Hair highlights for DD?

[KCMom]

DD is 11. She really wants some highlights in her hair. Her hair used to be super blonde but has sort of faded to dirty blonde and will eventually fade into brown. She loved her blonde hair and is very down that it is fading. Several of her friends have them, and they do look nice. They are a little pricey from the salon, but I suppose we could try to do it from a box at home.

So what do you think? Is she too young. Part of me thinks it's a fun summer thing to do, but part of me is saying she's only 11 and to leave the hair color alone. Help!!

[princessjojo]

I don't have any suggestions for you as I have 2 boys, but I do feel her pain. My boys were born with very dark hair that fell out shortly after birth. It came back so blonde it was almost white. As they have grown older though theirs has gotten darker as well. I really miss their light colored hair. It used to be a joke that they had no eyebrows because they were so light that you couldn't see them. Now their hair is only somewhat blonde during the summer. Older DS's hair turns lighter in the summer, but just around the front above his eyes, it turns much lighter. In pictures he looks like there's a receding hairline. It's really funny.

Anyway, good luck with your decision! But if you do decide to go ahead, I would bite the bullet and hae the salon do it. There's no telling what words could be learned from an at home experience like that.:secret:

[Chic-a-pin]

I agree with princessjojo, bite the bullet & have the salon do it. I've seen MANY a botched kitchen beautian color job, and then you might HAVE to go to the salon for an even more expensive color correction. Go for it!! I don't think 11 is too young :thumbsup:

[conorsmom2000]

I feel your daughter's pain! I was born with very blonde hair, but by the time I was in grade school, it had darkened - at that point, it was often referred to as "dirty blonde" and I was teased about it often. :( I hated the color of my hair - no longer blonde, but not quite brown. When I was about 12 my sister started doing at home highlights (she was in training hair dresser at the time) and it was usually a disaster. (by the time I was 18 I was getting it colored regularly - but that's because I was almost all gray already!) Conor was born with red hair that went blonde at 6 months old - it was the perfect shade of blonde, though, and I used to joke that I needed him to come with me to the hair salon so they could see the shade of blonde I wanted to be. Now his hair is darkening too, though it will lighten up in the summer.

Personally, I would let her do it, but that's just based on what I wanted as a kid! But, I have to agree - bite the bullet and the let the salon do it, though it is pricey! At home kits tend to look streaky at times, while a salon can make it look so natural.

[tiggers_1]

When my dd was 11 (she's now 15) I had to make the same decision, so I compromised with her I allowed her to get the highlights and I had her agree to something very subtle and natural looking. We had it done at a salon, since I am very hesitant to do any blonde. They turned out beautifully. The main reason I allowed her have the highlights done was she is a child with very low self esteem and having her hair done gave her a much needed boost in that department.

[SBETigg]

I'm thinking she's a little young, but they're becoming very conscious of such things at an early age now. If it bothers her, there's no reason not to try it. A few highlights at the salon won't hurt. Except it does get expensive to keep up with it and you start at highlights, what comes next? Like you, I would be torn. But I can't see any harm in it.

[MsMin]

My dd used a sun product for the summer. I would help her with a cotton ball and make streaks. It looked very natural and lightened it fast. She started in about 7th grade. It is pricey in a salon and it seems to grow so fast. They have products that lighten with a hair dryer. Our problem with the salon was every time she went she came out more blond. She has since quit and let it go natural.

[baby minnie's mommy]

Keep in mind that highlights have to be touched up every so often, or they look very tacky when they start to grow out! :blush: (I've been there.) It can also dry out the locks of hair that are done. Do some research and find out how often they need retouching and what the price is. I agree, I have always been too scared to try it at home as I've heard it can have strange effects on the hair!

[Christine]

I agree with Shari. I think she is a little young.

I feel that girls are growing up way too fast these days. My daughter is 7 1/2, and is totally trying to fall into this High School Musical Hannah Montana lifestyle.

When I was 7, I was playing outside on my bike, not worrying about cell phones or IPods.

When I was 11, I was just starting to wear lip gloss.

I would let the sunshine do what it will with her hair this summer. Once you start highlights, you are in for major maintenance which SHE will probably tire of quicker than you!

