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View Full Version : TSA and a VERY SHY little girl



meldan98
03-31-2007, 01:44 AM
I have a very, very shy little girl. Especially when it comes to strangers. When someone talks to her that she doesn't know, or even my MIL who she knows and sees every couple of weeks, she turns red, looks and the ground and looks like she would love to crawl under a rock than be spoken too.

We are going to WDW Dec 07 just before her 4th birthday and we have to fly. We have never flown with her before. I'm terrified of her reaction of going through security. How will we get her through the metal detector? Last year when I was traveling for work, I saw a poor little girl that's just like my daughter be completely traumatized by an insensitive and uncaring TSA worker who yelled at her and basically told her parents that because she wouldn't cooperate, that she must be wanded and made to stand still without her parents even getting near her. Her parents were even allowed to try and calm her down before the wanding began. I was on her flight and the little girl cried herself to sleep 2 hours into the flight. Now, of course, I'm terrified that the same thing could happen to my daughter.

Does anybody out there have very shy kids that can share any advise or give me any reasurance that this is going to be okay. I just have this horrible nightmare that they are going to scare the daylights out of her, make her cry, then we get kicked of the flight because we can't calm her down.

TinyTink
03-31-2007, 04:50 AM
I don't have any kids, but when I was a kid there were times that I was shy around strangers and my younger brother was very shy (he used to hide behind my mom when meeting new people), so I know it can be difficult. The first time at the airport and through security can sometimes be an unpleasant experience for people at any age, so I can imagine it'd be frightening for some children, and TSA employees don't always make it easier. I've encountered very friendly and helpful workers as well as downright rude ones. How they could be mean and yell at a little frightened child is beyond me! :mad: In the case of your daughter, I would probably talk to her before and let her watch you or dad go first so that she can see its going to be okay and she can run right to one of you when its over. Many times children will get a certain vibe from their parents, so be cool and nonchallant about it, as if you walk through metal detectors everyday. She just may end up being more cooperative than you think! And hopefully you will be able to encounter more friendly TSA workers that will make the process smoother. I know that I am in no way a voice of authority on how to deal with children, but I hope that this helps some. Have a wonderful trip!:mickey:

TinkRocks
03-31-2007, 06:25 AM
As mentioned above, have one parent go through security first, and have your daughter watch and follow.

You could also role play the situation in a fun way at home before your trip. Show your daughter what happens at the airport, and make it a fun experience. If your daughter has a favorite teddy bear or doll, have your daughter show her bear / doll to repeat the procedures so she is comfortable.

If you give yourself a lot of time at the airport, you could sit / stand and watch / explain what happens at every checkpoint. There may also be pictures of your airport on the internet that could be visual aids.

Maybe have your daughter be 'in charge' of the trip - I'm sure you make her feel important already, but maybe if she was in control of what was going on, she would have a bit more courage. Maybe create a fun checklist together and give her stickers for every item that is crossed off the list.

MsMin
03-31-2007, 09:32 AM
It is so hard when you are shy. I agree w/ letting her set the limits on her comfort. Don't forget this when meeting characters and strangers at the park. Provide the opportunity and let her decide.
As far as airport security, yes it baffles me sometime. I saw them handle a frail blind woman who looked to be in her 80's, as if she was a threat to national security.
Try to prepare your dd for the security check. Try to describe the physical experience in detail. Try to make it magical like they are checking for your pixie dust or something non threatening. Remember that your child will be referencing you for information. She will glance at your face to read your level of comfort. Even anger or upset b/c of the harsh treatment can signal danger to the child so put on your happy face-- make funny faces if you have to or faces you have used to act out the experience at home. This could provide some level of comfort.
I used to use disinfectant sprays to kill monsters in the closet when my kids were little. How about if you used a lotion or powder to fly and tell her they were checking to see if she had her pixie dust???
Remember to smile.... Hope you pass security with no major upsets.

Donald A
03-31-2007, 10:04 AM
I would say allow plenty of time at the airport and if you get a rude security worker, stop the search of your daughter immediately and ask for a supervisor. Allow plenty of time in case they hassle you. You are an American traveling in America and do have the right to protect your daughter from harm. This nonsense is why I do not fly anymore.

Of course, the other responses on here about preparing your daughter are great and worth noting.

Sean Riley Taylor's Mom
03-31-2007, 10:21 AM
I also have a very shy little Princess. We did what the other posters have suggested, I walked through first with one of the boys and she followed. MY DH and other son followed them. We were lucky enough to have nice TSA agents at our home airport and in Orlando.

The one thing that did bug her... Having to take her shoes off and put them on the belt. She did not want to walk on the floor barefoot (Not that I blame her!! :sick: ). We just made sure she was wearing socks and sneakers and not flip flops or sandals. That way she at least had her socks on.

HTH. I hope everything goes well for you.

Christine
03-31-2007, 10:26 AM
When my daughter was three years old, we were flying out of DFW to Orlando. Her ticket was randomly selected for a search. They took her behind a cubicle wall and DH and I were NOT allowed to go with her! We were extremely upset! She handled it fine (she is NOT shy, which is scary to us sometimes!) but the TSA agents were deplorable! They could have made the whole situation better if they had only smiled at her and talked to her kindly instead of barking out orders ("Put your feet on the line. Stand up straght. Be very still.")

I would definitely do the "role play" idea that has been suggested, and I would definitely prepare her if she is chosen to be wanded.

I wish you the best!!

Marker
03-31-2007, 10:34 AM
I feel for your daughter, I really do. However, TSA folks HAVE to "treat everyone as if they were a threat", they can't afford not to. Sure, some seem kinder than others, but perhaps the less likely an individual seems, the more they have to be cautious not to "assume". While it's may not be "right" in our opinion, maybe the more extreme behavior is their defense against taking ANYONE for granted. Unfortunately, that's the world we live in today. And like it or not, at some level, I think we all understand the need for this. As this world has become, as awful as it is to even conceive, even a small child could be used in an unspeakable act.

Kids pick up on clues, and body language, of the adults around them, especially their parents. All you can do is talk to your daughter ahead of time. Do all you can to let her know what to expect, and that it's ok, and that they've got a serious job to do. And when you get there, don't come in with any of your own fear or attitude about how it will go. Be relaxed, friendly, and cooperative, hopefully your daughter will follow your lead.

Good luck.

kakn7294
03-31-2007, 11:26 AM
Take a bit of time and watch the TSA agents with other people and look for the "kindest" appearing one and get in that line if you have a choice - but don't stand around like you are casing the joint or they will notice and single you out in line. My nephew was also not happy that he had to remove his shoes. He's occasionally shy but did fine through security. My sister made sure to explain everything to him as best as she could beforehand. One thing we didn't know about is the machine in Pittsburgh that blows puffs of air up and down your body. We all hated it. They did not have that same machine in Orlando in December. Arrive early so if she is traumatized, you will have time to calm her before you board your flight. You could also try bribing her - bring a small new toy as a treat for good behavior - let her know you have a surprise for her if she does what the agent asks without a fuss. And like someone else suggested, act like this is something you do everyday and it's no big deal - hopefully, she'll see it as no big deal too! If she's not afraid of "Monsters, Inc", the security machines look somewhat like the "doorways" in the movie. If her ticket does get selected for a search, you cannot refuse or put up a huge fuss or you may be banned from your flight and even arrested. Just try to be as calm and cooperative as you can and things will go more smoothly - the bigger the fuss you make, the more upset she will become and the more harshly you will be treated in return.

Bruegge
03-31-2007, 12:07 PM
First it's easy offering advice when we aren't there....

Make it a game... Tell here it's Mickey's magic gate. Sell it .....

Scott

CPT Trips
03-31-2007, 03:16 PM
Take Donald A's advice!

Go to this website and possibly even print it out a day before you leave. http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/children/index.shtm
Even though they say, "We will not ask you to do anything that will separate you from your child or children." Individual screeners sometimes forget protocol and make up their own rules - you may need the webpage to refresh their memories.

