Need to vent - advice welcomed - kinda long

[Belle619]

Ok, I need to vent to people who are removed from the situation in order to gain better perspective.

My fiance and I moved out to Chicago from NY last year for his job. They told him he'd make a great deal of money and after a year he'd be a manager. Well, business wasn't as lucrative and he was told that there were no manager positions open this year. So, he is now being moved by the company to Cleveland, because of course, he'll be made a manager out there next year (even though there is no guarantee that will happen either.)

Well, he got offered a managerial position by another nationally known company back in NY for $20k more/year, and company car and phone, but isn't going to take it. He thinks people will think he is crazy for moving back home (his father said so himself) and he doesn't like my family, so I think that has something to do with it as well.

I have a great job now, and I have even better opportunities in either location, not to mention that I could go back to school in NY to get my doctorate degree. I just can't get him to see that I'm not wanting him to do this just so we can go back home - it is just better for both of us.

Please offer your advice on this situation - it would be greatly appreciated!

[offwego]

When you factor in cost of housing is NY really better? You don't mention where in New York State or if you mean New York city but isn't Cleavland much lower housing cost? Maybe that's what he's thinking of?

It's a huge factor to consider in assessing the two deal and one you didn't mention.

[MsMin]

I wonder if you feel like he's being lead on by this current company? Do you trust he will be offered a managerial position next year? Why can't they offer him the position now? How can he be sure it will be better?
You have a lifetime ahead of you with sharing decisions and yes they are not always 50-50 many times they 90-10 but as long as it's in the other person's favor sometimes.
I don't think there is anything wrong with moving back home-- people's opinions or your perceived ideas of their opinions are not valid reasons. I suggest you make a list and weigh out the cost and benefits for both of you-- sometimes it helps us to see how irrational our choice is= whatever that way would be..

[mrsgaribaldi]

He should do what the 2 of you want and not worry about what people think. Who cares if people think he's crazy for moving back? If I knew you both and you told me why you were moving back to NY I wouldn't think it was crazy at all. Good luck:thumbsup:

[Belle619]

I should have mentioned - we'd be moving to western NY, not NYC.

[EmiB]

He should do what the 2 of you want and not worry about what people think. Who cares if people think he's crazy for moving back? If I knew you both and you told me why you were moving back to NY I wouldn't think it was crazy at all. Good luck:thumbsup:

I agree. Do whats best regardless of what others think.

[BronxTigger]

I agree with the above posters who said to write down everything about all your possible choices: pros, cons, and feelings. Do a free write (brain dump) about each city: Chicago, NY, and Cleveland.

Additionally, aside from thinking about what would happen if you do move to another city, think about what would happen if you did not make each choice. If you didn't go to NY, would you regret it? Cleveland? If you left Chicago would you have regrets? If you stayed? etc.

And, I'm assuming you are talking about NYC as opposed to NYS. Even if both your families live here, the chances of running into them on the street are slim unless you live near them. You don't have to move to the same boro as them if you don't want to.

[January-2007]

You need to move back to New York, that is my outsiders opinion. If not for the job alone! This company is certainly not treating your DFiance right and having to move so much, what the heck? Setting his personal feelings aside that people will treat him differently for moving back will be hard, but ultimately I think they will like having him back. There is so much in relationships that has to do with unimportant issues we all have with ourselves. I hope you two get through this decision and can live happily with whatever choice you have made. Lots of :pixie: that wherever you decided to live and work will be the best situation for the both of you!

[Belle619]

Thank you all for the advice and support!

[SandmanGStefani24]

here's my p.o.v. on this one.
I feel that if there are nothing but positives in you moving, yet he still is turning it down, there is more to the story. What is the real reason? Is everyone being completely honest?
Also, many people (present company included) have turned down jobs that paid more in exchange for happiness or sanity. Does the increase in money justify the work/stress level as well as picking up and moving?

I'm sure you've covered all of these, but as I have learned money isn't everything, and many things are worth more than green paper. I would just have a sit down and find out the real reason why he wants to pass on the job. If he is happier where he is, then he should stay reguardless of what they are offering. I've learned the hard way, so just spend a little more time on this decision. Hope this helps!
:marg: