Bad High School Coaches

[Kerry823]

Just need to vent and get some pixie dust. My DD is 15 and plays on a varsity soccer team at her private school. She was a starter on the varsity team and worked hard for a year to move to the varsity team. Her coach is a known tyrant who uses intimidation, fear and pressure with the girls. He constantly badgers the girls, says bad things about those who aren't there and has an EGO the size of a barn. Well, after a very heated discussion between he and my daughter, who quite frankly, had taken enough of his pressure and dared to stand up to him instead of submissively taking his abuse, my husband and I have decided not to let her play soccer any more if he is the coach. He has coached there for 15 years and there have been massive complaints since day 1. The school does nothing and if they ask him about certain instances, he lies. Parents are afraid of him because he uses their kids playing time as leverage. Anyway, my problem is that I feel horrible for my daughter. She enjoyed soccer and liked playing with her friends. I don't know what to do. I keep telling myself that it is more important to raise a daughter with high standards and know what is acceptable treatment by others. No one, especially a young woman, should be intimidated by a man. But....it doesn't make me feel any better right now. Trying to take the high road is hard. I so want to start a campaign to get him fired but I just don't think that it would work . People have a lot to say about him behind his back but won't stand up because of the fear of how their children will be treated. I am really angry and am looking for suggestions. Do I think she is better off for not playing for him...you bet. But I don't want her to have regrets about it when she looks back in a few years. Help me!

[PirateLover]

How terrible! I don't have any advice except to ask if you've looked into finding an independent public league in your area that your daughter could play for, that way she still gets to enjoy soccer and doesn't have to deal with this horrid man.:(

[Carol]

Personally - I think at the age of 15 your daughter should have a say in it.

If she understands he is a jerk -- then he's a jerk. The world is full of them. If playing soccer means that much to her - then having him for a coach is part of the deal.

My son had a terrible soccer coach last year when he was on the junior high team. He knew the problem was the coach and not him. He learned to shrug off the rudeness and tirades. Many parents did complain. Needless to say he was not their coach this season.

I would speak to Administration. If people do not document their complaints - how are they to know of the issues?? They certainly should be able to handle it without naming names.

[Itchy]

If I understood you correctly your daughter is in a private school. If this is correct you have a vested interest in your daughters education as you are paying part of the coaches salary.

You indicated that other parents are afraid of facing the coach due to loss of game time for their kids. If it were me I would have a meeting with all of the players parents and as a group approach the administration with you concerns. As a group you will have more weight than just one voice.

How could he then lie about complaints if they would come from one large voice.

Good luck and I hope that you and your daughter prevail.

[pogo]

Personally - I think at the age of 15 your daughter should have a say in it.

If she understands he is a jerk -- then he's a jerk. The world is full of them. If playing soccer means that much to her - then having him for a coach is part of the deal.

My son had a terrible soccer coach last year when he was on the junior high team. He knew the problem was the coach and not him. He learned to shrug off the rudeness and tirades. Many parents did complain. Needless to say he was not their coach this season.

I would speak to Administration. If people do not document their complaints - how are they to know of the issues?? They certainly should be able to handle it without naming names.
Here's some real good advice and I agree with Carol 100%.:thumbsup:

My son was an All Star First Baseman all during LL, Babe Ruth, Freshman team and was the starter for the JV team as an freshman.

AS a sophomore he did not make the varsity team and the kid who had played behind him at that position all those years did because of the coaches friendship with his father.

My son was crushed, but quietly played JV and had a tremendous season. About half way through the season, this other kid got hurt and the varsity coach told my son he had to come up to play varsity. My son politely said, "no thank you, I'll stay where I am." The varsity coach tried to pressure him into playing but my son held his ground and told him he would not ever play for a coach like him.

My son finished his school careerer playing JV, but played for our American Legion Baseball Team and received grant's in aide for college.

Let your daughter make the choice with your guidance and by all means, tell your story to the school officials. Good luck. :D

[GoinGoofyPlanninThisTrip]

My son was crushed, but quietly played JV and had a tremendous season. About half way through the season, this other kid got hurt and the varsity coach told my son he had to come up to play varsity. My son politely said, "no thank you, I'll stay where I am." The varsity coach tried to pressure him into playing but my son held his ground and told him he would not ever play for a coach like him. That is a great story - kudos to your son.

My thought was to try to catch this soccer coach on tape during a practice. It got rid of Bobby Knight a couple of times.

[Carol]

If this is correct you have a vested interest in your daughters education as you are paying part of the coaches salary. Money isn't and shouldn't be a factor. Rude, belittling coaches shouldn't be tolerated anywhere - volunteered or paid positions.

Regardless of public or private school - parents have a vested interest and pay. Here in New York we pay dearly for school taxes funding our public school systems and teacher salaries. :scratch:

[Kerry823]

Thanks for all of your comments and support. I have an update. My daughter had heard that the coach was, true to form, saying bad things about her to the rest of the girls on her team. She saw him after school and told him that if he had something he would like to say about her, it would be helpful to tell her face to face.

After a very long discussion, he apologized for his behavior and actions. At least she got an apology.

As for playing soccer, her father and I have agreed to let her make her own choice. She obviously has done pretty well on her own so far and she knows what she is dealing with! Now the coach knows she will not tolerate his unacceptable behavior.

We don't like him and will be very watchful of the situation. But until she makes the decision to quit, I agree with a previous poster that she is 15 and old enough to make her own decision. (Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes I forget that she isn't my little baby anymore!) This proves to me that she is growing into a confident young woman.

Believe me, not just because she is my kid, but she is an very quiet honor student who volunteers in our church and community and is never disrespectful to others. For her to speak up and stand up for herself makes me so proud of her. It also shows my husband and I that we are doing an ok job as parents too.

Again, many thanks to all of you who posted. I really needed some advice that was impartial!

[Jeri Lynn]

Kudo's to your daughter on standing up for herself!!

[J.C.&ALI'SMOM]

That is a great story - kudos to your son.

My thought was to try to catch this soccer coach on tape during a practice. It got rid of Bobby Knight a couple of times.

What's wrong with Bobby Knight?

[cal5755]

That situation totally stinks... but you have a great daughter there!! Good for her for standing up for herself.. you must be so proud!

[crazypoohbear]

I agree with everybody!
I would try to get the coach on tape being himself!
Let your daughter make the decision herself

I'm impressed with the son who stayed on JV! I wish that were an option where my son went to school. Unfortunately the Varsity coach make all the calls on who played on what team. and his school said that you couldn't play on JV after sophmore year! :(

I'm very impressed with your daughter for standing up to the coach and I hate to say it but I'm impressed with the coach for apolgizing and talking things over with her.
Maybe this will be a turning point for everyone involved.

[Dakota Rose]

Good for your daughter for standing up to this man! What a tough girl! Good for her! :)

I agree with the other poster who suggested taping this man at a game or two. You could, also, send a 'news tip' to your local tv station or newspaper about this coach. If they show up and do a story on him, the school will basically be forced into doing something (I went to private school, I know how they value their reputation). If they don't show up, you haven't lost anything.

[GoinGoofyPlanninThisTrip]

What's wrong with Bobby Knight?I didn't say anything was wrong with him. I only mentioned that he had been caught on video a couple of times and it got him in trouble.