Any Empty Nesters?

[divinedi]

Hi. My name is Dianne and my three girls are all leaving home this September:(! Well, they're all leaving for school that is, all three, for the first time for each of them. My oldest has been out of school for two years, middle one for one year, and the youngest graduated this past June. All three at once. I am a single Mom, and I sit here tonight, they are all out, one working, two visiting with friends before they go to school, and I know this is what it's going to be like in a week and I have to admit that I'm feeling a little sorry for myself, pathetic aren't I:blush:!? Now please understand that my brain knows that this is what they are supposed to do, and I want them to get out and get on with their lives! But did they have to do it all in one year:pout:

I'm really not that badly off, part of me is looking forward to it, I have a bunch of things to do around here, and I know they'll be home for Christmas before I know it (they are all going about 6-7 hours away for the youngest, 8 hours away for the other two) and we're going to Disney when they come home in April/May:number1:

Does anyone have any suggestions of things I should/could be doing to make this transition in my life? I've spent most of my time with them or working, to my detriment I'm beginning to realize now, I don't have many outside interests. I told my married boss that maybe I should go out and find a man now, his only comment was 'why would I want to visit that headache again', I got a good laugh out of that!:funny: (My apologies to all the great men out there :blush:)

Sorry, this is long winded, just needed to vent a bit, and what better place. Of course my outside love will always be there - Disney!:cloud9:

[Caroleh]

My DH and I are empty nesters...I actually have kept myself busy with my joband crafts. One thing I have been doing lately is taking classes..I see your from Ontario. Have you checked to see if your local LCBO has any cooking or other classes? I've taken quite a few at my local one...same with Lablaw's. Every class I've taken, we've gotten a great meal, plus the recipes to make it. Lately, I've been taking bellydance classes. It's really been fun taking any of these classes and it's a great night out.

Also, I don't know how you feel about animals, but my cat has really helped out with that lonely feeling. There's nothing like coming home, him wanting his tummy rubbed and crawling into my arms purring away. Just knowing he's always here is very comforting.

[Dixie Springs]

Semi-empty - both DD's @ college, but one commuting from home. DW started working outside the home again (she was a stay-at-home mom their entire childhood). Also, pets are great - we have a small dog that keeps us busy! We all still go to WDW together!

[Marilyn Michetti]

I guess I don't qualify to answer since I still have DH hanging around. (Thank goodness he's still working). :yay:

Seriously, single or married, the house is empty. That's not bad, just different. Now, it's your time to do whatever you want. Get a hobby, take in a stray dog, or get away for a few days with friends.

Just remember, they're not gone, they're just in a different place. They'll be back in a few months, and by then, it will be easier.:)

[divinedi]

Thanks so much for the encouraging words, and yes I do have a dog, mini poodle, 6 years old, who as I write is sitting on the bed behind me ( my computer is in my bedroom). He's a sweetie and certainly keeps me company.

I'm certainly looking forward to some time on my own, to do what I want when I want, and maybe find something in the house that lo and behold, I had put it there and it was still there when I went to look for it again:silly:! It's amazing how things travel in the house from one place to another when 'nobody' used it! I won't miss that 'Nobody' person, he's a pain in the butt;).

Anyway, thanks again, I know they'll be home before I know it again with their laundry, mess, etc. and I'll be missing my peace and quiet lol. In the meantime I have work, Max the dog, and a frequent and terrific place to visit, INTERCOT! Not to mention Disney to plan for next April:thumbsup:.

[ChipnDaleGal]

Diane, I just wanted to offer you my sympathy. I am a little behind you, a single mom whose only daughter is now a high school junior. I feel like I am on a runaway freight train already, hurtling towards her independance. So I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. I am sure that "time" will be the great healer, as it usually is. Good luck to you next week. :hug:

[murphy1]

First, I give a huge hand to all of you who are single moms, even though I have moments with dh, I know from friends just how hard it is (and I know it's got to be harder than what I see). I have three little girls, 8, 5 and 3 (middle dd just lost her first tooth), I am seeing how fast it is going already!! My mom recently got a job a couple or three days a week and loves it!! Just enough to get her out and keep her young she says! I know one thing that I could recommend if you are interested, our elem. school has a mentor program and you spend a half hour a week with a child at the school, reading, talking, teaching, it's a neat program, if you are interested in classes or anything check with a rec dept. There are so many things, learn a foreign language, see a movie YOU want to see. I eventually want a PT space in Florida again, it is a home for me as I grew up there and miss parts of it.

[Ed]

An esteemed American philosopher, the late Erma Bombeck, put it very succinctly:

"Life begins when the last kid leaves home and the dog dies." ;)

Hey, don't throw rotting vegetables at ME; Erma said it!

Anyway.... we've been empty nesters for about ten years now, and very frankly.... we love it! Much as we loved doing things with our kids, it sure is nice to be out of the routine of hauling them to sports practices, attending PTA meetings, worrying when they're not home by curfew time, etc., etc., etc....

Now that they're all married, have kids, jobs and homes of their own, and are pretty much financially independent, it's great to finally have some time and space to ourselves. Well, almost to ourselves. Our resident canine very graciously allows us to share a home with him in return for frequent belly rubs. :dog:

That said... rest assured that we are still at their immediate beck and call when they need us, and we sure do love spending time with them.

[Catwillow]

I think I am in the minority. I looked forward to having an "empty nest" and looked forward to the day with much joy and anticipation. My kids also knew this. I am 45 (well I will be in about 2 weeks) and my kids are now 26 (daughter) & 25 (son) and we were very close and we are still very close and they keep in contact with me either via the phone or the internet at least 1x a week (generally more). There are the times I miss them being around ... to watch a movie or go for a drive and during the holidays... but it's okay.

Kathleen

[divinedi]

Oh, I agree with you TiggTigg5 and Catwillow, there's certainly a part of me that is really looking forward to it:secret:, as you said, no more Mom can you drive me here, or Mom can I have the car for this or that, and worrying about them being out late and why aren't they home yet. Not that I won't worry about them some at school:(, but it's not an immediate thing since I don't really know what they are doing minute to minute. And not having to juggle 4 work timetables with only one car, although my parents were kind enough to buy them a used car about a month ago, but that was always fun. We live a bit out in the country so we have to drive everywhere.

I will definitely miss them, but it's time for Mom to start doing some of the things she likes to do, I just have to figure out what it is I like to do, it's been so long I've forgotten :blush: Of course there's always :mop::laundry::dishes::iron: but I think I've had enough of that!

Onward and upward :number1:

[MsMin]

While I don't have any empty nest yet, I've come close at times. My oldest moved out @ 19 and my youngest @ 19 - the middle one never left then the other 2 moved back. My son was gone for 5 years, has a great job but moved back here from Baltimore after Katrina and housing was short. Now he's been busy and hasn't looked for a place though he has his eyes on one they are constructing. My youngest moved back so she could get experience in her field at a lower rate of pay. All three have finished college but they have no boxes packed yet.
I'm a single mom like you and you sound so much like me. I've spent all my time working on their futures that I've ignored my own.
Get involved with a club or church group, it's time to do things for you and remember they will be back to visit before you know it and the times together are so much sweeter.
:pixie:

[divinedi]

Well, we (my ex and myself) did the move thing this past weekend, and lo and behold, the youngest, 17, decided after we had unpacked most of her stuff that this wasn't really what she wanted to do, amongst many tears:cry:. We talked to her for quite awhile, but realized quickly that this wasn't her time, so packed her up again and brought her back. She will work for a year and see after that. She really doesn't know what she wants to do, the courses didn't interest her and it's way too much money to spend on something she's not at all keen on.

The other two went smoothly, got home the next day and got an email from my middle one (19), that she was terribly homesick, hated it there and wanted to come home. She almost went last year, changed her mind mid summer, didn't like the course, wasn't ready to leave home etc., but was very keen this year, courses she was really interested in and yes this was it. After many MSN talks, tears on both sides, phone calls etc., she agreed to stay until at least school started (she was dreading Frosh week, she's somewhat shy and was concerned about what they would be doing) and would go from there. Well, we talked the second night, and things had already improved greatly:clappy:, she went to a talk on her classes and is now excited to go to class. So, hopefully, once she starts classes she'll be fine. These two youngest have never been away from home for any length of time.

The oldest, 21, has been away from home before, and other than a few bouts of homesickness is doing great.

Very emotional and heartwrenching weekend, had a good(?) cry :sob:this morning and am doing better, I don't feel like I'm going to, um, loose my lunch :sick:everytime I think about them anymore. Didn't think I'd be this much of a baby :blush:!!

Thanks for listening!:number1: