Parenting advice please!!! I'm stumped!!

[Terra]

Sorry to always bug you experienced parents!!!

Our DS co sleeps with us. He just turned a year old on Nov 13th. His crib is in our room right next to me. He'll start out in it since he goes to bed by 7pm. Then sometime around 10-11pm he wakes up to come to bed with us.
Now 2 things here:

1.) He used to STTN basically with us from about 10 weeks old all on his own!! Well the last week or so he's been waking up around 1:30pm wide awake and hungary..He'll drink 8oz of warm milk!!! And he does have a full dinner around 6pm and 8oz of milk then!! By full dinner I mean...a veggie, protien, carb and fruit or yogurt.

2.) Being pregnant I am exhausted!!!! This nightitme thing is getting to me. Also I want to transition him fully to his crib and it is not going well. I won't do CIO [cry it out...for us personally we don't believe in it]....although of course this is what many people suggest...I've tried the No Cry Sleep Solution approach [which worked during the day for naps like a charm!! Yay!!] but is NOT working for nighttime...He'll just cry and cry and fuss and fuss in his crib but he won't go to sleep in our bed either with this new pattern...so I have to get up with him for 2 hours or so and rock him [which right now he is loving because our rocking chair is right by the Christmas tree and he lays and looks at the lights...I don't mind rocking him I love that time with him...it's the being up for 2-3 hours that is getting to me!

Anyway....what the heck is going on...why is he waking up like this all of sudden full of energy like it's morning?????? Growth spurt?? has anyone else gone through this...
And what do I do about this transition thing???

It just seems to be getting worse and I am too tired to function! Is it just this age?
Thanks mamas and dadas!!!

[Mary M]

I'm a believer in controlled crying (wait 5 mins, then 5 mins, then 10 mins), but if you're not comfortable with that, then it's not going to work for you.

My guess is that it's either separation anxiety, or possibly teething. It's probably more that he misses you and wants a cuddle at night.

Can your husband feed him at night? With a new baby coming, I imagine you're going to want to move him out to his own room soon? (maybe not - I'm assuming here). If so, perhaps your husband can bunk out with him for a few nights and help him transition, while you get the sleep you need.

Good luck. Sleep problems are the worst, but you do get through them.

[thrillme]

Putting some christmas lights on the ceiling above is crib (out of reach of course) could be good (my son loved this)...Also have Dad take care of this sometime. Learning that Mom isn't the one to come could help. I also kept a bottle of water within his reach (please no formula or fruit juice that's bad for their incoming teeth). Even today my son's great with a drink of water and right back to sleep.

[Terra]

Thanks ladies....Yeah, we do want to keep him in the room with us [just in his crib]...we're attachment parenting people so we like the idea of the famiy sleeping close...[I realize this is not for everyone! lol]...
I will give the Christmas lights a whirl! I never thought of that!! And the bottle of water as well...Yeah I NEVER give him anything other than water in his crib...I'm a stickler about that as well...

I could ask DH to get up with him..but I feel guilty because he works outside of the home and I stay at home so it's not like I can't get a nap later...lol....I'm silly I know! lol..
With the new baby...I'll be nursing too so he's out of luck there!! LOL...

Now when I did the no cry sleep solution...he did fuss and cry of course but I was right there and you pat them and sing to them and then pick them up, hug them and lay them back down...go back to patting and singing ...repeat routine until they fall asleep...and it worked for naptimes...I don't so much mind him crying as long as I'm there...i'm just weird about leaving him in the room alone while doing it...but I do realize again it's not for everyone...

Thanks again ladies!!!!

[mickey&missy]

Oh Terra! Motherhood is a mystery sometimes!

Both my older kids went through a period of time when they woke in the middle of the night ready to play. When DD did it I was pregnant with DS. UGH! My question is, are you sure he's hungry? He maybe testing his boundaries. Trying giving him a little water instead of milk. If he's hungry he'll want the milk after the water. He could be going through a growth spurt or maybe he sense that something is going on, meaning you being pregnant. Hopefully, the waking will stop soon! If not, talk to the dr. they maybe able to give you some good advice.

As for the co-sleeping, I'm not really sure what the answer is. Can you try putting him back in the crib once he's asleep? Maybe if he wakes up there he'll start to understand.

I'll tell you my experience with babies sleeping habits. My DD, now 6.5, was never the easiest to put to sleep. She was very colicky until she was about 10 weeks old. I would hold her and walk the floors from 4 in the afternoon until 2 am when she finally stopped crying! After she got over the colic she slept through the night for most part, with exception of little phases when she would do what your DS is doing now. But, she was always very difficult to put to sleep. I ALWAYS let her fall asleep on me. I couldn't do the cry it out thing, definitely not for me or my parenting style. The thing is, I created my own monster! She just got over being difficult to put to bed shortly before the baby was born in May! I guess at 6 she figured it wasn't going to fly with a baby in the house. She used to scream from her room, I need you, I'm scared, I have something to tell you, I need a drink of water, I'm hungry, on and on and on!! Any excuse to delay going to sleep. I would have to lay in bed with her until she feel asleep! You know how hard it is to lay in bed 8 months pregnant with a 6 year old who's very tall and all legs?! UGH!

On the flip side, DS5 has always been easy to put to bed. Thank god! We started putting him in his crib when he was drowsy early on and have never had a problem. Anytime he started to fuss, not to the point of crying, we would go put a hand on his back and talk quietly to him to reassure him. He goes to bed now and as soon as his head hits the pillow he's asleep!

I hope my rambling helped! Try to get some rest! The first trimester tiredness is killer, especially with a little one who won't sleep! I'm thinking of you!

[SBETigg]

It's fairly normal that they start waking more through the night at this stage (and at several others coming up). Good luck with finding a coping technique that works for you both.

[Ruprect]

We are going though something similar with our 10 month old. He would sleep through the night since he was a few weeks old and then all of a sudden he started waking up multiple times.

Ours appears to be mostly because of teething pain. He's been cutting teeth left and right and we will sometimes give him some Motrin to help him with the pain. Maybe your little one is cutting some more teeth?

[Here we go again...]

This is a tough one.
My dd did the same thing when she was about 16 months old. She would wake up at night and come in our room. No matter what we did or tried she just kept doing it and we would stay up later and later with her every night. We could not keep her in her room... if we tried, she would cry and scream.

After about a month of sleepless nights we had to put our foot down. Keep in mind that this is (was, she is 13 now) probably the sweetest child in the world. We NEVER had to fuss at her, she never acted up, nothing. So this was something out of the ordinary for her. Usually she would do what ever we told her to do...
We sat her down one night and told her that she was going to have to stay in her bed. We read her a book and told her good night. A couple of hours later, she woke up and into our room she came. Everytime she walked in, we walked her out and put her in her bed. She screamed, she cried and at one part started hitting us. That was the first time I ever swatted her on the bottom... it got her attention. She just stopped and stared at me. (I did not spank her, just got her attention... but to this day she remembers the "night mom hit me". needless to say, she has never been spanked)
She went back to bed and did cry for about 30 minutes.... I hated hearing her... but that was the end of it. She never got out of bed at night again.

You have to do what will work for you. This is going to be hard. Remember, kids will only do what you allow them to do. So if you will rock your DS in front of the tree for 2 hours he will get you to keep doing it. I would love someone to rock me in front of the tree. ;)

Think about a time that you really wanted to do something exciting, like going to Disney. I am sure your internal clock woke you up right on time. Well, that is what is happening to him... his internal clock is working against you.

I wish you luck and hope you can fix this soon. You need some rest before the new baby comes.

[Jasper]

You may also want to look at the combination of nap time during the day and time for going to bed at night. Based on our three kids 7 doesn't seem that early for bed with one that age but possibly he is napping too much during the day. I know it seems mean to wake them up, but if they are taking long naps during the day you may want to consider waking him up after napping an hour or so.

[Minniemouse27]

We have two kids...dd is now 6.5yo and ds is turning 2yo next week. Ds' crib is still next to our bed w/ the side down so it appears we may night parent similarly. :thumbsup:

With both kids, we found that as they approached new milestones (turning over, crawling, walking, talking, new teeth, etc.) they started waking up more often at night.

Dd never slept well at night until about 3.5yo (I know ...not something you want to hear), but ds generally sleeps like a rock. We did the same things with both kids, they are just wired differently.

When dd was younger dh really stepped up and became the "go to" guy at night. I understand that you are home during the day and he goes to work...but you are running after your son all day AND pregnant. Also, when your baby arrives you will be tending to him/her at night and your dh will have to take over night duties for your elder child then anyway, better to get everyone used to it now!

The only thing we could do w/ dd is rock her in arms until she went back down. What made it worse is she refused to let us sit down... we had to do so standing up! Your son will get older and he won't have these sleep issues forever...you will all get through it, just be tired for a while until he outgrows it is all. :sleepin:

:hug:

[Terra]

Took a lunch break and came back to some great posts...woo hoo!! Thanks!! ...LOL...

The input has been very helpful thank you!! I do realize that the whole Cry it out thing is a very personal one...just for reasons I'd rather not get into [read: could be a hot topic..:secret::blush:] after reading much research...we just don't do it.... But I do understand it works for some people!! :) Just not for us...

You know I do know that he is teething...so that part I kind of figured...and it was good to read that it's normal for him to be doing this...

And I have rocked him and then layed him in the crib...I need to start doing that again...I'll just have to make sure I get up to rock him eveyrtime now...until we transition better...I have layed with him in the bed and when he's gone to sleep, I lay him back in the crib...but sometimes I fall asleep...lol...so I physically need to get up! lol..

I do know the past few nights he is hungry...because I'll give him water, he'll take a few drinks and then he's crying again and will settle down and drink the milk like it's going out of style!! I have to say when he is full...he is great about not eating anymore!! he's been this way since birth...I got luckily on that...!!

Christine!! It does sound similar in the way we parent!! yay!!

Oh I think I'm also going to try the cutting the naps back...he only takes 2 a day...1 hour mid morning and 1 hour afternoon....I think I'm going to attempt to cut out the afternoon nap and see what happens...

Thank God for other parents who have walked in these shoes already!!!!

[merlinmagic4]

I also have to go with letting Dad be the one to get up at night! I nursed my son through the night (in our bed) for 14 months. We were exhausted! I never had more than 2 hours sleep. It was just the pattern that we were in. Well, in June we decided my husband would get up with him and within a couple of nights he was sleeping through (well right now for about 9 hours). He wasn't rewarded by nursing anymore but was being attended to by someone just as good! I was surprised how easy it was. Although, I think our situation is different in that he is in a different room now (with his sister) so he doesn't see us. I also don't believe in crying it out but when he wakes at night (like we all do many times) he can roll over and go back to sleep now.

Occasionally, he gets up around four and my husband has to get up, pick him up, show him everyone is asleep and then he points to his crib to go back in.

My husband works full time and has a part time landscaping business. I stay home. We had no issues with him being the one to get up because it is so short lived and benefits everyone.

I hope you get some rest!

[DizneyRox]

Something that caught me eye, that's a lot of milk right before bed. Most dentists will tell you that's not good for their teeth and can cause cavities, as my friends who just got done with 5 trips to the dentist to fill 17 cavities.

Now back to the bigger problem...

[Mary M]

Or maybe push back his bedtime?

[Terra]

Something that caught me eye, that's a lot of milk right before bed. Most dentists will tell you that's not good for their teeth and can cause cavities, as my friends who just got done with 5 trips to the dentist to fill 17 cavities.

Now back to the bigger problem...

Eeks!! your poor friend...!! I should have clarified though...it's about an hour before his bedtime and we do brush his teeth [with the approved infant toothpaste and brush!] :)


Or maybe push back his bedtime?

Yeah I was thinking of doing that too!! He is such a bear though...but it may be worth it to see!

[MiaBella]

If he naps later in the eveing start cutting those out also maybe a earlier wake up time?
I used to have my well they still do to this day have a snack like yogurt in the evening it is really good for them and it helps them go to sleep. Maybe he should have his ~own~ room area maybe a seperation so he can't see you? A room divider or something or own room? I also put music on in the room that helps them to hear that white noise and not thing about getting up and playing etc.

Schedule is key!! I can never EVER stress that enough to new parents! Good luck!

[Disneyatic]

We had these same problems with our DD when she was little.
I solved them (or thought I was solving them) by letting her start sleeping in bed with us so that we could all get some rest.
This was not one of my smartest decisions but it was born out of frustration and exhaustion at the time, we have struggled the last 4 years to get her to sleep on her own!
This is only my opinion, but my best advice to any new parents is that no matter how tired you are don't start the habit of letting the kids sleep in bed with you. It is the HARDEST habit to break! She is now 8 and has finally started sleeping in her own bedroom and going to sleep on her own.

I am like you, I could never handle the cry it out method.

What I was thinking when reading your post was that maybe he is getting so much rest with naps and the early bedtime that it is causing him to wake-up earlier and have that energy?

I do agree with other opinions that the long rocking and pretty Christmas lights are probably a great bonus to him waking up and that discovery may be a contributing factor to the pattern continuing. Little ones only have to do something a few times before it becomes a "set thing" for them.

Good luck! I am sure that with you already having exhaustion from the early stages of pregnancy that this is just icing on the cake!

[Mom to a Princess and a Prince]

DS4 went through the same thing at the same age as David. I talked to the doctor about it and they said definitely avoid feeding him, otherwise it would become a pattern (giving him a bottle in the middle of the night), which it pretty much already had! They said if he had eaten a good dinner he shouldn't be hungry in the middle of the night and was more than likely just being fussy. DH and I took turns getting up with him and comforting him, but we gave no more bottles and eventually he figured out that he wasn't coming in our room and he wasn't getting a bottle so he just worked it out on his own. More than likely this is just a stage and all of you will get through it, hopefully sooner rather than later!!

[Terra]

Thanks again everyone...I've gleaned a few ideas that I'm going to use...

LIke I said..I do have a different parenting style though...lol....I DO like co sleeping and after much research feel it is the best option for us....I'm just wanting to transition solely due to the new baby because the new baby will be co sleeping with us then...[again I always stress that everyone has their own way of parenting...and it's not right for everyone! lol]

Hmmm....I know that some doctors will say to not feed them, but I take the child-led approach/on demanding feeding...so I won't ever deny him a feeding...but I do know that works for some people...

Gosh I hope I haven't offended anyone by stating my parenting style preferences...sorry if I did...I was just trying to explain where I was coming from...lol...so there was more info to work from...

Okay, I'm off to put up some lights around DS bed!! lol

[kakn7294]

Terra, although we have totally different parenting styles, I do understand where you are coming from. The funny thing is, my DD's dictated my parenting approach too, just within different boundaries than you use with David. We never allowed them to get into the habit of sleeping with us. Instead, when they would awaken in the night, they always had to go back to sleep in their own beds even though it sometimes meant that I slept on the floor in their room. The youngest actually slept MUCH better when she was moved from her bassinet into a crib in her own room when she was only a month old. She's also the only child I know who absolutely refused to breastfeed even when she was squalling with hunger after not eating for over 12 hrs as a newborn - but she took to that bottle right away. You've gotten some really great suggestions here - I hope you find something that works for you. Hopefully, cutting out that milk in the middle of the night will help - it might actually be keeping him awake longer due to the sugar in the milk. I do like the idea of the Christmas lights and I also like the idea of Dad tending to him in the middle of the night - I imagine that David's fussing has awakened him anyway. Good luck to you!

[Terra]

Terra, although we have totally different parenting styles, I do understand where you are coming from. The funny thing is, my DD's dictated my parenting approach too, just within different boundaries than you use with David. We never allowed them to get into the habit of sleeping with us. Instead, when they would awaken in the night, they always had to go back to sleep in their own beds even though it sometimes meant that I slept on the floor in their room. The youngest actually slept MUCH better when she was moved from her bassinet into a crib in her own room when she was only a month old. She's also the only child I know who absolutely refused to breastfeed even when she was squalling with hunger after not eating for over 12 hrs as a newborn - but she took to that bottle right away. You've gotten some really great suggestions here - I hope you find something that works for you. Hopefully, cutting out that milk in the middle of the night will help - it might actually be keeping him awake longer due to the sugar in the milk. I do like the idea of the Christmas lights and I also like the idea of Dad tending to him in the middle of the night - I imagine that David's fussing has awakened him anyway. Good luck to you!

Oh that's so sweet! I would sleep on the floor too! Oh yeah, he wakes Dad up! LOL...
I'm actually hoping that I have antoher boy because I really want my children to share a room....my goal is to have David [and the new baby] in their own rooms by about 3 years old...

Oh I meant to say too that aside from us liking to room in...another reason that our bedrooms are together is because we only have a 2 bedroom duplex right now and the other is the home office that DH uses alot for his job(s) so when he's not at work, he's in the office quite a bit...lol...

Do your daughters share a room? How is that going??? My sister was born when I was 16, so I never really got the chance to have any siblings younger and I always wanted to share a room to have teh company!

[kakn7294]

Do your daughters share a room? How is that going??? My sister was born when I was 16, so I never really got the chance to have any siblings younger and I always wanted to share a room to have teh company!Actually, they don't share a room but they do sleep together alot. They are nearly 5 years apart in age and Stephanie gets up over an hour earlier than Megan for school now so they aren't allowed to sleep together on school nights but can do whatever they want on weekends as far as sleeping arrangements. It's so funny to watch them cram into a single bed together but they like it! They fight like cats and dogs, but they really do love each other's company - Stephanie is a bit immature for her age and Megan is a bit mature for hers, so when they aren't fighting, they play together well. Even though I wanted one of each, I'm glad I have 2 daughters - hopefully they will remain close as they grow older.

[Terra]

Actually, they don't share a room but they do sleep together alot. They are nearly 5 years apart in age and Stephanie gets up over an hour earlier than Megan for school now so they aren't allowed to sleep together on school nights but can do whatever they want on weekends as far as sleeping arrangements. It's so funny to watch them cram into a single bed together but they like it! They fight like cats and dogs, but they really do love each other's company - Stephanie is a bit immature for her age and Megan is a bit mature for hers, so when they aren't fighting, they play together well. Even though I wanted one of each, I'm glad I have 2 daughters - hopefully they will remain close as they grow older.


lol...ah sisters...I bet they'll stay close though! Yeah, now that's tough with one getting up earlier like that because of the school thing!

I think that's part of the reason I would love another boy because of having 2 brothers close in age!
But of course I'll be thrilled with either!!

[merlinmagic4]

The youngest actually slept MUCH better when she was moved from her bassinet into a crib in her own room

This is a very, very important point. Again, remember I coslept and nursed ALL NIGHT LONG for 14 months with my youngest. However, at that point I knew HE needed the long stretch of sleep as much as I did! That was part of my decision to let my husband tend to him. I thought it was crucial to his development that he get some solid sleep! Quality sleep is very important to development.

[thrillme]

Do your daughters share a room? How is that going??? My sister was born when I was 16, so I never really got the chance to have any siblings younger and I always wanted to share a room to have teh company!

Somewhat off the topic here....regarding sharing a room with a sibling reminded me of a time my sister-in-law was talking about her family of something like 10 kids in all. I thought for the longest time she came from a very very VERY RICH family...It finally came out as to "how RICH" I thought her family was and she was TOTALLY perplexed...Well it was OBVIOUS to me (an ONLY child) that they lived in a HUGE 11 bedroom MANSION. They HAD to be RICH.

[Tinkerfreak]

Please do not take this warning as critisizm in any way shape or form but those of you who co-sleep (I respect everyones parenting style) please be very careful. I just saw on the news about a baby who died sleeping with his parents. His Dad was really tired and rolled over on top of him and he suffocated. The poor parents are so upset.

[Terra]

Somewhat off the topic here....regarding sharing a room with a sibling reminded me of a time my sister-in-law was talking about her family of something like 10 kids in all. I thought for the longest time she came from a very very VERY RICH family...It finally came out as to "how RICH" I thought her family was and she was TOTALLY perplexed...Well it was OBVIOUS to me (an ONLY child) that they lived in a HUGE 11 bedroom MANSION. They HAD to be RICH.

:haha: That is hysterical...but I could see myself thinking that as a child!!!!!!! My grandmother on my mom's side had 10!!


Please do not take this warning as critisizm in any way shape or form but those of you who co-sleep (I respect everyones parenting style) please be very careful. I just saw on the news about a baby who died sleeping with his parents. His Dad was really tired and rolled over on top of him and he suffocated. The poor parents are so upset.


Oh I agree!! You have to follow the safe guidelines IF you are going to co sleep for sure! When they are first born, you should always have a mini cosleeper in the bed until they can roll over, once they can do that you need to push the bed against the wall and put a guardrail between the bed and the wall so the baby will not fall between the cracks...and then the baby should ALWAYS sleep between the one parent and the gaurdrail...NEVER between the 2 parents...which is what sounded like sadly happened with that family...very tragic :(

[BrerGnat]

Hey Terra, I just wanted to post some insight for you. I am sorry you are SO exhausted! I am STILL exhausted and my youngest is now 20 months old. I think the exhaustion lasts until they are in college. :D

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that when a baby turns 1, you can pretty much attribute ANY type of behavior that annoys you to attention seeking. This is the age that babies start testing limits, and THIS is the time you have to set limits and stick to them consistently so that the child learns what the expectations are in your household. It is a trying time for sure, and it will only get worse until it gets better, so you've gotta be prepared to sort of be "mean mommy" sometimes, even if it kills you inside. You can be your child's "friend" or you can be your child's parent. It's up to you.

Attachment parenting and co-sleeping aside (which I totally respect, by the way), it's extremely important to assert your position over your child at this age. You have to resist the temptation to let them be in charge, even with seemingly minor things, like eating. A 12 month old baby biologically does not need a feeding after dinner (provided he eats enough during the day, of course). I'm sure you know this already, and it's really hard to believe it when your baby chugs like there's no tomorrow. :) This is probably one of the hardest things to let go of, for both the parents and the child, as it brings comfort to the child and it's an easy "out" for the parents. I'm guilty of continuing this past the point of necessity for my older son and I did not repeat that mistake with the second one. With the second, I had him off this habit by simply offering the milk in a cup, which he didn't like. He wasn't hungry, he wanted the bottle. I assure you, if you help David wean off the bottle, the waking at night for "milk" will stop within a day or two. It's the bottle he wants, not the milk. He also wants the closeness/attention. I would start by offering him a cup of milk IN his crib. Don't pick him up or anything. You will see whether he is really hungry or not.

The biggest mistake too many parents make is to make the middle of the night wakings "fun". If you do not turn on any lights, don't talk to your child, etc, they will quickly learn that waking up is just not worth it because Mommy is just not "fun" at night. You have to teach David that nighttime is for sleeping, not for playing. If you make it super boring for him, he won't keep doing it. The sleeping environment most conducive to good rest is a room that is completely dark and quiet. I don't know if you have nightlights or anything, but if you do, try turning them off to see what happens. I had to remove the lights (all of them) from my son's room when he was younger because he would stay up looking around his room and he was upset that he could not get out of the crib and play with his toys. He is almost 3.5 now and sleeps through the night EVERY night since he was about 1.5 in a pitch black dark room. If there is even any light, he won't go to sleep.

Also, I just wanted to know if you thought about how David will be able to sleep when you have a newborn who is up crying every couple hours? I understand your predicament with the housing situation and only having 2 rooms, but unless David sleeps like the dead, how are you going to prevent him from waking every time the baby does? We had this problem when our youngest was born (he slept in our room with us) because he would cry SO loud that it would wake up our other son in the next room! I was BF too, and he was sleeping in the bed with us, but I could not keep him quiet during the diaper changes and in the minute it took to get the feeding started. My poor DH had to get up and go into our other son's room for about the first two weeks to help get him back to sleep. It was bad, because he was only 20 months old and he would wake up and have a HUGE tantrum because he did not understand why he was awake and that he had to now go back to sleep. Even though you want to keep David in the room with you, you might want to think up an alternative for the first few weeks, at least, so that HIS sleep is not disrupted too.

Good luck with this one!

[RenDuran]

My husband and I are big into attachment parenting. I kept my daughter with me until she was pretty big and people would say she'd never learn to sleep on her own. She's eight now and the opposite is true! I can hardly wake her up, she sleeps so soundly....in her own room, of course.

My son is three and now it's his turn to wake me at night. Sometimes when I can barely comprehend that someone needs me, I have to laugh and think that one day he'll be self-sufficient, just like his big sister.

Do what feels right for you. I've always hated the cry-it-out approach. If I were crying, I would want someone to console me. Babies are only small for a short time.

[Flower]

Well, I am probably a bad one to respond, Ben just turned a year old and:
:mickey:We put him to bed around 7
:mickey:He still wakes up around 11, and then again thru the night (Around 4 am, which is why I am typing this at 0500!)

