Dealing with tag-alongs! Help!

[WDWFan2005]

Hi all ...

A few months ago you faithful intercotees gave us some advice concerning some acquaintances of ours who wanted to join us on our next trip to WDW.

To sum up the awkward situation, we're soon going to be bringing our little boy to Walt Disney World for his first trip ever!!! Some friends of ours wanted to tag along, but of course we want this tirp to be super special for our son, and not to worry about others.

Here's the current situation: despite your great advice in how to keep them from coming, the situation is that yes, there will be another family coming with us. Now, please don't get me wrong, as I've mentioned before, the more the merrier. But you all know this is a different situation. Like many of you, my wife and I have gone every year to WDW forever ... but this will be most special trip b/c it will be our baby's first time. ... and the thing is, for the family coming with us ... IT WILL BE THEIR FIRST TRIP TOO!!

Am I wrong in being selfish?? The thing is, I want to devote the whole time to my son, and not worry about the other family, and if they see everything, etc. I can imagine us going through the magic kingdom, then stopping b/c my son is fascinated by something (like a balloon!!) then feeling guilty b/c the other family will miss splash mountain or something.

how can we make sure that we all spend our own times together? I don't mind the idea of meeting up a couple times for dinner or what not (again, I like this family a lot, they're our friends, but ... you know.) But we're only there for a few days.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I want to enjoy the "anticipation" of going to Disney, but this whole other situation is ruining it for me.

WDWFan2005

[crazypoohbear]

I would tell them that you are keeping it low key and you will be moving at a snails pace ( or a toddler pace). Tell them that you have been many times and know this is thier first trip and that they will want to see everything and YOU don't want to slow THEM down so they should just plan their days without worrying about YOU.. That way they will know that you are not making plans for them and they should do the same. Tell them that you would love to meet them for a couple of dinners but you really don't want to keep them from their mission of riding every ride

[little disney lovers]

Oh no! On our first trip to DL we had another family come with us. Again they are lovely and all that, But what a disaster! They would often leave us to line up for rides and then come and push in with us, How Embarrasing, And not fair to everyone else. They would get upset if my children got a particular charachter autograph and thier kid didn't. And ask why I didn't ring them and hold a place for them! They made us feel bad whenever something special happened to us, Or if we rode a ride they didn't, Or if a charachter paid more attantion to my girls, etc...
And we didn't spend the whole day with them, We would go to the park together and then arrange to meet at places at certain times, like lunch. But as I said often they would ring and come and push in the lines we were in.
Hopefully your freind are more considerate than mine. But I would suggest organising dinner before you go to discuss your plans. Tell them that this is a special family time for you and you don't want to hold them up and you don't want to have to rush. Maybe you could make your own way into the park every day and then meet for dinner every night to talk about your day.
Just be strong, This is your holiday, YOU are spending YOUR hard earned money to make this a special family trip for YOU! You are not being selfish. And you can't redo your sons first time!
Have a blast and take heaps of photos!

[vamaggie]

Be clear, be consistent, and be exact. Have the other family over for dinner (sooner rather than later) and tell your friends exactly what you have told us (sons 1st time, want special family only time, can't be planning for them or playing tour guide for them etc) Make sure they are clear on these things before you all head down there-if they think that you will be with them all the time, they need to be corrected on this soon. If they want to talk with you and have you help THEM plan THEIR touring agenda before you go (if that's ok with you) let them know this too. WDW is a big place and just because they are going to be there at the same time does not mean that have to be WITH you all the time (provided they are not driving and staying with you). This will take some effort on your part: turn off cell phone or don't answer it if you don't want, say, and stick with, "no, not right now" if they want to do something you don't, and don't feel the need/presssure/guilt to include them (or even tell them about) all your plans. The good thing about guilt is that you can control it if you choose to (besides, what would you rather feel guilty about: offending a friend--who IMHO if they got offended wouldn't really be a friend! or not having the best time at your son's 1st WDW trip?) Again, be clear, be consistent and be exact!

[amy711]

I have to agree with the previous posters on this one. You have to be firm and let your friends know ahead of time that while you enjoy their company, that this is a special time for you with your son. Make some plans for a couple of meals together, but don't tie yourself down to them for your whole vacation.

