Vacation w/o DH?

[berri_boo]

I was just wondering if anyone has taken a WDW vacation without their DH or spouse? My DH is now saying no vacation this year because of his debt (school & car loan...and such)! If you have taken a mini vacation by yourself how did your spouse take to the idea?

I'm think that just because he "can't" go on vacation doesn't mean that I can't!! We have AP's and I want to go again! I wouldn't go for too long since I would be by myself....I would probably go for 5-6 days. I'm just tossing around the idea since my DH said "no vacation" last night. My response to that was, "Well, it doesn't mean I can't go." Of course he said nothing back.....:confused:

[PetefromRI]

I don't know how long you've been married but I think your looking to start WWIII.I know that in our house if we can't afford it we won't go.I remember when we were lucky if we could go every 5 years.I really don't think it's fair if one goes and the other one doesn't because of finances.If I was the one sitting home I'd be pretty ticked off.Just my :twocents:.

[kathiep]

Once you're married, doesn't "his" debt become "our" debt? :confused:

I myself have taken several mini trips by myself or since I've had kids, with my kids but no DH. I get a lot more time off than DH.

But, if it's a money concern, that's something you both need to acknowledge and maybe make sacrifices for.

Try compromising. You have AP's. So, maybe cut the trip shorter than you normally would - maybe 3 days. Stay at a value. Cuts corners wherever you can.

[Kidsmom]

Every year we have a family vacation, a weekend for DH and myself, I get a girls weekend (or two) and DH has a guys weekend (or two). We love this. But in our early days when money was tight.....there weren't much of vacations.

If you skip "your" vacation think of the money you will save and decrease debt so you can go on a trip sooner together.

If you really need a vacation, go visit someone in driving distance and stay at their house. The best cheap vacation and you catch with family or friends.

Good Luck!

[wifey5794]

I am taking my DS and DD in June for a (long)Star Wars weekend in June with my DH. He really didn'[t want to go and we were just there so we are going alone. I went once before kids by myself and i had a blast. I am not sure I would have as much fun now going alone without the kids. They make it even more fun!

I would either make your trip a quickie at a value or I would just wait and help to shrink the debt together. My husband and I have been together for a long time and do seperate trips each year with friends. But IMHO, I could forego a trip to get out of debt! I hate owing anyone money!

You could always use the trip as an incentive to get out of debt faster and work towards a trip as your goal!

Just my :twocents:

[Marilyn Michetti]

I would go without DH, but he's my nurse, and I NEED him. (Nobody passes that on, - I'll deny it). He likes Disney, and would go just because I love it, but he certainly doesn't have as much fun. Up until a year ago, I would go to Vegas once a year for Creative Painting Convention, and he never minded. Last Feb. I invited him to fly up and meet me because he'd never seen the "strip", and he got interested in oil painting at the trade show, bought all the stuff, came home and did his first canvas. It wasn't bad either.

Now that we've discovered how accomodating DLR is, he would see me off with DD or a friend for a long week-end. HOWEVER, if money were tight, I'd never ask. I'm just guessing, but if he's paying on a school loan, chances are, you're lots younger than we are. Back off if it's going to break the bank. Save, dream, and wait.;)

[DonLefNY]

I returned Thursday night (1/31/08) from a 3 night stay at OKW without my family. Kids were in school, wife could not get away and we had these points we could not bank, so I used them up. :thumbsup:

[sassafras]

My sister and I have made 2 trips in the last 2 years to DW w/o our DHs. The first was a trip I had booked thru the vacation club for me and DH. However, he got seriously ill a couple of months before we were to go and used all his vacation time before his sick leave kicked in. Once he was well and back to work, sis and I went since everything was paid for ( room, airline tickets-I had AP, she had to buy park ticket and we both did the dining plan) or we would have lost the money spent already.(& by that time, I needed to get away). The second time was in Sept. 07, since we both decided we needed to get away. Stayed at POR w/free dining, so cost was minimal again.
If saving money had been a consideration, probably wouldn't have done either, but with that said, I would have lost my points at the VC so he said why not?

[DizneyRox]

I was just wondering if anyone has taken a WDW vacation without their DH or spouse? My DH is now saying no vacation this year because of his debt (school & car loan...and such)! If you have taken a mini vacation by yourself how did your spouse take to the idea?

I'm think that just because he "can't" go on vacation doesn't mean that I can't!! We have AP's and I want to go again! I wouldn't go for too long since I would be by myself....I would probably go for 5-6 days. I'm just tossing around the idea since my DH said "no vacation" last night. My response to that was, "Well, it doesn't mean I can't go." Of course he said nothing back.....:confused:
Sound like the last time I asked my wife if I could go with the guys on a cross country football trek. The answer was, "Sure! Go ahead!" Needless to say I didn't go...

I hear so many people who are married with "my" account and "your" acocunt, etc. I feel it's just preparing for a divorce. Once you are married, it's we, not me and you, IMHO. If he can't go on vacation, that really means YOU (collectively) can't go on vacation.

I'd really work on that debt as a team, it will go down faster meaning less time between vacations.

Just a nickle's worth of free advice...

[irish1967]

I'd really work on that debt as a team, it will go down faster meaning less time between vacations.

I'm with DizneyRox on this one.

I've certainly gone on vacation without my DH and to WDW no less. But I don't think that I would be able to have a good time if I were planning a vacation under those circumstances.

I wonder, looking at your signature, you and your DH go to WDW on super-long vacations.

I don't know what your situation is exactly but is there room to compromise - perhaps you could go down for a just few days on a budget - that way you make use of your APs before they expire and get your WDW fix in but not blow the bank.

Good luck.

[crazeedizneefinatic]

Kinda have to agree with the above posters that said his debt is your debt now that you are married. Like others have mentioned, compromise. Shorter trip, put the money you would have spent on a long trip twords his loan. This was he feels you are not being selfish. Imagine what you would feel like if he took off on vacation to WDW just because you felt the money was not there. IMO, if my husband would do that to me (and he never would), he would be coming home to his things on the lawn. His debt, my debt is our debt. Same with money, His and mine is ours. When we got married 13 years ago we made that promise to each other, otherwise to many open loopholes for mistrust. I know everyone is different and each situation is diffrent but it's something to reconsider.

[berri_boo]

We aren't your "typical" married couple. We've been together for almost 9 years & married for almost 2 of those 9.

We have separate checking & savings & a joint savings. His debt really is his and mine really is mine. We don't have any CC's together and split everything (cost wise). We are aware that when we decide to have children things are going to change a little since we both want myself to be a stay at home mom. He pays his bills & I pay mine.....yes..I understand the whole "now that you're married his debt is yours and vice versa...but that's not how we are working it. I'm not paying for his school or car loans or CC bills (nor does he want me too) and I don't want him paying for my CC bills (as I don't have any school or car loans - school was paid for by work).

[Funforall]

As long as you are both good with it, go and have a great time. I love my family but certainly need some time by myself enjoying life. When the wife doesn't want to go, I grab my boys and we're out the door. Have a great trip.

[vamaggie]

While yes you COULD go..is it really the best thing? How would you feel if in a few years DH decides to take a trip w/o you and the kids even if money is tight? (since he will be earning the money most likely?) DH & I each take a long weekend away with friends alone (him fishing me spa-ing) but if money was an issue I can't imagine us doing so. If your DH is upset by your going, will you really want to go? Sometimes sacrificing for our spouses is what is best for us (you and him and your marriage).

[Marilyn Michetti]

I agree with Vamaggie. You might win the battle, (this time), and end up losing the war. Little things, like hopping off to Disney without him, or vice-versa, have a way of surfacing in an argument two years from now.

Been there - Done that ! Almost divorced over something similar 18 years ago.:(

[Kidsmom]

Berri Boo...
When you go to buy a house or decide to stay home with your future children....his debt is your debt. You may not see it as yours now, but your desire for a child or house may be sooner than you can imagine and if his debt is big enough for him to forgo a trip imagine the burden it would cause to buy a home or to drop your income.

I do agree that you should have a great trip if that is what you want, but don't lose sight that you are a team.

