortunately, the government does deplete your savings first (not your spouse's share)
Have you contacted your local counsel on aging or found an area SW who specializes in geriatric care? My dad has medicare only and he gets services periodically, his doctor orders home health. You also don't need full care at home to help get some relief. You can hire private care but be careful who and where you obtain this care. My parents get someone to come just for a couple hours twice a week and it helps at least for the caretaker's sanity... :pixie: do take care of yourself b/c you can't help anyone if you don't take care of your needs first...:hug:

[Marilyn Michetti]

First of all, my heart knows all the curves in the road you're on. My mother has been with us for a little over three months now, and is getting debilitated rapidly.

You're right about your father feeling, (if not voicing) his own despair at being helpless.

I'm wondering.......if he qualified for a nursing home for 100 days, wouldn't his insurance pay for an aide or home health care nurse? I ask because DH is a home health care nurse, and they usually have transition care at least. They may not talk about it, but your dad must have a case worker that can answer the questions you don't even know to ask.

There are days when I think I'm going to lose it. My mom is 82, dying of renal disease, and broke her right arm six weeks ago. She now can't dress herself, or bathe, or........(you fill in the rest). DON'T feel guilty !!!! If you have to, call an agency and get an aide for two hours twice a week. I'm not sure how much they get, but they will bathe dad, change his bed, rub his back, assess his condition, and teach you all what you can do to de-stress. Time will do that for you, but it's easier when you have the help.

God Bless. We're all going to be there one day, but that probably doesn't help now.

Keep us posted.:hug:

[Cinderelley]

Another alternative that no one has mentioned is assisted living. Your grandmother may not be thrilled with the idea of selling her home and moving into a "condo" type of living, but there would be someone there to help her all the time.

[Tink2002]

sending lots of good vibes your way, hang in there.

And I know that people get annoyed when I preach about how family policy in the U.S. is in the pits, but here is another reason to go vote in November.

[Piglet822]

:hug:

I had a similar situation getting help when my dad was sick - I'm not sure how I got in touch with this woman, I'll have to ask my mom, but this woman was amazing!!!! She acted as a liason for me and was able to get things done that I couldn't. She actually got his insurance to ok home health care - don't give up!
And it's undertandable why you left yesterday - I'd be worried about him getting sick, too.

[crazypoohbear]

Sorry you are going through all this.
You should contact as many groups and you can looking for help.
Council on aging
Veterans groups
Medicaid
Medicare
Visting Nurse Assoc.
Hospital out reach programs
Call you state rep/senator
Americans with disabilities
Hospice- even though he isn't in need of Hospice they could direct you to someone who could help.
Good luck to you and your family

[KineGirl]

:grouphug: My heart and thoughts go out to you & your family.

Everyone always talk about how children are gifts and they are - but our parents are gifts too and we are lucky to have them just as much. Please take care of yourself

[Tinkerfreak]

Thanks for all of your prayers. They are going to have a nurse come in for a couple of hours a couple days a week. At least she can help with his showers and stuff. My Mom is such an unbelievably strong woman. She seems to be handling it ok so far. I think that once we all get settled into some kind of routine it will get better. It is very hard for my Dad because he is only 66 and has always been so active. He was always four wheeling, snowmobiling, hunting, fishing etc.
One thing that really is helping him is being able to have his dog sitting in his chair with him. She really lifts his spirits.
My mom has also talked to his doctor and he told her he will do everything he can to try and get her as much help as he can. The problem with any state help is that Maine is in major trouble right now with big budget problems. They are cutting programs like crazy because we have something like a 190 million dollar budget shortfall.

[pink]

I'm very sorry to hear about your father and I will remember to pray for you and your family. :hug:

:mickey:

[Ms.Disney]

I am so sorry to hear about you dad and your families situation . My thoughts and prayers are with your family. Your Mother must be a very strong woman. Try your best to keep your head up.

[KEYONNAH]

I work as a case manager for the dept on aging in my state. We're able to set up homemakers, adult day care, home delivered meals, and emergency home response devices. Does your state have a program like that? We also have access to programs that provide the same programs, but only deal with stroke patients.

[pogo]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:

[Hayden's Dad]

:grouphug::pixie::pixie::pixie:

[RenDuran]

I'll keep your family in my thoughts. Hang in there!

[grego77]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time.

It really helped me when going through depression to have an "objective" person talk to me. I have contacts religious and non-religious in the Southern Maine area (Wells) that could help you.

I am in MA, but if there is ANYTHING I can do please PM me. :mickey: