My terrible Xmas (long and venting)

missbunny · #1 01-07-2008, 07:03 PM

I had a very long talk with my husband today. We were able to clear up many things. He is finished with the other woman. I told hm what was going on behind his back. Even though we are getting a divorce, I still care about him. I told him about this woman to protect him from being hurt. We should have talked years ago about the things we were unhappy with. I guess when the kids were little we didn't have time or energy to work on being a couple. But we are friends and that is healthier for everyone involved. I am going to be fine now. I will always regret how things ended between us but we can't change the past.
Thanks for caring and I may not post for awhile. We have many things to take care of before we both move on. I will still lurk though because hopefully next year I will return to my happy place. She never got the chance to ruin it.

FlaTinkRAMESAM · #2 01-07-2008, 07:39 PM

I am so sorry... I don't know what that must feel like, but I understand the anger and disappointment... While I wasn't married, I was left, 7 months pregnant, 2 days before my baby shower by my DD's father... For a woman he was supposedly just FRIENDS with. He had dropped me off at my mom's, where my shower was going to be at, with my stuff and that was it. I am better off without him and haven't heard from him since the month after my DD was born (he has never seen her and he isn't on the birth cert, but he threatened to prove me unfit and take her from me, so I had and have no need for that; I am doing fine on my own!), but it doesn't mean that it didn't hurt any less when it happened. I was only with this guy 8 months, so I can't imagine 22 years...

It feels kinda good to think about him getting burned and it not working out doesn't it? I am not a malicious person by nature, but you play that game and I will wish death upon you

... I am proud that you are stepping above and trying to maintain a family atmosphere for your kids. I hope this evil demon of a female fowls up at the Disney trip (HOW DARE SHE CONTAMINATE THE HAPPY PLACE???) and BOTH your husband and the other guy find out...

The "other woman" in any situation like this gets NO respect from me whatsoever. They are fowl people and truly disgust me.

I wish you the best... and anytime you feel like venting (I know there is a complete difference in situations and ages--I am your kids age--but I understand how hard it is to a degree) feel free to PM me.

All the best and as much strength and

to get through all this junk as possible!

jillluvsdisney · #3 01-07-2008, 08:26 PM

Oh my dear. I've had a similar situation happen to me. I was just blindsided. I'm glad you have friends here that you can vent to. It does help. I felt like I never had anyone to talk to. From the sound of it, maybe you'll come out the best in the long run. I know that's small comfort though. I really wish you the best. I'm so sorry.

princessgirls · #4 01-07-2008, 08:27 PM

Wow, that is terrible.

Sometimes people in the end do get what they deserve.

Sorry that after 22 years, you are really getting the shaft.

A live just a quick Hamburg Turnpike away from you in Wayne.

Julie

sgdisney · #5 01-07-2008, 08:56 PM

Prayers and pixie dust for happier days ahead. Sounds like he did you a favor, but I know it will take time to heal your broken heart. My first husband left me on Christmas night, saying that he waited until the holidays were over because he knew how much I like Christmas. That was 30 years ago and I still think about that night every year. Not much of a merry Christmas memory.

MMouse6937 · #6 01-07-2008, 10:04 PM

Just wanted to say I'm sorry, what a terrible thing to happen on Christmas Eve. I hope that your heart heals soon and you are back in the swing of things. Take care

LKCEmom · #7 01-07-2008, 10:55 PM

I couldn't be more sorry for what you are going through right now, the timing makes it even worse.
Keep a clear head when making decisions and think long and hard before you react to anything.
The very best revenge is to just be happy! Yes I know right now that seems impossible but while your screaming and crying inside make sure he sees a very happy you on the outside. It will drive him crazy wondering.
Be safe, be strong, know that you are exactly where God wants you to be right now and know that although we have never met I will keep you in my prayers.
Good Luck to you

Here we go again... · #8 01-08-2008, 01:20 AM

Wow, I don't know what I would do in your situation and hope i never have to find out.

I just wanted to say that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

I know you said you are staying there until you can find somewhere else... can't you put him out? He is the one that wants to move on... tell him to go.

In the mean time you need to think about what you are going to do when this woman dumps him... and it sounds like she will. I hope you are prepared to stand your ground and not let him back in your life. I find it hard to believe that a man that cheats will not do it again.

kakn7294 · #9 01-08-2008, 01:28 AM

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Here's some

for happier days in the near future and a

for all your troubles now.

goofysbabe · #10 01-08-2008, 07:37 AM

Thinking of you, stay strong and don't let him get you down!

TennesseeTink · #11 01-08-2008, 07:47 AM

OMG! This kind of stuff burns me up!

First of all, I wouldn't be going anywhere. It was his decision; he should be the one out on the street. Any lawyer would tell you that you have every right to be in that house and he should be gone. Plus there's no way I would EVER allow her to step foot into MY house, where my kids were raised and we had all lived as a family.

Other than that one point, always take the high road.

Things have a way of coming back around. He will get HIS one day in more ways than one. But you'll be able to look back and know that your conscience is clean and, although it seems hard to believe now, you'll be happier that you could ever have imagined you could be.

Just think of all the things you've always wanted to do. Go back to school, vacation more and see the world, spend more time with YOUR family and friends. This is your golden opportunity. Live YOUR life to fullest and leave no regrets!