[Kairi_7378]

I agree with the other posters. I can't remember your other post, but does this other family have small children as well? If so, it may be easier to do things alone. They probably will not want to watch your son on Dumbo when there are so many other things to do. Plus your schedule is going to be very different from your other trips because you will have a little guy exploring for the first time, you may not be at the park right at opening, etc.
I would offer to give them some suggestions on some interesting things to do. They may be feeling overwhelmed by all of the information. Maybe they might think they will have a better time if they have some experts like you with them. Be firm and say something like, "I'm looking forward to our dinner at Crystal Palace, we can catch up on what we did that day." Good luck!

[E-OR]

We had a similar situation last Christmas. We let the other families (2) know that we probably would be doing things they did not want to do and our feelings would not be hurt if they chose to run around on their own, meeting up occasionaly. They also had things that they wanted to do without us. It was a great trip and we loved spending it with them. We tried to watch the fireworks at MK and EPCOT at night and the kids ran around together a bit. We had gone with another family member a few years before and it was awful. Because we rented a van together we were all had to stick together every day. They were never ready to leave in the moring when we were and always wanted to go back to the room within a couple hours of getting to the park. After that trip we realized that you are only as fast as the slowest person in your group and it was best to plan our days based on when and what we wanted to do, and never get a car together.

[marlyn]

There are very few people I can travel with...and even less that I can take a WDW vacation with. The only way to make a WDW vacation with more than one family work IMO is to go your own ways and plan to meet for meals or special events. Just remember you do not have to be attached at the hip! Good luck!

[Tinkerbellfan]

Hello,

We are going to WDW with my mom and her fiancée in December. My mom just went away to Italy and France with her sister and husband and it was a mess. My uncle kept them to a schedule and refused to let them go off on their own.

So, we already have a plan that each couple can do what ever they want to do each day. And, we had the conversation already that neither one of us will be offended if the other couple decides to go off on their own for the day/ or night (my boyfriend made me bring up this one).

They have asked that I come up with a general schedule - breakfast/lunch and dinner each day and park for each morning and night. And, while we may start off at the same park each day, we know we will each want to go off and do our own things.

Why don't you create you schedule for your family and share it with the other family. And, let them know they can join you if interested - but, that this is what you have planned to make sue your son has the best trip possible.
And, your plans aren't flexiable.

Look on the bright side, with WDW transportaion each family can go their own ways.

And, remember, you will be at WDW - it will be impossible not to have a GREAT vacation.

[Chernabog1326]

I've visited three times in groups. Twice with friends and once with my DW's parents. The main thing I tell them is : This is my vacation as much as it is yours. Don't be offended if I don't want to do what your'e doing. And don't worry about hurting my feelings if you aren't interested in what I want to do. We both paid a lot of money to be here and we will probably have differtent interests. If we both want to do the same thing that's great, we'll do it together. Hopefully they are true friends and will be very understanding and probably relieved to not have to deal with any of that akwardness while on vacation.

Good Luck

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

I agree, be upfront and honest before you go. Too many people go expecting that you will spend every minute of every day together. Make sure they understand that this is not your game plan.
Help them plan their days and then ask what they would like to join up for, maybe the fireworks or one of the shows or dinner.

[Disney Doll]

Honesty is the best policy. We are planning our son's first trip and I completely understand. We let everyone know up front that family is welcome, but this trip will be all about our little boy. MIL wanted to come and bring my nephew, age 8. We've had great trips in the past with them, but MIL is not much for rides so usually my hubby takes the nephew on all the bigger rides. We let MIL know in no uncertain terms that DH would be spending all his time with our baby and that we did not plan to do anything that a 1 year old wouldn't enjoy. They are free to tag along, but we would not be altering our plans to accommodate them. MIL decided not to come after all. If she had we would be true to our word operating around our baby's schedule and going at our own pace.

Tell you friends that you will be planning your day around your son doing what he wants and working off his schedule. Let them know how different it is traveling with a little one and suggest that you split up so that they can be sure to see everything they want. If they choose to shadow you everywhere you go do not feel bad for sticking to your guns. They will probably eventually get tired of watching your son experience all his Disney firsts.

[Pocahontas]

I also agree with many of the other posts. The best thing you can do is be honest with the other family. Let them know how excited you are because of your sons first visit. Tell them you understand that they will want to do a lot more things than you will. Let them know you won't be hurt that they'll want to move faster than you and hope they won't mind that you plan on taking things very slowly. Repeat these feelings a number of times before you go so you know there won't be any misunderstandings. Above all, once you get there just relax and enjoy. Don't worry about the other couple, they'll have fun with or without you by their side.

[thrillme]

I've been on my own with just my DS and I've been when friends were there.

First of all HONESTY is the best policy. Telling them we're glad to have you along and we'll be happy to meet you for a couple of "dinners/lunch" or a breakfast but this is our son's first trip and we're going to be really dedicated to him at whatever pace he is happiest with.

When I went with friends I gave them a call in the mornng and told them what park we were going to be at. If it was "mutual" we'd eventually perhaps meet up and get on a ride or two together. If they were hungry/tired etc...we told them "see ya later" and we took off and did our own thing. I scheduled a "down day" (where we really don't have anything huge planned except perhaps catching a few extra ZZZZ's and exploring downtown) that included going to their hotel and playing in their pool and having a mango margarita or two. It actually worked out pretty nice. Within in their party there was a little "strife" because they were taking on we're all family we must be "joined at the hip". I kinda "mediated" with them and convinced them to space themselves a bit because they were all old enough (except for the one child of course) to get on a bus with their own will. Once they got that through their heads...it worked out fine.

[LoriMistress]

What I would do is buy your tag-along friends a Passporter book or Unofficial Guide book. Explain that you and your family want quality family time together, and stress that they'll probably want family time together by themselves as well. I would also suggest maybe every couple of days, ALL of you eat together at a certain restaunrant (whether it's breakfast, lunch, or dinner.) Just explain that you and your family like to do your own thing, and don't want to ruin their vacation by nagging at them, if they can't catch up or if you're too slow, etc. If they try to talk you out of it, just explain that you had a simular experience with family on vacations before and it always ended in disaster and be firm with them that you don't want yours and their vacation ruined by it. Let the other family do their own planning.

[r4kids]

We are traveling with BIL, SIL and their 2 little ones (3&1). We have been many, many times with our 4 kids but they are first timers. I am helping her with all of her planning. But we will be doing our own things. They will see shows our kids have become to big for ie: Bear in the big blue house, etc. Our kids can go all day, theirs can't and I explained all of this upfront and they agree completely. Try asking them what they were thinking of doing before getting yourself worked up with the possibilty they want to spend all of their time with you. I look forward to our trip in Sept., we will spend some time together and a few meals but we are there for our families so not attached at the hip. Good luck to you! I would help them plan their vacation so you know what their doing everyday and then if it becomes necessary go to a different park.:thedolls:

[WDWFan2005]

does this other family have small children as well?

Yes, they have a little girl about the same age as my son, and it will of course be her first time too. Thanks for all your great advice everyone, about helping them plan yet doing our own things. I know, though, that they may be missing so many things as adults that DW and I have been talking about for years ... but hey, it's for the kids!! this is their time!

[KAT1811]

Okay with all due respect being firm is not your thing. :judge: True Disney lover at heart, couldn't turn the other family away even in such special circumstances. :mickey: My advice is to not overalalyze the trip too much (This advice is coming from someone who beats a horse WAY past dead!!! :faint: LOL!!!) Stop and enjoy every precious moment with your little one and don't feel guilty about it. The other family can go on ahead if they don't want to wait or they are not interested in doing what you are. Try to tell them (before you leave) that you won't take any offense if they want a little family time, after all this is a "special trip for both of you" (hint, hint :tiptoe:). Hopefully by telling them you almost expect that they would want some alone time they will understand that you may as well.

[TammiMcMan]

It sounds like it's a similar circumstance, ie both with young children, experiencing Disney for the first time. It may not be that bad after all. I would definitely set aside some time before the trip if you can, for a planning/strategy meeting. If you're all staying at the same resort, it can make things easier. Just be sure to insist that for both groups, if a meeting time is missed, that the other family simply move along and not wait. Children can be on different nap times or one group is morning people, while others would rather sleep in. At that age, the kids tend to dictate the pace and when it's time to head back to the resort for a rest.

If you are making ADR's, a character meal as a group is a fun idea or maybe a pontoon rental to view Wishes. Even an afternoon by the pool for your group is going to be much more relaxing than trying to match paces in the park.

I probably wouldn't overplan, just a few "group" things up front and let the other stuff fall into place. As long as both families are on the same page in regards to daily activities, you'll be okay.