A melancholy 1st grader...Help!

DisneyWhirled · #1 09-10-2008, 08:54 AM

My DD6 (just turned 6 in August) started 1st grade last week. She is at a new school in a full time setting (as opposed to our town's Kindergarten, which is 1/2 day), and unfortunately they did not place many of her old classmates in her new class.

Yesterday was the second day that I heard she had been crying at school. It breaks my heart! She told the teacher she missed her dog, so I talked with her about it and she said that she misses her brother and there are not many of her friends in her class. I gave her a picture of our dog, cat and a family picture to take with her. I gave her a little stuffie to pull out if she needs a hug, and told her to think about all the good times we have as a family. This morning I gave her a huge hug that would last the whole day through, and told her if she didn't cry that I would have a little treat for her tonight.

This is a child that has previously had NO issues adjusting to anything. She is a go with the flow kinda child. Wonderful personality and can make a friend anywhere. She does not give me a hard time to go to school and I really believe she likes it, but the change is hard for her.

Deep down I know that she will adjust, but I just want to fix it and I don't know how! Her teacher is very nice and e-mailed me the first time to let me know what had happened and that he buddied her with a new friend from class and she was better in the afternoon.

Any tips that you can suggest that I may not have mentioned here?? Thanks in advance!!

tink'72 · #2 09-10-2008, 09:01 AM

One thing I used to do for my daughter was kiss her hand (wearing lipstick of course ) and I told her when she started to feel sad and miss everyone at home look down at the kiss and know I am giving her a big hug and kiss to make her feel better. Sounds strange but it worked. She loved it. Made her feel like I was right there with her.

Marker · #3 09-10-2008, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DisneyWhirled

Deep down I know that she will adjust, but I just want to fix it and I don't know how! Her teacher is very nice and e-mailed me the first time to let me know what had happened and that he buddied her with a new friend from class and she was better in the afternoon.

Just to throw in my 2 cents, I think you've answered your own question, "I know she will adjust". Kids learn about life, by experiencing it. If we try to "fix it", and shelter them from it, they'll never have the opportunity to learn those lessons.

Be supportive, but let her deal with it in her way. Obviously you're not alone, the teacher aware too, so stay in touch with the teacher about it to make sure you're both on the same page. But in my opinon, the best thing to do is allow her the opportunity to experience it and learn to handle it.

But that's just my opinion.

Ian · #4 09-10-2008, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marker

Just to throw in my 2 cents, I think you've answered your own question, "I know she will adjust". Kids learn about life, by experiencing it. If we try to "fix it", and shelter them from it, they'll never have the opportunity to learn those lessons.

Be supportive, but let her deal with it in her way. Obviously you're not alone, the teacher aware too, so stay in touch with the teacher about it to make sure you're both on the same page. But in my opinon, the best thing to do is allow her the opportunity to experience it and learn to handle it.

But that's just my opinion.

I love Marker's advice and I would definitely second it.

The hardest thing to do as a parent is to avoid stepping in and micro-managing every aspect of our children's lives. We hurt when they hurt, but sometimes it's actually selfish to try and "do something" every time they run into one of life's little roadblocks.

RenDuran · #5 09-10-2008, 09:36 AM

I like that you gave her a hug that would last the whole day. That is very sweet and seems to work wonders with kids. My daughter has always wanted a kiss before she heads into school. Even now...and she's in fourth grade.

A little treat waiting for her after a tear-free day at school is nice too! You'd probably do it if she had a bad day too, so she's none the wiser!

You seem like a very sweet mom and I'm sure she'll done just fine.

disneymom15 · #6 09-10-2008, 11:04 AM

You sound like an amazing parent. Just be there for her and she'll be fine.

BrerGnat · #7 09-10-2008, 12:40 PM

I've read that something that sometimes helps kids who are going through a rough patch adjusting to school is to put a note in their lunch every day, or a simple picture if she cannot read too much yet. A heart or happy face. It will be a small reminder from home in the middle of the day that might help her get through the rest of the day.

I'm sure she will be just fine. Little ones adjust quickly. She will make new friends and this will be a distant memory, you'll see. Hang in there! It's hard to see your little one struggling, but struggle they must, in order to grow.

mdhiggin · #8 09-10-2008, 01:05 PM

You're probably already doing this, but make sure she gets plenty of rest. My Kindergartner had a tough time with 1st grade too. Our Kindergarten was full day, but they took naps. Cutting out naps and snack time for first grade wore her out. Maybe she's just a little tired from going from summer to full day school too. Either way, she'll probably be fine soon enough.

dolphinmickey9170 · #9 09-10-2008, 01:08 PM

Karen, I'm so sorry to hear my girl is having a rough time adjusting. She is such a great young lady, and makes friends so easily. Look at how she and Megan got along after being together for just 5 minutes. They were so cute.

Maybe suggest to her to find a friend who likes Disney too. Maybe they can talk about their favorite princess.

You know she will be fine. She's a strong girl, just like her mom!

I love ya, and her too. Give her a hug for me!

kakn7294 · #10 09-10-2008, 03:21 PM

Oh, I'm so sorry Kaylee is having a rough time adjusting! I feel your pain - every year Megan cries and cries about the first day, wants to be homeschooled, etc. And every time she starts to have trouble in school (with math) she starts all over again! I usually just talk to her and then let her work it out for herself. Maybe I'll have Megan e-mail her again and ask about school. Perhaps Kaylee will open up to her. And Natalie beat me to the suggestion of sending a note with her everyday. I did that for my girls a few times. Give her hugs and kisses from us!

