Unruly Children and inept parents

[RBrooksC]

I had two instances when I had to chastize a child. One of those times, the mom was standing right there and totally oblivious to what was going on.

The first time, my 19 mth old son and I were in the Honey, I Shrunk the Kids playground. I was helping my son queue for the film slide. After the two girls in front of him went, I was getting my son positioned so he could slide when a child about the age of seven or so, came up, tried to push me aside so he could slide down. Now, I will give him credit because when I explained to him, sternly, that my son had been waiting and it is his turn, he did apologize and I didn't request him get up from the slide but I can assure you if my son did that and I discovered he did that, there would be consequences to pay.

Second was in the pin trading store at Downtown Disney. They have two computers there that access the pin trading website. One was being used by people doing some research and writing in the binder. The second was being used by children. Their mother was right there sort of watching them but for the most part chatting with some friends. After a few minutes of watching them play on the computer like it was a Playstation, I asked them, bruskly, if they were using the PC or just playing. One of the children just back away behind their mom and the second child said, "I think my brother is done." I then said, "thank you because I want to use this." The mother glared at me that if her eyes were daggers I would be dead.

I have a feeling this was a way to keep her kids occupied because she didn't want to have to parent.

Each time I saw this woman during my time at Downtown Disney, she glared at me until I almost said something but my wife, always the level-headed one, told me to leave it alone.

[AbeeNormal]

I have two boys ages 6 & 7. Those are the parents that make it so hard when we try to teach our kids right from wrong, good behavior, and all those good things, especially when my boys see it 1st hand.
Keep instilling those things into your kids it does work. The other day at the grocery store this probubly 11 year old girl went past my 6 year old and about knocked him down, my 7 year old looked at her and said " Well, that was rude" The look on her face was priceless. I hope your next trip is free of those encounters. :thumbsup:

[SBETigg]

I know exactly what you mean. There was an adorable little girl in a princess costume, probably three or four, coming charging on to a monorail when a bunch of us were coming off. I said "please wait for others to get off first, okay?" in as sweet but firm a tone as I could muster so that she wouldn't get knocked down by accident.

Where were her parents? Well, I found out. A man yelled after me "Pardon me, but she's only a wee child!" Well, pardon ME but where are her parents then? Weren't they worried about her safety, if not concerned with teaching her some manners?

I didn't actually say that last bit. It wasn't the time to start something and he was gunning for bear. I pretended not to hear him and kept walking. How dare anyone say something to his wee precious about to get stampeded by people getting off the monorail with her insistence to get on first. Incredible.

[LoriMistress]

I think every day someone encounters a child who's not being watched by parents who are either "wanting a break from being a parent" or the majority have the Eric Cartman/80's mindframe of "I'm going to raise my kids however I want."

[LibertyTreeGal]

In July we waited in the Roger Rabbit line at DL for 45 minutes while a family allowed their 3 year old girl to scream at the top of her lungs (the entire time) while their 7 year old son ran up and down the crowded queue. Glaring didn't help, covering our ears didn't help -- they just did not care, and there were 2 parents there so it wasn't as if they couldn't have done something..... My rambunctious 6 year olds just had their jaws on the floor -- even they would never dream of acting like that.

[Mickey'sGirl]

RBrooksC - I think you handled that little boy at the HISTK playground well. :thumbsup: I don't want to stir the pot -- but I have always found it easiest to parent another person's child. My children are not angels by any means, but neither are they hellions ... most kids are just kids, and caught up in the excitement of it all. A firm excuse me or "just one moment" should work to establish order instead of a lecture. What gets me are the parents who hover about after their children in case anyone enters into "Johnny's" personal space.

[julian]

After a few minutes of watching them play on the computer like it was a Playstation, I asked them, bruskly, if they were using the PC or just playing. One of the children just back away behind their mom and the second child said, "I think my brother is done." I then said, "thank you because I want to use this." The mother glared at me that if her eyes were daggers I would be dead.

I have a feeling this was a way to keep her kids occupied because she didn't want to have to parent.
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Come on attacking her parenting? She did take the kids to Disney on her own time..I'm pretty sure anyone would glare if a stranger repremanded thier kids at Disney. Maybe instead of talking to the kids, asking the parent politely would have worked..have her talk to her own kids.

Its just the different way of seeing things i guess. . . . . .

[Goofster]

RBrooksC - I think you handled that little boy well. :thumbsup: I don't want to stir the pot -- but I have always found it easiest to parent another person's child. My children are not angels by any means, but neither are they hellions ... most kids are just kids, and caught up in the excitement of it all. A firm excuse me or "just one moment" should work to establish order instead of a lecture. What gets me are the parents who hover about after their children in case anyone enters into "Johnny's" personal space.

Ditto. :thumbsup: Those parents that hover around their kids annoy me to no end. As parents we're naturally protective, but sometimes parents take it too far. Kids will shove and kids will call names...no matter how wonderful their parents might be. How your own kids respond and react is what is important. It will go with them into the real world when they grow up. :soapbox:

[RBrooksC]

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Come on attacking her parenting? She did take the kids to Disney on her own time..I'm pretty sure anyone would glare if a stranger repremanded thier kids at Disney. Maybe instead of talking to the kids, asking the parent politely would have worked..have her talk to her own kids.

Its just the different way of seeing things i guess. . . . . .


The fact that she brought her children to Disney is not germane to this discussion. She was standing behind her children as they played on a PC that was not theirs in a way not intended. She was using the Pin Trader's PC as a toy to occupy her children. So, yes, I will attack her parenting.

Second, I did not yell at the children nor say anything out of the ordinary. I asked if they were finished playing. They understood they weren't using the PC as it was intended or the one wouldn't have run away from the keyboard and the other child would not have made the comment.

If I had just walked up and told them to move is one thing, but politely standing there for several minutes while children use it as a play toy is something totally different.

[Laura670]

[QUOTE=Mickey'sGirl;1431560]I don't want to stir the pot -- but I have always found it easiest to parent another person's child. [QUOTE]


I agree it's always easier to parents another person's child. I think your right about the kids being caught up in the excitement too but I think everyone has to think about maybe other factors are involved too. Kids get cranky when it's hot and they are tried take for instance my DD she's 7 and hates BUGS! So imagine being in line for a ride and seeing Love Bugs every where my daughter was freaking out! You should have seen the glares I was getting I wanted to crawl under the nearest rock! She did finally calm down after several parents made very loud comments so I could hear but what i'm trying to say is c'mon your on vacation and in Disney try not to assume you know what someone is doing or not doing for that matter....no one really knows until you have walked in that person's shoes.

[Jenemmy]

I can see both sides of this. I think that if a child is putting themselves in danger -- or putting your child in danger, then voicing concern is an absulute (like Sherri with her monorail story). I also think that when a kid gets excited and tries to cut in line, like with the original poster and the playground, that a smile and a "hey -- hold up there kiddo, it's almost your turn" is in order as well.

I just can't go along with judging anyone else's parenting or family situation. No one knows my kids like I do and no one else gets to raise them or reprimand them. I don't mean to be touchy or sensitive about this, but as mom to a child with autism, I have had one too many people see a quirky behavior in my child and decide they know what is best, even though they are clueless about his diagnosis. You just never, ever know what is going on with someone else, what type of day they have had etc.

[Goofster]

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Come on attacking her parenting? She did take the kids to Disney on her own time..I'm pretty sure anyone would glare if a stranger repremanded thier kids at Disney. Maybe instead of talking to the kids, asking the parent politely would have worked..have her talk to her own kids.

Its just the different way of seeing things i guess. . . . . .

I agree. Not to stir the pot, but if I was that parent, I would have interpreted your actions as being a bossy woman who didn't want to wait her turn. :D

[RBrooksC]

RBrooksC - I think you handled that little boy at the HISTK playground well. :thumbsup: I don't want to stir the pot -- but I have always found it easiest to parent another person's child. My children are not angels by any means, but neither are they hellions ... most kids are just kids, and caught up in the excitement of it all. A firm excuse me or "just one moment" should work to establish order instead of a lecture. What gets me are the parents who hover about after their children in case anyone enters into "Johnny's" personal space.

Thank you for the vote of confidence. When the child said, "oh, I'm sorry" and said it in a respectful way, my anger lessened and figured he said he was sorry and realized what he had done. In my mind, what his parent's had taught him was there and the contrition he gave was genuine.

I agree about the hovering. I believe parents, especially with younger children, should be close by and know what their kids are doing but children are basically little adults and need to learn social interactions and how to deal with other people on their own. When things start to get out of hand, then parents should get involved and make that a learning experience for the child.

[carribeanpirate5]

I had two instances when I had to chastize a child. One of those times, the mom was standing right there and totally oblivious to what was going on.


Second was in the pin trading store at Downtown Disney. They have two computers there that access the pin trading website. One was being used by people doing some research and writing in the binder. The second was being used by children. Their mother was right there sort of watching them but for the most part chatting with some friends. After a few minutes of watching them play on the computer like it was a Playstation, I asked them, bruskly, if they were using the PC or just playing. One of the children just back away behind their mom and the second child said, "I think my brother is done." I then said, "thank you because I want to use this." The mother glared at me that if her eyes were daggers I would be dead.

I have a feeling this was a way to keep her kids occupied because she didn't want to have to parent.

Each time I saw this woman during my time at Downtown Disney, she glared at me until I almost said something but my wife, always the level-headed one, told me to leave it alone.

Before you asked them (bruskly) if they were using it or playing, did it occur to you that they were indeed playing, but did not realize that someone was waiting? Sounds like you may have used a sledgehammer to kill a housefly rather than taking a different approach. To me, YOU were the one who was a little harsh here.

[vamaggie]

While I do not like to (and try to avoid if at all possible) chastizing someone else's kids, I will do it if it affects my kids and/or interferes with our experiences. My DD was playing in a toy train table at a store when another littler boy started playing and physically pulling the train she was holding away from her. My DD got another train and he kept doing it. The kids mom was right there and did nothing (the 3 times he did it!) Finally I told him not to do that and to give one back to my DD. The mom got all upset and said "he's only little and doesn't know better" to which I responded "He never will if you keep letting him do it!".

The other thing that gets me is that the parents who allow their kids to "play" with things like computers in stores etc are also the ones who would put up the hugest stink if the thing broke and they were asked to pay for it!!!

You need a license to drive a car and own a dog but anyone can have a child. Go figure!

[MNNHFLTX]

Moderator Warning--

Okay, everyone take a step back here. Certainly the topic is a sensitive one on many levels, but I'm sure we can all lend our insight in a respectful manner. Posts that are inflammatory will be removed.

[Disney Doll]

It is sometimes unbelievable how much some parents will let their kids get away with. Way too often I see parents who are completely oblivious to their children's behavior. It's hard for me to tell my kid- no you cannot climb on the railing, or no you cannot put you feet on the chair in front of you when they see other kids doing it. I usually just say to my child- just because that little boy is not being polite doesn't meet that you should act the same. The other parents hear me and I have said what I need to say without encroaching upon anyone's parenting territory. I've never had another person reprimand my child (probably because I keep on top of things myself), but I'd like to believe that I'd be okay with it as long as it wasn't overly harsh. I think the OP did the right thing.

[Disneyatic]

This always seems to be a very sticky subject. I have to admit that I would probably bristle a bit if someone chastised my child, and I think it would probably come more from embarassement that my child was misbehaving enough to cause interest.
We have been faced with situations where another child probably needed to be called up on something but I usually try to just give an obvious suggestion rather than an admonishment.
I like the idea of one poster to say "hey buddy, just a minute and it will be your turn" instead of giving a stern warning. That is just my personality though.

[merlinmagic4]

After a few minutes of watching them play on the computer like it was a Playstation, I asked them, bruskly, if they were using the PC or just playing. One of the children just back away behind their mom and the second child said, "I think my brother is done." I then said, "thank you because I want to use this." The mother glared at me that if her eyes were daggers I would be dead.

I have a feeling this was a way to keep her kids occupied because she didn't want to have to parent.

Each time I saw this woman during my time at Downtown Disney, she glared at me until I almost said something but my wife, always the level-headed one, told me to leave it alone.

I guess in my opinion, using a "brusque" tone kind of sets the mood for the rest of the interaction. I would have very nicely asked the mom if I could use the computer. I'm willing to be she would have smiled and said, "sure!". Just because she is talking to another adult doesn't mean she doesn't want to parent.

I guess I'm more tolerant than most (never realized it until I read these boards regularly) but I don't see children as mini adults and I do forgive them their mistakes.

[magicman]

I'm probably weak, but I won't address other people's children directly unless they are placing themselves or my children in danger.

Also, I have two rules in life:
1) Never start a land war in SouthEast Asia;)
2) Never let ANYTHING bother my Disney trips.:mickey:

[DisneyGiant]

I just can't go along with judging anyone else's parenting or family situation. No one knows my kids like I do and no one else gets to raise them or reprimand them. I don't mean to be touchy or sensitive about this, but as mom to a child with autism, I have had one too many people see a quirky behavior in my child and decide they know what is best, even though they are clueless about his diagnosis. You just never, ever know what is going on with someone else, what type of day they have had etc.

This is so true. My mom has to scooter her way around WDW - and she was always amazed at how people ignored her, ran right in front of her, etc. She had a fear of accidentally running someone over.

So we're in Epcot, and a kid is seemingly ignoring her - so Mom beeps the horn several times and calls out - watch out! The "kid" (child, boy around 11-12) is still oblivious. Mom meant it as a humorous joke. So I see the boy's Mom seeing this - so I say to her - no offense meant, my Mom has been dodging people this whole trip, and she thought she was being funny with your son. The Mom replies - "he has autism." I was mortified - no wonder he didn't respond. I apologized profusely, and we went on our way.

I try never to judge - especially with kids - WDW is for kids, afterall. I get excited when I am there - I try to give slack for all who are there too.

[DisneyGiant]

I'm probably weak, but I won't address other people's children directly unless they are placing themselves or my children in danger.

Also, I have two rules in life:
1) Never start a land war in SouthEast Asia;)
2) Never let ANYTHING bother my Disney trips.:mickey:

I LOVE these rules! May I borrow them? ;)

[pugslave]

Okay, I'm going to add a little to the mix! My child is autistic, and while I IN NO WAY use that as an excuse, my child is occasionally completely oblivious to anyone but herself, and will unintentionally bump into someone if she sees something that interests her. In that respect, I am a "hovering" parent with my child, as I have to negotiate social situations for her, and use them as learning tools. While I admit, there are times when children are outright rude/pushy, I advocate for my child in a nice way with other children who are not polite.

[Von-Drake]

MagicMan.. love those two rules.

:laughing:

[cal5755]

All I can say is that on our trip 9/14 - 9/21 I saw at least 5 kids get their butts smacked in Disney .

Personally I will say to offending child "if I see it again you and I go back to the hotel" seems to work as efficiently... and when you travel in big groups there are plenty more adults to stay with the other kids. I have never had to take my children back either.

I dont judge those who chose to smack the butts. I love my parents... My mom and I are extremely close, we live together, work together... take disney vacations together... and when I was a child I knew if i crossed the line I would get my butt warmed by daddys hand. I had the utmost respect for my parents and still do.

On the other hand.. I know all to well about lazy parenting. My cousin and her husband have 4 children. They were with us on the last 2 trips and we quickly decided we should go our seperate way from them. Their idea of parenting is to let their children 8,10,11 &12 run free on the hotel property while they drink at the bar. Me on ther other hand.. my 12 year old son is not allowed to go to the food court by himself. My cousin called me overprotective and overbearing... I said... at least I know he is safe and not at the hands of a child predator. We met up with them the first saturday we were there for dinner at 9 dragons and a group picture... It was the longest 2 hours we had at disney. They let their kids beat on each other and think it is funny.... they hit my 8 year old and I firmly said.. in my family we do not hit each other. My cousin just looked at me laughed and said all kids hit on each other. I just replied that mine do not because there are consequences to bad behavior. That night when we got back to Music... her 9 year old son was by the buses... by himself and it was almost 11 pm!! his Mom and dad were at the pool bar and the other 3 kids were swimming. I so wanted to grab him by his hand and hide him in my room and teach my cousin a lesson. But i just brought him to her and said she needed to keep an eye on him. It just bugs me to no end that there are parents like that out there.

Fortunately next year they decided they can't afford to come with us.... oops did i just say fortunately??

[FriendsofMickey]

It is always hard to judge a persons reasons for what they do.

As far as hovering, Dh and I would probably be voted into the "hovering" category. We hover not because we are afraid the other little ones will invade our girls territory, but because we want to know where the girls are. We also make them hold our hands constantly (or almost constantly). We are most likely over protective, but I never want to see either of my girls face on the side of a milk carton.
Having had a 24 year old cousin brutally murdered, I am just not that trusting of anyone.

[RBrooksC]

I have a great amount of patience with children. Just ask any of my friends. I love them. The first child, while I may have said it sternly, I said it no differently than I would have said it to my own child if he was old enough. Stern, but polite so the child understands the situation. I tried not to spoil he day by making him more of anything like that. Also, he apologized and was about to move to let my son go first which, to me, makes all the diffence in the world because his parents instilled a sense of respect that I think is lacking with most kids.