As LKCEmom said, being happy is the best revenge.

DizNee143 · #12 01-08-2008, 08:45 AM

oh my god!...i am so sorry you have/had to go through this..especially with finding out on christmas eve!

merlinmagic4 · #13 01-08-2008, 09:00 AM

I'm so sorry. What a shock that must have been.

for some healing for you.

thrillme · #14 01-08-2008, 10:49 AM

I'm so sorry this happend ESPECIALLY Christmas Eve.

I had a boyfriend (totally different from being married for 22 years with kids) who decided he wanted to take up with an old "friend". I told him GO...After it was all over I came to realize just how "unhappy" I was holding onto "security". Eventually I met a wonderful supportative GENTLEMAN who can make me laugh and love more than anything I've ever felt in a long time. Of course his little fling didn't work out...but...oh well.

I can't help but wonder if this fool is going through that "mid-life" crises. I wouldn't jump to move out of the house. After so many years it's yours too.

Go for TOTAL revenge. "Be Happy". Even if you have to put on a "mask".

It sounds like he's going to get his "just desserts" before too long.

My prayers are with you to be strong in this.

missbunny · #15 01-08-2008, 11:52 AM

You are such wonderful people. All the kind words and suggestions have made me smile and feel loved.
As for my staying in the house with him, the house is part of his job, we don't own it. So according to the law, I would have to leave. He says I can stay as long as I can, which I will because it gives me time to put money together.
As for the other woman, Robyn, I already know she won't be staying with him. My mom's friend's daughter knows her and Lori tells me what Robyn is doing.

Robyn is a user of men, including her husband. She weaves a tale of a troubled marriage and traps this dumb men into her net. Then she uses and abuses them. She tells each guy a different story.
The latest news is she found someone on dating site and she is making a play for him. What a role model for her daughter. I also know that her father isn't happy with her seeing my husband. He thinks she can do better than a out of shape building super. You know, so can I!
So I am making a new life for myself. I even went on a date of sorts. I met someone I would see at the place where I got my coffee. He is very nice. I also am going to reconnect with a friend from our past. Myles is a college professor and knows all the parties involved. He was myhusband's best friend and our best man. Myles thinks the world of me and always has. He is also there for me.

My sons have been a huge support. They give me hugs and John , my youngest, buys me my favorite ice cream. John and I take walks and we talk.
I don't care what my husband does anymore. I am completely over him. He left in spirit years ago, I was just too dumb to notice or maybe I was willing to just settle. If he goes to her, fine, they deserve each other. I will happy in the knowledge that I moved on to a better life and even happier knowing she will be still playing around on him. So the cheaters can have each other. Maybe they can share tips on how not to get caught.
So once again thanks for the support. I will try to keep my spirits up and actually I am thinking of writing a book, "The Attack of the She-Wolf". Wolf is her maiden name.
See, I do have my sense of humor still.

tinkerbell04 · #16 01-08-2008, 12:15 PM

I am so sorry that you had to find out about that at Christmas time. Last Christmas my parents split up after 33 years of marriage because of a similar situation. I was devastated, but now, a year later, I am amazed at how happy both of my parents are. I guess they were both unhappy for a long time.

Tinkerfreak · #17 01-08-2008, 12:16 PM

Wow what a dirty rotten scoundrel!!! I think you are better off without him and it sounds like you have figured that out.
I'm so glad that you have such wonderful kids to help and support you.

Good luck to you!

crazypoohbear · #18 01-08-2008, 12:57 PM

I am very sorry that you have to go through all this. Some men are such moron's they don't have a thinking brain in their heads!
I hope that you and your son's come through this as unscathed as possible. After such a long marraige I'm sure you must still be reeling from all the "I should have known, why didn't I see this before"
I would like to make a suggestion that you go see your doctor for a checkup. And to discuss your situation. Your husband has been with this woman who in turn has been with those other men.... I can't really get any more specific but I'm sure you follow.
Please see your doctor and get a thorough check up.
Please know that there are people here in cyber who are thinking of you and wishing your strength and courage!

pink · #19 01-08-2008, 01:03 PM

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. It is a good thing however that you found out the whole truth on your own without him lieing to you about it anymore. I also had a boyfriend do something similar to me but denied the whole thing and still to this day (2 years later) is still trying to get me back. But I agree with what someone else said living well is the best revenge and his bad decision will come back to bite him later on. Stay strong and remember that things have to get worse first in order to get better. We're here for you- keep us posted.

missbunny · #20 01-08-2008, 10:05 PM

Crazy poohbear, thanks for reminding about that possiblity. It never even entered my mind. I called my doctor and made an appointment. I am not going to worry, but if there is a problem I know I am going to lose my control. I know where she lives and where her parents live too. She better hope and pray I don't find myself with anything wrong.
I also want to thank everyone for making me feel better. When ever I feel myself start to get sad, I think of all my friends here cheering me one. I love each and everyone of you. There are no words that can express how I feel except you are very special to me and everyday I thank God for bringing me into a very lovng and kind community.
God Bless all of you and I will be keeping my intercot friends in my prayers each day. If I do write my book and I already started I am going to dedicate it to all of you. My friends who are helping me through some very difficult times. So if I do make a lot of money with this book, I will take all of you to Disney World. We will have a Intercot family reunion.