DisneyWhirled · #11 09-10-2008, 05:00 PM

Thank you, everyone!!

It appears that today went pretty well and there were no tears!!

I love all the ideas and suggestions and thank you all for your concern. I will tell Kaylee how many Intercot friends she and I have!!

PirateLover · #12 09-10-2008, 06:07 PM

Oh gosh I remember those days like they were yesterday. Of course I was the 1st grader, since I don't have kids yet. I also went from a 1/2 day kindergarten to a full day 1st grade. Only one person from my kindergarten class came with me (different school) and I wasn't even good friends with her. I can remember a few times when I started crying because I was so attached to my mom. I can still vividly remember my teacher yelling "I've had it up to here with you and your mommy!" (pointing to her forehead).

Compounding the fact was that my mom started a new job the 1st day of school. She got a permanent while I was in school and I didn't even recognize her when I came out. best thing to do is tell your daughter that you love her and it will be ok... but presents never hurt either

My mom told me that it was time for me to be a big girl, and if I could prove I was a big girl, she would give me stickers or a book on Friday if I made it the whole week without crying. I guess it's sort of a bribery system but it worked! One thing I especially loved were these Disney books where you would press a corresponding button throughout the story to hear different sounds. Every time I stated to get upset I tried extra hard to hold back the tears because I wanted to prove to my mom I was a big girl.

Georgesgirl1 · #13 09-10-2008, 08:37 PM

Have you ever read The Kissing Hand with your daughter? It is a really cute story about a raccoon who is going to his first day of school and is afraid he will miss his mom. His mom kisses his hand to help him remember that she loves him. I always have my class make handprints of the student and the parent's hands with something on the hand- a lipstick kiss, a sweet note, or a picture. We make it into a book that stays in the reading center so kids can go look at it if they start missing home. You may want to go find that book to read together. I know my class loves it every year and our class Kissing Hand book is the most frequently read book!

mickeys_princess_mom · #14 09-10-2008, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrerGnat

I've read that something that sometimes helps kids who are going through a rough patch adjusting to school is to put a note in their lunch every day, or a simple picture if she cannot read too much yet. A heart or happy face. It will be a small reminder from home in the middle of the day that might help her get through the rest of the day.

I was going to suggest this, too. Used to do it for mine.

Perhaps this part sounds strange, coming from a teacher, but get to know her teacher really well. I hope he's as nice as he appears to be, and that your little one can relax and have a great year. But some teachers act differently with parents and with kids. I've seen it too often. One of my coworkers has a little fellow just starting kindergarten who comes in just raggedy every day, with a sad face, and a broken spirit. Kills me to see this little lively, friendly, cheerful guy changed like this. I wish you luck and

for your little girl. Let us know how things go for her.

SHORTY · #15 09-12-2008, 10:45 PM

Have you tried getting to know some of the other parents of the children in her class? Maybe you can try seeing who lives real close to where they can play together after school and on weekends. This way when she's in class there will be at least one familiar person she feels real comfortable with.
I know I was the same way during my first 2 years of grade school. I would go as far as wondering what if something happened to my mom and I never saw her again. Yes, I was that bad.

But once I got to know the kids in my class and played with them outside of school I did much better and didn't wonder stuff like that anymore.
Having close friends helps the adjustment move along faster for sure.

JessicaRabbit · #16 09-13-2008, 10:34 AM

ago when my youngest was in first grade. She was doing the exact same thing and it broke my heart knowing she was crying in class and unhappy. She had no issues in preschool or kindergarten and I'm happy to report we didn't have this problem in second or third grade either, but man, first grade was tough!

Some of the things that helped my daughter feel more comfortable in school were already mentioned (bringing a family picture to school so she could take it out when she was feeling out-of-sorts; putting notes and special treats in her lunchbox so she got those at both lunch and snack time; the lipstick kiss on her hand) and I also got a very small pocket-sized stuffed animal (my daughter loves them) and sprayed it with my perfume so she could hold it in her hand and sniff it to remind her that I was always with her even if she couldn't see me.

Quote:

Have you ever read The Kissing Hand with your daughter? It is a really cute story about a raccoon who is going to his first day of school and is afraid he will miss his mom.

I, too, highly recommend this book - we read it together every morning before school.

Because my daughter's adjustment period was prolonged (she cried daily for a number of weeks) her teacher asked if she could come by after school and visit so that she could have my daughter show her around her comfort zone. Having her teacher see her family, her dog, her favorite things etc. really fostered a connection between home and school and it gave her teacher the ability to talk with her about familiar things when my daughter was sad (you know like "hey, did you go on your rope swing yesterday after school" or "did Duffy (our dog) play with his toy lobster last night"). I don't know if that is an option for you, or if you would feel comfortable having the teacher visit (some Moms I talked with about this felt this was a weird gesture), but I have to say this really did make my daughter feel more comfortable and I was so grateful to this teacher and touched that she would put forth such an effort to to help my daughter transition.

Good luck, I hope your daughter adjusts quickly and things go smoothly. I'm sending tons of good thoughts to you and your daughter