BTW- I have been married 12 years, but together for 20. A year before we married we mergered our finances to reduce debt as a team and be ready for our dream of children. I started staying home 18 months after our wedding (and birth of our 1st out of 4 children) and have been home ever since.

Good Luck....you know in your heart what is best for you and your husband....follow your gut.

[scootch713]

Yes.. I have done it for the PAST FOUR YEARS STRAIGHT!!! He is a teacher, thus we can only go during peak season or summer... he dislikes amusement parks(even disney).. he hates to fly...... so my girls and I go without him, take lots of pics and videos and he is happy about it all. We usually stay deluxe since I am only paying for one adult. We go altogether as a family to the beach each summer. My November trip is mommy and her princesses!!! :cloud9:

My dear niece died last march at the tender age of 21. We went to WDW just 4 months prior. Life is short, enjoy each day!

[SurferStitch]

DH and I have been married over 11 years now, and together for over 16 years (I was 18 when we started dating).

I would never take a trip to WDW without DH. The biggest part that makes the trip so much fun is sharing it with him. Being there alone would ruin it for me.

And, as others have said, like it or not, his debt IS your debt, and the bank, mortgage company, whatever will see it that way. That's a cold, hard fact.

I never understood separate accounts in a marriage, although I know a couple people who do it. It's your choice, but it's something we would never consider. I also think that's just one way to keep you from being a real team.

Taking your "own" trip, with your "own" money, will most likely come back to bite you one day when you're the one staying at home with the kids (not earning any income), and DH wants his "own" trip with his "own" money. If you each have your own money now, it's not going to change just because you have kids. And, that will cause hard feelings.

I would hold off on the trip, wait until you BOTH can afford to go, and enjoy a magical trip with the one you love. It makes WDW so much more special.

[mudpuppysmom]

I have taken DS and gone several times by ourselves. I don't even ask.....I just tell him "we're going to WDW --do you want to come too?" Usually he says he'll come for the weekend if he can get off work (he's a construction worker and can't get off that much when it's busy....which it always is busy, which is a good thing!).

Anyway, DS and I take off and go and if DH can come down for the weekend we pick him up at the airport for the weekend and then he goes home a day or two before us.....we're fine with that. DH actually tells me that if we can go --go!!

As far as debt goes.....whats mine is yours, whats yours is mine....whats ours is ours....we're in this together!!

[aurorafan]

DH and I take separate short trips each year and one "big" family trip, so I have no problem with the concept of going without your spouse/SO. However the others are correct--because you are legally married his debt is legally yours, regardless of who is paying for it or who's name it's in. When my dad died most things were jointly held. He did have a car in his name only and the payments became my mom's responsibility. Had he had any credit card or other debt it would have been the same story--she would have had to pay it regardless of the fact that it was in his name only. When you go to buy a house they will look at both your credit histories/debt and his will factor into the equation. If you quit work to stay home with the kids and you're down to his salary, that debt payment is going to keep you and the family from doing some things you want to do (like Disney).

Maybe you can compromise and take a shorter value vacation? Some Disney is better than no Disney :mickey:

[diz_girl]

Berri_boo - My husband and I have a similar situation to yours. We have been married for 12 years and together for almost 15. We still have our own checking accounts, savings accounts and credit cards, but we have a joint account for joint expenses (mortggage, utilities, property taxes, insurance, etc.). This system has worked well for us so far. We just had our first child (7 m.o.) and haven't changed this system, at least not yet.

If I were you, I wouldn't go without him. He said nothing back, but it probably annoyed him more than you know and that statement may likely come back to haunt you later in your marriage. He may have taken it as your rubbing his nose in the fact that you can afford a vacation and he can't. You never know how the other person takes a statement like that. I'd apologize.

If you really want to go, then maybe you could pay for his part of the vacation as a gift for his birthday or your anniversary or as a way for making up for your comment. It looks like your anniversary is July, but you plan on going in September (but you have until November to use up your APs). You could maybe make it a belated anniversary trip or his birthday trip if it's somewhat near September. It doesn't look like a trip in September would be expensive for you. You have the APs and you could possibly get free dining, so all you would have to pay for are the rooms (POP in Value season), travel costs and souveniers/extras. You can go one for one week instead of the two weeks that you are used to going. So it would hardly cost you much more to bring him along rather than going solo, since you need a hotel room with or without him. But don't tell him that.

Good luck with your hubby and your vacation plans.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

If it's not about the money and he is ok with it, go. My sisters have both gone without their husbands a few times. The kids have come with us though.

[crazypoohbear]

If it's not about the money and he is ok with it, go. My sisters have both gone without their husbands a few times. The kids have come with us though.

YEAH, and had a great time! Instead of my DH coming last year my son's brought a friend with them. Everyone got along great, we had a terrific time and DH got to do what he enjoys most.... being alone so it was a win win situation for all involved. I might do it again this year!

[#1donaldfan]

My first thought was, why? Why would you want to spend time at Disney without your significant other? I like Disney very much, as do everyone in our home, (kids and wife), but I couldn't fathom the thought of going without them. I know the DW would be ok with it, at least outwardly, but inside I'm sure she'd think, "why is he so selfish to go it alone and not care about my financial concerns". If it were me and I knew we had the money to spare to splurge at Disney, I'd sit down together and "really" talk it over. I'm sure after some "real" talk, he'd see it your way, or at least maybe you'd see his concerns and hold off awhile.

[mgmnut]

Wow that is a tough one. Here you are getting all this advice (good advice I might add) but I think it all depends on who you are married to. One spouse might say "sure, go, have fun" and mean it. On the other hand it may be something that puts a strain on your marrage that you never recover from. I have been with my signifigant other for about 16 years now. I helped her raise her two daughters from the time the oldest was 8 (whom is now 24). We now have 10 year old twins together but have never gotten married. We have separate everything, CC, checking, etc. The house is in my name only. We have done the Disney trip together as a family about 6 times over the last 16 years. I am the big Disney Fan in the house, not her. I always initiate the Disney Trips and have a blast with all the planning. She has a good time when she goes and is in no way a wet blanket, but it is not her first choice for a vacation. She would rather rent a beach house and relax for a week or two. Me, I'm all about rides and being on the go from morning until bedtime. I can see her being ok with me taking the kids on a Disney trip without her, as a matter of fact I was just weighing that option out for this year. Even though she would be ok with it, I don't know if I could do it. Other than going as a kid with my parents she is the one I have always gone with. I do not know if it would feel right and I don't think I would have as good of a time without her. My money is tight this year and her money is always tight. In the past years I have always taken care of the vacation finances and I am having a hard time justifying a trip to Florida. Because of my tight financial situation she is dead set against going. Last year was a tough one, instead of going away I took time off of work and fenced in the back yard and various other projects to improve the house. I am badly in need of a real vacation this year and I think the best medicine for me is Disney, where you are almost guaranteed to have a good time. I am now looking to maybe take a shorter trip than usual and compromise with her so I can get her to go, rather than going without her.
That is my situation, but like I said everyone is different. You are the one who knows your husband best. Just because someone who posts a reply has a spouse who is fine with them going solo doesn't mean yours will be too. Ask yourself what this will do to your relationship. You may go to DW and have ther time of your life for a week or two, but will it be worth the arguments it may cause when you get back. Is he someone that can hold a long grudge? Will he really ever forgive you? Will he feel you abandoned him? I say work on him and find a compromise. Sound to me like he may be under some pressure right now. Bring him along on a shorter less expensive trip and tell him he deserves to relax, or something along those lines.

[StillSimbaGirl]

I was going to stay out of this...but...I go without DH every time. He LOATHES Disney. Seriously.

I started going when DD was 5; I wouldn't want him to come with us. He really has a terrible time for the few days he can bear to be there.

Now if your DH is saying no vacation, because he is personally sick of Disney...thats one thing, but if he loves Disney and you are leaving him home because he can't afford it...? And you can? And you're married? Even living together?

What's going to happen when you quit your job to stay at home with the kids? Where is your 1/2 of the vacation money going to come from? Where is your 1/2 of the mortgage going to come from? If you expect him to support you, then you should be willing to support him. What kind of LOVE equity will you have built up by leaving him home?

Not much love equity there...have you tried looking at it from his side? Have some empathy for your partner.