That's just my opinion...good luck!!!

[celebrationasheley]

Take into consideration:

1)All her friends probably have them. Times have changed. I see younger girls eating godiva and sporting Louis Vuitton purses like they are nothing.

2) If you choose to do it. Spend the money at a nice place. You don't want to get it done at a cheapo place, you may not like the results. As soon as you get them done you have to pay for the roots and touch ups.

I would say do it, but remember you always have to get the roots done. And they take forever to grow out. But really she may love them and always want them touched up. I never went back to my natural color since getting highlights at 16.

[pink]

I used to be in the same situation as your daughter. My hair started turning brown around that age as well and my mom let me get highlights. Mind you it definitley is pretty expensive to get done in a salon, but that's probally your best bet unless you know someone who is a hair dresser. I don't recommend using the highlights that come in the box because they never come out as well as they look in the picture. If you want to do them for her I would suggest going to a store like Sally's Beauty Supply and getting the peroxide and powder yourself. It's much more professional and it looks a lot better. Also as other people have said, keep in mind that highlights need touching up every so often and sometimes it does look tacky if you let the roots grow out too long. Have fun and I hope your daughters hair turns out beautifully.:mickey:

[TinkiTime1989]

Have you thought of trying a product like Sun-In? I use it every summer to bring out my natural red highlights in my dark brown hair. Its very easy to use and is a lot cheaper than getting highlights at the salon. Plus the results look so much better.

[mrsgaribaldi]

I say too if she wants, go for it. Life is so short. It will always grow out:mickey: If it makes her smile, it's worth it:D

[crazypoohbear]

My first reaction was
NO! kids today are growing up way too fast. We need to slow them down and show them that highlights and makeup are not for little girls. There is time enough for that when you are in your 30's!

But, I have two boys so I don't know the angst of having a girl these days.
I have friends who take their daughters for eyebrow waxing, mani/pedi's, leg waxing, and make overs so I guess that is kind of the norm these days.
Now, when I was a girl and shaving your legs and wearing makeup at 16 was a right of passage. God am I old!!

That being said, I would suggest that before you go the beauty shop route you try the sun in. John Freida has some great sun/lightening products for blonde's also.
I, being a "dirty blond" remember using lemon up shampoo and lemon juice in my hair during the summer and it really worked.
Of course I had to buy it myself because my parents wouldn't let me use "beauty products" before 16!
With these products and being outdoors during the summer her hair will naturally lighten.
good luck with whatever decision you make.

[Flower]

Have it done in a salon.

I get foils in my hair and find that it is way more natural looking than 'streaking'. Also, a hairstylist can show you MANY different shades of blondes and BLEND them so they look more natural.

I have brown hair and will usually get a caramel, blonde & red to give it depth. It sounds horrible as I am writing it, but again, they can blend it so it looks more natural!

Good luck, let her do it.

[DisneyMom12]

I am a hairdresser. I would not highlight an 11 year old with chemicals. When girls become teenagers they do so much to damage their hair just with styling alone. Imagine what her hair will be like if she starts using chemicals on it now. Kids grow up too fast today, and are left with nohting to look forward to as they get older. I personally refuse to chemical processes on anyone younger than 15, who comes into my salon. I would suggest trying some lemon juice on her hair before she goes into the sun, or sun in, but use it sparingly. Do not attempt to do a at home kit, I can't tell you the nightmare it is to fix that. Good luck.

[DizNee143]

i believe i was 13 or 14 when i first got highlights..and wow i look back at those pictures now..i was so stupid to do it..but "everyone" was doing it...but anyway...
i would suggest trying the sun in stuff...or lemon juice, or peroxide...you just spray it on your hair and go out in the sun...her hair should lighten up in no time..
if you really go with the highlights..try it at home...if you follow the directions there should be no problem...i dye my hair myself...like every 5 weeks i dye it black and spend like 8-9 dollars on the box...my friend goes to get hers done about every 5 weeks also and spends about 70 dollars at a salon..and you wanna know what...our hair ends up looking exactly the same and i spent way less!! i say give the at home stuff a try!! if it didnt work, they wouldnt sell it!! :)

[Michigander]

I agree with the lemon juice. My hairdress recommended I try this for my dd who wanted highlights (she's 13) and it worked great. I just made sure every morning to comb real lemond juic through her hair and let her go off outside. The sun slowly highlighted her hair and it looks so natural:thumbsup:

[KCMom]

Thanks for all the replies! I'm going to call my salon and ask some questions. I had the sun-in in my hand yesterday at Wal-mart. For some reason, I have it in my head that it is bad for your hair...dries it out or something.

I color my hair at home from a box. It is an all over color, so it's pretty easy. I am not confident in my skills enough to make highlights look natural. I'll rule that out.

I remember putting lemon juice in my hair as a young girl with my friends. Brings back memories of my childhood. Now I can't stand the smell of lemon...weird.

I'll call and let you know what I decide. I'm torn between saying yes to a trip to the salon and buying the sun-in.

Thanks!

[conorsmom2000]

I had the sun-in in my hand yesterday at Wal-mart. For some reason, I have it in my head that it is bad for your hair...dries it out or something.

Sun-In can be hit or miss - some people I know had okay experiences with it, some had horrible. I haven't used it since I was a kid, but I do remember that it did dry my hair out (but I have dry hair to begin with!). The darker your hair is, the more problems people seemed to have with it (looking orange versus blonde, etc.)

[tiggers_1]

We tried the Sun-In on my daughters hair and had a horrible result with it. Her hair is a mousy brown and it lightened hers to a brassy tone with a slight orange hue to it. Once she started swimming the chlorine gave it a greenish tint. Needless to say we've never tried it again.

[SurferStitch]

Okay, take this for what it's worth, but I'm 34, have been highlighting my hair for about 11 years now, and don't have any kids yet. I do have a 12 year old niece, and I don't think she would do well with highlights since she barely does anything with her hair as it is! She hates keeping her hair nice.

Now, highlights can't really be "touched up". There's no real way to pull out each and every highlighted strand and touch up the roots. I go to a very nice salon (kind of expensive, but not Rodeo Drive prices), and my girl is top notch.

As you go back for highlight maintenance, more strands of hair are highlighted. After a few trips, you are blonder. To keep the blond level down in my hair, I now do highlights/lowlights. Some strands are left "natural", some are highlighted, some are lowlighted. This keeps my hair a little darker, but with nice sparks of blond and copper.

My girl does a very natural looking highlight without the "chunkiness" that some do. The light and dark strands blend in beautifully with my hair, and I never look like I just had my hair done.

My point is....a simple initial highlight will turn into a more involved maintenance routine if it's kept up properly. Luckily, my hair is so well blended that I can easily get away with two hightlight/lowlight sessions a year. The roots just don't show much at all.

[TinkiTime1989]

Sun-In can be hit or miss - some people I know had okay experiences with it, some had horrible. I haven't used it since I was a kid, but I do remember that it did dry my hair out (but I have dry hair to begin with!). The darker your hair is, the more problems people seemed to have with it (looking orange versus blonde, etc.)

I have very dark brown hair and I've been using sun-in every summer for probably 5 or 6 years now. I've never once had a problem looking orange. The result is always a gorgeous combination of golden and red colors. It doesn't dry my hair out either, but then again I use conditioner on a daily basis as well. Just my personal experiences with it. Everybody's hair is different. The only way you'll know is if you try it.

[BrerSchultzy]

My DW is a stylist, and she has no problem with 11 year olds getting highlights. A little younger...then maybe there'll be problems. But a good salon will take good care of her.

Remember the stylists (for the most part) are professionals, who have it in their best interest for you to have HEALTHY hair...they don't want it all falling out, because then their business goes to the wig makers. :blush:

Also remember rule #1: You get what you pay for. If she wants highlights, and you want to make sure that no damage is done to her hair (or nothing crazy happens to her hair), you'll probably pay close to $40 or more.

[thrillme]

I figure an 11 year old is either heading for 6th grade or already in it. At that age you're so much "in between" and I think girls are often there a lot quicker than boys.

I really don't think "highlights" are going to hurt at all. I've had it done at a salon. Salons charge different prices...call around...I got a lovely job for about $35. IF your salon person does it well then when it grows out you really shouldn't see it too much.

I've also gone the cheap route with Sun-In. I LOVED this stuff but I haven't been able to find it in a long time. I just squirted on a little maybe once every couple of weeks and it pretty much gave my hair the "sun-kissed" look without going tremendously overboard. The key was not to use too much and your hair really needs to be dirty blond to light brown.

In the good ol' days when I hung out at the beach and swimming pool all summer I used lemon juice...found it was an interesting conversation starter when cute guys came up to you to pick lemon seeds out of your hair.

Recently I tried some of that highlighter that you "paint" on...no caps...etc...that was a mess. I ended up lightening all my hair. Attempts to fix it ended up lightening even more at I tried touching up the roots. Eventually I just bought a Warmest Golden Light Brown. Then it was too dark. Fortunately my dear boyfriend became an instant hairdresser and he did a FANTASTIC job!!! We used a cap and he pulled through very small amounts of hair through the holes. It was a great deal for about $10. The trick is to just pull through a tiny amount through each hole so that when it grows out it's not really noticable.

[SallyfromDE]

[QUOTE=thrillme;1303537]

I've also gone the cheap route with Sun-In. I LOVED this stuff but I haven't been able to find it in a long time.

QUOTE]

It's back!! Try Walmart!

[Niecyboo]

My daughter has a similar story. She began asking for highlights at around 9, but both I and our hairdresser said no way. According to 3different hairstylists I spoke with, a girl's hair is not fully developed until they are around 12 years old, and messing with it before then can cause serious problems. Maybe they were feeding off me, but it was weird that several people said the same thing.

BTW, she is now almost 13, and we've highlighted her hair twice. Once with bleaching and once with coloring, and for some odd reason, neither one really took. She still has the same hair color she's always had.

[BrerGnat]

I would seriously wait until she goes through puberty. Hormones can REALLY change your hair and I wouldn't chemically process it before that change occurs.

I remember, right around when I turned 14, my hair went from stick straight, almost white blonde to coarse, wavy, and dirty blonde in the space of about 2 months. It was crazy!

I did miss my super blonde hair, but I used lemon juice (I put it in a spray bottle and misted it over my dry hair, brushed it through, then went out in the sun, and it worked like a CHARM!!!) Later, I used a John Frieda product that was called "Beach Blonde" and it was like a gel that I would just randomly comb through my hair with my fingers, then you could either sit in the sun or use a hairdryer. That stuff was awesome as well!

I got my first "salon" highlight/color job done in January and it cost me about $150 (before tip). It came out fabulous, and it looked very very natural. I have not had to go in for maintenance, because there are no roots, since the highlights were pretty subtle. She did an all over color and a sort of weave of highlights on the upper couple layers of my hair, but she also did lowlights so that I wouldn't have obvious roots.

I'm a parent, but to two very little boys, so I am glad to not have to deal with little girls growing up. That said, though, as a parent IN GENERAL, I would really not allow my 11 year old to get chemical highlights. I would, instead, focus on teaching her about what truly makes a person's character. I hate to say this, but I really think that kids these days are growing up not being allowed to experience negative emotions due to peer pressure. Parents are so afraid of their kids being upset that rather than teaching them how to get through life's tough patches and grow as a person they focus too much on how to "fix" things for their kids. It's a fact of life that things change, and to an 11 year old girl, hair is pretty important, but her hair is going to change a couple times during her life and she needs to be prepared for that sort of thing. She is barely beginning the MAJOR changes that are in front of her, and if you set a precedent now that you will allow her to "fix" those things about her that will change, where will you draw the line?

My mother refused to pay for me to have my hair colored as a teen. She told me that when I had a job and could pay for it myself, I could go do it. Once I got a job, my money was too limited for me to blow it on some stupid highlighting job. There were more important things to spend it on, such as clothes. ;)

It's your choice, but I'd go the natural route, i.e. lemon juice. It will be temporary, though, and let her know that it's just for the summer. I see no harm in that.

[meldan98]

I go to a salon to get my nails done every two weeks and about every six weeks I see this family come in. There a mom, dad and a 11 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. All four of them come in and get a cut and color. I sit there for an hour listening to them and I can't believe the things that come out of the mom's mouth about how ugly her kids are once their colors start growing out. She is ingraining her kids with how important looks are...it's so sad to see. Her 11 year old daughter has even started getting her eyebrows waxed the last time I saw them.

When I was 13, I remember wanting to color my hair purple...it was the '80's...so don't laugh...:blush:...my mom let me get this stuff that could be washed out and it was fun. However, I was only allowed to do this on the weekends and during the summer. After a couple of months, I grew bored with it. I also tried sun-in when I was in high school and my hair turned orange. I wasn't allowed to have my first perm until I was 16...again in the '80's...big hair was in...and I loved it.

Doing these types of things for fun...occassionally, I don't see a problem with it. But when it becomes routine and it becomes a self asteem issue, then I have a problem with it.

[Mickey'sGirl]

I started highlighting my hair when I was 8 (in Grade 3). I was allowed to fully dye it burgundy when I was 13...my mom drove me to the shop to do it. It was purple when I was 15, and Candy Apple red at 16. I had settled into the Auburns by age 18, and now at age 38 I am my natural mouse brown....and have very healthy hair. I don't colour it or sun treat it in any way.

DS9 wanted white highlights when he was 7, and I let him do it. My stylist put them in and he loved them.... I'm trying to convince him to try some blue!

My niece has regularly been having her hair highlighted since she was about 10.

It's just hair...it grows and changes every day..... If you don't have a problem with it... let her go for it! How much fun! :thumbsup:

[SallyfromDE]

She is ingraining her kids with how important looks are...it's so sad to see.

Doing these types of things for fun...occassionally, I don't see a problem with it. But when it becomes routine and it becomes a self asteem issue, then I have a problem with it.


My sister is constantly telling my neice that she'd be so pretty if she'd just lose 10lbs. It infuriates me!!! I'd like to tell my sister she'd be decent if she lost 100. Kiki is 18 now, and has some trouble with esteem, she's the most popular girl in her school and she doesn't even know it. Thank goodness she has the brains of Einstein!!

[DisneyDog]

Well, hair doesn't always grow out.

I had a friend who, when she was very little, had gorgeous long blonde curly hair. It grew darker and straighter as she got older. So, she colored and permed. Eventually, she had overprocessed her hair so often that it STOPPED GROWING. This happened by the time she was 20. It was then ugly and frizzy, and there was nothing she could do about it because it wasn't growing...she couldn't cut it shorter and hope that it would grow in nicer because it was simply dead.

So, don't assume that it's just hair and it will grow out.

[Mickey'sGirl]

So, don't assume that it's just hair and it will grow out. Sorry! I should have been more specific. It's just hair...when it is treated properly and professionally, it grows and changes every day..... If you don't have a problem with it... let her go for it! How much fun! :thumbsup: Cheap perms and colours will not do anybody any good!!

I was also thinking of the esteem concerns brought up by other posters.... Sometimes, making a little change improves one's self esteem. One can feel better about oneself and therefore gain more confidence... Just a thought...

[princessjojo]

I really for some reason forgot about the lemon juices and all, but I refuse to look at the Sun-In products. I tried it when I was 13 and oh my gosh, did I have a mess. Not only did it ruin my hair(made it an ugly orange mess), but it ruined my social life as well.

It is unfortunate this day and time, that something as trivial as hair color can affect something as important as a child's self-esteem. As crazypoohbear said, I have 2 boys so it isn't a big issue with us right now. We just worry about the right sneakers and computer games(as is it isn't bad enough).

Good luck with your color choices.

[BrerGnat]

I think the one thing to remember about Sun In is that is is meant for BLONDE hair, not light brown, not dark brown...BLONDE. It is meant to highlight blonde hair to a lighter shade. Anyone who used it and turned their hair orange was using it on hair that was too dark.

If your daughter's hair is brown now, don't use Sun In.