If you have any problems - ask for a supervisor and get names. Once you are through security, you may need to file a complaint.

The is no need for TSA personnel to act like goons . . . and treat everyone as a threat and in a threatening way.

vamaggie
03-31-2007, 04:58 PM
I agree with all the previous posts especially to watch your own reactions/emotions both when you are there and before when you are practicing at home. I would also let your DD know that the screeners are like police--they are here to keep us safe and it's ok to talk to them (really sell it even if you don't believe it) If you have time and are not too far, maybe take DD to the airport a few weeks before your trip so she can see what it is like. Take her to all the free access areas and let her get comfortable--maybe even talk to some of the workers at the counters, in the shops etc. Let her see the TSA screening area and let her watch some folks going through. If it is not a bust time, you could even see if a TSA supervisor or someone could show her what will happen when she goes through. Sometimes the unfamiliar can become comfortable with enough exposure. Good Luck!

disneyfan1124
03-31-2007, 06:09 PM
It has been said, but it's all about how you present the situation to DD. If you don't appear worked up and out of sorts, she'll follow your lead.

Might I suggest you take her to your local airport and get as close as you can to the screening and let her watch. Maybe if you live near a smaller airport you could contact them about a "tour" of sorts or a "practice visit" before your trip.

When you go through the first queue, and they are sending you toward the screening belt, perhaps you can ask if there is a more "child friendly" TSA person/line that you should be in as your DD is very shy.

DisneyDudet
03-31-2007, 07:08 PM
You have to remember that kids that age are very literal. Whatever you say, they will think the exact thing. You don't want to sugar coat anything, because what they imagine, may be totally different, and will shock them.

I agree with showing her what its like. The best thing you can do is take her there yourself. Show her what the people look like, which can be less intimidating. I would do it about a week before hand, so she doesn't forget.

You'll have to tell her that they will put all your stuff on the belt and take pictures of the inside of your stuff. They won't hurt it or take anything out of it until it comes out on the other side, and they don't open everyone's. Remind her that they will not take anything away (make sure you don't have any of the banned items!).

I agree with asking for a supervisor the first time when you go to look at it. This way they know you aren't scoping out to do anything malicious. They can maybe explain it to you and her at the same time.

When it comes down to the time, i would have the one she's most attached to go first, then have her follow. Always smile and be upbeat, talk in high tones. Show her that, they aren't hurting mommy or daddy, they are just keeping everyone safe.

Hopefully they won't pull a little girl over, maybe a parent.

Role playing is great. Don't forget to role play w/ the wand ( dont' call it a magic wand) cuz it doesn't look magical.

I don't know what else to tell you, but the best thing is showing her beforehand.

cjb121879
04-02-2007, 10:38 AM
To the OP...

I work for TSA and I sympathize with you. Security is a process that many people do not go through very often and in that respect, can be a bit intimidating not just for children, but adults as well.

The best thing that you can do is to educate yourself. The way that we all (to some extent) feel that research is a necessary part of any trip to WDW, the same is true of any trip to the airport. Log on to www.tsa.gov and get up-to-date on the latest regulations. Make it less likely that your daughter or you will be pulled aside for secondary screening by making sure that both of you are not wearing anything with excessive metal that is difficult to remove, making sure that you are wearing easily removable shoes (another poster made a great suggestion about wearing socks, so that you won't need to walk the floors in your bare feet) and being sure to have 3.4 ounce size or less liquids and gels in one quart-sized zip top clear plastic bag. All other liquids should be placed in checked baggage. However, there is always the possibility of a random search. TSA has begun testing the use of "child-friendly" checkpoint lanes with smaller sized furniture, hand-wands that look like puppets etc. Unfortunately, they are not in wide use yet.

The best thing you can do is arrive early so that she doesn't feel rushed or panicked. TSA officers are generally nice, professional people. I am the first to admit that though there may be a few bad apples in the bunch(like with any organization), they are the exception, not the rule. I have often encountered shy children like your daughter, and it has been my experience that the officers generally do what they can to make it a less stressful experience for them. The vast majority are not "goons" and do not go out of their way to make things harder for passengers. They are as anxious to get you on your way as you are. It is a mostly thankless job that is a necessity, though we may not all agree on current measures.

Also FYI, you should not be separated from your small child. If you or your daughter needs to be searched, the officer should allow you two to remain together, though it may necessitate that the other undergo the same procedure (to be sure that no prohibited items change hands). If possible, you may want to mention to the officer doing the search that your daughter is very shy, so that they can keep this in mind during the procedure. Don't be afraid to speak up and ask for a supervisor if you do not believe you have been treated fairly. Many people on this thread have given you such good advice already, I just wanted to add my :twocents:

Good luck and here is some :pixie: to ensure that your daughter finds the process a breeze and that your vacation will be the best ever!

mudpuppysmom
04-02-2007, 11:13 AM
I think that trying to prepare is a good suggestion, but as someone else said, we can give you all the advice in the world and we won't be there to help you put it in action.

We started flying with DS when he turned 3, he's 5 now and he does NOT like going through security very much. Last trip (in Dec) I once again told him we had to remove our shoes....he fought it, but he did it. When it was his turn to go through the "doorway" he told the guy, "can I run through, my feet are cold and I need my shoes"....the guy told him sternly, "No, you have to walk sir"....Sir, to a four year old!!! I told him to just walk like does when we are at the mall...and he did. Then there was a woman on the other side who gave him stickers. I turned around from grabbing our things and here he was with stickers all over his shirt!!! The woman was talking to him asking him where he was going and what he was going to see when he got there. So, out of a potentially bad experience came some good. Now, I have been chosen to be wanded and DS got VERY upset that they were doing something to me. They told me if I did not calm him down we were going to both be searched and separately. I told DS that it was fine, they just needed to find out where the beep was coming from (my card indicating I have metal in me is not enough these days, they have to basically open me up to believe me). Also, our kids read our body language....if we seem uneasy, they can sense it, so don't stress about this, she'll know!

Also last trip DS was on medication, which is a totally different scenario, but it was like asking for gold I swear to get the medication through.....clearly it was marked as a prescription medication, but since it was liquid it did not fit in a quart bag...which they say does not matter if it is a prescription, but it does I guess.....I had to fill out some forms and show them my ID and they questioned DS about what was in the bottle and he said "yucky white medicine"....then we were free to go.

Really, I'm ok with all of this, yeah it IS a BIG hassle, but I'd rather have a hassle than someone be let on a plane and harm or kill us all.

What I usually to to get DS ready is tell him what we have to do, I tell him if he does good we'll get something when we are done - some type of reward, so yeah, it's bribery, but it works....so I have to let DS have some Pepsi before we get on the plane, or some candy, or a doughnut -- but it makes things go WAY smoother.

Hopefully you get through this all OK and without incident, but again, most of the TSA peeps are OK, you just have to have one worm in there once in a while.....

Tell us which airport you are flying from and maybe someone can help with specific info on how they are at your airport!

disneyfamily05
04-02-2007, 11:34 AM
I agree with all of the suggestions above. We traveled with DD when she was 2 and DS when he was 4 to WDW. The biggest issue for DD was when we had to put her doll on the belt to go through security - she cried a little - but lucky the security guy kept going "she's going through the tunnel you have to pick her up at the end of the tunnel".

The biggest thing is have someone (mom or dad) model what to do in front of her and have them tun around and coax them through. And again, do some practice runs at home. Luckily the TSA people at our airport (PIT) are usually really good with the kids (and all the junk we have to put on the conveyer belt) and talk to them quite a bit to seem more "friendly".

Best of luck let us know how it goes.

Disney Doll
04-02-2007, 04:31 PM
Take extra time so she is not feeling the stress of rushing. Also, you should have her ready by the time you get to the security checkpoint (shoes & jacket off, any personal items in your possession). With any luck she will be able to walk right through the metal detector with no hassles from TSA.