Parenting Advice - toddler sleep habits

[Flower]

How can I get Brandon (3 yrs) to sleep in his own room and in his own bed?

He likes to sleep on the floor of his room, but lately he has been coming into our room and getting into our bed in the middle of the night, and I am not getting any sleep with having to be up with the baby around 0530 :alarm:.

He has the cutest little toddler bed with Pooh on it, I am thinking about re-doing his room in a cars theme (more hotwheels style), but then will it make him sleep in there - I doubt it.

HELP!!!!!

[tink2006]

When our son was going through this, after much discussion, realized that he was scared. His room has two closets and he thought somebody was hiding in one of them. Luckily, we had another bedroom. We moved him and he helped decorate his new room. He picked a sports theme and a new car bed. The room turned out incredible and he was very happy to be in a room with only one closet:D I think letting him help decorate his new room really helped!

[Donald Duck]

Flower,

Is he having dreams ? Does he get up the same time every night ?

Does the baby stay in your room ? Perhaps he is a litle jealous.


Donald Duck

[starryeyes21]

You mentioned a baby. I think that may have something to do with it. If he is able, have him talk about his feelings. He might be able to tell you flat out why he does not wish to stay in his room.

That being said I can offer you a little advice. I'm a behavior specialist working with children on the autism spectrum. I've dealt with sleep disturbances before. My first piece of advice, don't allow him to sleep in your bed. You're setting yourself up for disaster.

There are two ways to deal with this problem. I'll tell you the gentle way first. When your son comes to your room escort him immediately back to his own. Sit in a chair by the bed until he falls asleep and then leave. In theory, you should be able to fade your presence back over time. You would move yourself further from his bed over the course of time until he is falling asleep on his own. You don't fall asleep with him in his room. This is a slow process and could take days or weeks.

The second option is a little more harsh. When he comes to your room, once again, you escort him back and place him in bed. In a firm voice you explain that he must sleep in his own room like a big boy (or whatever phrasing you wish to use). He'll probably get up again just walk him back without any giving attention to the behavior. He must know that you mean business. Even if he gets up 100 times you must simply place him back in bed. This method will probably work faster.

With any behavior, it will increase before it gets better. So, at first, it will appear to get worse. It's called an extinction burst. Basically, he'll pull out all the stops to get you to cave. At this stage most parents give up. But if you wait it out he'll be sleeping alone in no time.

Good luck. :cheer:

[DisneyLandMomma]

When my daughter was that age, she was also still coming into our room at night...she is a very restless sleeper(wacked my hubby a few times in a certain place:blush: ) and it wasn't comfy for us at all. We just made her a bed on the floor next to our bed. When she would come in at night, she would just climb into that bed and we wouldn't even realize until we woke up in the morning. LOL Eventually she stayed in her own bed but for the time, the bed on the floor helped.

[TikiGoddess]

I don't have any specific advice for you, but just wanted to remind you that 'this too shall pass' and send along a big :hug: , and some pixie dust to help you get some sleep. Sleep deprivation isn't pretty -- been there, done that!

Let us know if you find something that works!
TikiG

[Sean Riley Taylor's Mom]

Just wanted to say Good Luck, I know it is difficult. We went through this with our DD also 3, not that long ago. Her and her brothers bedrooms are upstairs and ours is downstairs. She would wake up and stand at the top of the stairs at the gate and cry for us.

Some nights we brought her down with us. (We know we were setting up for problems, she is our "baby" though!! :blush: ) Most nights we would do what another poster said. Walk her back up, tuck her in,tell her we loved her and she had to sleep in her own bed. We would wait just outside her room, we would tell her we were there and she would fall back to sleep within minutes. We also let her pick out her own bedding set (Disney Princesses...big surprise there). She has a night light right near her bed. Some nights we had to do that three or four times, others it was only once.

Fast forward a few months, she only asks to come down if she is not feeling well. Coincidentally, tonight was one of those nights. Poor baby has a nasty stomach virus and got sick in her bed. Now, she is sleeping with us for the night.

I know it is frustrating and the lack of sleep is a killer but, it will end. We went through this with our oldest son for over a year. :eek: He is almost 10 now and has no desire to sleep anywhere but in his own bed. ;) Which he has been for a long time..lol.

[Frog]

We took three pennies, set them on the night stand.
"Every time you wake up, and I have to bring you back to bed, I am going to take a penny. When it is time to wake up, we put what money you have left in your piggy bank..."
Worked for us...

