Help! How to say NO to others who want to join our WDW trip? [Archive]

WDWFan2005

04-18-2007, 02:46 PM

Hello all!

I need your help in managing an awkward situation. After having gone to WDW so much, my wife and I are so excited to finally be able to bring our 1-year old baby on his FIRST TRIP to WDW!! We can't wait.

Now, here's the situation. An acquaintance couple that we know also have a son about the same age as ours, and now they're asking us when we're going to Walt Disney World because they want to join us.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love going to WDW with friends and family, the more the merrier. But, this time is different, because it will be my son's first time, and we want to fully be able to share it with him.

The thing is, it's the other couple's first time too, and I don't want to be a "tour guide" this time for them, when my son is with us. We have been raving and raving about WDW to them for years, and now, I don't want to have to worry about them seeing everything, or having fun, etc.

Because frankly, with a one-year old, the itinerary is completely different. We can't see all the shows, can't eat in all the nice restaurants, can't really partake in all the tastings at the Food and Wine Festival. But that's ok, because we'll see the characters, see Fantasyland, etc. with our baby.

But if this couple is with us, I feel like we'll have to "show them around," and almost prove to them how magical disney is for all ages.

Can any of you help is in dealing with this? How can we say no to them? I mean, we can't tell them not to go.

All responses appreciated!

WDWFan2005

January-2007

04-18-2007, 03:08 PM

Talk about uncomfortable conversations to have to have. I would suggest just being honest with them about the fact that this is your special "family time" and you would love to maybe trip with them at another date, this is just for you and your immediate family, baby's first time and all. If you can't do that, and just need some excuses....

"We don't know what dates we'll be there yet"

"I think it's hurricane season when we'll be there"

"The bugs are awful that time of year"

"Do you know how expensive it is?" (Here enter a quote for the Poly, perhaps?)

"We're not going to Walt Disney World, we're going to Fort Lauderdale..."

"Our kid bites."

:D

Really though, just take a deep breath and try to make it clear that, while they may want to take a vacation around the same time as you to the same destination, you aren't inclined to spend your vacation with them, as it is special family time. And that's ok! :mickey: Good luck!

floridamom

04-18-2007, 03:24 PM

What you just shared sounds perfectly reasonable to me; perhaps you are in a position that would allow you to tactfully share the gist of it with them: You love WDW and feel they would enjoy it as well, but your priority during this 1st trip with your baby will be to experience everything through your son's eyes. Regretfully, you will not be able to show them around as you may have done pre-kids, and will likely not even get to do many of the things you have done on previous trips. Since they also have a baby, they may already realize that nice dinners, late nights, and a whirlwind pace would not be realistic.

You might also just share your travel dates, then direct your friends to all the various resources out there (like intercot :mickey: ) for Disney planners. They can make their own decisions about schedules, where to stay, etc., (and they may even enjoy that part of it). You could also be a resource for them during planning if they have questions, and ultimately, if the timing works out, you could all "meet up" in the parks a few times during your trip, rather than following the exact same itinerary. (Have you ever known two babies that were on the exact same schedule?)

I don't think you'll need to "prove" how magical DW is to parents of a 1-year-old. They will see it in their son's face and expressions. Plus, it seems as if they have already bought into the idea since they approached you about coming along.

Good luck!!:mickey:

Jasper

04-18-2007, 03:25 PM

I agree that the gentle but honest approach is the best.

There is another option that I heard some of our friends use with some family members who were doing the same thing. Basically what they ended up doing going at the same time and then got together once or twice a day to have a nice meal together. They also go together at their resort each evening to swim and enjoy each others company. The rest of the time, which was most of the day, they all went their own way. They said it worked well for them.

kakn7294

04-18-2007, 03:45 PM

The best approach is always honesty. Try this: "This is our son's first trip to WDW and we've always dreamed of it being just the 3 of us for this special event. You know we love to take friends with us though, so we'll start planning a trip with you for (insert date here). This will be a good trip for us to get some experience on traveling with a baby as well since this will be new to us and babies almost certainly change the way you see WDW. We want your first trip to be as memorable as ours and hope you understand."

They will either be understanding and fine with it or they will be like my mother and be upset and offended. Good luck and hopefully they are the understanding type!

sleepingbooty

04-18-2007, 03:57 PM

We went with another family last year (their first trip, our second), and I had some of the same fears. While we did spend a lot of time together at the parks, what saved us is that we were at different resorts. That allowed us to have plenty of family time since we took an afternoon break everyday to rest and swim. And since we weren't using the same buses, we'd arrive at the parks separately and it would often take a while to hook up. At the very least if you get roped into going together, try to stay at a different resort. Just be vague about your plans, but offer to give them advice. Tell them to let you know what days they'll be there and then say lets plan a dinner together. They'll probably get the point that you don't want to spend the whole time with them, if you're suggesting a dinner. You deserve to have your own vacation without it being hijacked by well meaning friends.

crazeedizneefinatic

04-18-2007, 03:59 PM

Wow, prickley situation. You need to approach it now before they really start to think they are invited to join you. As they say "nip it in the bud" fast. Next time it comes up just try to muster the strength to tell them "vacations are just for the family" maybe we can plan an adult getaway later on, maybe a weekend somewhere. Maybe an overnight as families at an amusement park. That's if you even want to. You mentioned acquaintance, which makes me think you don't know them very personally, which is why you cannot be direct as if it was a best friend or family member. If they don't understand maybe they had ulterior motives. Such as taking turns to watch the kids so they could enjoy Disney for the night? Makes me shutter! Call me mean, call me insensitive to others, I would just jokingly say "no way!" next time it came up and laugh alot, laugh loud. Maybe they will get the hint and quit asking. There is no good way to approach this, hopefully it turns out well. Good luck!

pshokie

04-18-2007, 04:04 PM

"Our kid bites."

Love it! :funny:

It's like a new all-pupose answer for so many things!!

dixielandings

04-18-2007, 05:05 PM

Dang - I've been in a similar situation. I should've come here for advice! I might have chosen the "gentle honest" approach. As it happened, we just kind of (hopefully) subtly side-stepped the subject whenever it came up, and let them (hopefully) figure out on their own that maybe it was overstepping to invite themselves on our trip. They didn't do it maliciously or anything - it was just awkward.

Whatever you choose to do, you should definitely protect the trip you've dreamt of having with your family. There's a whole sloo of folks here who'll support you!

Marilyn Michetti

04-18-2007, 08:54 PM

:pixie: :pixie: :thumbsup: That happened to us last Dec. It didn't involve children - just another couple our (cough) age that wanted to stay at SOG. We sponsored them, and it turned out to be the trip from H###, (if you get my drift).

I say, you can't really tell somebody they can't go to WDW the same time you do, but make it clear that you aren't joined at the hips for the whole time. Maybe, say, "we'll meet for dinner", but we really just want to have our days to enjoy our child's first trip. The more people that travel with you, the slower things go.

I obviously don't know how armchair advice will impact any friendship, but going with someone when your heart isn't in it - especially in the planning stage - might DESTROY that friendship.

This is a tough call for you. GOOD LUCK !

Wishing you :thumbsup: :pixie: and:fingers:

KAT1811

04-18-2007, 10:38 PM

"Our kid bites."

Love it!!! :funny:

As it happened, we just kind of (hopefully) subtly side-stepped the subject whenever it came up, and let them (hopefully) figure out on their own that maybe it was overstepping to invite themselves on our trip.

Personally this would be my advice. This approach would stave off any awkward moments and spare everyone's feelings. If that didn't work I guess you'd have to tell them that you would love for them to join you on a future trip but this one is very special and you are looking forward to being alone. Or you could just tell them that you are staying in the most expensive suite you can find and give them that price and hope that they tell you they can't really swing it right now!

WDWFan2005

04-18-2007, 11:17 PM

I'm glad we're not alone here, and that so many of you understand this situation.

There really is a part of me that loves to show "newcomers" around WDW, and see the wonder in their eyes, and their "oohs and ahhs."

On the other hand, I also love going with friends and family *who already know WDW well.* This, I believe, is the most fun. You all have a mutual appreciation for disney, and know where to meet, what to see, etc.

But, like we've all said, on this particular trip, the one newcomer I want to show around is my baby boy!

So true what MARILYN MACHETTI said, the more people there are, the slower you go ... unless of course, everyone in the party is as crazy and obsessed about everything WDW. (you know who you all are!)

imaprincess!