[SallyfromDE]

I really for some reason forgot about the lemon juices and all, but I refuse to look at the Sun-In products. I tried it when I was 13 and oh my gosh, did I have a mess.

Are you a blond? Usually red or orange come from brown hair. My best friend growing up had blonde hair, and I always want the straight stringy blonde that was so in style then. Her mother washed her hair with lemons in the winter and used sun-in in the summer. I was so jealous becuase I had to brown mess.

[KCMom]

Hi everyone! These replies are really interesting. It's really got me thinking. I'm not really sure why I'm dragging my feet. I've realized that I don't really think she is too young. But, I don't really want to spend the money or start a long-term investment. So, We haven't made a decision yet. She's dropped it for the time being, so I'm still debating with myself...and my DH. I had the sun-in in my hand again this weekend at Wal-Mart. DH said no way...it turned his sister's friend's hair orange in the 80's. He remembers it vividly, and no way are we doing that to DD. The lady who cuts my DD hair was on vacation last week, so I'll call again this week.

As far as the self-esteem issue...I agree and disagree. Girls are growing up faster than they used to. I cannot deny that my DD11 wants a lot of things that she should not get at age 11. Lots of her friends have highlights, but none are wearing makeup yet. I know my DD has some self-esteem issues. She is a pre-teen girl, and I would be more worried if she didn't have some issues. I do believe that the highlights might make her feel better about her appearance...as would contacts. I do not think that that is necessarily a bad thing. I absolutely do not want her to think she is only as good as her appearance. She has a lot going for her as a total person, and we emphasize that to her daily. She is aware and is confident in her value as a person...not just as a pretty girl. It is a very fine line to walk with a daughter. It is way harder to raise a daughter than I would have ever thought.

I'll let you know what the salon says. I'm interested to see what they say...and to see how much it costs!

[princessjojo]

Are you a blond? Usually red or orange come from brown hair. My best friend growing up had blonde hair, and I always want the straight stringy blonde that was so in style then. Her mother washed her hair with lemons in the winter and used sun-in in the summer. I was so jealous becuase I had to brown mess.

Oh no I have brown hair. But at 13, you don't read the fine print if there was any, and I was so dead set to do it I did it behind my parent's back. MISTAKE!!!! Thing was thought, I didnt want blonde hair, just a shade or two lighter. Boy was I surprised!!!:jaw:

[princessjojo]

Are you a blond? Usually red or orange come from brown hair. My best friend growing up had blonde hair, and I always want the straight stringy blonde that was so in style then. Her mother washed her hair with lemons in the winter and used sun-in in the summer. I was so jealous becuase I had to brown mess.

Oh no, I have brown hair. But at 13, you don't read the fine print if there was any, and I was so dead set to do it I did it behind my parent's back. MISTAKE!!!! Thing was though, I didn't want blonde hair, just a shade or two lighter. Boy was I surprised!!!:jaw:

[January-2007]

I started getting my hair cut at my mom's salon when I was 10. When I was 11 a girl on my soccer team got her hair highlighted and everyone thought her mom was crazy for letting her do that. A lot of girls did sun in and lemon juice in middle school.

When I was little I had super light blond hair and then it got darker and "dirty" blond and I too hated it being called that. My 14th birthday pictures are so different because my hair was actually brown. I wish it still was. That summer I tried sun in and it has never gone back as brown as it was before I tried that. My mom is so wierd because she would only pay for highlights that were light blond, but I would want darker hair. I got my first perm for my 15th birthday. I died my hair from a box a few times when I was in highschool. I got highlights, then eventually my favorite highlight/lowlight/overall color job when I was an upperclassman in highschool and when I was in college.

When I moved out I used to die my hair darker brown and I loved that but I stopped using it and still have a box because I wanted my hair to be natural for my wedding and those pictures and such. I still don't know what my hair color is called. Dirty blond is such an ugly word. It's not quite blond, not quite brown, a little of each, but not really either. Really dark blond maybe.

I wouldn't stress over this too much if your daughter has quit asking you about it. I would try lemons. I did that once when my grandma was visiting. A lot of girls at school did that but I think you have to be in the sun a lot for it to work. Just be careful. It's such a slippery slope.