I will BF him when he gets up in the night, DH rarely gets up with him as I am the feeding 'source'.

I find he sleeps better if I give him cereal before bed, but if he is still full from dinner he will sometimes not want the cereal, hence him getting up 2 times in the night.

Have you heard of 'dream feedings?' If you put him to bed at 7 and you stay up until 11 for example, give him a bottle at 11 while he is asleep and he may drink it in his sleep, thus filling him and him possibly sleeping longer. I don't do it personally, but a friend of mine does and she seems to have some success.

I think it is great that co-sleeping works for you - I CANNOT fall asleep with Ben in the bed. DH would laugh at me when he was a newborn and I was so exhausted, I would BF Ben and either place him in his crib or DH would put him in his crib. If I then went for a nap, when DH would walk in the room I would wake up and tell him to be careful of the sleeping baby, or freak out and wonder where Ben was - it was funny.

Good luck, and I will be the first to let you know when Ben starts sleeping thru the night again! I don't turn on the lights, I pick him up, feed him laying down in our bed, change him and put him back in his crib. I cannot let him cry it out wither because he will wake Brandon and it will be game on - not fun!

[Terra]

My husband and I are big into attachment parenting. I kept my daughter with me until she was pretty big and people would say she'd never learn to sleep on her own. She's eight now and the opposite is true! I can hardly wake her up, she sleeps so soundly....in her own room, of course.

My son is three and now it's his turn to wake me at night. Sometimes when I can barely comprehend that someone needs me, I have to laugh and think that one day he'll be self-sufficient, just like his big sister.

Do what feels right for you. I've always hated the cry-it-out approach. If I were crying, I would want someone to console me. Babies are only small for a short time.

Yay! Another AP family...I'm like the outcast of my town...it's pretty mainstream around here! I get all kinds of strange looks and rude comments! Especially when I wear DS on my Back in the Ergo! LOL...

Yeah, really the issue isn't so much co sleeping, it's just sleeping! LOL...I'm really not in a hurry for him to be grown up or independent...And like you, eventually, he'll WANT to be doing things on his own!! And I agree, when I'm crying I want someone too!! lol....

You know I actually had a "friend" tell me [when DS was barely 8 weeks old!!] That I was not being the parent and he was running my life becuase he was not sleeping through the night yet!!!! She was a huge Babywise fan [which I won't even get into because I detest that book and method! lol]....but she just thought it had to be her way or now way! She's not as friendly with me now since I didn't do it her way! LOL


Well, I am probably a bad one to respond, Ben just turned a year old and:
:mickey:We put him to bed around 7
:mickey:He still wakes up around 11, and then again thru the night (Around 4 am, which is why I am typing this at 0500!)

I will BF him when he gets up in the night, DH rarely gets up with him as I am the feeding 'source'.

I find he sleeps better if I give him cereal before bed, but if he is still full from dinner he will sometimes not want the cereal, hence him getting up 2 times in the night.

Have you heard of 'dream feedings?' If you put him to bed at 7 and you stay up until 11 for example, give him a bottle at 11 while he is asleep and he may drink it in his sleep, thus filling him and him possibly sleeping longer. I don't do it personally, but a friend of mine does and she seems to have some success.

I think it is great that co-sleeping works for you - I CANNOT fall asleep with Ben in the bed. DH would laugh at me when he was a newborn and I was so exhausted, I would BF Ben and either place him in his crib or DH would put him in his crib. If I then went for a nap, when DH would walk in the room I would wake up and tell him to be careful of the sleeping baby, or freak out and wonder where Ben was - it was funny.

Good luck, and I will be the first to let you know when Ben starts sleeping thru the night again! I don't turn on the lights, I pick him up, feed him laying down in our bed, change him and put him back in his crib. I cannot let him cry it out wither because he will wake Brandon and it will be game on - not fun!


LOL Lea-Ann...I've done that too when David is in his crib and I wake up and I forget he's not right with me!!

Well thank goodness that I'm not alone though!! I really do think it's the whole age/growth spurt AND teething!! I examined his gums closer last night and the back gums are bigger and swollen so I do think he's one year molars are starting to act up!

Gosh I do wish he still nursed though! :(
I've done the dream bottle before and that does work!

Last night actually went pretty well though!

I did cut back his afternoon nap...he took it way early at 1 pm until 2pm and then I put him to bed at 7:30-7:45pm...He slept until almost 2am in his crib then he did come to bed with us and went right back to sleep!! Woo hoo....he woke up at 4 wide awake but soaked, so I changed his diaper and we rocked quietly and he fell asleep within 40 minutes! And slept until about 7am!!!
So I'm going to try that routine again today!!

[merlinmagic4]

[B]Yay! Another AP family...I'm like the outcast of my town...it's pretty mainstream around here! I get all kinds of strange looks and rude comments!

Just curious what your definition of attachment parenting is? Do you think of it in terms of sleeping, babywearing, nursing.............?

What are the rude comments you get and what are they about?