04-19-2007, 02:30 AM

I think you can gently say something like, "I've been thinking about our trip to WDW. I know we'd have a great time together, but it's been a long year adjusting to the baby and I think my wife really needs time for just the three of us to get away. Maybe we could plan to meet for dinner or pick a day to meet at one of the parks?"

We had a situation in 2001 where we booked a trip with my brother-in-law and family. Then the lady who used to watch my children said our deal sounded really good and wanted to know the dates we were going. Well, I knowingly told her we were going on the wrong date :thedolls: , just so she would be a day ahead of me on the itinerary. I felt guilty, but I felt pushed into a corner .... I didn't want to be rude, but I didn't want to be chained to her family on my kids' first WDW vacation, especially because her son is SUCH a darling ... ;) Anyway, we ended up spending 1/2 day with them at MGM and we really enjoyed their company; UNLIKE my brother-in-law's family! Ironic, isn't it? BIL's family fought the whole time and weren't "Professional WDW Vacationers" like we were! BIL's family wanted to stay glued to us at all times and we were pretty miserable. Once we ditched them, we had the best experiences of our trip!

BigRedDad

04-19-2007, 07:09 AM

I will be in the same situation for our Full Family trip in 2009. My in-laws have never been, my SIL's family has been several times and will have their new daughter (2 at the time). My parents will be there. The problem comes in with my bro and his family. They are AP holders and go about once a month. They usually have free hotels, so it is no real cost for them to go. The families' initial plans is we will do everything together. My answer so far has been that the first time into MK will be a group thing. After that first morning, we will be doing things separately and meeting for meals, pool, and naps. I don't need 8-10 people telling me what my DD has to do on her first trip there.

My advice is to be honest with them that this trip is planned to be an immediate family only trip. It is to experience the magic in your son's eyes. He will determine what your itinerary and schedules are and that you do not want to feel guilty about others' enjoyment.

vamaggie

04-19-2007, 08:39 AM

I toosay go with the gentle honest approach. Let's face it--if you can't be honest with these people, do you really want to be spending time (especially at WDW) with them?!?!?!?! Let them know that you can meet up with them for a dinner, part of a day etc but that you really want to take the trip at your son's pace/temperment and don't want to restrict anyone. If they react badly, that tells you that!!! (really don't want to be spending time with them!!!) If they understand, maybe you could plan a few "planning parties" at one of your homes with them to help them navigate the ins and outs of WDW and help them plan THEIR trip for THEM. They may be totally overwhelmed by the thought of planning a trip on their own and may just need some help figuring it all out. Also email them the Intercot site and tell them to jump in here. Good Luck!!

Niecyboo

04-19-2007, 12:07 PM

Another add-on idea might be to plan a future trip with them. After using some of the wonderful wording others have given you, maybe say "But why don't we plan a trip in a year or two to Disney" or even plan a long weekend to a closer theme park or attraction.

Last year we had a similar situation, and we ended up getting four families together and spending a weekend camping and a day at Michigan Adventure. Everybody had fun and we still had a small trip together, but our Disney trip was kept intact.

Dicecatt262

04-19-2007, 03:02 PM

To me, this is an awful situation, you don''t want to offend these people, but it sounds like you are like me...you want to savor and enjoy your vacation, and your family, without worrying about other people. I wouldn't even want my parents to go. There are very few people I'd go to Disney with! Maybe that sounds selfish, but...my mom would have to find places to smoke, my dad would have to spend an hour in the bathroom, and then do something like rearrange his suitcase while we are waiting to make a reservation...my brother would want to sleep until noon. And those are people dearest to me.

I would tell them that going together sounds like a blast, but you want this first trip to be just the three of you and you all need a break, and how about planning one for next year?

Disney Doll

04-19-2007, 03:54 PM

KAT1811

04-19-2007, 04:01 PM

DH and I have yet to have a Disney trip without tag alongs simply because this type of situation is so hard. Our next trip will be baby's first trip and I'm anticipating the tag alongs already. I don't so much mind grandparents who will be all about the baby like us, but cousins and in-laws will be a bit much this time. Not every trip should be a grand gathering. ;)

If I had any advice I'd be better at avoiding these situations myself. As it is, I just wanted to say, I feel your pain and good luck!

How about keeping your vacation plans a secret from possible tag alongs? Maybe you could only tell the people you want to come (ie. grandparents) then say that it was a last minute surprize vacation. If they don't know they can't come!