[minnie-mouse]

If he is sleeping on the floor in his own room, could it be that his toddler bed is uncomfortable? Have you thought about buying him a normal twin size bed? Our doctor recommended doing that for our DD when she was 2, and just not putting the boxspring under the mattress until he is much older. That way the bed is lower for him to climb in and out of. Of course, you will need to put up a bed rail.

At this age, sleep is so important. Every time he comes in your room, you just firmly tell him he needs to sleep in his own room and bring him back every time. He will get the message fast. Don't let him sleep in your room one night and the next night tell him no, he will be confused. This is the age where they learn to form habits like sleep and it is so important that you be consistent and stick with a routine.

Up until our DD was 4, we still kept up the baby gate in front of her room, so she never came in our room. If she woke, we would hear her on the baby monitor and get up to help her. It also could be that he feels like he is missing out on time with you when you are asleep in the other room. Perhaps spend an extra few minutes wth him before bed, reading a book, telling stories, talking about his day in his room, then leave him alone for the night to sleep.

Hope this helps.

[MsMin]

I know it's tough. I think that persistence is important when changing a behavior. I like to compare it to a slot machine. Coming in your room can be like playing a slot machine. The pay off is getting to stay in your bed. So every time he comes in (pulls the handle) does it pay off? IF he gets pay off then you are teaching him to come back and try again b/c this time (as the gambler believes) he might get lucky. As mentioned before with the extinction burst he will keep trying to get the pay off and will eventually quit but it's a battle of wills so staying consistent is so so important.
Personally, I don't recommend to parents the more harsh methods, though I do believe that in many instances like esp. in lower functioning groups it is necessary. The reason I do is not b/c the more harsh methods are harmful but that more parents find it difficult to be persistent and the method fails.
I think positive reinforcement like behaior charts or rewards for staying in his bed. The penny system as mentioned can work but some 3 yr olds don't have the money concept yet so another reward can be substitued. Just don't make coming into your room a form of reward. Another words, you lose a penny by coming in my bed, not gain one for everytime you leave you room and go back. It is okay to reward the child for staying there and depending on the age and understanding of the reward is key to making it work.
Paired association is also good. Pairing sleeping in the bed with something he likes like his favorite blanket or Teddybear.
Also be creative and many here can help with those ideas as mentioned above. Removing the negative attributes in the room is important. Mine used to be afraid of the dark and I used a spray disinfectant to "kill" the closet monsters or other "bad things" in the room. Strive to make the room secure and feel safe.
As far as the baby, it can be a problem is the baby sleeps in your bed. This can lead to competition and jealousy. Make sure he knows the baby sleeps in his/her bed too.
It is very normal for a child to go through this. Especially ones with healthy attachments if they are seeking security. It has to feel strange to him.
Sounds like you are on the right path b/c the first step is wanting to do something :thumbsup: I do discourage parents from letting children sleep in their beds for many reasons. Good luck.

[conorsmom2000]

Conor has gone through this at many different times throughout his childhood. To be honest, I'm one of the tougher one's who does not let him sleep in our bed - the very few times that we did have him in our bed, no one got any sleep at all, so it just didn't work. We've always taken the same approach - one of us gets up, walks him back to bed, tucks him back in, do a little bedtime ritual (for me and Conor, that's kissing each other on the tip of the nose 10 times! :blush: ), then say good night and leave. Repeate if necessary. :D The next day we talk about why he got up (did he hear a noise, did something scare him, then we "fix" whatever it was - for example, we found out that one stretch of getting up at 5 am was caused by a birds nest under his air conditioner!) When it happened a lot we did use a reward system, which also helped a lot (ours was usually "so many nights of staying in your bed = small toy)

MsMin - I just wanted to share something with you....when Conor was 4, he was diagnosed with borderline social anxiety and we saw a therapist (head of the Children's Anxiety department at large NJ college) for a few months. It was truly helpful....until Conor had another stretch of wanting to be in our bed (he was suddenly afraid of the dark) - the therapist told him, in front of me, that if he could stay in his bed for 5 nights, then, as a reward, on the weekends, he could have a PJ party where we'd watch a movie and he could sleep in our bed! Honestly, I was furious as that was not something that Mike and I were okay with and he should never have told Conor something like that without seeing how we felt about it. Conor had already made huge strides by that point, so we decided to take a break from therapy - I just couldn't get past him telling Conor that!

[BrerGnat]

Get this book:

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
by Marc Weissbluth

His methodology is superb and he has a lot of "real world" examples and how to solve the problem.

My son is mildly autistic. He is almost 3. He has slept in a toddler bed since he was about 22 months old, b/c we needed the crib for our new baby. We started off by getting a really neat bed, the Step2 Fire Engine toddler bed (he was OBSESSED with fire engines back then). He had some problems for the first few nights of the transition, but after that, he was fine. He still loves his little bed and he has never tried to sleep anywhere else. I never let him sleep in my bed, and never plan on allowing that. He got to do that for the first few nights as a newborn, as did my youngest, but the buck stopped there!

We do have to put one of those doorknob covers on the inside knob of his door, or else he will get out and since we're in a small apartment, I don't want him wandering around when he wakes in the morning. His door does not have a lock, so I don't worry about him locking himself in there at all.

I would suggest either one of these knob covers (also prevents kids from locking themselves in) or a baby gate up across the frame outside his door, so he can't leave the room. Let him sleep wherever he wants in HIS room, even if it's the floor. If he is a big kid, his toddler bed may be too small, thus he chooses the floor instead. Ask him. If he doesn't like his bed, have HIM pick out a new one (give him, like, 2 choices).

I'm sure the baby has something to do with this, but if he has ALWAYS been reluctant to sleep in his room/bed, and it's not a new thing with the arrival of the sibling, then I hate to say that he just has been allowed to develop bad sleeping habits.

The sooner you fix this, the better off you will ALL be. A child who is not sleeping well makes the whole family suffer.

[JCDarzi]

We had the same problem with our DD4 when she was 2. We had to discipline ourselves to put her back in her bed instead of letting her crawl in bed with us. I hated having to get up and take her to bed but after a couple of nights of being consistent, she finally started staying in her own bed.

Also, I saw where someone else mention getting a twin bed. This might be a good alternative as well. We had one of those cute white plastic toddler beds thinking it would be an easy transition from the crib. She never slept in it...I think it was because they are so hard. She did much better in a twin bed (her big girl bed) than she did with the toddler bed.

[Flower]

Thanks so much everyone!

I think I may try the penny trick. He knows what money is, and he knows where the Disney jar is! He will find coin and say he has to put it away so we can go to Mickeys House! I should get him to help make himself his own jar and tell him the sleep money is for him to spend at WDW in September.

As for some of your questions:
:mickey: Our bedtime routine is always a story and a chat about the days events, we spend at least 30 minutes sitting with him before bed

:mickey: The baby sleeps in his own crib (new) and in his own room - he slept in a playpen in our room for a few months, never slept in our bed, and he has been in his own room for 2 months now

:mickey: Brandon has been in his toddler bed since about 21 months (It is a wooden Pooh bed)

:mickey: The door knob cover NEVER worked! The kid has always been able to get them undone!(Smartie pants!) So much for childproofing.

I may try the twin mattress on the floor - I have one on a daybed that rarely gets used. I am also thinking about painting his room in a cars theme, either Disney cars or Hot Wheels-style.

Thanks again, I will keep you all posted on the outcome!

[Vigan]

Put a child gate across the door entrance. That way the door can be left open but he can't wander. :thumbsup:

I'm afraid I have no suggestions on how to keep him in the bed, but maybe something that is lower to the ground would make it easier for him to want to get back into it.:mickey:

[Flower]

Brandon sleeping on the floor http://family.webshots.com/photo/2986230340055983738aMTJrR

Brandon's cute, empty bed
http://family.webshots.com/photo/2871117840055983738BTdODc

As you can see, it is a toddler bed and close to the ground!

[gueli]

It looks like a lot of realy helpful advice.
We always kept or DD in her own bed, & established a solid goodnight routine. The only time she has ever slept in our bed she was sick.
Some friends of ours had a harder time (did not establish a good night routine) and paid for it for a few years (& breaking the habit was tough on them also).
I would only suggest you try to find out why he doesn't want to sleep in his bed (the Pics are very cute, you have beautiful children :thumbsup: ). I think it is a good idea to change the room around, but talk to him about it- he might have some preferences with it. I would hope that by letting him express himself and being part of the changes that he will want to sleep in a 'big boy bed".

Good Luck-:mickey:

[LibertyTreeGal]

Ick, we got that taken care of early, and whenever it would pop up it's ugly head again we would go back to basics. We take whoever it is back to bed without a word, without a snuggle, without any interaction whatsoever (which is why they were getting up in the first place!) and plop them back into bed. The only exceptions to this are during times of illness and nightmares. Unfortunately one of my guys is now trying to fake nightmares, but it is easy to tell the difference

The best thing is to make sure that there is neither pleasure or pain in the process. Make is as boring as possible.

[BrerGnat]

RE: doorknob covers...

...that's why they invented DUCT TAPE.

My son figured out the doorknob cover in about 30 seconds (along with the outlet covers, oven lock, refrigerator lock, etc). :D

Duct tape wrapped several times around the knob cover works like a charm! ;)