I coslept with both of my older children for years although my youngest started in his crib at 14 months (still nursing though) and also nursed my daughter for 23 months. I never had any strange comments at all so I'm just curious.

What makes you an attachment parent?

[Terra]

Just curious what your definition of attachment parenting is? Do you think of it in terms of sleeping, babywearing, nursing.............?

What are the rude comments you get and what are they about?

I coslept with both of my older children for years although my youngest started in his crib at 14 months (still nursing though) and also nursed my daughter for 23 months. I never had any strange comments at all so I'm just curious.

What makes you an attachment parent?

First...AWESOME on the extended nursing!!!!!! I am really looking forward to when this new baby comes and praying hard that nursing will go much better!!

AP typically means taking a more natural approach to parenting...falling back on how families operated for centuries past.

It is listening....many things....some of them being...listening to your child's cues and following them when it comes to parenting areas such as sleeping, nursing, discipline, learning...

Discipline is gentle and no physical forms such as a tap or spank. Instead it's givng the child choices with consequences..."If you do X then X will happen, but if you do Y then Y will happen" type of thing...

It also does encompess keeping baby closer to you by wearing them as much as possible when out and limiting the use of strollers which place children further away and usually not facing the parent. By wearing a child they typically become very secure and do not have as much anxiety because they really can pay attention to their parent's cues and reactions. I know for my son this is so true. And also there is the NINO [nine in nine out] philosophy that notes that it is beneficial for baby to be as close to their primary caregivers through babywearing for at least the first 9 months. It notes that the baby spent 9 months IN the womb safe and secure and it takes about that amount of time for a baby on the outside to feel secure in his/her environment and that comes about mainly through the primary care givers reactions and how close baby is to them.

Another AP aspect is not being so rigid in scheduling but rather listening to the child's cues and taking not of their shaping personalities and preferences. Of course you do want some boundaries, but it is also granting the freedom for baby to grow in their own personalites and letting them be themselves. Again, for my son this is very true...I never scheduled him or watched a clock and he naturally went on his own schedule around 5 months and it has continued that way. Most children will eventually even out like that as well, and for those that do have a little trouble there are great solutions to help.

Okay, I'm talking your ear off! LOL....As always, I stress not everyone wants or likes this style, but it has been so great for us!

I have lots more info with websites too if you are interested...just PM me :)

[Terra]

duh....forgot to add in my above post the rude comments!! LOL

Let's see...here they are quote for quote!!

"What IS she wearing him in.....yuck"
"Go back to Africa"
"Ever hear of a stroller"
"He's going to be spoiled you shouldn't hold him so much"
"Stupid hippy" [although the first word was a naughty word when they said it!]
"How stupid"

Mostly I hear these in passing and they must not think I can hear them......but I've been known to turn around and spout off research statistics about it's better to wear baby and then they usually hurry away....lol....

[RenDuran]

"What IS she wearing him in.....yuck"
"Go back to Africa"
"Ever hear of a stroller"
"He's going to be spoiled you shouldn't hold him so much"
"Stupid hippy" [although the first word was a naughty word when they said it!]
"How stupid"



I especially loved the hippy comment! I've been told that I'm "earthy"....does that maybe I'm a hippy?!

[Mackflava99]

I have twin girls and after 6 months of no sleep for either of us, my wife became very structured and regimented about making sure they sleep at specified times and that they got into a good habit. We even split them up for a few years in seperate rooms because they were waking each other up.
One thing that was good was that we wouldnt let them sleep with us, but we'd go sleep in their room if they woke up. Yes it made one of us tired but at least i got sleep 50% of the time.
Eventually they fell into the pattern she established ( yes it was tough) and now they are terrific sleepers, in bed at 8pm every night without any arguement.
I used to disagree with my wife with her strict adherence, but now i see the results.
They do better at school with more sleep.

- All in all- i do feel it should be 50/50 with the mom and Dad sharing the nightly duties.

[Terra]

I especially loved the hippy comment! I've been told that I'm "earthy"....does that maybe I'm a hippy?!


LOL...I think so!

I've had some really awesome feedback too though! And it's also a good chance to tell mothers who are curious about the benefits!

[diz_girl]

It's interesting to see a post that mentions Attachment Parenting. I just started reading a Dr. Sears book on it last night. My DS is almost 5 mo and I hope that it's not too late to try it, although I've already done some things that are part of AP.

My DS has been sleeping in his own room since he was 3 mo and he sleeps very well on his own, so I doubt I'll do any more co-sleeping. I also BF, but due to supply issues, I've had to supplement, so the BF part of AP may not be an option for much longer. However, I hope to be able to incorporate the other aspects of AP into my parenting style.

As far as your problem, Terrra, I only have two comments, but I'm not that experienced of a mother yet, so feel free to either listen or ignore what I write. The first is that your son will keep trying to sleep in your bed if you let him in every night. I know that you don't like the 'crying it out', but you still need to be firm or else you may have an even bigger problem when you bring your new baby home from the hospital next year. The second is that you definitely need your sleep, especially since you're pregnant. So the suggestion of having your husband get up with your son might help the situation, plus give you some needed sleep.

Good luck.

[Terra]

It's interesting to see a post that mentions Attachment Parenting. I just started reading a Dr. Sears book on it last night. My DS is almost 5 mo and I hope that it's not too late to try it, although I've already done some things that are part of AP.

My DS has been sleeping in his own room since he was 3 mo and he sleeps very well on his own, so I doubt I'll do any more co-sleeping. I also BF, but due to supply issues, I've had to supplement, so the BF part of AP may not be an option for much longer. However, I hope to be able to incorporate the other aspects of AP into my parenting style.

As far as your problem, Terrra, I only have two comments, but I'm not that experienced of a mother yet, so feel free to either listen or ignore what I write. The first is that your son will keep trying to sleep in your bed if you let him in every night. I know that you don't like the 'crying it out', but you still need to be firm or else you may have an even bigger problem when you bring your new baby home from the hospital next year. The second is that you definitely need your sleep, especially since you're pregnant. So the suggestion of having your husband get up with your son might help the situation, plus give you some needed sleep.

Good luck.

I'm not that experienced either...he he!!

Really I don't mind the co sleeping at all...I'm actually a big proponent of the family bed or at least rooming in for the first 2-3 years at very least. I was more concerned with the actual not sleeping as much now! Which I FINALLY did rule as MOLAR TEETHING!!! EEKKSS...poor fellow...he had been jamming his fingers into the back of his gums all day!!!

Anyway...where was I going with this...oh yeah...lol [sorry mommy brain!]...The biggest reason I wanted him to sleep in his crib all night next to our bed is because we have a queen size bed and it really wouldn't be big enough for 4 people...I have to say though, he did great last night for crib sleeping!!
I originally started co sleeping for one reason, because SIDS death among safe co sleepers is lower because the baby will more often than not mimic it's mother's breathing so breathing is prompted! Even rooming in does this. I believe even the AAP recommends rooming in for the first 6 months because of this at which point the risk of SIDS begins to decline.

Anyway...yay on reading Dr. Sears! I love his stuff!
I had BF'ing issues too due to the stupid hospital nurses giving David bottles of formula WITHOUT my permission!!!! I stuck it out though, but I did have to supplement as well.
I can't wait until this next one because I am prepared to battle with the nurses!!! LOL...

Oh and it's never to late to incorporate some AP stuff in!!!! I started really falling into AP style around the same time [5 months!!] Good luck to you!!!!! Keep us posted in the Moms club thread!!

[Minniemouse27]

What makes you an attachment parent?

I've always defined it as listening and responding to my children's cues and needs, no matter what their age.

For some parents that is co-sleeping, nursing, baby wearing, etc...for some it is only one or two of those things, others it is none.

If my child sleeps better in his/her own room by themselves... that is fine, if they sleep better w/ me and dh..that's fine too.

Both my kids love their strollers so we tend to only babywear when they are(were for the now 6yo) tired and sleepy.

Gentle discipline is generally practiced by those that AP as well.

I've never considered AP a set of rules, more like knowing my child and responding to their needs.

[Terra]

I've always defined it as listening and responding to my children's cues and needs, no matter what their age.

For some parents that is co-sleeping, nursing, baby wearing, etc...for some it is only one or two of those things, others it is none.

If my child sleeps better in his/her own room by themselves... that is fine, if they sleep better w/ me and dh..that's fine too.

Both my kids love their strollers so we tend to only babywear when they are(were for the now 6yo) tired and sleepy.

Gentle discipline is generally practiced by those that AP as well.

I've never considered AP a set of rules, more like knowing my child and responding to their needs.

You summed up it perfectly really...especially in the last bolded sentence...This is pretty much what Dr. Sears says as well...

And like you said...many AP parents practice one or more of the above stated items..

But it truly is listening and responding to the child's cues!! Brillantly put!!

I love discussing AP!!! Thanks for the input!

[minnie-mouse]

If you are pregnant now and expecting a new little one, you will want to break your older child of these habits soon before the arrival of the new baby.

I agree with other posts, definitely keepy water in his crib, maybe even a few small toys in his room that he can "play" with, if he has energy in the middle of the night. Also, make sure he gets enough physical activity and exercise during the day, so that he is more tired for bed and will sleep better.

For our DD, we put up a child safety gate in front of her bedroom door, so that we could hear her, but that she could not enter our room in the middle of the night. Once they get used to doing so, this habit will be extremely hard to break. While I understand you have your own unique parenting style, you have to remember that your child is now a toddler and will need to learn some independence to help him develop skills to mature both emotionally and socially. If he knows you come to him for every cry, feed him whenever he wants -night or day, he will continue to call the shots. This is the age where you need to enforce some rules with him. I suggest trying to teach him that bed time is for sleeping, and guide him back into his room every time.

Also, take some quality time with him before bed with rituals like story time, brushing his teeth, picking out clothes for tomorrow. Sometimes, just these extra few minutes with your child lets them know that they can cope without you during the night. Doing this, will not only help him mature, but help you and the new baby who will deserve and need some of your attention at night as well.

Good luck with it all. As every thing with a child, it is just a phase.