The second situation the mom was clearly using the computer as a babysitter. I also didn't say anything to those kids in a way that was abusive or mean. I didn't really even discipline those kids. I asked if they were playing or using the PC. As I stated before, they jumped off the PC which gave more of an answer than if I got a straight one. My mom or my dad would never have let my brother or me do that to a public piece of equipment.

Now, to mention a story of a good parent... my family was getting of Triceritop Spin and I had a blind side to my left due to holding my child. A child about 8 or 9 went running off the ride and tried to run around my left next to the wall. I could not see him and stepped on him. He said, whoops and sorry, then backed away. My wife heard he dad say something along the lines, what do you think you were doing? Couldn't you see that man in front of you? Did you say excuse me or sorry? If I had known the dad had said that I would have gone and shook his hand. That is what a parent should do. Yes, the child said sorry but the dad took charge of the situation afterward which I thought was fantastic.

To the mom with the autistic child, you have a very special child there. I know two autistic children and they are a couple of the most wonderful children I know. Give him all the love you can. I hope he had a wonderful time at Disney.

[cal5755]

Having had a 24 year old cousin brutally murdered, I am just not that trusting of anyone.

First i am sorry for your loss.. I can relate... our cousin was 18 when he was murdered in 2000. That is why it frustrates me even more that my other cousin is so lax in her parenting! I agree with you on the hovering... I would rather be considered overbearing and hovering.

[Laura670]

It is always hard to judge a persons reasons for what they do.

As far as hovering, Dh and I would probably be voted into the "hovering" category. We hover not because we are afraid the other little ones will invade our girls territory, but because we want to know where the girls are. We also make them hold our hands constantly (or almost constantly). We are most likely over protective, but I never want to see either of my girls face on the side of a milk carton.
Having had a 24 year old cousin brutally murdered, I am just not that trusting of anyone.

Well said I agree with you my husband and I "hover " over our DD7 for the same reasons we like to know where she is at all times. It only takes a minute for something to happen.

[Jenemmy]

So I see the boy's Mom seeing this - so I say to her - no offense meant, my Mom has been dodging people this whole trip, and she thought she was being funny with your son. The Mom replies - "he has autism." I was mortified - no wonder he didn't respond. I apologized profusely, and we went on our way.
.

Ahhh, but see -- you didn't need to be mortified. You didn't do a thing wrong, in my opinion. I take my son with me just about everywhere I go -- I see the world as a learning tool for him. He needs to figure out how to be in the real world and the real world needs to figure out kiddos like him. To me, this was a wonderful learning tool for all involved.

I have had a lot of people try to talk to my son, who is largely non-verbal -- then demand to know why he was rude and wouldn't respond! It's a great chance for me to explain a little about autism and how he understands them and appreciates them paying attention to him, he just can't reciprocate. It's a great opportunity for me to, in turn, say to my son -- "hey, buddy -- that lady was saying hello to you....try looking at her/waving etc...".

All I was trying to say with my first post in this thread is that because there have been a few instances where I have been judged due to a spontaneous meltdown by my son (who I quickly remove from the situation when that happens) so, I have learned to slow down and not be too quick to form an opinion on another family. Believe me -- before my special guy came along, I probably would have been the FIRST to think about how a parent should be handling an unruly child -- LOL

[thrillme]

I don't know about some parents. If my child was doing something he wasn't supposed to do and I didn't see him and someone said something to him like "young man...you need to wait your turn or you're not supposed to be up there..." I'll be rather "embarrassed" that I didn't catch it myself but if it was truly something he wasn't supposed to be doing I'd be likely to talk to him about not doing whatever and apologize. Now of course if the person is "rude" about it or blows the incident out of proportion then I'll probably get mad.

[mttafire]

Here are my rules with concern to my kids or(family)
1. Dont mess with them, Period
2. Dont mess with my money.
Other than those two things im pretty easy going...:thumbsup:

[Jenemmy]

To the mom with the autistic child, you have a very special child there. I know two autistic children and they are a couple of the most wonderful children I know.

Thanks -- he's my angel :mickey:

You know -- I think this whole issue boils down to personality....there are those who naturally assume a leadership type role in life and handle things before there is a problem, those that would not speak up when an issue happens, but make a mental notes about handling their own children and those who don't even notice cause they are in DISNEY -- LOL.( I would probably fall into the oblivious category -- NOTHIN' shakes me up when in Disney world!!!)
It takes all of those types and more to strike a perfect balance in this world. I personally feel all who posted here are most likely great parents to their kiddos and bottom line only want what's best. Every one of us could approach the exact same situation and come away having handled it in a different and unique way to everyone else. - OK -- GROUP HUG:grouphug:

[johnO]

I'll be the first to admit that there have been times that I've been completely irritated by the behavior of others at WDW. Most of the time though, it's the adults that get me going.

I would definetly steer clear of "Chastizing" other peoples kids. Being an adult I find that responding politly to the kid is the better "example" but still gets the point accross. If we all go around being "Brusk" with people I think it just inflames the situation rather than addressing / solving the original "problem".

At this moment I'm trying to recall an incident where anothers child made me "angry" on our recent trip and I honestly can't. Thats not to say one won't come to mind 5 minutes from now but I can recall plenty of times when "Adults" had me absolutly steamed. But the fact that we were in WDW on vacation has amazing power over my will to "open my mouth."

One specific incident: A family of three, a dad, a mom and a toddler, werer getting on the bus from CSR and the bus driver told the dad that he had to take the child out of the stroller for the ride. The guy exclaims that it was ridiculous and goes on to say "try gettin' on the bus with a f---ing wheel chair and it's fine" Immediately I started switching into police officer mode and was about to dress him down. The arrogance of this clown. My gosh that type of language on a WDW bus!! Then I stopped myself and thought: there isn't one person on this bus who doesn't know that this guy is an absolute creep. Even his wife was mortified but I noticed that she seemed as though she was used to this type of behavior. So I shut myself down.

[cal5755]

Thanks -- he's my angel :mickey:

You know -- I think this whole issue boils down to personality....there are those who naturally assume a leadership type role in life and handle things before there is a problem, those that would not speak up when an issue happens, but make a mental notes about handling their own children and those who don't even notice cause they are in DISNEY -- LOL.( I would probably fall into the oblivious category -- NOTHIN' shakes me up when in Disney world!!!)
It takes all of those types and more to strike a perfect balance in this world. I personally feel all who posted here are most likely great parents to their kiddos and bottom line only want what's best. Every one of us could approach the exact same situation and come away having handled it in a different and unique way to everyone else. - OK -- GROUP HUG:grouphug:

I have to say I WAS oblivious to everything before I joined intercot lol. I kept thinking of the things I learned here so we could do things we never knew about :rocks:... however I also had it in my head about strollers bumping people and kids being grabbed etc from posts I read. This time I noticed them lol. Not to the point I would let it bother my vacation though!

I completely agree with everything else... and here is a group hug right back at ya! :grouphug:

[RBrooksC]

Ooo, my biggest gripe about adults in Disney and I am sure many of you with strollers have seen this... you are pushing a stroller and a person or couple is walking in the same direction and they start to fast walk to get around you due to a bottleneck approaching, say, a smaller walkway around the castle from Fantasyland. However, they can't walk fast enough to not be obvious so the stroller beats them there. The glare they give especially if the have to stop short lest they bump the stroller is priceless. Or, they really speed up so you can't help but either stop short to avoid them or there is a bump and they glare at you because you hit them. I saw many times where that happened to us just because they didn't want to be behind a family with a stroller.

[J.C.&ALI'SMOM]

Working in school where you are responsible for children and controlling their behavior makes some of us more prone to kind and gentle suggestions of what appropriate behavior should be :D

(BTW, it is brusque)

[RBrooksC]

(BTW, it is brusque)

Yes, I know. I feel like a putz knowing I was spelling like a fool.

[teambricker04]

Well. I have two small kids and one huge stroller. When I go to disney, I don't think anyone could miss us coming. :) I try not to get feet or anything else, but...

I have established the "123" count with my oldest (2.5 yo) as to help keep him in line without hollering (although I am probably screaming in my head). It works so well and I never have to get past 2 before he changes his behavior, but... I actually had a woman in the airport last week CRITIZING the fact that I was counting as a disiplinary method! Can a parent ever win???

I have also been known to tell other peoples kids to knock it off. Never harshly and I would never yell. If they are being super naughty, I ask where their parents are and that usually sets them strait. If their parents are present, I may say something to them, but I always say it with respect.

[Sean Riley Taylor's Mom]

I would be one of those hovering, jump on your kids about right/wrong, go and apologize to that person you just bumped in to parents. ;)

We saw plenty of parents that did not appear to be supervising or correcting their children while we were there last week.

I would have said something nicely to the child in the first circumstance the OP stated. Something to the effect of "I am sorry, Taylor was next and she has been waiting". That would be in the end of it for me personally. If the kid apologized or even just got out of the way that would be enough for me. Not all kids are being raised like mine and most on here. As much as that frustrates me.

I don't know how I would have handled the second situation. I guess I would have just waited until they walked away or came back another time. But, I would not be mad if someone asked my kids if they were done. Unless it was asked with attitude of couse. I am not saying the OP had one. ;)

For the poster who spoke about judging other parents, I admit I can be one of those parents too. :blush: However, we had a moment at MNSSHP on the 21st (at the dance party in Cosmic Ray's) that made me rethink that. It was packed with people and my kids got on the conga line that Donald had started. There were tons of kids doing it. I was in back of my two boys holding DD's hand. We were walking down one of the ramps in the restaurant towards the stage when my DS 7, fell down and landed really hard on his wrist. He is by no means a wimpy kid but, he started to cry, really hard. Poor kid. :( So, long story short..sorry...I was wallking him outside (Still crying but also holding his wrist) when another family came in. The woman looks at DH (maybe?) and says something to the effect of "I don't understand why parents allow their kids to act like this in Disney World." Quite loudly, so I heard it quite clearly. :mad: She had no way of knowing that my son had just gotten hurt pretty badly but just made the assumption that he was having a meltdown and we were allowing it. I just let it go but, I was dying to say something to her.

That had me rethinking my quick -to -judge personality pretty quickly. I am not directing this at anyone specific, I am just mentioning that I understand what Jenemmy meant in her post.

This vacation was an eye opener for us. Especially since I always seem to let strollers and their erratic drivers get to me. I bumped in to a guy in front of me pretty badly when we were walking in MK. I was looking at my DS who was telling me about something he saw and I ran right in to the poor guy. I admit it, as cautious as I am with my stroller, I was really clueless at that moment and oblivious to what was around us. :blush: I apologized about 100 times and he was fine with it. I am not saying there were not people aware of how aggressive they are bring with strollers, ECV's, and wheelchairs. I am just saying that we don't always know the circumstances that led up to the things we see.

If that poor guy is reading this, I hope your ankle is okay!! ;)

[Bluesky481]

I just can't go along with judging anyone else's parenting or family situation. No one knows my kids like I do and no one else gets to raise them or reprimand them. I don't mean to be touchy or sensitive about this, but as mom to a child with autism, I have had one too many people see a quirky behavior in my child and decide they know what is best, even though they are clueless about his diagnosis. You just never, ever know what is going on with someone else, what type of day they have had etc. (Jenemmy)

Jenemmy, I'm glad you brought up this point. I teach special education for students with moderate and severe disabilities, and can truly empathize with the parents I work with. So many of my students look like typical children their age, but if you watch them long enough, it's clear their communication and social skills are not on par with their same-age peers. Not being a parent myself, I try so hard to give other parents the benefit of the doubt when out in public. Parents like yourself work tirelessly to provide an enriching life for your children, and I can only imagine how difficult it would be to educate the general public as to your child's disability and needs...especially if they don't even realize he has autism!
This is definitely something for each of us to consider.
Thanks again for sharing, jenemmy! ;)

[tinkerbelle75]

chas·tise :
–verb (used with object), -tised, -tis·ing. 1. to discipline, esp. by corporal punishment.
2. to criticize severely.
3. Archaic. to restrain; chasten.
4. Archaic. to refine; purify. —Synonyms 1. punish, castigate; whip, beat, flog, spank

Ok, first of all, I think what's so inflammatory about your post to me is the improper use of this word.
Second, NOBODY knows what's best for another person's child by observing one example of a child or their parent's behavior.Inept??? How do you know that????
Here's my question: Had you not wanted to use the computer, would you have said anything???
Just a thought.I am one of those "overprotective" parents who likes at least one eye on my kids at all times, and teaches them to be courteous and take turns, and not mess with stuff they're not supposed to mess with,but had it been my kids, I would have said something back to you and probably told you to mind your business. However, the woman should have let it go and not glared at you. She should have just spoken her mind to you, because obviously it is ok in your book to reprimand a stranger.Just my :twocents:

[LibertyTreeGal]

------------------------------------------------------
Come on attacking her parenting? She did take the kids to Disney on her own time..I'm pretty sure anyone would glare if a stranger repremanded thier kids at Disney. Maybe instead of talking to the kids, asking the parent politely would have worked..have her talk to her own kids.

Its just the different way of seeing things i guess. . . . . .

I am a bit confused as I saw no attack going on -- and in situations like this in the past I have found that no matter how you approach the situation, there are two different types of parents -- the first will apologise and take care of the situation, and the second will attack whoever dares to try to stifle their child in any way.

Personally, if my child ran on to the monorail, or was playing with the computers and an adult said what was said in the above situations, I would have apologised profusely and reiterated what the adults had told them. It used to be in this country that people parented as a team. pretty much all parents were a united front. It was sure that way when I was growing up in the 70's. If I did something wrong at Karen's house, Karen's mom had permission to scold me and my mom would back her up for doing so. The day we decided to treat our kids like miniature gods and goddesses was a truly sad day.

Oh, and I also have a VERY rambunctious special needs youngster....

And can I ask something of the parents who are admittedly "hands off my kid no matter what?"

How do you expect me to handle it if your child is hurting my child (or other children) and I have no idea who or where the parent is? Is it permissible for me to lay hands on your child and physically restrain him or her (without hurting them of course), can I even say anything to them? Is your child more important than mine? This is a big problem I see nowadays. Sometimes protecting our own child regarless of circumstances is just breeding trouble. Often, it means allowing other people to be harmed.... I'm not trying to be difficult here, I am really just asking because I'm seeing buttons pushed over some issues where I don't really see that anyone was stepping over the line.

I mean c'mom -- asking a little girl to please wait for everyone to get off the monorail? Does this now constitute abuse? Asking kids if they are using the computer? Does this constitute abusive or out of line behavior? Having truly been abused as a child myself, this just seems unreal to me that someone would feel the need to "protect" their child from this. This is life.

[LibertyTreeGal]

chas·tise :
–verb (used with object), -tised, -tis·ing. 1. to discipline, esp. by corporal punishment.
2. to criticize severely.
3. Archaic. to restrain; chasten.
4. Archaic. to refine; purify. —Synonyms 1. punish, castigate; whip, beat, flog, spank

Ok, first of all, I think what's so inflammatory about your post to me is the improper use of this word.

. She should have just spoken her mind to you, because obviously it is ok in your book to reprimand a stranger.Just my :twocents:

Wow, I hate to think we are all becoming spelling and grammar police around here, but I've seen this now twice in this thread. Inflammatory to use a word improperly? wow.

And I must say that it's obviously okay in YOUR book to reprimand a stranger too, unless of course you know the OP?

[irish1967]

I make it a rule not to reprimand other people's children (except for close friends and family, that is :secret:) except when the child is doing something that he/she might hurt him/herself or someone else.

I am a substitute teacher and as such am around different children a couple of times a week (and in the high school different children approximately every hour of the school day.) I can honestly tell you that in my experience, most children do not behave badly on purpose (note, I did say "MOST") By nature, children are extremely self-centered and as such they are simply oblivious at times.

Certainly each situation must be considered and acted on appropriately. But, should we as adults necessarily assume that a reprimand is necessary when often a gentle reminder might do the trick?

[tinkerbelle75]

I wasn't reprimanding anyone.I also wasn't being the "grammar police", just saying that the word "chastise" is a really inappropriate word to use when talking about what you did to someone else's child, based on the actual definition of the word..I also said it was inflammatory FOR ME.




Wow, I hate to think we are all becoming spelling and grammar police around here, but I've seen this now twice in this thread. Inflammatory to use a word improperly? wow.

And I must say that it's obviously okay in YOUR book to reprimand a stranger too, unless of course you know the OP?

[SBETigg]

I normally don't say anything to other people's children, especially if a parent is right there. If I have an issue that needs addressing, I would take it up with the parent. But when a child's safety is involved, as in the monorail situation, and no parent is immediately in sight, I'm going to act on behalf of the child's safety and that sometimes involves saying something to the child.

The issue at hand is unruly children and the parents who let them run amock. I think we've all seen examples of this at Disney World, no matter how we personally react to it.

[merlinmagic4]

I am a bit confused as I saw no attack going on -- and in situations like this in the past I have found that no matter how you approach the situation, there are two different types of parents -- the first will apologise and take care of the situation, and the second will attack whoever dares to try to stifle their child in any way.



So, shouldn't we approach the situation in a kind and courteous manner to begin with? My only issue with the original post was that he said he spoke to her brusquely. I would be offended if a person spoke to me in a rude manner (which is the image I get when I hear the word "brusque") but I would apologize profusely if the person kindly asked me to move my kids. Do you see what I am saying? We can set the tone of a situation by the way we approach people. I just think we can be nice about it. I guess that's too simple a thought these days!

[LibertyTreeGal]

So, shouldn't we approach the situation in a kind and courteous manner to begin with? My only issue with the original post was that he said he spoke to her brusquely. I would be offended if a person spoke to me in a rude manner (which is the image I get when I hear the word "brusque") but I would apologize profusely if the person kindly asked me to move my kids. Do you see what I am saying? We can set the tone of a situation by the way we approach people. I just think we can be nice about it. I guess that's too simple a thought these days!

I agree that we can indeed set the tone by how we approach something, and we often do, however, at the same time, I don't see where being impatient with children playing with a computer that is meant for adults (as these are) is that far out of line. We all get impatient, and the OP didn't have to admit that they were being brusque, but they did(which I read more as a frustrated response than an harch, scolding, unkind one).

I have had a woman rudely, and I mean rudely, shaking a finger in my face and using obscenities upbraid me and my three year old because he accidentally hit her while running past at Chuck E Cheese's. Her manner did not dictate my response, nor would it have justified my rudeness, and even in that situation I didn't respond to her unkindly (I just fantasized about it later ;) ).

My problem with this thread is that it has gotten so far off topic. The OP was talking about their frustration with kids that are not being watched and are being allowed to do things they aren't supposed to be doing and then having their parents angrily defend them for doing it. It has migrated into an exercise in defensiveness by a few that I don't understand and which I believe is unwarranted.

And as the parent of two very, very boy boys I have a lot of experience in pulling them off of things that weren't meant for kids. Of having to repeatedly stop them from kicking the back of people's airplane seats (this drives me nuts!), and too many other things to list. Like, "No boys, the doctor's office is NOT a jungle gym!"

So what I don't understand is the response from people who DO watch their kids like hawks, as though this was directed at them. We all know that there are parents who stand by and do nothing while their kids climb up the display racks at Walmart and then shout angrily and sue when said kids hurt themselves. We also all know parents of bullies who perceive the world as against their kids and angrily defend their every action (and Tigger knows them too!)

I think maybe it would be a good idea to just look at the OP at face value and leave it at that.

And that is my last post in this thread because I can see this is becoming a no win situation.

[RBrooksC]

Second, NOBODY knows what's best for another person's child by observing one example of a child or their parent's behavior.Inept??? How do you know that????
Here's my question: Had you not wanted to use the computer, would you have said anything???
Just a thought.I am one of those "overprotective" parents who likes at least one eye on my kids at all times, and teaches them to be courteous and take turns, and not mess with stuff they're not supposed to mess with,but had it been my kids, I would have said something back to you and probably told you to mind your business. However, the woman should have let it go and not glared at you. She should have just spoken her mind to you, because obviously it is ok in your book to reprimand a stranger.Just my :twocents:

Boy, first off, I didn't repremand the children. I asked a question of the children. I guess my description of brusquely was a bad choice of words. Again, for that and that alone, I will apologize.

I did ask the question in a stern tone because I felt the children using the PC as a Nintendo was using the piece of equipment as a toy when it supposed to be used to look up stuff pertaining to that store. I never raised my voice nor did I tell the children they were wrong. When they dove away from the PC because they knew what they were doing was not correct, I said thank you because I need to use it to look up something.

I WAITED for several minutes while I watched the children spin the trackball as fast as the could or type gibberish into the keyboard while giggling. It was cute in the beginning but when one is waiting and the children using it are using it as a babysitter, I begin to draw the line.

The mother clearly knew what they were doing but she was more interested in keeping them occupied while she chatted with somebody. She, in my opinion, glared at me because her kids were no longer occupied by the PC and she had to take care of them again. These children were no autistic or had any learning disabilities. And before you ask, how I can be sure, and I know I can't be 100% certain, they certainly didn't act any different than 90% of all children I see each and every day.

I don't think, when my intentions are to use the equipment as it is intended, asking the children if they are using the PC to look up something or are they playing is out of line. To be honest, if the mother had said something to me, I would have iterated the same thing I wrote here. The children were basically abusing the equipment while I stood patiently for several minutes waiting to use the equipement as it was intended.

[Mickey'sGirl]

I can honestly tell you that in my experience, most children do not behave badly on purpose (note, I did say "MOST") By nature, children are extremely self-centered and as such they are simply oblivious at times.

Certainly each situation must be considered and acted on appropriately. But, should we as adults necessarily assume that a reprimand is necessary when often a gentle reminder might do the trick?Nicely said.

My problem with this thread is that it has gotten so far off topic. The OP was talking about their frustration with kids that are not being watched and are being allowed to do things they aren't supposed to be doing and then having their parents angrily defend them for doing it. It has migrated into an exercise in defensiveness by a few that I don't understand and which I believe is unwarranted..Yes, I agree.
And as the parent of two very, very boy boys I have a lot of experience in pulling them off of things that weren't meant for kids. Of having to repeatedly stop them from kicking the back of people's airplane seats (this drives me nuts!), and too many other things to list. Like, "No boys, the doctor's office is NOT a jungle gym!"Hey....that's my line! I also come from the school of "That puddle is meant for jumping in."

[FriendsofMickey]

My problem with this thread is that it has gotten so far off topic. The OP was talking about their frustration with kids that are not being watched and are being allowed to do things they aren't supposed to be doing and then having their parents angrily defend them for doing it. It has migrated into an exercise in defensiveness by a few that I don't understand and which I believe is unwarranted.



I agree this has gone way off track to what the OP was talking about. I am one of the guilty parties and wanted to clarify.
I actually do not see anything wrong with what the OP did (as long as he wasn't berating the children). I can even understand the brusque comment; for, as we all know, we can all get a little impatient when we want to use something that is being occupied by anyone who is just messing around with it.
As far as the first experience, kids will be kids. By the childs' response, it would seem he was just being a typical child with tunnel vision. I do not think it was necessarily inept parents.
As for the second, I think all parents will agree that we have had our moments. Our children have done something at some point that we normally would not let them do. However, because we were preoccupied, we missed it (imagine that, must be where the children get that tunnel vision ;) ). Her parenting skills may or may not be inept. By her reaction to your comment, I would be more inclined to think you were on the right track....



So what I don't understand is the response from people who DO watch their kids like hawks, as though this was directed at them. We all know that there are parents who stand by and do nothing while their kids climb up the display racks at Walmart and then shout angrily and sue when said kids hurt themselves. We also all know parents of bullies who perceive the world as against their kids and angrily defend their every action (and Tigger knows them too!)


I can only speak for myself; however, the reason for my original comment was over this statement:

What gets me are the parents who hover about after their children in case anyone enters into "Johnny's" personal space.
By my first response, I wanted to clarify that I as a parent hover because I am protective of my children. This is in no way a judgement on Mickey'sGirl's statement. I just wanted to clarify that not everyone hover to protect the personal space (though I know some who do).


First i am sorry for your loss.. I can relate... our cousin was 18 when he was murdered in 2000. That is why it frustrates me even more that my other cousin is so lax in her parenting! I agree with you on the hovering... I would rather be considered overbearing and hovering.

Thank you. It was a long time ago and I was young (early teens), but it affects you for life.
I too am sorry for your loss.

[Mickey'sGirl]

By my first response, I wanted to clarify that I as a parent hover because I am protective of my children. This is in no way a judgement on Mickey'sGirl's statement. I just wanted to clarify that not everyone hover to protect the personal space (though I know some who do).No issue, friend! :thumbsup: I actually sometimes hover cause my guys are full of beans, and don't understand all rules of society (they are both autistic) -- I need to be there for their redirects sometimes!

[jwallace378]

Oh do I have a story. My nephew and I were on Tomorrowland Speedway when we looked up ahead to the bridge that crosses over the track. To our amazement, a small boy was urinating from the bridge onto the track!!:sick: The best part was, his mother was watching him do it!!! I'm amazed at what some parents let their children do.

[MsMin]

We could "yes, but" this to death. The only thing we can be certain is there are no absolutes. Parenting is an art and behaviors fall into a range and some parents discipline too much while others discipline too little. And even these differences can vary. One parent may over discipline with manners then under discipline when it comes to indulging in extras. The only thing that is certain is that none of us are perfect. I agree that the parent should be allowed to make the first step in discipline, it is their child, there is a balance of when you can say something and when to be quiet. And as mentioned, anger is a typical response from a parent because anger is typically a secondary emotion to feelings like embarrassment. The term we use is an "escalator" for words that can incite someone. Most of those phrases start with "You". I typically step in when a child is in danger of being abused like if the parent is hitting the child in an angry and uncontrolled fashion, (not a little slap on the wrist or swat to a bottom) or if the child is in immediate danger and the parent is not paying attention (as w/ the monorail). This applies to older children, if younger and as mentioned by the OP, yes when with a 19mo old you do have to watch for their safety and and unfortunately older children may see a toddler as a "baby" ;) and assume they don't get a turn so it's necessary to step in.
I don't believe any of us can judge another because you CAN'T tell if a child has a learning disorder. I can't by just a glance. Yes, I can see obvious behaviors or traits but some are very subtle and need to be "tested" to know for certain. Don't assume you can always tell. But on the other hand even if a child does have a slight learning disorder that may mean they need a little extra discipline and not an excuse to give the child a free reign.
Yes, impulse control can be a problem for many children but you can't always assume the parent is to blame. Negative feedback is important for inappropriate behavior and sometimes that negative reinforcement comes in the form of comments or negative reactions from strangers, even if that is just someone making a face.
Unfortunately, I've seen many parents under discipline @ WDW and I just roll my eyes, I am on vacation. Unless someone is getting hurt.
Also, I have spent a lot of time with parents who do not know how to raise a child. They are not property. I've seen a couple who kept their 14yr old home b/c the child was deaf. This child was raised in the country and they didn't want anyone to know the child had a "handicap" and deprived this child of learning ASL or and education. Often in cases like this I get threatened by the parent who claims that the child is theirs and they can do as they see fit. So I'm a little sensitive about parents claiming it's their right. There are many parents that do underestimate what is best for their child. Not to mention the abuse I see, things many people never dream a parent could do to a child. A simple rule of thumb is how will this behavior effect the child in the long term and is my behavior appropriate for my child at this age? Protecting a child @ 19 months is very necessary but the same behavior at 6 or 7 can deprive the child of learning to fight their own battles, again, it's a balance.
On the hierarchy of needs, the first thing a child needs is shelter, food, and water followed by safety then belonging.
A great thing a parent can teach a child is delay of gratification. Disney provides many excellent opportunities for that with taking turns, waiting in line, saving for a trip, a souvenir for good behavior or doing chores. Take advantage of it.
In closing, if I continued to worry about a parent or child after an incident I would drive myself crazy. I can only hope that the reaction I had however brief may make a lasting change and look at it as a positive thing. I know I can't help every child but I hope to make a difference in one or two along the way. My dad used to tell me that when you stop learning you die, let's take the positive, learn from it and move on.
Disclaimer: I am not directing this personally toward anyone. I don't see anyone as "wrong" here just different reactions to different situations. - life is short!

[mttafire]

I would like to add that not all "bad unruly" kids have some "learning disorder or A.D.H.D." or whatever. Some kids ARE just plain BAD and some parents are morons. I think sometimes when folks children have "issues" they are too quick to label them a "medical or psycological problem" In reality alot of these kids have NEVER been disciplined. Our Pediatrician was telling us that probably 60% of children that are medicated (behavior issues) DONT need it. I do try to mind my own business when it comes to other parents children and behaving badly...However, At some point one must put a stop to bad behavior. I would be willing to bet that the vast majority of kids that are rude, "bad" or any term one wisher to use..Have been failed in some way by their parents....Just my opinion.

[mttafire]

Oh do I have a story. My nephew and I were on Tomorrowland Speedway when we looked up ahead to the bridge that crosses over the track. To our amazement, a small boy was urinating from the bridge onto the track!!:sick: The best part was, his mother was watching him do it!!! I'm amazed at what some parents let their children do.
This parent would fall under my definition of a moron..

[MsMin]

I would like to add that not all "bad unruly" kids have some "learning disorder or A.D.H.D." or whatever. Some kids ARE just plain BAD and some parents are morons. I think sometimes when folks children have "issues" they are too quick to label them a "medical or psycological problem" In reality alot of these kids have NEVER been disciplined. Our Pediatrician was telling us that probably 60% of children that are medicated (behavior issues) DON'T need it. I do try to mind my own business when it comes to other parents children and behaving badly...However, At some point one must put a stop to bad behavior. I would be willing to bet that the vast majority of kids that are rude, "bad" or any term one wisher to use..Have been failed in some way by their parents....Just my opinion.
It all depends on how you define it. How is "bad" or "moron" any less of a label? Remember that a label is not an EXCUSE! It's merely a way to cluster certain behaviors so they can be addressed accordingly-- not something to let a child or adult off the hook. If a child is ADD/ ADHD that means they need more structure and not less. Remember the definition we use that if the behavior is maladaptive it's a problem and yes we label it so others can understand the behaviors that are associated with the "problem". It's very similar to a medical model. You don't expect your surgeon to do an exploratory on everyone that has a pain do you? We diagnose and address and it's nature and nurture that shapes the child. Nobody likes labels but that's the problem with the stigmas in mental health. Would you go to the dentist and expect him to "label" the problem or just start pulling teeth until the pain stopped? ( I just wanted to add that I'm speaking of an ingrained pattern of behaviors not a random "step out of line" but something that is an ongoing problem that interferes w/ adapting w/ others at work or play).
It's not that simple but I do agree that many children are over medicated. I think that behavior should be addressed without meds and meds should be a last resort and in addition to parenting and yes, some parents need to be taught how to parent. Did you know that studies show that children who live in very stressful environments display symptoms that look like ADHD? So some of the impulsively we see is anxiety based. Remember too that psychologists don't prescribe the meds.

Yes, the old adage "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" I agree that the parents are responsible and not the label; but, a label means the parent has a little more work to do whether it's their fault (nurture) or not (nature) and I did say there are times stepping in is appropriate and I do it myself.
Don't blame the "label". The label does help professionals address the problem. Arguing over the label takes the focus off of the problem. The "label" is not the problem.
I agree that the incident mentioned by jwallace378 is horrible and should be removed from the park and I would say something but as in this situation it's not always possible if you are on a ride but it's inappropriate and a health hazard.

[Mickey'sGirl]

Remember that a label is not an EXCUSE! It's merely a way to cluster certain behaviors so they can be addressed accordingly-- not something to let a child or adult off the hook. Thank you! Labels help to explain behaviours and can lead to better understanding, or provide a terrific opportunity for discussion, but they should never, ever be an excuse. I expect the same behaviour from my children that I would from any child, regardless of their diagnoses. It takes a little extra work and a lot of extra patience. :D

[mttafire]

It all depends on how you define it. How is "bad" or "moron" any less of a label? Remember that a label is not an EXCUSE! It's merely a way to cluster certain behaviors so they can be addressed accordingly-- not something to let a child or adult off the hook. If a child is ADD/ ADHD that means they need more structure and not less. Remember the definition we use that if the behavior is maladaptive it's a problem and yes we label it so others can understand the behaviors that are associated with the "problem". It's very similar to a medical model. You don't expect your surgeon to do an exploratory on everyone that has a pain do you? We diagnose and address and it's nature and nurture that shapes the child. Nobody likes labels but that's the problem with the stigmas in mental health. Would you go to the dentist and expect him to "label" the problem or just start pulling teeth until the pain stopped? ( I just wanted to add that I'm speaking of an ingrained pattern of behaviors not a random "step out of line" but something that is an ongoing problem that interferes w/ adapting w/ others at work or play).
It's not that simple but I do agree that many children are over medicated. I think that behavior should be addressed without meds and meds should be a last resort and in addition to parenting and yes, some parents need to be taught how to parent. Did you know that studies show that children who live in very stressful environments display symptoms that look like ADHD? So some of the impulsively we see is anxiety based. Remember too that psychologists don't prescribe the meds.

Yes, the old adage "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" I agree that the parents are responsible and not the label; but, a label means the parent has a little more work to do whether it's their fault (nurture) or not (nature) and I did say there are times stepping in is appropriate and I do it myself.
Don't blame the "label". The label does help professionals address the problem. Arguing over the label takes the focus off of the problem. The "label" is not the problem.
I agree that the incident mentioned by jwallace378 is horrible and should be removed from the park and I would say something but as in this situation it's not always possible if you are on a ride but it's inappropriate and a health hazard.

Agreed.. , My point about some parents ARE morons and some kids ARE bad is that there is no underlying medical reason for it. It's just the way they are. But in general i agree with what you've said. We try our best to teach our 2y.o. the difference between right and wrong, Good and bad. Life i've found is pretty black and white. There isnt alot of grey. Kids can certainly be a handful but its up to us "parents"
to do the right thing..:thumbsup:

[DessertDivaFL]

This is a SENSITIVE subject.

It is important for the safety and wellbeing of children to say something gently. If a child is only being annoying, they are being a child, it is not always bad parenting.

TIP: Before throwing stones to others, first make sure your side of the fence is perfect.

[illini]

This is such a difficult topic. NONE of us have perfect children who behave perfectly all the time. NONE of us are perfect parents who see every single thing our child does or reacts perfectly to every situation. The ones who claim their kids are or they are... well, those are usually the ones who are the topic of the complaint in the first place.

Children are CHILDREN, not miniature adults. They do not have the responsibilities of adulthood and I think it's sad that some people have adult expectations of them. Of course, I raise my children with respect to growing them into good adults, but at the end of the day... they're kids.

I don't think that the OP did anything wrong. I suspect that the initial negative reaction many people had (myself included) was to the choice of words such as brusque and chastise. After reading more, I don't think anything out of line was probably said. I would like to point out, however, that I believe HISTK playground has a minimum height requirement (correct? I know it used to) that would not be met by a 19 month old. I think that most 6 or 7 year olds would have brushed it off or perhaps said something akin to, "Hey-- it's MY turn!" and that would be the end of it. I think that the height and/or age requirement is there for that reason. Too much age discrepancy can create problems. But I wouldn't be upset if someone nicely pointed out to my child if s/he jumped ahead in line. While I'd like to believe that my kids wouldn't do that, I know they're not perfect and it's within the realm of possibility. That doesn't, however, make them unruly by any stretch of the imagination.

Most of us in this thread seem to be parents. I think we should all just remember that the VAST majority of us are doing the best we can.

[RBrooksC]

I checked any height or age requirement before I entered the playground with my child. There was nothing posted and the no CM stopped me from entering with my child nor stopped me from letting my child slide.

To be honest, that wasn't the bad scenerio. That child said he was sorry and was about to move and let my child go. He turned out to be a good boy albiet typical boy so while I was annoyed about being pushed mostly he reaction to my speaking to him was of a child whose parents had taught him well.

The second issue annoyed me because the mom was watching them abuse the equipment and she did nothing before I asked if they were using it or just playing. I can assure you if I had a child that age or was with a child that age in my charge, I would NEVER have let them play on the computer like that. That is why I was annoyed at mostly the mom.

[Pipalotta]

Wow this topic is a bit on the crazy side. As a nanny I find it hard not to "parent" other peoples children as it is basically my job. Although I have never experienced this in Disney, I had many experiences with it this summer at the community pool. One mother sat so far away from her children so she could talk on her cell phone with out them bothering her, that I as well as the lifeguards had to speak to them many times about their behavior. They even had to sit out and the mother never once asked them why.

I have problems with people being rude especially adults more so than children. I just believe that if a child is rude, for the most part it is a learned behavior from the parent. When someone runs into me and does not say excuse me let alone sorry I will go out my way to say sorry excuse me loudly as to point out what may have happen. I dont know I just feel like it isnt just one persons fault when someone is rude.

But what really makes me crazy is when you say bless you and the person doesnt say thank you! Haha.

[LoriMistress]

Ah man, thank god I kind of stayed out of it on this thread. I was on another board, and the subject came up on how do you handle if your children asked if the characters are "real." To make a long story short, one person took the conversation personally when she didn't like another person's response--and blew up and told the person that they were a bad parent because of it! Yea, it turned ugly.

Just remember that no one on this board is here to attack anyone on any parenting issue/skills. People are sharing THEIR experience with other Disney Guests. Remember--YOU WEREN'T THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! People react in different ways.

[I believe]

Which do you prefer, a dole whip or a float?


Thought I'd change the subject for a minute.:mickey:

[nicole48040]

Kis are kids....ask them once and if no response move on to their parents, only a warning-rude children are often the products of rude parents, so don't expect to get too far. Best advice, ignore and move on. BTW, glares work much better on kids than parents. :thumbsup:

[DisneyorBust]

Hey I Believe, I'll answer your question.....
Make mine a Dole Whip!:D

[kakn7294]

Which do you prefer, a dole whip or a float?


Thought I'd change the subject for a minute.:mickey:
I kinda like the float...;)

[Sean Riley Taylor's Mom]

Which do you prefer, a dole whip or a float?


Thought I'd change the subject for a minute.:mickey:


I had a Dole Whip for the first time ever at MNSSHP on the 21st. I never knew I was missing such a good treat. Thanks Intercot!! ;)

[Bringonthemouse!]

Why don't we all take a breather from this subject and go to our children and tell them we love them and smooch on them a little (as annoying as many of our children will find that to be!!;)) If they aren't within reach, pick up the phone.
:grouphug:

I feel great now, how 'bout you?? :mickey:

[CYBERDISNUT]

Boy, first off, I didn't repremand the children. I asked a question of the children. I guess my description of brusquely was a bad choice of words. Again, for that and that alone, I will apologize.

I did ask the question in a stern tone because I felt the children using the PC as a Nintendo was using the piece of equipment as a toy when it supposed to be used to look up stuff pertaining to that store. I never raised my voice nor did I tell the children they were wrong. When they dove away from the PC because they knew what they were doing was not correct, I said thank you because I need to use it to look up something.

I WAITED for several minutes while I watched the children spin the trackball as fast as the could or type gibberish into the keyboard while giggling. It was cute in the beginning but when one is waiting and the children using it are using it as a babysitter, I begin to draw the line. The mother clearly knew what they were doing but she was more interested in keeping them occupied while she chatted with somebody. She, in my opinion, glared at me because her kids were no longer occupied by the PC and she had to take care of them again. These children were no autistic or had any learning disabilities. And before you ask, how I can be sure, and I know I can't be 100% certain, they certainly didn't act any different than 90% of all children I see each and every day.

I don't think, when my intentions are to use the equipment as it is intended, asking the children if they are using the PC to look up something or are they playing is out of line. To be honest, if the mother had said something to me, I would have iterated the same thing I wrote here. The children were basically abusing the equipment while I stood patiently for several minutes waiting to use the equipement as it was intended.

The kids were abusing the equipment??? Are you serious? I look at it this way.... If you needed to use the computer to look something up and the kids were using it as a Nintendo, you should have spoke up and asked if they were done sooner then having to wait. Most kids will PLAY with computers at first chance. I mean they are kids and possibly didn't know you were wanting to use it. I don't see anything wrong with saying something them but you should have said it sooner. And complaining about having to WAIT is just funny.
I don't get why some people will let other adults(the mother with daggers for eyes) bother them when passing later at night. Thick skin can protect from the daggers. If you think you were right why let it bother you? You are not going to change her parenting.

For the other situationon the slide..... I probably would have done the same by saying politely " we all have to wait our turns" or something to that effect.

[tinksmom02]

I like the pineapple float...just had my first one last week!

Anyway, when DD5 and I are waiting in a line, and it seems other kids are trying to take over her spot, and parents are nowhere to be found, or otherwise occupied, I always make a point of saying, "OK, Jenna, this little boy is going and then it's our turn," or "there's 2 kids in front of us, and then we get to go," etc., just loud enough for the would-be line cutters to hear. I'm not speaking to anyone's child except my own, I'm not saying anything that could be taken as criticism, I'm simply stating the facts. The other kids always realize that I know what they're up to, and they'll step back to their rightful place in line, without me having to say anything directly to them.

I've used this approach everywhere (arcades, amusement parks, fairs, etc.), and it always seems to work for me. Of course, this won't work for every situation...

[AbeeNormal]

Which do you prefer, a dole whip or a float?


Thought I'd change the subject for a minute.:mickey:

Make mine a Dole Whip..... :D Haven't had one yet:secret: but I can't wait til January 95 days to go..:cloud9:

I responded early and had not idea this would be the outcome. Thanks for the subject break:thumbsup:

[AdventurerKim]

Kis are kids....ask them once and if no response move on to their parents, only a warning-rude children are often the products of rude parents, so don't expect to get too far. Best advice, ignore and move on. BTW, glares work much better on kids than parents. :thumbsup:

I agree with the ignore it and move on approach which I do when in public and encounter rude children, either at Disney or in my regular daily life. Glares absolutely work; all I have to do is give my "teacher eye", and they stop their rude behavior, my students and kids in public (all kids know this look). I will never approach a parent when in public about a child's behavior because I've been burned a few times by their rudeness, and it's easier to ignore it and not let it interfere with fun at Disney or anywhere else. :mickey:

The worst I've ever witnessed at Disney was at an Epcot bus stop about a year or so ago. A child had to use the restroom and told his mother this, and mom said to just go in the bushes. Thankfully, the child didn't do this.

[azdisneymom]

I work with 5 and 6 year olds and I can tell you from my observations... Sometimes kids have all the energy in the world and the parents are exhausted. They let little things slip by that they wouldn't normally just because they are worn out. Sometimes it is the child who is worn out or on sensory overload, ending up in tantrums. In addition kids are just naturally 'me first'. Once in a while it is both parent and child who could use a nap. My advice is you are there to have fun. Don't sweat the small stuff.

[kim1st]

but I don't see children as mini adults and I do forgive them their mistakes.

Really - adults aren't always so great about being polite and waiting their turn, so I'm inclined to cut kids at WDW (and their parents) SOME slack.

On the one hand, I get extremely frustrated when I see other children not held to the same standards as my children - but I just stick to my guns and let them know that they have to follow OUR family's rules.

On the other hand - I try not to judge other parents...they might be more tough on some areas where I tend to be a little more lax and vice versa.

It is not easy to be a parent right now - I am always REALLY self conscious about my own parenting - wondering if I was too harsh about one thing or not tough enough about another - because I feel like all of my kids' transgressions are MY FAULT...

I do my best to teach my children to be respectful and to be safe, and I think most of us parents out there do the same in our own ways...but why are we (parents) always watching and waiting for an opportunity to pounce on the imperfection of others among us????

[Here we go again...]

Ahhh, but see -- you didn't need to be mortified. You didn't do a thing wrong, in my opinion. I take my son with me just about everywhere I go -- I see the world as a learning tool for him. He needs to figure out how to be in the real world and the real world needs to figure out kiddos like him. To me, this was a wonderful learning tool for all involved.

I have had a lot of people try to talk to my son, who is largely non-verbal -- then demand to know why he was rude and wouldn't respond! It's a great chance for me to explain a little about autism and how he understands them and appreciates them paying attention to him, he just can't reciprocate. It's a great opportunity for me to, in turn, say to my son -- "hey, buddy -- that lady was saying hello to you....try looking at her/waving etc...".

All I was trying to say with my first post in this thread is that because there have been a few instances where I have been judged due to a spontaneous meltdown by my son (who I quickly remove from the situation when that happens) so, I have learned to slow down and not be too quick to form an opinion on another family. Believe me -- before my special guy came along, I probably would have been the FIRST to think about how a parent should be handling an unruly child -- LOL
I am so glad that you made this post. Many people, myself included, have been quick to judge children when they have meltdowns or seem to be ignoring an adult when asked a question. I think that it is wonderful that you are willing to share your child's world with those that will listen and understand.
My mother was a double amputee due to Diabetes. I remember children staring at her and their parents fussing at them... until my mom said it was okay. And then she would explain what happened (in kid friendly words). I remeber those parents looking mortified if their child asked "where are your legs?" But I think it was a kind of therapy for mom to be able to talk about it.
Many parents now don't want you to ask questions or invade in their private life. I love the example you are setting for people like me. I have no famly or friends with Autistic children. But, thanks to Intercot, I now have a small view into the world of an Autistic child and can be a little more understanding when things happen...


It used to be in this country that people parented as a team. pretty much all parents were a united front. It was sure that way when I was growing up in the 70's. If I did something wrong at Karen's house, Karen's mom had permission to scold me and my mom would back her up for doing so. The day we decided to treat our kids like miniature gods and goddesses was a truly sad day.

Wow, do I remember those days. I would get my booty beat from the lady next door just as quick as my mom would do it if I acted up. Sometimes I would get it twice because mom would spank me because I acted up and got spanked by the neighbor. :D

[mouseaddict]

This post was off topic from the start. This is theme parks..not parenting 101.
I have to agree with not judging. Yes..some parents could be more attentive. Every once and a while though parents make mistakes (at least I do!) but that does not make us inept. Please do not judge me..I do not judge you. It is sad because lately that is all we seem to see on the boards..people complaining about kids..well...hello..you are at Disney. If you don't want to deal with kids that are sometimes poorly behaved..go to Sandals or something where kids are not allowed.
To me..a bad parent beats their child (and I mean beat..not spank) or molests them..or chooses drugs and alcohol over them (yes Britney, I am talking about you). There are much worse things going on in this world than kids misbehaving at Disney.
And I like the Dole whip..but I prefer ice cream Mickey's!

[momof3+twins]

Okay, I really hate to see rude kids. I teach my kids the basic manners that everyone (including adults should follow). Example: Step aside while waiting for an elevator, don't ride your bike through your neighbors yard, don't walk into your neighbors house. Seems silly but Please and Thank you are not enough. I have actually encountered all of the above plus more. I could go on and on.
BUT, keep in mind how crabby we all tend to get in Disney since we encounter line cutters hourly. And the crowds really get to us. I hate line cutters!! But, the Mother who glared at you probably thought you were a quite rude adult. I do NOT like people to correct my children. It makes me furious. And adults are fully capable of waiting their turn. That mother was trying to have a good time. Just like you. And I am 100% sure that if I was in that situation she would have driven me bonkers too! But, I would have went on to something else and then came back after the kids had left. Don't hate me!!!:mickey:

[mttafire]

I think it all boils down to right and wrong. Common sense prevails. In life somethings just arent right and somethings are. Some things are acceptable to a common sense "decent" "responsible" society and some things arent. I've always felt life its pretty black and white.

[thrillme]

I've stepped in several times when my child was younger and announced to line cutters..."Excuse me but we were here first". I usually would give it a little while but if I felt he was being "overrun" I'd step in. I was not going to go figure out who belongs to who and ask permission first that takes too much time.

I too have stepped up to kids fiddling on computers without really doing what they were meant for and asked..."Are ya'll about done???"...that's usually enough to send them dashing off.

When I was a kid (like a previous poster mentioned). Everybody looked out for everybody. It was a whole village rasing the kids and I miss that...

I think the OP did just fine.

And I prefer the Dole Float.

[Terra]

Wow! Maybe Intercot should think about adding a "Hot Topics" forum:secret: How fun would that be?? he he....

Eh, I see lots of parenting that I don't agree with, but then I'm sure that many people disagree with me too on my style...
So I just try to enjoy myself or else I get so irritated that I end up wasting the day all mad about it...

Oh....and....can I pick both...the float AND dole whip???????:D

[Imakejessicarabbitjelous]

A few years back in Dlp we were in a play area with my lil bro who has cerebal palsy n he had summoned up the courage to actually get out his wheel chair 2 go on the slide so i carried him over and he crawled through a tunnel (he can onli crawl) and he gets to the end and is just positioning himself to go down the slide i was w8in at the bottom when this boy who was twice the size of my lil bro comes over and pushes him over the side ov the slide i got my lil bro up and sed it was unfair and his mom came over shoutin and balling sayin i had hurt her son and i sed no ur son pushed my bro over the slides side and she started getting very violent towards me and my bro she had 2 be escorted from the park coz she gave ma black eye.

[garymacd]

Speaking of parenting, I saw a woman on the bus back to CBR the other night deliver a fine version of an old-fashioned spanking! Not one hit; but FIVE.

Ahh. Those were the days. When I was growing up, I thought everyone's backside was supposed to be red.

Hmm. Just goes to show, what works for one, lands another in trouble with the children's aid society.;)

[BrownEyedGrrl]

RBrooksC - I think you handled that little boy at the HISTK playground well. :thumbsup: I don't want to stir the pot -- but I have always found it easiest to parent another person's child. My children are not angels by any means, but neither are they hellions ... most kids are just kids, and caught up in the excitement of it all. A firm excuse me or "just one moment" should work to establish order instead of a lecture. What gets me are the parents who hover about after their children in case anyone enters into "Johnny's" personal space.

ITA! As much as I teach my children, and as well as they often behave, I can guarantee you that they've pushed past others to get in on something they were really excited to do. If someone launched into a tirade with them over it, or put their hands on them, I'd do a lot more than the glaring woman at downtown disney. :) But, I've no problems with someone gently reminding them to "slow down" or "excuse me". And I'm the first to admit that my eyes can't be in every place, and sometimes I've gotten sidetracked with something else and didn't notice that my kids were doing something naughty. It happens to every parent, whether they want to admit it or not. ;)
To be honest, parents who guard their child's "personal space bubble" are just as annoying as those who have don't seem to be minding their own children. When in public, and especially at WDW, I try to worry about my own parenting and not so much about others. :mickey:

[Terra]

To be honest, parents who guard their child's "personal space bubble" are just as annoying as those who have don't seem to be minding their own children. When in public, and especially at WDW, I try to worry about my own parenting and not so much about others. :mickey:

Oh gosh that is ME!!! LOL...
but mostly because of the people who DO feel the need to chastise my child. And goodness he's only 10 1/2 months! :)

If he lets out one whimper, cry or scream at a restaurant I get so many glares it's not even funny. It's not like he's throwing a temper tantrum, babies do make noise. But I find myself instantly getting him out of the high chair to occupy him so he won't make a sound and that is very frustrating too!

But lately I've tried to stop this because I've actually had a couple of people, like yourself, nicely say "Hey relax, he's a baby. He'll make noise, he'll cry. Don't let everyone intimidate you." That actually made me feel better!

Last time I ate out though David let out a squeal because he wanted his milk and I couldn't get it to him fast enough and the table next to us stared me down!! As in stared so hard that the table on the OTHER side of us noticed and thought they were rude. So I looked over and said "What???? You have PERFECT children I assume and they never cry???" Boy did they look away fast and hardly looked up from their meal after that! LOL